<p>Somemom, I had major surgery >half dozen times when our kids were young. Only twice did people bring meals, and I wished they had not (of course, they were thanked profusely and not told how we really felt.) Most of the food went uneaten, and it was a pain for dh to remember who brought which casserole dishes and Tupperware containers in order to return them to the right people. One woman actually got upset when he mixed up one of her Tupperware cartons with ours and didn’t take her the right one.
None of the operations were last second emergencies, so there was time to stock our refrigerator and freezer before I went into the hospital with foods that our kids (& dh) would eat. </p>
<p>I’d assume that most families are able to plan ahead and take care of meals for themselves, unless the situation is an emergency. Maybe the woman in your group has had, or knows of, similar experiences and feels the same way. What would have been much more help is an offer to take my kids someplace during the day so that I could sleep for a few hours.</p>
<p>In HI, in most of the circles I run in, it’s a GREAT shame to host to run out of food, yet predictably, one of my family members was often doing so. Most other hosts/hostesses always make sure there is about 50% or more EXTRA food beyond what anyone could eat and encourages folks to take home leftovers. It is a tough habit to break. When I have events and provide food, I have a hard time NOT over-ordering food so that we often have WAY too much. </p>
<p>This most recent event I had, I decided to order just the number whom I had counted as attending instead of my usual 10-20% extra. It turned out to be pretty good. I ordered for 160 people & ended up with about 25 extra meals instead of my usual much, much more. The caterer was great–telling me that if we appear to be running low, they could rush us over more food or sandwiches.</p>
<p>I generally am an omnivore and can generally find something I enjoy eating, even if it’s the appetizers, fruit, vegetables and/or dessert. If it was unsatisfying, I will go out for a snack later. I tend not to eat before I attend events but also tend NOT to like buffets as seeing massive quantities of food sitting around is not appetizing to me. I do have a few food allergies but am generally good at picking out & avoiding those foods that would be problematic for me. I LOVE food but fortunately have a great metabolism and am close to my “ideal” weight.</p>
<p>I wonder if the bringing food thing is a regional culture thing?</p>
<p>I’m from Calif now living in the south. It’s a big deal in both areas…in Calif the fridge gets filled and in the south the fridge gets filled…with dishes from neighbors, friends, co-workers, etc, whenever you’re seriously sick, surgery, death in the family, etc. </p>
<p>I imagine it also happens in other regions…</p>
<p>HImom–160??? OMG I cannot imagine such an event unless it is a wedding. You are going to scare the readers here. My biggest home party in years has been 40 for a graduation open house. But I do know what you mean about having tooooo much out of fear.
I have had a saying that I have followed for many years now. I do not invite anyone to my house who cannot handle carry in pizza if my dinner does not turn out. Works for me.
But thanks all–just got a response for a couple we are WAY overdue for (though she cancelled a few months ago really sick). So this Friday night we will catch up. She is really really picky (and i have been a veggie for 35 years and she is over the top for me) so need to put my thinking cap on for the menu.</p>
<p>Our wedding was an enormous event, many times this recent one. It turned out great. Organizing events is something I do pretty well and easily.</p>
<p>The event was held at the local medical center. It went off without a hitch. It was our 5th year. The 1st year was the toughest because our keynote speaker was the head of the lung division at NIH, so we wanted everything to be perfect. Over 300 showed up for that event & we had TONS of food and exhibitors. We ended up making more money than we spent, so it was nice having money for our non-profit activities. That event did produce considerable anxiety for me, but it was widely lauded as a very successful event. Our subsequent annual events have been about 200 or so & this year 160+, but everyone who attended was happy.</p>
<p>I do NOT prepare any of the food, just choose the caterer. This is just less stressful. We have pre-boxed hot meals as well as fruit, granola bars, coffee, tea, hot and cold water. I really have liked having it at the medical conference center, as they help with publicity and have the ER & folks who can be here with just a phone call. Some of the attendees are quite medically fragile, so it has always been most reassuring to me knowing that we can help them as needed.</p>
<p>For really picky eaters, I just MUCH rather go out with them to a mutually agreeable restaurant. Sometimes, it’s easier to just go out dessert and coffee or some other meal.</p>
<p>I grew up regularly preparing meals for our family of 9, from buying all the groceries to preparing the food, all while attending middle school. College life & beyond was a breeze after all of that. No one dared complain because they didn’t want me to stop doing it have it possibly fall on them to do.</p>
<p>HImom–similar here in that I began cooking for a family of 6 at the age of 12–complete and full meals.
But tell us what you do at your own home with just a few friends. I would love to hire you for an event but some on this forum have a tough time with just a few in for dinner.
