My 20-year-old daughter has been attending community college in California for 2 years. She really wanted to go to Berkeley, but didn’t accepted there or to any of UC’s for that matter, despite having perfect grades. Last week, we went up to college to speak with an advisor to find out why she didn’t get in. Here’s why:
She was required to have 90 quarter units, but had less than that. She took a class that was allowed to be repeated for credit at her college all 4 semesters, but the credits only once when transferred to the UC system.
There were 2 classes that the UC schools required her to take that she's taking this semester. However, because she hadn't completed those 2 classes at the time she applied, other students who had completed those classes were given priority over her.
She thought that one of the classes she had taken double counted for 2 areas, but actually didn't.
The advisor said that as soon if she completed all the units she needed to and took that last required class, she would have a very good chance of getting into Berkeley for the Fall of 2018. This is what she wants to do.
However, when she was applying, I made her apply to all of the CSU schools in-case she didn’t get into any of the UC’s, and she got into all of those CSU’s, and it’s a good thing I did. She applied to Berkeley when she was a senior in high school and didn’t get in, even though her grades were very good. She said that she really wanted to go to community college and try again to get accepted as a junior transfer student. I told her that this was okay, but under one condition: She was was only allowed to be in community college for 2 years. After that, she would have to move on with her degree and accept whatever cards she was dealt.
However, she’s still really insistent on being in community college for another year and going to Berkeley in the fall. The reasons she didn’t get into Berkeley this time round were mainly due to her not being responsible. She should have made sure that all her units would her transfer and that she was taking the right classes in the right order. I feel like not getting to go to her dream college will really teach her to be more responsible. As her mother, I feel like it’s my job to teach her to irresponsibility has consequences. I made it very clear to her at a young age that I was only willing to support her for 4 years of college. If she does what she wants to do, she’ll be in college for 5 years.
She completely hit the ceiling when I told her what I wanted her to do. She accused me of having no respect and wanting to ruin her future. So I told her that she if she didn’t agree to go to one of the CSU’s in the fall, she was done in school and she could work at MacDonald’s for the rest of her life. She has continued to argue with me, and I’m starting to wonder if I’m being unreasonable about this and if I should just give her one final chance to get into Berkeley. What do you think?
Really? Your daughter wants to spend an extra year in school trying to get into one of the most respected universities in the country, maybe even world, and you are discouraging her? Why on earth? She made some mistakes, but now wants to fix them and pursue her dream. If money is the issue, then maybe you could cut a deal…she pays for the “extra” year at CC, then you pay the following 2 at Cal. An extra year at CC could be kind of a gap year–work more, study something that interests her, and grow up a bit more. All good things in my book. My kids know that we encourage as much education as possible–degree centric or just for their own personal growth–and they have found very creative ways to make ends meet AND stay in school beyond the four year bachelors degree programs. I think your daughter sounds like a kid who should be given the chance to make good on her dream…so many CC kids give up.
What harm is there us taking one more year of CC? How much more is it costing for her to be supported, living at home and attending CC? On the other hand, is this the “hill” you want your current AND future relationship with your D to hinge on? (Please read painful estrangement thread.)
Was your D slacking off and getting bad grades? It doesn’t sound like it. Did she make honest, good faith efforts to take the courses she thought were needed to get into Berkeley? It sounds like she tried.
Personally, relationships with my loved ones are more important to me than forcing any of them to do what I say because I have more power. Only you and your D can decide whether you want to heal this disagreement.
Personally, we have never made ultimatums with our kids. Our D took 3 semesters at CC and 3.5 years at college. It was the time she needed and she did her best and got her degree. At no time did we threaten to pull support from her.
Life is not a race, and most of us are not eager to get to the end of it. If she takes another year, then she will pay the price in terms of graduating one year later. To me this doesn’t sound so bad. Kids could do a lot worse.
If money is the issue, the idea of your D paying for the 3rd year of CC perhaps is the way to do. There are consequences to the oversights in her planning-an extra year in CC for example. Sounds like she has been doing well. If it were me, I’d give her the extra year in CC.
You’re being unreasonable. Credit transfer is often problematic between community college/UCs. Your daughter may not have gotten good advice at her CC, or made an honest mistake. Don’t punish her for it, the year-long delay is punishment enough. Be proud that she handled this setback in a mature manner – and be proud she’s on her way to one of the greatest universities in the country. (A Cal grad speaking. Go Bears.)
