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<p>Surely you don’t think she’s the only one who is just getting home after nine most nights…</p>
<p>I have heard from 2 of 3 administrators I have contacted this weekend - benefit of going to a private school, most of them are available on weekends. The response has been - 1. Will support the new Director, but will talk to her to see what else could be done, 2. She is my daughter, so I should be able to check her out of the school when I want to, as long as she doesn’t miss any classes. For now, they are aware that I am to take her out during the conference period until we all agree what to do.</p>
<p>The purpose of conference period is to foster a sense of community by encouraging students to participate in clubs or to just “hang out.” Study period is when students are required to do their homework. As seniors, they are allowed to leave the campus during conference period.</p>
<p>Oldfort, if you have to check her out, will her transcript reflect tons of early dismissals? Find out. That would look very suspicious to college admissions people.</p>
<p>Have you and D considered performing arts day or boarding schools. While it would mean that she had to give up her piano teacher and dance school, she would be in a circumstance where both come be worked into her school day and the instruction and her peers could be high in quality.</p>
<p>I have had experience with two top prep schools in CT with my daughters and sport (outside high level commitment) . I got to tell you, private schools , in my experience, are not at all flexible in regard to how they view their schedules and educational philosophies. If schools are selective, attitude is somewhat “take it or leave it…we have plenty of kids who want your spot” And I have found schools views on outside ECs dated. My experience has been schools don’t understand the competition at the top level of EC’s (talking sports but I have to believe the same in arts, etc) Good luck to you OP but comes a time when you have to decide how hard you want to fight school and consequence for you D and how she/ you are viewed at school. Doesn’t make much sense when you are paying lots of money for private school but somewhat the reality.</p>
<p>nightsky - you are absolutely right. The school is a top school, placing over 35% in ivies/top 10. They have no shortage of kids on their waitlist. Their response to us next week will determine what we do next year. My daughter is well liked by her teachers - has been there since 5. I think they are surprised by the new director’s reaction.</p>
<p>I personally think the school should be flexible on their schedule to all students that are pursuing other ECs outside of school. No matter how well a school is funded (public or private), there is no way it could provide the resource for all activities students are interested in. I would think a top school would want to encourage their students to pursue their passion. </p>
<p>Every child is different. Some people have suggested for our daughter to do homework and practice piano at school. My daughter has a very nice piano at home, that is tuned and has the right touch for her. She also gets re-charged by going into her room for a little while before she goes out again for another 3-5 hours of ballet practice. She is a homebody. I think for some kids, it probably makes no difference where they do their work, and would be just as happy to hang out at school rather to come home. </p>
<p>Dancing is both physical and mentally draining. As they move up, they are required to learn routines at a much shorter period. If you couldn’t remember your steps, there’ll be other dancers to take your place. Other dancers may sit out and relax when it’s not their turn. My kid would be marking it behind them, hoping she would be able to step right into their role if anything should happen.</p>
<p>I could definitely see the school’s point of view, that’s why I asked the question. I am trying to do what’s best for my child - academic, ballet, piano, and her personal well being. Maybe it is too much to ask.</p>
<p>Oldfort, I’m a little unclear on some of the issues. I understand missing conference on Fridays due to the time of piano lessons and agree that the school is just way off base there. As to Monday through Thursday, however, it is unclear whether your D needs to miss conference periods so that she can make it to her dance classes on time or because she wants the convenience of some down time at home before she starts her homework.</p>
<p>I come at this from a similar perspective to violadad. His son, if I recall correctly, is a serious musician on a college track leading to a career as a professional musician. My D is in a BFA musical theatre program. Most schools, whether public or private, don’t have a clue at how competitive these areas of endeavors are for those who intend to pursue them professionally nor understand that admission into professional training programs post high school is more selective than Ivy League schools and requires years of focused preparation during high school at a level that most high schools can’t even remotely touch. If you and your daughter think that there is a good probability that she will want to pursue a BFA in dance, then you need to approach this with a different set of priorities than if dance is just an extracurricular activity about which she happens to be passionate. Those priorities may lead you to conclude that notwithstanding the other attachments you have to this school, it is just not the appropriate school for her.</p>
