<p>I never needed an incentive to work. Just being productive and earning my own money was incentive enough. I don’t think sassafrass should go through this again this summer, nothing will be any different. She has fought this battle long enough, her son is close to 21, it’s time to let him be responsible for his behavior.</p>
<p>I like the idea of making him responsible for cooking/cleaning if he can’t find a job outside the house. :D</p>
<p>Not to mention cutting the grass.</p>
<p>And taking out the trash.
And power washing the deck or house
And cleaning the garage</p>
<p>I just don’t know how you “make” him do anything unless you’re willing to give an ultimatum and stick to it. Work or OUT. I actually like the idea of working outside of the house better…even volunteer stuff. Things DO seem strained with the family so getting him out and about would be helpful…</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Even then you can’t make someone do anything. At this point I don’t think it is worth the battle.</p>
<p>I really don’t mean this as judgment on parents, because I have been there. But kids (particularly sons, why is that?) will do the minimum to get the maximum. They know very well what they can get out of you. So, if you have a “lazy” kid who feels entitled, it’s because of the messages they received growing up. You can talk til you’re blue in the face about personal and fiscal responsibility, but if you’re paying for, or even subsidizing, their needs/luxuries, they will not be motivated. You’re basically enabling thier attitude. Yes, there are some kids out there who were born with drive and nothing gets in their way, but most are human (like me—I’m also as lazy as I can get away with).</p>
<p>We had a son who would not get off his butt. So, in high school, we cut off his allowance. He went through his money in a couple of weeks, then took to emptying his jar of coins, as well as miscellaneous piles of coins around the house. Then he took to mooching off his friends. It got kind of funny, how much he energy he spent strategizing–anything, except find work! Eventually, he figured it out. One unintended lesson is that to this day, he is very unmaterialistic (and he lives in NYC, shopping mecca). He learned how little he could do with, so is not tempted by the latest smartphone, the cool shoes, nothing. Because he knows how much work goes into financing a certain lifestyle, he has made very mature decisions about quality of life.</p>
<p>We pay for D’s tuition, books, room and board. Everything else, she pays for. And she enjoys the finer things–eating in nice restaurants, clothes, etc. So you bet she finds herself work!</p>
<p>scout59 – If my teen could not find a job near home this summer, I would encourage her to look for one elsewhere. For example, my sister lives in Portland, Oregon, and my D would be welcome to live at her home and work in Portland. I am just saying that Michigan teenagers do not have to stay in Michigan for a summer job. I am sympathetic toward the scarce job situation in Michigan and hope it improves for those who need to support families.</p>
<p>Another thought for the OP. I think that a big reason for lack of motivation on your S’s part is a lack of a sense of purpose. Without that, it is very hard to move. It sounds like he needs some help in finding one. Here is a website that speaks to a lot of people, esp. men:
[Overcoming</a> Procrastination by Steve Pavlina](<a href=“http://www.stevepavlina.com/articles/overcoming-procrastination.htm]Overcoming”>Overcoming Procrastination – Steve Pavlina)
The particular page is on procrastination but it addresses a lot of the underlying problems behind lack of motivation. </p>
<p>I bring this up because right now, it isn’t really about the availability of jobs. It’s about the OP’s attitude towards life, his lack of engagement.</p>
<p>Did the OP say that their were siblings? Do the siblings have jobs? How are things going with them?</p>
<p>I still think you have not given him any real incentive. Why should you cover car expenses (maintenance, insurance, gas), a cell phone, or any travel expenses (beyond flights to and from school)? He is doing this because… he can. And you are letting him, and clearly have been letting him for many years… Other than a crabby family (which does not seem to bother him), doesn’t seem like he has any incentive to change. I’d give him one more summer at home with NO supplemental expense coverage by you; no improvement, tell him (in the fall) that he needs to make his own arrangements (at his own expense) for the next summer.</p>
<p>I agree…the gravy train must stop. </p>
<p>And if he doesn’t get a paid or volunteer job (with at least 20hrs/week) and if he won’t do chores around the house…then don’t pay for ANYTHING.</p>
<p>If he can’t find employment just have him do chores around the house and volunteer. Does he like animals? Have him volunteer with the local animal welfare group.</p>
<p>Is he majoring in business? In fact it doesn’t really matter… volunteering with an outreach group/social services group would give him lots of good experience in interacting with clients, possibly managing money, and helping to run an office.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>And that would be a great option.</p>
<p>Our son was fortunate that he was in a field where he could intern away from home, pay his rent and food, and still save money. And, he had the gumption to do it.</p>
