In Asia, being female and 30 and single would be a problem, but here in the US it’s not a big deal. A lot of it is borne out of the pressure to have kids by the early 30s at the latest, but nowadays mothers are having kids later and later. We have a family friend who didn’t have her first kid until 48.
Thanks for all the great stories and encouragement.
I am positive she’s not going to spend her life alone. At least I’m very hopeful!
She is getting out and filling up her days doing things and not waiting around. This is sometimes a hindrance as when she does need to schedule a date, she doesn’t have a lot of free time. She’s going to craft classes with a friend, she joined a bowling league. She has always been a part of a gym so that is a chunk of time. Other than the gym (where she had ties to her last 3 boyfriends, and at least as many dates), they aren’t places she’s meeting men. She went to a super bowl party and the only single man there, she had matched with on a dating app and it went nowhere.
I do think approaching 30 you start to think about having kids and how much longer you might have.
I am a normally calm person but I’m pretty sure I will be panicking when D hits 30. I’ve seen what most single guys in their 30s are up to.
To our great amusement, our 20 year-old son joined Tinder and a couple other sites this past summer. At what age do the females on these sites actually want to meet up IRL? He’s a decent enough looking kid and gets plenty of matches but it seems to be a game of social validation for young women. About half are asking for money. He is at the point where he would love to have a girlfriend but there seems to be few potentials at that stage.
I have asked S1 who is 24 but he is super-secretive.
It’s different for his one friend who is tall, blonde, tv-worthy good looking and on the swim team. He gets all sorts of offers to meet up.
Is this bothering your daughter? Personally, I am wondering what the issue is. I didn’t get married to my husband until I was 34. We started dating when we were 31. She’ll settle down with a partner when she meets the right person.
Should add that the majority of my friends did not get married or have kids until well into their 30’s.
I read your post again. I think the concern for me is that her failed relationships make her sad. I do remember thinking “am I ever going to meet someone?” But I didn’t dwell on former relationships. Maybe she should try talking to someone.
^^ I think it is normal to dwell on your former relationships. When something goes from wonderful and at least fairly serious to over, there is a lot of soul searching. Even as well as my daughter is doing, she still questions what happened either in her choice of a partner or during the 10 year marriage to lead to the ending of it and all their plans for the future. I know I’ve obsessed over ended relationships in my lifetime! I was not above revenge, either! 
I know how tough it is to see your “kid” of any age sad and anxious. You want to support them and yet it is their process. Sometimes I talk to the adult kids about loaning them my hope and perspective as they navigate a rough patch. “Failed” relationships sounds only negative, yet that is usually a part of learning what goes into a good match. A therapist can help with re-framing this over time. As she is newly single, the waters can be muddied. Grieving the relationship, getting used to a new routine, starting therapy and seeking romantic companionship simultaneously is a tall order for anyone. Stir in her notion that 30 is such a significant age to turn while single (she has lots of company) and it is even more pressure. The sense of urgency can work against the wish for a new relationship; slowing this down and giving the therapy a chance to help her get sorted while she does her best to enjoy activities that aren’t so loaded may paradoxically allow for the next relationship to have a more solid foundation.
It takes time to move on; easier to accept when you aren’t in the thick of it. All could think of as I read the posts was she feels like an anomaly and she is anything but that. She is lucky to have your support. Together you can and you are.
Venting, a bit: My daughter is 30 and hasn’t had a SO since a short relationship early on in college. I know she dates, occasionally, but it doesn’t amount to anything much. I wish she had a boyfriend, but I don’t ask about it. She has good friends, is finishing up a PhD, she travels and leads a full life. I guess I just have to accept the fact that falling in love, marriage and kids may not happen for her. Sigh.
This is a sad thread, sad that the DD is sad about being 30 and unmarried, but sadder that other people buy into that nonsense. Why are her past relationships all considered failures? That is sad. They are just past relationships, there isn’t a pass/fail thing. Is this all about some extrinsic pressure? Location related? Religion based? There are way worse things than being unmarried.
