<p>thumper1 - yes. She also needs to be home to practice piano. The director seem to think piano is just an hour commitment a week. She doesn’t play everyday, but at least every other day. She is an interesting kid. She decided she also needed to play violin when she was 7. This year, I put my foot down, I asked her to pick violin or piano because it was too much. She chose piano.</p>
<p>She has a professional quality violin. If anyone is interested…</p>
<p>Having been involved in school administration I can confirm that many school administrators think very much inside the box; you are asking them to think outside the box, to stretch their mind around a concept not of their design and not to their benefit. This can put up a wall with people who are very structured and even be a challenge for a more creative soul in a very proscribed environment.</p>
<p>I have had the best luck in these cases doing all the hard thinking for them- I live outside the box, let me give you (the school) 6 outside the box options, you tell me if any one of them could be accommodated.</p>
<p>We had one person in HS who had a great deal of power over all my kids, she is completely rigidly in the box and my life was so out of the box, I think just the sight of me stressed her :eek: Like, “oh no, what is she going to think of now.” There were times I actually cried in frustration after dealing with her, though I really learned to choose my battles and I really saw that she was not in any way looking at my DDs well being, but at following the rules and not getting into trouble. I tried to choose the most important needs and be calm but firm. To this day if I saw this woman across a room I would go the other way, I cannot abide her favourtism and her small mindedness, but I was the model of gracious politeness in all my dealings</p>
<p>I think you said this is a private school, thus they should be responsive to your needs, as compared to a public, but a new person in charge may have had a real issue with the prior person’s rules, may have been itching for the opportunity to stop the exceptions.</p>
<p>Try all you can to understand that person’s motivation, then provide your request, with no emotion at all (if a school admin gets you emotional, they have won that battle and can pat you on the head and send you away, having marked you as an emotional mom or dad)</p>
<p>An example of a school bending was when my DD at a flagship public university was stalked and had to leave the area, it took a year, but they actually allowed her to finish her last few requirements from afar, this was a grinding, class by class, incredibly stressful process, but one step at a time, one “proving” she was worth the exception at a time, my DD was allowed to finish it. An uncle prof at a sister school said he’d never seen anything like it, they NEVER allow that, esp in her major, they are extremely picky about it being done at their school.</p>
<p>So, we took our wins in inches, and we worked with them, and we were incredibly persistent- I have a feeling the committee who had to approve it, finally threw their hands in the air and decided I was not giving up. I did point out DDs specific situation would be tough to replicate, should some one else ask for an exception- DD had already taken these classes at her home uni but had to W right before finals- I pointed out the precedent was only for some one who had taken 90% of the class to be allowed to take it elewhere, not just any one. They bought that, but I had to give them all the creative thinking, way more than the one best plan, but all different ways to view it.</p>
<p>I also approach all dealings as if the school person has the same goal I do, the best interests of my child- sometimes that rubs off 
Help her/him see the benefits, help him/her by coming up with the ideas, maybe even presenting it is writing so he/she can think it over before having to talk about it. Help him/her save face if it is changed</p>
<p>What about: invest about $15.00 in a usb memory stick, have her save her computer work/papers on it, stick it in her backpack, and use it with the computers in the school computer lab to work on papers and homework during that last period of the day. During the study period (which you mentioned is at a different time), perhaps your daughter can arrange to practice the piano on the school’s piano (private school must have a piano). As far as the piano lesson that requires her to leave school early, maybe her piano teacher will be able to rearrange her lesson especially seeing how she has a history with the teacher. School should always take priority over the extracurricular. Sometimes, there comes a point when a decision has to be made to reduce or drop one activity.</p>
<p>I do understand the school’s point of view on this. If they allow one to leave, then others will want to do the same. It may seem unfair to you but the administrator is trying to be fair to entire student body.</p>
<p>Hmmm. Tough call. You are asking the school to change their policy, because you don’t want to change piano teachers or ask any other activity to be the one to bend. I can see both sides. Although I am not impressed by the idea of the study period, if that is what the school does, and you voluntarily chose this private school, I can see how they might not feel a need to accommodate you. Basically what I see is that you want the school to be the only one to flex. I can see why they would resent that attitude. Although there is nothing wrong with asking, they have the right as a private school to set their own rules. </p>
<p>You have decided that the hour and half study time is a waste of time (and frankly, I would agree with you!) but obviously the school feels differently about it. Maybe you will be successful if you appeal to a higher office. </p>
<p>Otherwise, I guess your choices are:</p>
<ol>
<li> Switch schools or home school.<br></li>
<li> Bend somewhere else: Find a different piano teacher. Drive your D to the teacher on a day when she IS available. (She might even appreciate not having to cut it so close to Sabbath.) Find a different ballet program. Or convince the ballet program to excuse her for a period of time that the teacher can come. </li>
</ol>
<p>With your daughter’s schedule, an hour or an hour and a half built into her schedule to do homework and socialize might be a good thing. If I have one regret about my kids’ HS experiences - especially my eldest S - he spent way too much time on projects and HW, and not enough on socializing and enjoying himself. The school may be on to something here.</p>
<p>
