<p>huguenot: “It stuns me how many folks think that high school students (or college students for that matter) are going to have sex no matter what. If you look at the research, somewhere around half of high school kids are virgins.” </p>
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<p>I had the same reaction reading some of the posts. Recently, I looked at some threads in the High School Life forum on this site. The threads were about first kiss and first bf/gf and were remarkably innocent in terms of experience. I’m not naive, but I do think the term “most” when referring to the sex life of hs students might be. I volunteer at a hs and overheard a group of girls (cute, popular juniors/seniors - one was prom queen) discussing what a first kiss would be like - a couple (literally only two girls) had had a first kiss, not any others - and none, judging from the conversation, was about to “explore the depths further.” Do I think the overheard conversation was valid? Definitely.</p>
<p>“If you look at the research, somewhere around half of high school kids are virgins.” </p>
<p>Tis true. 13-year-olds, 14-year-olds, 15-year olds - high school kids all.</p>
<p>Median age at first intercourse for males in the U.S is 16.6; slightly higher for females Which means half had intercourse before then (forget other forms of "sexual experimentation). Care to guess what it is for high school seniors?</p>
<p>By October of senior year (when the state behavioral risk factor surveys are usually done), it is between 60-70% depending on state. That doesn’t include out-of-school youth. (so it is even higher than that).</p>
<p>I am not saying my daughter’s friends were the norm… Her girlfriends from HS were the nice, popular girls - girls with good grades, yearbook editor, well liked by most kids/teachers, drank at some parties but never got in trouble. Only one had sex in high school, and it was with a boyfriend of 2 years. Now sophomores in college, half of them have had sex, but all with someone they had relationship with. This statistic doesn’t seem any worse than when I was in college.</p>
<p>My daughter is in a sorority. Her school has 13,000+ students. But they seem to know which guys are players. According to her, those guys are not datable and the girls stay away from those guys when they want a real boyfriend. I guess it works both ways.</p>
<p>If my daughter was going to her high school BF’s house, I would expect his parents to be there (no different if it’s at a girlfriend’s house). I would also expect my daughter to have enough sense not to embarrass herself at someone’s house.</p>
<p>If you were to ask the parents of the 60-70% of early high school seniors how many of their kids were having intercourse (as researchers actually have), parents will tell you that it is well less than half that number. This is especially true among religiously conservative families.</p>
<p>mini, based on surveys at our suburban hs, your numbers in post # 42 are correct. Parents don’t know everything their kids do. (Did most of us tell our parents everything we did? I didn’t!)</p>
<p>At least half of the kids that walk across the stage to receive a high school diploma at our school have given up their virginity. That includes the “nice” kids, the class officers, the sports heroes, the NHS kids, etc. We are in a nice suburban district, with a 97+% graduation rate, and 90%+ planning to attend college. At most we’ve had 2 - 3 pregnant girls in our school per year (school with 1600 kids). But the majority of kids are sexually active. I don’t like it, I don’t encourage it, I supervise D at our house and don’t allow her to go to anyone’s house if the parents aren’t home, but I am aware of the statistics. </p>
<p>So yes, DH & I find reasons to “visit” the basement occasionally when D has a BF over! </p>
<p>BTW, I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the median age at first intercourse coincides with the driving age in most states…</p>
<p>I got curious about the statistics, and the one that jumped out was the 2007 CDC Youth Risk Behavior Survey (YRBS) - 14,000 questionnaires from 39 states - 22 large urban districts. </p>
<p>Exactly. If the only reason your kid is not having sex is because you are constantly interrupting them, they will find a place where you can’t.</p>
<p>Kids either have sex or do not. As parents we can only hope that if they choose to be sexually active they are armed with the correct information about protection, and use it.</p>
<p>Don’t think I can really put this into words but I think you lay the groundwork for good instincts and good judgement in your kid from birth and no amount of parental lecturing or intervention when they are 17 or 18 is really going to matter.</p>
<p>Hey Youdon’tsay. It went great. Whew! I made it through! Ha Ha.</p>
<p>Again, this was his first experience with a “date” at our house (really only his second ‘date’ ever besides dances). I had spoken to him about a year ago and he had told me that he had never kissed a girl before, ‘pretty lame, huh’ were his words. I told him, no, I think its cool that you’re waiting for someone special to share it with. He liked that take on it, and I think it took the pressure off him. Well, a week ago he told me he had kissed his new girlfriend. I was happy for him. I really want to give credit to all the high schoolers out there who don’t drink, who aren’t anywhere close to having sex, and who take to heart the messages we have been sharing with them all of their lives. There are some really good kids out there who make tough choices all the time that most of their peers cave in on. I do not tell my kids not to have sex. But we have honest, frank discussions about the positive reasons to wait, the slippery slopes that lead to sex, etc. We lightly reviewed some of that before his date, as it was a ‘teachable’ moment for him. He agreed that an open door was fine and that we might come through the room at any time. He did ask that we not sneak downstairs and surprise him. He has earned our trust and I agreed that that I would never do that to someone I trusted. My kids have learned that trust is a big thing for me and they have rarely broken my trust, as they know how hard it is to earn trust back and life is better when you’re trusted (more privileges, etc.).</p>
<p>Also, he cleaned the basement before she came over, so now I have a nice clean basement :)</p>
<p>JDA – A clean basement?! WOW!! I have many chats over the years with both of my kids about drugs, drinking, sex, etc. I tried to present things in terms of actions and consequences, and about treating oneself and others with care and dignity, and I am relieved to say they have incorporated many of these values into their own belief system. There have been several instances of poor decision-making among the teenage members of our extended family, so they know the consequences are real and life-changing.</p>
<p>Their social lives have not suffered, either.</p>
<p>That’s wonderful. My 16yo also hasn’t gone on his first real date yet, and I doubt he’s had a first kiss either. Statistics show that, yes, half of all kids have sex by the end of their senior year, but that means half don’t.</p>
<p>Dh and I have told both our sons we expect them to get through HS without having sex. We think that’s too young. But we also made sure to let them know that we feel it’s unrealistic on our part to expect that they not have sex until they get married, what with people waiting so long to get married these days. So, we set up an expectation while they’re young but let them know we don’t expect a vow of chastity for the next 20 years! They both seemed happy enough with that arrangement.</p>
<p>I truly never thought raising a 16yo boy would be so fun.</p>
<p>oldfort - HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I laughed out loud! I love it! Let’s see, first move the t.v. to the garage, then to the computer room, then to his bedroom…woops! Nope! Guess his bedroom will just remain messy :)</p>