There are three quarter system community colleges in California. They have Pell grant student percentages of 30%, 18%, and 48%, though the latter one is only about 1/6 to 1/9 the size of the other two (which are in high income areas). Nearly all UCs and CSUs have Pell grant student percentages of 30% or higher (exceptions are UCB at 26%, CPSLO at 13%, and SDSU at 26%).
In other words, if she is at one of the two larger quarter system community colleges, she will probably encounter a higher density of less privileged students at almost any UC or CSU that she transfers to. Also, the transfer cohort with students from mostly other community colleges in less wealthy areas will probably have a higher density of less privileged students than the UC or CSU campus overall.
It sounds like you really want her to go to a CSU and not work at McDonalds the rest of her life. Here’s the thing: you are risking your relationship with your child over this power struggle.
If you cannot force her to go to a CSU, you have to figure out a next move. Do you really want her to give up on college? Are you going to kick her out of your house and make her support herself? Quite honestly, whatever harm there is in graduatig college a year late (and I think fwiw your concerns are overblown), the consequences of trying to make her drop out of school and support herself at McDonalds would be much worse.
Can you find a new path or is there too much ego involved for you to allow yourself to back down?
I went to Cal Poly, SLO over UC Berkeley out of high school. I screwed up. Here I am today, at 50, still trying to finish my education. What does that say about me? After 30 years in the workforce, I’ve come to discover a bachelor’s degree is regarded as a minimum requirement nowadays. Most companies are looking for graduates and beyond. In the hiring phase, UC’s are regarded highly over CSU’s. It sounds like your D is ambitiously shooting for the stars! She is going to be an academic for the rest of her life, even after completing her degrees. You said it yourself, it comes easy for her. You can’t change that, nor should you.
Do you have any resentment towards your daughter for the scholastic gifts that she has? Are you somewhat jealous that she has an opportunity to succeed whereas possibly you were not afforded? I hope not. I hope that you realize that it is because of you that she has this opportunity. You should share it with her and be proud of her accomplishments… and yours. It’s not easy doing what you had to do to provide for her. She has learned her lessons, and will continue to do so, especially with your guidance.
There’s an awful lot sloshing around in the OP’s posts. Remember, her daughter applied to “all” the CSUs, except, it turns out, Northridge, because there were three (count 'em, three) on-campus crimes there this year! And as much as the OP wants to punish her daughter by making her quit college altogether, she doesn’t want to endanger her daughter’s future so much that she would let her go to Northridge!
I think that pretty much definitively resolves the reasonable/unreasonable question.
What IS this fuss over being 23 when some are 22? Or your words, “out of place being 23 and graduating with her 21/22 year old classmates.” 6 months difference, or even more, is NOT an issue.
What about all the kids taking a 5th or 6th year for their programs, what about all the grad students?
OP needs to give a better explanation. Or I mean, would have had to. The stone is thrown.
Wait, if academics come easy to her, isn’t that a good thing? Wouldn’t you want to stretch that talent (that the majority of people don’t have as much of)? And how is sending her to (a less academically challenging, most likely) CSU a good idea?
If you have a kid who can play basketball at the DivI level just on pure talent alone, do you tell him “son, it’s only DivII for you”? How does that logic make sense?
@lookingforward: “Just strikes me we aren’t nearly so tolerant when it’s a hs senior with good grades and a supposed “dream,” but who messed up several steps over time.”
I, for one, tell CA HS applicants who think they can do well in CC but did not get in to a dream school that the CA CC path may not be a bad idea.
@PurpleTitan Lol, also tell them to work with the transfer counselor before they get rejected from the dream school for not meeting transfer requirements. (You probably do. )
I get that it may be complicated, but the wise don’t go through blindly. And parents can help with that.
Don’t understand your point about her being 23 at graduation and her being tired of college? My son will be 23 when he graduates due to his birthdate and it taking 9 semesters to finish his degree due to change in major. He started U right out of HS and has gone straight through, interning during the summers. If he graduated “on time” he’d have been 22 - 6 months younger. He doesn’t care a whit that he’s graduating with 21/22 year olds - what’s the big deal about this? I’m genuinely puzzled about your perspective on this?
I also think that there are some issues here (or maybe misconceptions) at play here. If I was the D, I certainly wouldn’t think the mom was being reasonable or had my best interests at heart.
