<p>Not much to report right now because there has been precious little progress.</p>
<p>Sounds like S has applied for another position or so at school, but no offers yet. He can do (unpaid) volunteering at his college over the summer, but he has made no arrangements for housing or as to how he would pay for housing there over the summer. If that is what he ends up doing, he will need to borrow money to pay for summer housing (because I will not pay for it) and then figure out how he will pay for personal expenses next school year (because I will not fund that either). I am trying to let him feel the consequences of his inaction and procrastination at applying for jobs and making summer arrangements.</p>
<p>Even if I did completely deserve it, if my parents kicked me out of the house and ended any and all financial contributions, thereby setting me up for failure (you can’t just go out and find a job, it doesn’t work like that in California), I would never talk to them ever again. Ever. And I’m not exaggerating. What my parents may see as “tough love” would be seen by me in a completely different way.</p>
<p>You are a good parent for not enabling his laziness. I don’t know what your financial situation is but it doesn’t really matter. Sounds like your son needs to learn responsibility and learn to appreciate all that his parents give him. For his age, he seems pretty immature. I do think you need to provide a timeline as well as possibly a written list of expectations- especially if you have let him slide in the past. All of my kids are expected to work during the summer and contribute to their education. They usually work part-time during the school year also; we have never said they have to but they all say they would rather help out as they know what we sacrifice to get them through school with no loans. They appreciate their opportunity at an education if they are part of it.</p>
<p>I also don’t think there’s anything wrong with saying, “If you can’t take enough responsibility for yourself during the summer, why should I continue to pay for your education? I cannot care about your future more than you do. Be productive in some way or another this summer, or you can find some way to fund your education yourself.”</p>
<p>It is impossible to get ANY part-time, full-time or whatever job in our area period even for kids who apply to palces that they have been working before, have experiences and awesome qualifications, reccomendations. And anyway, it is pennies. The best financial help that kids can provide is to have awesome GPA and get Merit $$$. We said to our D “Thank you” many times for her extremely hard work at both HS and college. i actually have never seen anybody else (including myself) who works as hard on her academics. She said numerous 'thank you’s to us also. but the fact is that we have not been paying tuition because of her Merit $$. I cannot wait for her to be back home for summer, and she has never took summer classes either (they would not have been covered by Merit $$). No complaints.</p>
<p>As I have stated before I would be OK with S not finding a job this summer if he had actually made a determined effort to find one. The economy is poor so it is not adequate for anyone (adult or student) to email resumes off for three or four positions, then say: “I couldn’t find a job.” And this is not the first summer S has procrastinated and basically bailed on looking for fulltime summer work.</p>
<p>Up until now savings from birthday and graduation gifts and very limited work during previous summer has been the source of most of his school year spending money. If he does not earn any money this summer he will need to take out a loan to pay for his summer housing elsewhere and figure out what he is going to do for spending money this summer and next school year.</p>
<p>I considered refusing to pay for school fall semester, instead requiring him to get and work at a job however menial through the summer and first semester, but right now my plan is just to make this his problem. If he doesn’t line up a job or volunteer work or arrange for summer housing at school, he will have to figure out what he is going to do next. If worst comes to worst and he has nothing lined up and has to come home for the summer, there’s going to be something in writing spelling out expectations for the summer and no cell phone, car or spending money will be provided for his use.</p>
<p>But I am done nagging him to look into things. If he chooses not to actively seek a summer job, he will have to deal with the consequences.</p>
<p>^if you feel that it is worthwhile, got for it. You are only one to judge. Does he work during school year. My D. does as many kids around her. </p>
<p>Additional note for summer job - D. has applied to close to 30 jobs in past summers with 0 results. So, we decided that it is complete waste of time. I told to relax and not take it personally and we leave all her earned $$ for her pocket expenses, since that is what they are, pennies in a big picture of her life.</p>
<p>It is not that the work these kids could get is going to contribute significantly to their expenses. And it sounds like Miami’s D appreciates what her parents do. But the OP’s sits around and complains all summer. He needs a dose of reality. Why should his parents pay for his cell phone, entertainment, etc. while he sits on his butt all summer. It’s that sense of entitlement that drives me crazy. I realize jobs are difficult right now but even my 14 year old has a job doing yard work all summer- he hates yard work but it is all he could get. He also tutors math (and makes $15/hour). We did not expect him to get a job because he is only 14. He did it on his own so he “can be sure to have money for college.” It just sounds like the OP’s son expects people to take care of him and maybe needs to learn to appreciate what his parents do for him.</p>
<p>I agree with Miami, you the only one to judge. It is hard for us to advise as you know your own kid and situation. Then again, we can’t help trying.</p>
<p>It is really tough to get a job, depending upon your area, he may be competing with professional adults for menial jobs. Of course, many of those smart upper income-family kids consider working a crummy low paid job below them, if they don’t need the money.</p>