<p>However, we have no relatives outside of Michigan. So, had he been, say, an English major, this would not have worked so well for him.</p>
<p>But I do agree that there is no reason to accept lack of emplyment opportunites as a reason to do nothing. (#97 
)</p>
<p>I know that if i don’t find a job over the summer, that when i go home i’ll be put to work around the house (i really don’t mind helping). My mom has plans on redoing the backyard… but she also has a very bad back. I told her if i couldn’t find anything that i would work on it for her (might take me a while but it will get done). And whatever else that is needed around the house. I also heard that she ‘may’ start redoing one of the bathrooms. And that my grandmother is planning on going through all her junk in the basement (which would need to be hauled up) and having yardsells.</p>
<p>Unfortenently in my area, jobs are very scarce and hard to come by. This seems like a good backup plan if i can’t find anything. </p>
<p>Side note: i wasn’t allowed to laze about during summer breaks (well, maybe once a month where i would earn a day off lol). There was yard work to be done, cleaning, and when we lived up in montana, i would go to my grandmothers and help my grandpa clear fallen timber on their property. And then when fair time came around i had to help my grandma run her booth.</p>
<p>Icedragon, that is great. You have good sense and an attitude that will definitely serve you well!</p>
<p>I agree…to me it’s odd to be ready to kick your kid out of your home, yet all year you’ve been paying for his car, insurance, travel? I personally make clear to my kids what I will support, (ie. neither have cars, thus no car insurance either) and if they want that they’d need to earn enough money to have it. on the other hand, they are welcome to live in our home…being part of the family on their way to full fledged adulthood. perhaps simply making it clear that future travel, car, spending money will no longer simply be provided. this would be the most logical approach to motivating your s to earn money this summer…</p>
<p>Volunteer work sounds like a good option in this economy.</p>
<p>Is it too expensive for your student to take a couple of classes at a local college? That would keep your student busy…</p>
<p>I agree with the expectations for volunteering if a job is not available, and thought the idea of matching savings for college is a really good incentive too. I cut my kids off financially for discretionary spending money, including gas money (except I do help with gas to get to a job or volunteering). </p>
<p>I think home may be too comfortable too. Consider whether you could eliminate cable tv, internet service throughout the house, stop doing his laundry, etc. unless he helps out as a full family member. I’ve been known to turn off the water after 15 minutes, when showers have gone on and on to the point that wallpaper is coming off the walls. Consider cutting back on buying favorite foods and snacks. If you have to get up and go to work at 5:00 a.m, then don’t worry about who might still be sleeping…noise, lights, etc. are fine! If the dog needs to be walked, put the dog in his room. </p>
<p>I’d start to implement some of these nest-deterrants along with a big dose of love, hugs, and encouragement. You’re encouraging him to WANT to be elsewhere but letting him know that you love him too. There’s no reason to burn bridges about helping the baby bird to fly (mixed analogies, I know).</p>
<p>By now, he should be old enough to understand an adult conversation about your expectations for his time at home, and that you expect him to start to step it up. He’s not a little kid coming home from summer camp, after all. It’s reasonable to expect him to be moving into a new phase of adulthood.</p>
<p>If all else fails and you simply can’t face a summer with the stress, then there’s nothing wrong with exploring Plan C or Plan D. Can he attend a summer school with a sublet that is cheap? Can he go home with a friend and find a job somewhere else that has more employment opportunities? Can he do an internship or do research at school? </p>
<p>Just because he’s being a brat now, doesn’t mean that he’ll be like this as a Senior. It may just be a phase and he may be a late bloomer. Hang in there, OP! You’re definitely not alone! (How about letting him read this thread?)</p>
<p>I know one young man who couldn’t find a summer job, so he decided to go into business for himself and sell kitchen knives. There may be other self-employed businesses he could consider.</p>
<p>^^ That was my first job - 25-30 years ago. Selling jewelry door-to-door. Oh god, it was horrible…</p>
<p>Yikes…cutco knives! Some of the kids around here did that last year. Generally not a good experience. You have to purchase the kit to get started ($200?). And I felt bad not taking presentations but I don’t want to spend a fortune on knives! </p>
<p>To the OP, I wish you the best and hope you can figure this one out AND keep (or perhaps restore) a healthy relationship with your s.</p>
<p>Sassafrass - please be sure to touch base here a few times this spring and summer to give us an update! I, for one, would love to hear what you are doing to motivate your son, what worked, what didn’t, and what your son ended up doing with him summer!!!</p>