What you descibed is wonderful and caring but not intimate with just 6-10 guests.</p>
<p>No, I don’t have folks over to my house very much. It’s just too much work because I admit it, our papers are overrunning our house! Generally, I have never hosted more than 30 in a house (that’s my extended family with spouses, nieces, nephews & my parents). These days, when I can, I have the party at someone else’s house but I take care of bringing or catering the food.</p>
<p>Don’t often have intimate 6-10 guests for much of anything. Every once in a while, will have another couple or sometimes two and we go out. Our extended family often has a dinner together and that’s usually about those same 30 people. If my SIL invites her family as well, it can easily by 50+.</p>
<p>I guess I’m not much of an entertainer any more in our home. I am hosting a dinner next month for 8-12 people, including people from London, AZ, and some other places, but again, I’ve chosen a lovely waterfront restaurant instead of having them at my home. It’s a strategic planning dinner meeting, so not really “socializing,” more brainstorming and getting to know one another. I’m also having a thank you party–probably at the local community college–again not my house. </p>
<p>I don’t feel guilty too often that I prefer to entertain at venues other than my house. Our home is really too small & full of my non-profit stuff to entertain comfortably anyway. I feel that as long as I am hostess often enough and pick up the tab, I am OK and it works. I don’t get invited to others homes that often either–everyone just seems so busy with their various pursuits.</p>
<p>Ugh …it’s been over a week and I am literally hiding in my room. They are exhausting me. Tonite, it is lobster dinner which will inevitably end with them saying goodnite while we get stuck with the cleanup…again</p>
<p>Why don’t you ASK for help? Just the way you would if they were children? They are family after all! Added benefit: If they don’t like being asked, maybe they won’t come back.</p>
<p>My husband did ask them , and one of the four partially cleaned up…the way my 14 year old would
I am leaving town a day before they leave to help my mother with her cataract surgery. So not a lot of rest for me , but only one person to care for instead of an additional 4.</p>
<p>lje, I’m sorry you’re in this position…I can’t say these are guests I would invite back…and if asked, I would indicate that it’s not a convenient time for me to have houseguests and offer to email them names of local hotels.</p>
<p>I just read through this thread and it has forced me to think about things in greater detail than I ever had before. We are fortunate to be part of a group of 10 couples who do things with the whole group or partial group with a fair amount of frequency. There are 3 that love to entertain and do so frequently and, seemingly, easily. Several others, myself included, have a big gathering maybe once a year and then a smaller group over maybe a couple other times a year. A couple people really never have people over. In this group, all is accepted…everyone offers to bring a dish, many events are potluck, some stay to clean up, etc. This group also has its drivers to the airport, organizers of food post surgery, rides to drop off the car at the shop, etc. </p>
<p>But, to delve a little deeper, I’m always uptight before we have friends over–no matter how close we are. Last week we went out to dinner with my bf and her husband and my dh asked if they’d like to come back to the house for a bit. They said yes and I felt panic: was the house clean enough? did we have anything to offer them like coffee, an after dinner drink or dessert? Would they be comfortable? Augh!! My bf would love me no matter what I had/didn’t have and her dh is a doll but I still felt it. I’m 50–why can’t I get over it??</p>
<p>On another note, it is common around here to have someone organize dinners for people who are ill or having surgery and the rule is that you deliver the food in something that does not have to be returned (like those quasi-disposable gladware containers). An email goes out not only with that guideline but also a descriptive of how many to feed, any food allergies/preferences and any other detail such as please no desserts or family doesn’t eat beef or whatever it is. One time I received an email that the family had been overun with lasagnes so future preparers should bring something else. Last time I stepped up to be the organizer I created a google spreadsheet and had people indicate what they’d be bringing so people could make sure the family wasn’t getting too many of one thing in a row. Lots of ways to make this both easier on the giver and more helpful to the receiver.</p>
<p>You are exhausted from guests that have imposed themselves on you, who unfairly expect you to cook every night, who never help, who’ve been there over a week, and you are serving them…lobster??</p>
<p>I gotta say, do you think maybe you’re sending the wrong messages to people?</p>
<p>Lobster dinners, all eating and no work?! No wonder the pests, err, guests keep coming back!</p>
<p>I think might have taken the second prize in the ultimate Sucker Host of the Week contest: I hosted a small dinner at my house 6 hours after finishing a marathon. :eek: The night before the race I cleaned the house because I was not sure that I would be in a “working” condition after running for 4 hours non-stop. Dinner that night was very simple: cedar-planked salmon, roasted potatoes and grilled asparagus with store-bought miniature cheesecakes for dessert.</p>
</p>