Yes, you’re being quite unreasonable. Figuring out the ins and outs of transfer credits can be tricky, and your D did well getting perfect grades throughout CC. It doesn’t sound like she has to take a full course load to finish up the final requirements, so have her work or find an internship to contribute to the extra year in CC.
Also regarding consequences - isn’t having to spend an extra year in CC enough of a punishment? It’s a self-inflicted consequence and not one caused or given by you, so actually serves as a better life lesson.
I am also puzzled because transfer decisions haven’t come out for Berkeley yet.
CCC students often take more than 2 years (3+ if STEM major) to complete the minimum 90 quarter/60 semester units, and if they don’t get in the first time to their desired UC, then some will take additional classes and apply again the following year. Many accepted students have much more than the minimum 90/60 units.
The UC transfer requirements are straightforward and since your daughter didn’t meet all the requirements yet, and she’s willing to, then you should allow her to take another year to become a stronger applicant.
In addition to taking more classes, she could find extracurricular activities that will strengthen her application.
If you have any questions on UC transfer requirements, ask in that subforum or I am happy to answer too. My DD successfully transferred and graduated from her dream school, transferring in with 99 UC units and 50+ non-UC units. We had good advisors and a lot of help from that subforum.
Your job is to support her and help her meet her goals, not punish her for trying to meet her goals.
If you want D to have consequences, it is not unreasonable to have her pay some if all of the costs of attending a 3rd year of CC, though we didn’t do this to our Child. These would be more reasonable consequences than those you’ve offered thus far.
Are you now certain this new transfer plan will work, that she truly will get accepted to Berkeley? Or could it be another UC? I know there’s a GT program, but how is she guaranteed UCB? “Very good chance” isn’t a promise.
Did you truly have this completely clear convo, all along, that cc was limited to 2 years and, “After that, she would have to move on with her degree and accept whatever cards she was dealt?” Or was that back in senior year and not repeated since?
As a single mom, are finances a challenge?
Or, sorry, is this about control? Or your own notion of how college “should be” finished in x years?
Since you’re a brand new poster, we have no background. (And sometimes, it’s the student posting about this.)
If I had been crystal clear- and the actual chance of getting UCB for '18 were uncertain, plus finances, I might be inclined to draw my line.
But- and it’s an important but- I would have verified her standing, along the way. If this were my child’s dream and she were at that academic level, it would not be an ‘after the chips fell’ convo this late in the game.
So my last question is: is there something else going on? Some other struggle between you two, other doubts?
I agree this is not reasonable. Figuring out transfer credit is quite complicated, especially with budget cuts and advising issues, and most successful cc students take three years. Sounds like she did exceptionally well and needs an extra semester of cc. She could work for the second semester and apply for fall 2018. UCB is nor guaranteed but she certainly can get into a UC if she has a 3.75+.
Has she spoken to anyone at Berkley? If not, that is what she needs to do. Not her current CC advisor, but a Berklee employee. Ask them to review her transcript, and her plan.
@singlemomof1 As someone else mentioned, this is not a race! What’s the harm in one more year of CC? I agree that Berkeley isn’t a sure bet and she should continue to have a back up plan.
In my opinion, you’re being insanely unreasonable. Picking fights over major life decisions is not the time or place to slap her wrists for being “irresponsible”. The kid has worked hard and gotten stellar grades…but she had a few blind spots about protocol. That’s human. She’s never done this before.
She’s trying hard to correct them. What she’s doing is very responsible, and is a very reasonable approach to trying to get the best education possible. You should support her as an adult and stop trying to create “teaching moments” that are no longer appropriate. It doesn’t sound like you’re trying to teach her, it sounds like you’re trying to sabotage her. Just sayin’
To me, you can show “tough love” by having her pay for her 3rd year of CC (you said you would pay for two), and then she can do what she wants. She is already being punished (by her own actions) by having to wait another year…altering the course of her future seems unreasonable.
It is possible that she was very responsible in all this and she was simply poorly advised at her CC. You did note several instances where she thought her credit would ‘count’ but for various reason it did not. My daughter worked in her school’s academic advising center and was stunned to learn how many students received wrong information which impacted when they would graduate.
Perhaps she only needs one more semester at the CC and then she could work until the fall of 2018. Fortunately you are allowed to insure her on your health plan until age 26 as part of the ACA.