<p>How do you deal with your underage college students when it comes to alcohol in your home?</p>
<p>DS is now halfway through his junior year. We never let the kids drink at home. The rationale was (and is) that it’s illegal and a bad idea. But it’s starting to feel a bit unnatural not to offer this almost-grown young man a glass of wine with dinner (when his father and I are having one) when I KNOW that the “demon rum” has definitely crossed his lips. Like most of you, the drinking age when I was in college was 18.</p>
<p>Our boys have always seen us drink in moderation. A beer with football, a glass of wine with food. So what I’m considering is letting the 20 1/2 year old join in a bit with that.</p>
<p>One other consideration is that we have a pre-college age son, and we want to be careful about the messages we send.</p>
<p>Any thoughts?</p>
<p>P.S. oops - meant to post this in Parent Cafe…
Moderators, if you want to delete this please go ahead</p>
<p>Well, personally, my parents have let me have drinks at dinner and the like since I was 12 (in Canada, where the drinking age is 19).</p>
<p>Personally, I don’t think it’s a bad idea in the slightest; the drinking age is one of the stupider laws, and most people (and parents) I know regularly flout it, while not ending up tossed in jail as a result.</p>
<p>I would absolutely let him have a glass of wine. Even if it’s technically illegal. On that note, though, I’ve seen lots of suggestions that most states’ alcohol consumption regulations do not bar consumption of alcohol by minors in private residences with their guardians. So are you sure this is actually illegal at all?</p>
<p>Modeling of mature, responsible alcohol use is a good thing! I wouldn’t allow drinking to excess, and we don’t allow our son to go out in the car after <em>any</em> alcohol as the legal limit for under 21 is essentially mouthwash.</p>
<p>But – sharing a glass of wine or beer before or during dinner? I think this is perfectly OK – and if it is your own child and you are present, probably not illegal. (Not illegal in my state anyway.)</p>
<p>I respectfully disagree with the previous posts.</p>
<p>Your son is 20 1/2. It’s still against the law for him to drink alcohol. You are sending a powerful message about your family’s view of the law to your younger son if you allow your older one to drink alcohol in your home. </p>
<p>What he does on campus is a different situation. You’re not there to approve or disapprove. But at home, if you allow him to drink, you’re condoning illegal behavior in front of your younger son.</p>
<p>It’s only six months until the question will be moot. I say wait.</p>
<p>In our home we’ve allowed it, partly to teach responsible drinking (note: it’s illegal to sell alcohol, not serve it in the privacy of one’s home; I checked with a friend who is a former DA), partly because drinking wine is part of religious Jewish observance at the correct times. I told D#1 when she went to college I’d rather allow her to drink in our house than have her go to parties where drinking may lead to unsafe behavior (DUI, etc).</p>
<p>Actually in many states it is not illegal for parents to serve alcohol to their own children at home. I know that as a hs sr we allowed our son to drink a glass of wine or a beer during dinner if he wanted to. However he was not permitted to drive for a period of 3 hrs following dinner in order for the body to assimilate all the alcohol in his system, little though it might be.</p>
<p>We felt that it taught him lessons in responsible drinking, removed the mystery/taboo factor when he shipped off to college and developed an appreciation for how a good meal can be enhanced with a glass of wine.</p>
<p>He learned that he didnt particularly like beer or most red wines.</p>
<p>If parents do decide to allow their underage student to drink a beer or glass of wine at home remember legally remember that it is illegal for them to drive following the meal even if they are under the legal limit. The BAL for underage drivers is zero and its a trick question on some license exams.</p>
<p>My dad started offering me and my brother wine during holiday meals starting about the time we were 14 or 15. Sometimes we took them up on it, sometimes we didn’t. At that young age I didn’t care for most of it (but of course now I drink all sorts of things that would have made me throw up immediately at age 14).</p>
<p>Once I went to college and after we had the “BRM, you’re in college, we know you drink” talk during thanksgiving of freshman year, my dad has since always offered me a drink when I’ve come home. It’s no big deal. I’m not going to get liquored up in front of my parents, even if I do on other occasions.</p>
<p>I agree with Marian. Wait the six months and until then, model having fun without drinking. S2 will be paying attention. You will be doing your family a greater service by not giving alcohol so much status as a desirable part of the family experience. This is just my opinion.</p>
<p>Interesting responses… It’s the picking and choosing laws to obey thing that is the biggest issue to me. Not hard AT ALL for a teen or young adult to rationalize other illegal activities (pot, etc.) if mom and dad send the message that they’ve decided to forgo this rule or that.</p>
<p>I’m not naive. I know they’re going to do what they are going to do. But I don’t like giving my tacit approval.</p>
<p>This hasn’t been an issue before - usually S is only here for a weekend or a few days, and it was different when he was younger. But now that he’s home for a longer period, and that period has a lot of light social drinking attached, I had started pondering…</p>
<p>Son hasn’t brought it up. I think I’ll leave it there for now. </p>
<p>BTW, this is in no way a criticism of those who have gone a different route. I think each family makes this decision for themselves.</p>
<p>As some have said, in many states you are not breaking any law serving your own children at home. Vermont is the only state I actually know that has a strict law covering even home use.</p>
<p>I do not think it is against the law to serve alcohol in your home to your own children. We model responsible drinking with our kids and allow them to have a small glass of wine with dinner. NO driving, though. Blood alcohol limit for teenagers behind the wheel is 0.0. I’m very rigid about this and model it in my own behavior. Our son has even agreed to be designated driver for us on occasion at wine tasting parties we attend. My parents were killed by a drunk driver so the kids are sensitive to my feelings.</p>
<p>ricegal - how horrible for you. You must have done a lot of hard work to be able to come to a moderate position with the use of alcohol. I, too, have known an adult, as well as high school kids killed by drunk drivers. And how sad that your kids never got to have their grandparents around as young adults.</p>
<p>My parents always told me “If you want to drink, I’ll get you whatever you want”. They rather me drink at home than sneak off to a party and get wasted and get in trouble.</p>
<p>I really don’t see a problem with a glass of wine at dinner, however I do see a problem with letting him drive afterward.</p>
<p>My parents do not encourage me to drink, but they have no problem letting me have a glass of wine or a beer once in awhile. Obviously this is under the condition that I do not drive right after. My parents never use the whole “You will not drink one drop because it is illegal!” argument. Such an attitude would naturally make me curious and want to drink more. I would proaably drink with friends at parties, but my parents weren’t iron-fisted about it. Because of that, I have no urge to binge drink or get drunk every night. It is a smart decision to at least allow an older teenager to have a glass of wine or a beer every once in awhile. Alcohol is something they will encounter in college. It is a very good idea to get them aquainted with it in a safe and mature way.</p>
<p>Nope - alcohol at home is NOT illegal in NY for one’s own underage kids. Having said that, I have just recently allowed my 17 year old to have a glass of wine, or eggnog. My 16 year old has no interest, and I don’t allow my 13 year old to have more than a sip.</p>
<p>This horse left the barn before the barn was built! I wasn’t worried about my kid DRINKING my alcohol at home- I was worried about him taking it and selling it at his boarding school!</p>