If it is a 5 year relationship and it’s over, it failed. There’s no judgement from me on WHY it failed or any assigning of fault, but the relationship did fail. My daughter’s 9 1/2 year marriage did fail! It still makes them past relationships, and perhaps there was much good in the relationship, but at the end of the day…failed. It’s certainly possible to move on. Nothing at all is wrong with being unmarried and 30, to me, is still quite young. I know people who have found great partners in their 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s and even 80s. Or not! I think there is often a desire on the part of parents to want their kids to find a loving partner with whom to share life. I am happy when my son is in a relationship- I think it is good for him- but I recognize that he is a difficult partner and I have to not get too invested in the girl!
I know how you feel. My son will be 29 soon and is not in a relationship. He’s doing all the apps and dating a lot, but doesn’t seem to be successful with it. I know he’d be happy in a committed relationship since he is ready for that. The last relationship he had was a couple of years ago. (she’s now engaged) She wasn’t right for him and I’m very glad they didn’t end up together. As you can see from this thread we’re not alone. I do think people are waiting longer to establish their careers. Many are not focused on getting married or finding the one. It’s just that I know he’d be happier that way.
I’m sorry for folks who are hurting because their kiddos are no longer in a relationship. My beautiful 29 year old D has never been in a relationship yet–she’s busy trying to fix her health first. Our S has been in a romantic relationship for 2 years now. We’ve only met the GF once and like her.
Fortunately, D has gone to prom & banquets with her friends and has many male friends & lives with several males.
@Sybylla - yea, I felt weird writing that post. I guess I just want to be a grandma…
Hey, I have an idea! Let’s fix them all up with each other. :)) Wouldn’t they love that?
@ams5796 I’ll admit a similar thought crossed my mind. 
Matchmaker, matchmaker make me a match!
@Sybylla There’s nothing wrong with being older and single if that’s what they want - same thing with having kids, or not. With my guy, he seriously would like to find someone to share his life with and the earlier the better to have more time together (now that he’s out of high school and college anyway). Nothing wrong with that either.
What we may really need at some point is a “Rent a Grandkid” business…
@gouf78: Already here. It’s called a puppy.
@Publisher – yeah, but I don’t want the full time commitment. I want to enjoy 'em and then send them home!
I really do like all the different responses and it shows me how different people are.
I can try to tell my kid that it’s ok that she’s single and to embrace it. But I’m not her and I can also tell her it’s ok to be sad about being single. It’s not up to me to tell her how to feel. And I’m really happy that she admitted that she needs some help.
Dating is difficult, dating itself is. There are relationships that are organic and just happen and that’s great. But going on a bunch of first dates and trying to get to know someone, not that easy.
But just to touch on my D’s 5 year relationship. He was/is an alcoholic. Coming to that realization and working through that and other issues in that, to someone she really thought she was going to marry. It’s been tough and even though it’s been 3 years, it’s still hard. Dating someone who won’t get help, is spiraling out of control and you can’t help him.
I’m so happy she didn’t marry him, but I’d really like her to find a person who is kind, doesn’t have a substance abuse problem and isn’t controlling.
Yeah, I’m hoping that both my kids have happy, supportive relationships that work for them and are mutually beneficial for them and the other person in the relationship. So far, things are working OK for S (at long last, now that he’s 31) and I have high hopes for D. D has excellent people skills and I’m sure things will eventually work out for her but wish she could experience some of the joy of a happy romantic relationship sooner rather than later.
I agree that dating and sifting through a lot of people to find a person that one wants to spend more energy developing a relationship with is hard work and definitely time-consuming. Of course, it can be very worthwhile finding an individual that one can develop an enduring, healthy relationship with, but it definitely takes time and energy.
OP, I worry anout this all the time. Youngest gets married this year but my 30-yr old has had no serious relationship for years. He dated a woman briefly, but she left town for a job and that’s that. He has a steady job, volunteers , is good company and outgoing, but none of his female friends have converted to girlfriends and I know it is something he wants (did Imention he’s great with kids?) in a general sense. He has friends and a life, but I can’t imagine where Ms Right will come from.
Women are scary and he’s been hurt so now he’s just unsure of his value. And meeting people? Holy cow that’s hard. I try to not ask , and keep in touch and we do stuff together just so he isn’t lonely too much. But how can I empathize when I was married young to my only serious boyfriend?