<p>My son has applied for a few professional internships, unlikely to get offers as a freshman. Isn’t trying too hard to get work, his college is 2500 miles away from home, so he’s not even here to look for jobs. Has no intention of applying to jobs that won’t help him in his career field, purely for money. He has alot of money in the bank (from an earlier highly paid internship), never spends it, so his point it-why would I do that, it’s not useful. On the other hand, he is very sweet, will do anything we ask, and works his butt off during the school year. I intend to have plenty of free labor around the house this summer if he doesn’t get anything, and the truth is-just having him at home so we can work 2 extra days in the summer will pay what he’d make the entire time at a low paid job. But if he wasn’t so sweet and helpful, and had a rude attitude—I’d probably insist he found a job doing anything, too.</p>
<p>As we discussed upthread, the OP would be OK with committed volunteer work, too, which is not in short supply in this economy. Sassafrass, you’ve got me on board. No child is entitled to lie around in his parents’ house all summer and complain. You’re doing him a favor by expecting him to do better than that.</p>
<p>Also there is a difference between not being able to get a job, and not being able to get a job you like. I do realize that in some areas of the country (Detroit, etc. ) jobs are next to impossible. But in most places, the kids who really try can usually get jobs- it just might be something they don’t want to do. My D already has a job in a bakery where she often starts at 6AM before she heads to school, and just added a second job in retail on the days the bakery is closed. She is also taking 19 units. My son who is now 25applied to jobs when he was 15 and was told he was too young. He went back every single day to a pizza place and would even clean up the eating area while he was there until one day they finally hired him. The kids who persist can find work in most areas- we are in So. Calif. -</p>
<p>My take on things is that people who are most determined for others to find jobs, frequently don’t actually have a job themselves. They are retirees or housewives who choose to believe that others don’t have the gumption that they had.</p>
<p>I feel very badly for Honesto and know that other parents think the same way.</p>
<p>I just think that kids appreciate an education much more if they contribute towards it. Even if that means doing volunteer work or helping around the house. And I do work outside the home and always have.</p>
<p>“My take on things is that people who are most determined for others to find jobs, frequently don’t actually have a job themselves. They are retirees or housewives. . .”</p>
<p>HOUSEWIVES don’t have a job?!?!? LOL What do you call it then, “slave labor?”</p>
<p>Totally agree with atomom!!! Anyway, the OP obviously feels there is a problem and feels guilty about wanting to do something about it. Just saying I agree with her and totally support her position!</p>
<p>If a young person wants a job they can find one…even in Michigan. It took my kids 3-4 months of applying everywhere they could think of, following up, going in, checking back etc. etc. etc. but even in the worse times last summer (in Michigan) my teen found a job that he kept during the winter and will stay at until he leaves for college in August. His younger brother is working on finding a job right now and I have no doubt he’ll land something at some point before the height of summer. At the very worse he’s already “positioned” himself with his brother’s boss to takeover his brother’s job in August which I thought was very smart of him. Most often it comes from hearing about someone who is quitting or moving to another job and telling everyone they know that they are looking for a job. We did not lift a finger to help them as we thought it was an important learning curve to tackle it without help. We did, however, front them gas money until they found a job. At least I know when they graduate from college they will have a resume (and know how to put one together), experience networking, and experience pounding pavement. Not to mention when they worked during high school they learned to negotiate time off, read a paycheck, learn about taxes, how banks operate etc. etc. I have no idea how I would feel if my college junior wanted to come home for the entire summer and not work. I do think we (my H and I) would be upset. I can’t imagine him ever doing that as he has held down part-time jobs since he was 16 and he likes having spending money. We never gave the kids an allowance so no job, no gas money, no spending money…</p>
<p>“If a young person wants a job they can find one…even in Michigan.”</p>
<p>True. The problem here sounds to be, making the young person want to get a job. And if they are disinterested in getting one–unless it is exactly what they want, they will not get one. Unless family/friend connections are available, no employers are going to come looking for workers in this economy.</p>
<p>And how does one possibly force motivation? We always tried to motivate our kids to do what we thought was important, but they never went all out unless it was their own passion.</p>
<p>Haven’t read this whole thread, but I would do the same thing as the OP. Fortunately my son has a job out in the mountains as a back country councilor. He did this same job last year. It pays relatively well, he learns to care for himself, learns responsibility and I don’t have to see him lying around and watching cartoons. Of course I worry. Last year he got lost in the back country, was chased by a bear, and became dehydrated after losing his pack. </p>
<p>If I’m a bad parent, so be it. But, there are about 1,000 other college students out there working as well. My son has a big personality that is way too big for our house. For those of you who are fine with having your kids at home in the summer, that’s fine. But, it’s also OK to want your kids being responsible for money and caring for themselves. I think the self-confidence learned is priceless.</p>