I’m not sure what my point of this post is. I don’t really have a question and maybe just need people to commiserate with Oh, and there’s an ice storm today so again I’m not going anywhere
My D is newly single and just turned 29. Again, she was in a long term relationship which didn’t work out. She was in a 5 year relationship, then a couple of year plus relationships. The 5 year relationship was hard and I think that she’s still has lingering problems with that. No chance that I see of her getting back with any of these men.
Just recently, she is going to counseling but it’s hard to say how that is going because I don’t ask.
This is hard for this mom, I know how sad D is about her failed relationships. She’s trying the dating apps and that’s not going well either. I have no idea what to say other than to try and be upbeat about all of this.
Maybe because it’s winter but D has never had trouble meeting and dating but this time seems different. Like she passed this invisible age and it’s harder to meet men and harder to find the type of person she wants to date. I don’t understand the dating apps and how that all works either.
She keeps saying, would you believe that I’m almost 30 and still single? I find myself being jealous of other parents when they brag about their kids getting engaged. My other kid got married last year and is super happy, so I don’t worry about him ever.
Anyone want to commiserate? And yea, if you want to tell me to be less involved, don’t. I’m as involved as my kid wants me to be, it’s hard when your child is struggling and you don’t know how to respond.
My 32 year old son just got married 2 nearly 3 weeks ago. He had been in a long term relationship a few years back that was difficult and really had a hard time on the dating scene. Part because he was quick to back away if anything reminded him of his ex’s behavior. Shift work and weird hours also didn’t help. He had about given up but then he met the right girl a couple if years ago. So great to see him happy. Almost 30 is not that old!
Why don’t you ask her how it’s going? I know it’s hard on moms. Sometimes harder than it is on our kids. She may surprise you. You could be a great encouragement to her if you keep your concerns to yourself and focus on all the positives. She’s not willing to settle, she knows what she wants, she’s learned so much from her past relationships that make her a better partner in the next.
I loved, loved, loved dating. I didn’t marry until many years after all my closest friends married. I would like to think that I was enjoying life and I was selective for sure. I’m grateful I had that time. Living alone was a part of it. Was it lonely? At times, absolutely. Did I want to married? Of course. My journey may have been a bit longer than some, quite a bit longer than others, but in the end, I thank God that I got my pot of gold! Your girl will be fine. First she has to be fine all by herself and that’s when the magic happens! :">
I don’t think you are alone OP. I know very few young people in their 20s who are married or even in committed relationships. We’ve been to plenty of weddings where people have put off get married until their late 30s/early 40s (first marriages just to clarify).
I hope your daughter is feeling content with the other aspects of her life and that eventually she’ll meet the right person.
My son is similar in age & on his third relationship which is likely to become permanent. Both have great jobs. I feel bad because I think that I affected his first two relationships unintentionally (both girls wanted to get married. One is now a surgeon & the other an attorney.)
Relationships are, like almost everything else, about timing.
She’s not happy being single, that I hear all the time. She is not liking the dating apps and all that entails. She is a girl who likes being in a relationship.
I know how it’s going, not well.
Sorry if I wasn’t clear. I’m fine that she’s single, she needs to find the right person. She’s the one who’s sad.
My D2 (23) is quite ambivalent about dating. One reason is that she is in grad school in an area where she does not want to live after finishing her degree (she will likely be 27 or 28 when that happens).
My daughter got divorced 14 months ago after an almost 10 year marriage (12 years together). It was not her choice, and it was very difficult on all of us, although he turned out to be a bad person, and we are all better off. She’s 34 now.
My daughter approached dating very positively, which I think is important. She enjoys meeting people and talking, so that helped. She is a priest, which makes it a little more challenging. I think you really have to be willing to put yourself out there- and it does take time and there are definitely lots of losers on those apps. Honestly, I thought she “over-corrected” a little bit and enjoyed her single life more than I would have, but I kept my mouth shut. She has now settled on someone (about 8 months now) who is pretty much the opposite of her ex and opposite from most of her family, but he is a creative and incredibly nice young man who treats her well. He has a good job in a creative field. I say all this to give you hope- your daughter WILL probably find a couple of Mr. “Almost Rights” over the next couple of years and then, hopefully, find a really great guy. 30 is still young. My 32 year old son has NO interest in being married- so let the guys develop a little!
