<p>I personally think 60 to 70% is high just from talking with my kids and thier friends and yes they are being totally honest with me I live in Europe where its much more accepted by parents etc so there is no need to lie about it.
But I did have another issue (related to the first) that I wanted to ask while we are on the topic. What do you all think about the co-ed sleepover issue, My D got invited to a sleepover with a bunch of kids boys and girls. I said no, but I was the only mom who said no! We go to an international school and depending on the nationality most parents are more liberal. On my daughters behalf the kids are all just friends but I just don’t think boys and girls should be spending the night together at 15 or 16. Am I just a prudish American? Daughter went to the party and I picked her up when it was time for bed.</p>
<p>Oh and the drinking age is 16 so in my opinion the combination of drinking teens and sleeping over compounds the problem (see me trying to justify not letting her do it !!! :)</p>
<p>We also said no to a co-ed sleepover, when we were in Germany. Our S was a junior in college (with us while waiting for his study abroad program to start) and D was a freshman in high school. Both were invited. S did not want to go, and we said no for D. She was 14, and already dealing with a truckload of cultural differences and trying to fit in. It wouldn’t have been fair to throw her into that. We lived in a very small village, and it was normal to have friends across a wide span of ages. The girl who invited them was turning 18 and had a couple younger brothers closer to D’s age. We were aware that this family was much more “free” than we were, and did learn after the fact that there was a good bit of beer (legal) and marijuana (illegal, even in Germany), and some coupling as well. The parents had moved upstairs with the grandparents for the night, and never put in an appearance. We used the “prudish American” label to our advantage to keep our kids out of certain situations where we felt like they might feel pressure to fit in.</p>
<p>I had told my D that if the subject of a co-ed sleepover ever arises (they are common here after Prom) the answer would be no. She didn’t like that answer, obviously. </p>
<p>But now that she’s a junior, when the subject comes up (as I know it will) I’m not sure what my answer will be. It really depends on who will be there, and where it is. D has lots of guy friends that are truly just friends - neighbors, guys she’s known since elementary school. And it depends whose house its at - I trust some parents more than others. A friend of mine told me she and her friend co-hosted a co-ed sleepover after the prom and it was fine, the two moms stayed up until about 4 am, when most of the kids had crashed. The kids had a great time and there were no problems, but there were only about a dozen kids and both moms knew them all.</p>
<p>So now I’d say it depends on the circumstances - the kids, the house, etc.</p>
<p>I agree that it depends on the circumstances. When we were in the states after Prom one of the parents sponsored an all night party to keep kids in and safe, mom also invited parents to come and hang out and help chaperone but that is a special deal. I am in Germany Binx, so I guess it just must be cultural I plan on sticking to my guns… as far as this goes. My D will just have to deal with it.</p>
<p>“I personally think 60 to 70% is high just from talking with my kids and thier friends…”</p>
<p>Anecdotes are fine; but it isn’t evidence. The Behavioral Risk Factor Surveillance Survey has been conducted for some 30 years. (Mind you that the 60%-70% numbers are toward the beginning of senior year; by the end of the year…)</p>
<p>This reminds me of a conversation I had a few weeks ago. I was talking with a young woman I know regarding the fear a friend of mine was having regarding her 15 yr old being in a serious dating relationship and that she was afraid they would consider sex. I thought they are way to young that she didn’t need to worry as long as they had some supervison. The young woman is 33 and works with teens. The teens she works with trust her and she feels are more honest then she would often like. From the teens she has worked with she feels that the majority of teens who are having sex do not tell their parents. And most of the parents have no clue. She said you can not make an assumption that your child is having or not having based on grades, appearances, ec involvement. She said religion might be the one area she felt has some impact. Once your teen begins dating all bets are off. She gave me the example of a young couple who prior to senior yr had not dated. Both were top heavily involved students who were soft spoken but driven to do good in the world. By mid senior yr they were having sex. From all outward appearances they looked like an unlikely pair to be having sex. They weren’t drinkers or party goers.
After we talked awhile she apologized to me for possibly scaring me. She thought she might have been to bluntly honest.
So while I doubt any senior is going to have sex on the first few dates I would not be so sure if the relationship continues longer term.