<p>That being said, if the Monday through Friday issue is one of accommodating the scheduled times of serious dance classes, then it may be appropriate for you not to compromise on this. If however, it is an issue of your daughter having some down time after school, before she starts her homework after which she goes to dance class, then it may be appropriate to reconsider some things. My daughter carried all honors/ap classes throughout high school, had dance 4 nights a week, voice lessons, show rehearsals/performances. Even more important than the artistic proficiency she developed was the skill of time management under adverse circumstances and stress. It is an essential survival skill for anyone who is contemplating pursuing performing arts at a professional level in college. So, if my daughter had free periods at the end of her school day, she used them for homework. She would use email and usb stick drives for portability of work so that she could do it either at school or at home. In your daughter’s case, if you are unable to convince the school to be flexible (or if you conclude that given your daughter’s actual goals or aspirations it’s not a battle worth fighting), she may need to be flexible about how she handles her time demands and her need to have some down time. Instead of leaving school early, having some down time, doing homework and then going to dance, she may need to do homework at school, have some down time at home, go to dance, come home practice the piano and do some more homework. Or maybe not even have down time on some nights because of how packed her schedule is. I understand how frustrating it is for you and your daughter given the school’s unreasonable inflexibility but thinking through this now may also help your daughter crystalize her thoughts about where she is going with dance.</p>
<p>One thing you may want to do is try to change the school’s mindset so that this is not a contest of wills about their policy but a discussion of how to best meet the educational needs of a student. I would play up the unique educational needs of a student with serious aspirations in performing arts and try to approach it from a problem solving perspective - how can this be structured to meet her individualized educational needs. If there is a concern that the time released from conference is going to be used frivolously or is a “threat” to their policy, perhaps it could be treated as a structured independent study project culminating in a paper or presentation involving dance and music. That way, the school can save face by stating to others that they did not make an “exception” to their policy but that the time was used for approved independent study. Just a thought.</p>
<p>nightsky, et al – I too have experience with a top private day school in CT. In the upper school, students were required to take Phys Ed class UNLESS they were on a school team that term. D was a competitive gymnast, who spent 15 - 18 hours a week at the gym doing conditioning and strength training that blew any imaginable Phys Ed class out of the water – in addition to the actual gymnastics. But, since the school did not have a gymnastics team, D was required to take Phys Ed. I lobbied long and hard for an exception, since she could have really used that time to study, so she could spend all those hours at the gym. But, I was completely stonewalled. D absolutely loved the school, and we were extremely happy otherwise, so we just put up with it. But honestly, what a dumb decision on their part.</p>
<p>^michael, just to clarify son is a BM '07 performance grad, and is actively performing professionally. We had the benefit of a very arts supportive public high school, so personally we’ve never been in the OP’s shoes, but we’ve known many who have. When son needed an early out, he knew the “go to” people that would make it happen. Additionally, it was something that he never took advantage of or abused. We had more issues with his private instructors, who would question the validity of his outside academic EC’s which would on occasion conflict with music. They saw this as “diversionary”.</p>
<p>The reality is that it is a balancing act for many, especially those with academic or other interests. Son is 95% Muse driven, but still maintains the need for diversionary activities and other recreational non-music pursuits.</p>
<p>oldfort, Michael’s advice is well thought out and presented. It is not an adversarial stance, and is one of constructive dialog. And again, the administrators most likely do not realize the importance of training and the amount of dedication required to be competitive if a career/degree pursuit in a professional performing arts discipline is the student’s goal.</p>
<p>I would also hold in reserve the question “What would be your response if we requested this time for SAT prep or additional academic tutoring?” </p>
<p>Their answer may hold they key to the administration’s reasoning.</p>