Baby kid (29) just started dating a nice guy a couple of years ago. She had a few breakups that were very painful (and it does hurt when your kiddo hurts, so HUGS). They moved in together in January, so fingers crossed. Big kid’s husband is almost 10 years older than her… 30 plus seems to be the age guys become more serious, as MOfWC says.
Sometimes it just helps to talk it out here, spell out your words and thoughts and hear other words and thoughts. No need to apologize for that.
Your D sounds like an independent woman with a good job and an independent life…but like most of us, who wants to be alone?
My D is the same age. She is single but dating someone. She had been dating this person (met through a dating app)for a little over a year when there was an abrupt break up on his part. I’ll admit to one of my first thoughts being “oh my gosh, I thought this was the one, now she has to start over!” - but even she said when the break up happened "I don’t know if I’m up for starting over again " - I think she felt a little “desperate and older” - LOL! Well he was pretty regretful almost immediately and they did some good soul searching and work on their relationship which had some different circumstances that first year that made it not ordinary. They are together again now for several months - but I’ll admit to having in the back of my mind, “will this stick? I hope this investment is not a waste of time for her” - all that. We like him a lot and I think they are a good match.
She has many friends her age married and some with kids. But also many friends her age NOT married yet.
I’ll just say I think it’s good she is focussing on “me” for a bit and you know, “when you least expect it”…
(also whether its a dating app or real in person life, you have to meet anyone SOMEWHERE - so I hope she keeps social so she has the opportunity to meet people for dating or just friendship!)
I have one married lad (my oldest), and one soon to be married lad (my youngest). If you had asked us parents almost anytime in their growing up years who would be the first to marry based upon his personality, it would be our middle lad, yet now he’s single after a breakup last year and trying dating apps. He’ll be 25 this year.
I always wish him the best and still consider him a terrific catch for someone. I pray he finds that right person who will be as good for him as he will be for her, but who knows? Life is strange sometimes.
He did just adopt a terrific Grandkitty for us… but I know he’s lonely, especially since pretty much everyone he knows is part of a couple.
Best wishes for your daughter. She’s not alone, nor are you as a caring Mama.
@deb922 - I know how you feel when your D is having a hard time. For what it’s worth my youngest brother (will turn 41 this year) had several very long term relationships, but never seemed to find “the one.” He is such a great guy, but kind of quiet and after he had his heart broken again in his early 30’s he just seemed to give up on dating. Then in 2014 he brought a lovely lady to our big family Thanksgiving. She was outgoing where my brother is a bit more reserved and she also loves major league baseball which my brother is passionate about. We find out later that they met on a dating app. Fast forward to today and they are happily married with a 3 year old girl and almost 2 year old boy. My SIL has fit into our family so well (they bought a house a mile from our parents) and my brother is the happiest I have ever seen him. Sometimes it takes awhile to find that special person, but when it happens it is certainly worth the wait!
That is hard. We know that the average age of marrying is rising and hopefully because they take it more seriously, not less. This is a season in her life. Hopefully it is short and sweet for her.
As a mom, I also don’t want my D heading into every date feeling like “ok, where is this going to go?” and feeling like they need to set a time limitation on how long to stay vested in dating that person or let them go to move on!
Could you talk with her about the activities that she enjoys doing without really talking about relationships?
Sometimes relationships just sort of organically start up out of shared interests. If she consistently and regularly takes part in different activities then she will broaden her pool of acquaintances and friends. She will be a more interesting person to the people she meets because she will have something besides work to talk about. And then maybe a romantic relationship will follow and if not she will at least have a group of people to do things with.
Many people are meeting in their 30’s now. My wife and I were in our late 30’s when we met. At this point we have been married for many years and have two kids in their 20’s. I think (and my wife has agreed) that because we met late, we knew what was important in a significant other. Perhaps part of the reason that our marriage has been so successful is that we met when we were in our 30’s.
My older daughter has friends who pretty much span the first half of their 20’s. I don’t think that any of them are married. Many are not in solid relationships. One has a sister who is about the same age as your daughter and is recently divorced.
Being 30 and single is very common where we live.
One thing that is probably different as your daughter approaches 30: More men are going to be hesitant about approaching her because they don’t want to be seen as annoying or as harassing her. She will need to get herself somewhere where it is possible to meet people, and might need to say hello herself.
Oh, and there’s an ice storm today so again I’m not going anywhere 