My experience is exactly the opposite. And all too often, private schools that are fabulous in academics are not supportive of the arts. They may have no idea of the preparation that kids pursuing the arts need. Even when being shown the requirements, they may not budge. </p>
<p>Fortunately, the flash drive is a really simple way for your D to use the school period for her computer work. If you are willing to have her do the hour and a half conference period at school Monday through Thursday, they may be willing to allow for early dismissal on Fridays for her piano lesson. She does have to get homework done, so it shouldn’t matter if it happens right after school or after ballet. Showing you are willing to give a bit may work out.</p>
<p>If not, it’s not the school for her. Now would be the time to find that out & move her to a better fit before very much of the school year has passed.</p>
<p>Becoming a professional ballerina is a non trivial task - where the 15 hours a week is probably an underestimation of the time required. My neighbor across the street whom I have known for more than 10 years, has a daughter who is now in her second year of dancing professionally with an apprenticeship at a “top 5” in the US company.</p>
<p>Like your daughter, she went to a private high school, and played piano growing up. Around her freshman year of HS, she had to drop the piano in order to make enough time for both academics and ballet. In her case, homework was something done primarily in the car going from school to ballet and then on the way home. Ballet was with an instructor/school that was about an hour away - 4-5 hours a day school nights and 8-10 hours Saturday and Sunday. Counting up the hours and averaging in the peaks of time for performance season (e.g. nutcracker at Christmas) she spent at least 50 hours a week on dance - and an additional 12-14 hours in the car coming or going.</p>
<p>The school was willing to adapt the rules to meet the needs of her schedule. She was always scheduled with a tight schedule in the morning and early afternoon, getting out 1-2 hours before the rest of the school. She was excused from both Art and PE as a requirement given how she was spending her time out of school. </p>
<p>In your daughter’s case, I think the question confronting you is how serious is she about Ballet and Piano - and how great is her gift for either or both of these arts? </p>
<p>I know it seems early to be making these choices - but unfortunately, at least with ballet, the time to make this decision is incredibly early - probably freshman year. </p>
<p>If she wants to dance professionally, I should probably point out that most professionals do not finish high school in traditional schools - but instead are home schooled or go to special academies. In your case, either the high school is going to have to adapt or she is going to need to find another school or go through home schooling - or ballet is not that important to her.</p>
<p>This whole incidence is having me doing some deep thinking. The daughter has asked if we could move into NYC for her to pursue ballet. I also work in NYC, so it could cut out 3 hours of commute for me. The school is very sports oriented, but not supportive of arts or music. When I raised it with the new Director, she told me that I was totally wrong. Based on what She knew of school (maximum 3 months of experience, and my kids have been going to the school for over 10 years), she thought I was totally wrong and I had misinformation. At the same time, she was so dismissive of piano lesson - just rearrange it or get another teacher. A good teacher is hard to come by and they are often very much in demand. </p>
<p>It’s really not the piano lesson that’s an issue. She is so tight with her schedule and her homework, she really doesn’t have the luxury of not to do homework during her conference period (at home or school). She said it is hard to tell people she couldn’t hang out with them when she’s trying to get her work done. It is easier for her to come home to do her work, in peace. </p>
<p>It would be nice if she could have more time to hang out with her friends. But life is not perfect, it is hard to have it all. We have talked about it with her, about sacrifices one needs to make sometimes. Our daughter has said she wished she had more time for her friends in HS, but not at the expense of dance.</p>
<p>Oldfort, I do not think you are being unreasonable. </p>
<p>Is the conference period a credit-bearing period? I subbed in a high school with a twice-weekly seminar (glorified study hall, aka waste of time for most). The seminar had graduation credit attached; it was pass/fail. If your D’s cp has credit attached, I can understand the administrator’s reluctance to let her “skip” it (don’t agree, but understand). If it has no credit attached, I absolutely do not understand why she should have to be there. You have explained what she will be doing, and it makes sense for your D. If I were you, I would continue to push the issue.</p>
<p>It sounds like you are considering a move to the city. Sometimes what appears to be a closed door is actually our cue to find one that’s open. Maybe this is an open door you might want to walk through?</p>
<p>I’m a private school parent so I think I have some perspective. The school is trying to create community in a way that the publics cannot. They do this by requiring a certain level of involvement in community activities such as sports. They facilitate close working relationships with teachers by scheduling conference periods into the school day. And they don’t like to make exceptions because building the community is very important to their educational mission.</p>
<p>I’m not clear what year your daughter is. I am thinking that perhaps this is not the right school for this kid at this time if (what the school seems to be terming as ) disruptive accommodations need to be made for her. I am sure that that is not what you want to hear, as you had one child successfully graduate from this school and you’d assumed (not unreasonably) that this could be managed for your second daughter as well.</p>
<p>It’s distressing that this situation comes to light after you have made plans for this school year, including tuition payments. My thought is that perhaps, after you have explored the extent to which the school is willing to bend, that you tell them you are exploring other educational options because the dance and the music are high priorities. You may find them more willing to bend at that point when you are announce that you are considering removing your daughter from their school, and your tuition dollars from their coffers.</p>