I think upbringing does play a role. I would hope that for my own kids that they think before they act and take what we have taught them into consideration. I would also hope that when they make the decision it is with someone they care about and who respects them.</p>
<p>mini: When I look at the actual Youth Risk Behavior Survey, I don’t see the 60-70% you keep referring to. In fact, the statistic for “Ever Had Sexual Intercourse” is listed as 47.8% (grades 9-12). </p>
<p><a href=“Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System (YRBSS) | CDC”>Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System (YRBSS) | CDC;
<p>I also included the press release - information by race: <a href=“Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System (YRBSS) | CDC”>Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System (YRBSS) | CDC;
<p>And if you are really curious you can even compare your state to the national statistics:
[YRBSS</a> 2007 Comparisons Between State or District and National Results - DASH/HealthyYouth](<a href=“Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System (YRBSS) | CDC”>Youth Risk Behavior Surveillance System (YRBSS) | CDC)</p>
<p>Anyway, I assume that this is the survey you are referring to, but again I missing the 60-70% of hs students - and there is a big difference between 60-70% and 47.8 (under half).</p>
<p>The larger survey (not reported here) separate students out by age and clas. Even from the numbers you post, you can extrapolate - 47.8% is for ALL students grades 9-12 - that includes all students ages 13-17 who are not yet high school seniors. Needless to say, 14 year old freshman are much less likely to be having sex that 18 year old seniors. 69% of males and 65% of females have had sexual intercourse by age 18. By 19 (and there are 19-year-old high school seniors), it rises to close to 80%.</p>
<p>Can you direct me to the stats for any larger survey? I’d like to see them - I’ve got a curiousity thing going on at the moment.</p>
<p>Mini</p>
<p>Nevermind re “Can you direct me to the stats for any larger survey? I’d like to see them - I’ve got a curiousity thing going on at the moment.” </p>
<p>Think I’m finding where to look on my own. Kinda a statistics nerd here. Good grief, I’ve even found how many glasses of milk hs students drink per day by racial demographics. :P</p>
<p>Mom60:</p>
<p>I’m afraid some Seniors not only have sex on a first date, some have sex without dating. It’s called “friends with benefits” and it happens with good kids too unfortunately.</p>
<p>OP: I admire your concern for the date, who is a junior. Make your son promise you that he will respect his date’s privacy. And I suggest you respect your son’s (and his date’s) privacy.</p>
<p>Our high school participates in the Youth Risk Assessment Survey and the numbers Mini quotes very closely mirror our results. The percentage of freshman who have had sex is very low, it’s not much higher for sophomores, but for seniors it’s 50% or more. Keep in mind that this survey is given in October/November of the year, so kids are basically reporting what they did the year before. Most kids report only having had 1 or 2 partners, so it’s pretty much going on in committed relationships.</p>
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<p>I think this is really true. It bothers me when people on CC say, “My kid is a good student, really involved in activities, I know he/she isn’t having sex.” Sex doesn’t necessarily affect grades, etc, the way drinking and drugs do. For a lot (maybe even a majority) of teens today, they see nothing wrong with sex in a committed relationship. Girls who have sex with a steady boyfriend are not seen as “sluts.” Random sex is a less common and will brand a girl as a slut or a guy as a playa or a “man-slut.” But in a committed relationship, I think it’s seen as the norm. </p>
<p>Remember, we didn’t tell our parents EVERYTHING - but that didn’t mean we didn’t have a good relationship with them. Even kids with good, fairly open relationships with their parents may want to keep their sex lives private.</p>
<p>I agree with mom60 and Lafalum. My D is a top student, athlete, an elected officer of her class, and actively participates in our church. She was dating a nice young man for a year and a half, and I found out completely by accident that they were sexually active. She was 15. I would have sworn to you that it wasn’t possible. I thought they were well-chaperoned, but apparently when they were at BF’s house they had a habit of “going for a walk.” They had a location they felt fairly safe about and that’s where they were having sex, and BF had older friends that were supplying him with condoms. When confronted, D admitted it and told me that “everyone” in a relationship was doing it. I didn’t believe that, and still don’t, but I know that a lot more kids are sexually active than we parents would like to believe.</p>