I don’t want to delve too much but I can’t imagine a grad from a UC (or equivalent or better college) making the type of judgement and assumptions the OP is making. And a CSU grad would have been familiar with people considerably older than 23 still in college.
And are you sure that a UC would cost more? The UC’s have a higher list price but generally better fin aid as well. Have you run NPC’s?
This is one of the most mind-boggling threads I’ve read! It’s all about control and following arbitrary rules and has nothing to do with the daughter’s education or safety. She’s an adult: let her decide even if it means paying for the third year of CC herself.
And, I made/will make both my kids apply to CSUN as their ultimate safety and would send them, too. And before berating me on making my kids do this: I know they have no intention of going there and it’s my $55 to throw away. But, if something unforeseen happens and they decide they don’t want to go more than a few miles from home, it’ll be there for them.
Honestly, the OP seems more interested in controlling her daughter than really help her. My advice to OP is to really look deep inside herself if she cares about her daughter and the relationship with her daughter. I don’t see her getting good grades without trying too hard is relevant; more power to your daughter because many smart kids could have blown off studying altogether.
You asked for our opinions, so I am giving it to you.
Yes, life is tough but you sure are trying to be the cause of it. My advice is: She will find out life is tough but don’t be the cause of your daughter’s life becoming tougher now.
OP, I wonder whether there’s something going on that you feel awkward about discussing because it’s about you and not your daughter.
Your needs matter too, but it’s hard sometimes for parents to admit that there are times when we put our own needs ahead of our children’s. In such situations, we parents may try to find a kid-centered reason why a decision would be a good one, rather than admitting to the real parent-centered reason.
What I’m thinking here is that maybe it’s a problem for you if your daughter lives with you for another year while attending the CC, but it’s hard for you to say that. Perhaps you were sure she would be going away to college, and you’ve made arrangements to have someone share your apartment with you – arrangements that you would have to back out of if she stays at the CC. Or perhaps you had planned to move to a place that’s too small to share with her or too far from the CC for her to commute to school there.
If there are reasons why the plan your daughter prefers is a problem for you, maybe it would help to talk about it openly.
I think your assessment that she was irresponsible is unduly harsh and this is leading to your “my way or the highway” ultimatum that she leave CC this year or work in the fast food industry the rest of her life.
It is really quite complex to figure out all of the various criteria for transferring. If you had her try to do this on her own, well kudos for encouraging independence but really, she is a very young adult and this outcome is not unexpected. I’d encourage you to be more flexible, given that she came so close. It might also make sense to meet again with one or two appropriate guidance folks to get an EXPLICIT plan for the next year so that she meets each and every criteria required of transfer applicants. Then she applies and sees what happens.
Ultimately, I’d argue that it having her navigate this entirely on her own was a mistake, one that would justify an adjustment of your earlier “max 2 years in CC rule.” This stuff REALLY is tough - lots of tiny rules, lots of nuance. She needs adult guidance.
For that matter, why the “max 2 years CC” rule? If you’re afraid that she doesn’t want to leave you, if your D is anything like me, you don’t really have to worry about that. If it’s financial, then tell her to work for the CC credits.
I really think are being extremely harsh and if I were you, I would be worried about the long term harm I was doing to my relationship with my daughter. 4 years or 5 years of college won’t make any difference in the long term. Most people would be thrilled to have a child that worked hard enough that they could get accepted to Berkeley. I think you need to step back and think a bit.
There are plenty of 22+ year old students in undergrad all across the US. Some like an older college classmate ended up taking nearly 8 years to graduate due to struggling academically.
Other classmates took a hiatus for music/performing arts opportunities related to their majors and then came back and finished up. Also, one classmate took a nearly 20 year hiatus before returning to finish his undergrad at 42 and another STARTED college for the first time at 50 after retiring from being a successful self-made businessman.
Also, in countries where there’s mandatory military service, it’s common for students to start undergrad at 20-21 after completing their 2-3* year mandatory stint and finishing at 24-25+.
And like others have said, not all undergrads party their way through college. I certainly didn’t and did far more partying after college than during undergrad.
In my parents' nation of origin up until 2007, it was a minimum of 2 years in the Army/Marines/Military Police Branch and 3 years in the Navy/Air Force.
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