<p>If you want to fight this, can you head up the chain to the former director who was promoted? Maybe the former director can have a discussion with the new one about the subject and why they took a different approach. If that doesn’t work go to whoever’s at the top. Don’t be surprised though if they want to support their other management. I can understand that the school might take the approach that it has its philosophy and that’s why people spend the big bucks to have their kids educated there. OTOH the previous director was willing to compromise so why not this one? Of course, every ‘manager’ exerts their themselves in different ways.</p>
<p>It’s a private school so they can do what they want. If you don’t get anywhere with them on a reasonable (to you) compromise, then I guess you should say hasta la vista to them and find some other solution. If your D is really headed in the direction of serious perfomance arts maybe it’s time to switch to a school that has a better understanding of it anyway.</p>
<p>I don’t think you’re being “unreasonable,” but it does sound like your family has a lot of irons in the fire and something’s got to give.</p>
<p>If you really like the school and want your D to stay there I would go to the next level. If you can’t get any satisfaction then move on to your alternatives. It’s not an easy decision and I hope you end up doing whatever is in the best interest of your daughter. We all know that is your intent.</p>
<p>Did you check to see if there have been any written policy changes. I recently asked for the same type of thing for my son who is at a public performing arts hs where he is at school until 5pm. He is in his senior year and his voice coach only gives lessons during the week and not after 4pm. My son is a teachers aide on Tues and Thurs for the arts director and they would still only allow every other week for this lessons and only for 1 semester.</p>
<p>It is written in the policy that students will not be excused for this type of absence, so we accepted the offer being that it was basically against policy. </p>
<p>They also said that they could not start making acceptions because many students would be asking for the same option being that they are all performers and have private voice and dance lessons, etc.</p>
<p>Thank-you for everyone’s input. I am going to contact her predecessor(assistant headmaster) and the headmaster to see if they could help. My younger daughter has been there since KDG. Interestingly, her adviser, who also knew my older one, was in the meeting with me told me afterwards to just take her out of conference period.</p>
<p>oldfort, we are also a private school family and had a situation where my D wanted to do something against the unwritten but “the way it has to be” policy. It also involved not having in our case a “free period.” After a formal request for permission she was denied twice my H and I met with the administration (one new and one old) both were firm on the policy which was the free period was sacred. In our case they were not looking at the individual making the request, but by their preconceived notions of how things should be. I was also ticked off that they called the meeting without my D who was the force behind the request.</p>
<p>She wrote a letter to the school paper which was very objective, interviewing both teachers and students on both sides of the issue. She also talked to many teachers who are on the committee which supposedly made the earlier denial and got many of them to at least see her side.</p>
<p>Bottom line for us is the policy was changed with a compromise, which had been suggested previously. The change is unpublicized, but with a small private school it will be known.</p>
<p>Bottom line, I understand your frustrations but try to come to a solution which will work for all of you. I think the idea of just missing some conference period time for the lesson is good, and figure out a way to get more of the homework done at school. If not a usb drive maybe a laptop. And even though her friends want to blow off the time and not study, this is a skill she will need to work on to look out for her own work and find a quiet place to be productive. You can’t always have the option of removing yourself from the commotion, you have to make it work for you.</p>
<p>One other thing we heard when we entered our school is that many of the non-school activities do fall by the wayside. The school is strong in athletics (many state titles) and arts (many grads go to musical theater and acting programs) , but kids who really want to be at the top find it hard with the large amount of school commitments and outside. </p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>Please let us know how it all turns out…</p>
<p>We have conference periods in grades 7 to 12 but they are only required for athletes. The kids get a “pass” from where they were at conference period (in a classroom doing homework or getting extra help or at a meeting) and give it to their coach (actually more like an honor system - they just have it in the backpack in case the coach asks to see it, which he would probably only do if he had reason to worry.) Enforcing a penalty for missing a conference period (showing up at sports practice without having been at conference period between school end and sports practice start) is something the coach is supposed to do; if he suspected someone was up to something or more likely knew someone was having any trouble in school (likely not to make GPA requirements) and skipping conference period, the athlete would miss the next game. </p>
<p>To me it makes no sense to require the kids to go to conference period if they aren’t playing a sport. That would be a good new overall policy: that if you are not required to play a sport you are excused from school at the start of conference period. For us, that is the end of the school day anyway. Conference period is like an after school study hall, available to all but required for athletes with a sport that season. (The kids really like it. Get your geometry homework done before soccer practice and the geometry teacher is available to help! etc.)</p>
<p>Better a new policy that applies to everyone than special exceptions for certain kids under certain circumstances.</p>
<p>I think you ought to be able to win the Friday issue. The Director’s “just get another teacher” is insensitive and indefensible. Apart from that, you ought to be accommodating to them a little. There’s a big difference between necessity and convenience. Get the flash drive.</p>
<p>‘mominva - the school would not allow outside teacher to use their facility. We have asked.’</p>
<p>My point was to have the option for your daughter to practice during conference period on M-TH. This, in addition to a flash drive for up to date computer work,would allow a compromise you could bring to the discussion table.</p>