Am I in trouble? Is there ANY hope?

Parents Forum
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<p>Did a search and found a thread by someone with a similar problem; Andale suggested posting in this forum because some of you, including MomOfWildChild (if you’re out there, I hope you see this!!), might be able to offer some insight.</p>

<p>I’m 27 years old. I have 4 kids; two biological, two step. I have a 4.0 GPA in college and I’m about to complete my AA degree. EC’s include VP of Honors Student Council, founding member of Honors Program, Phi Theta Kappa member/volunteer, Student Ambassador, Foundation scholarship recipient and feature article in 2009 Foundation Annual Report, did a pretty cool presentation (panel discussion) for my Honor’s thesis project; the panel included very powerful members of my community, including a government official, and the whole thing was organized, led, and moderated by me, and I play guitar in a popular local band.
I think that covers it…</p>

<p>Anyway, here’s the thing- when I was a teen I got in a LOT of trouble. I dropped out of high school to help out my family when my dad took off and we went from a three-story mansion, four cars, in-ground pool, etc. etc. to a tiny house with very little furniture and no way to pay the utility bill each month…it was awful. I had always been an overachiever; always did marvelously at everything I tried, and I was involved in A LOT of activities. But after this drastic change in my life, I became depressed and started experimenting in several dangerous areas. By the time I was sixteen I was living in an apartment with an older boyfriend, and soon after I was pregnant- and then homeless. I always had amazing dreams for my future, including Ivy League schools and becoming president, amongst many other dreams, lol, but after dropping out of school and then becoming pregnant I felt those dreams had disappeared forever- however, I knew I was to be a mom now, and I needed to just focus on that.</p>

<p>I had my baby in 2001 and lost him three months later. This was by far the most horrible experience of my life. I was utterly devastated and sunk even further into depression. You’ve heard the expression “spiral out of control”- that doesn’t even begin to describe what I did. I won’t go into the awful details, but I can pretty much sum it up with this- I was trying to kill myself. I didn’t have the guts to do it efficiently…but in the slowest, most painful route possible, I was on the right road to death. In that time I was in and out of jail, living in parks and sleeping under benches, landing in the hospital for overdoses and heart infections (I had endocarditis for the first time at eighteen years old)- but obviously, I never actually died…</p>

<p>My mom saved my life just by having faith in me. The woman I had let down and even personally screwed over on my train to hell had FAITH IN ME. I couldn’t understand it. It was almost as though I owed it to her to at least try…to at least see if I could give her the gift of being right, having hope, seeing her daughter at least get better, be okay. So I went to treatment. That was eight years ago. Now I’m armed with my accolades and trying once more to make it to one of my dream schools (as a transfer student from a community college), show my children the world, and make my mark on society, this time for the better.</p>

<p>I wrote about a lot of this in some of my application essays. I’m hoping that the fact that SO much time has passed, and I’m clearly a completely different person now, will make a difference with the admissions committees, but I worry that I’ll still be seen as a disgusting drug addict and former criminal. I have three misdemeanors on my record- two for stealing and one for trespassing. I wrote a short letter for the Common App about it, because I had to check “yes” for the question about having a criminal record. I tried to explain some of the series of events that took place and that there is absolutely no excuse for any of the things I did and I am truly sorry. I’ve been trying to forgive myself for eight years now- it’s not easy. I was not a good person. As I explained in the letter, I learned that there are some drugs that will actually change WHO YOU ARE, and that addiction truly is cunning, baffling, and powerful. One of the things I have to offer a transfer school is my ability to counsel my younger peers, as college can be a time of experimentation for many young students- I’ve shared my story and worked with the youth in my area for a VERY long time now, and I feel that what I’ve learned from my own mistakes can at least help someone else avoid a similar path, and since I can’t change my past, that’s the absolute best I can do with it now, so I can accept and even take comfort in that.</p>

<p>So, does anyone have any insight? Do you think my app will just get thrown in the trash? Will I be seen as “terrible”? I will say that I applied to some Ivies (again, childhood dream) and several other schools with very small acceptance rates. A lot of people probably think that’s stupid, but this was my one shot to achieve a lifelong goal, so I just had to do it. It’s not my fault that several of those top schools have the things I most want in a college in common!</p>

<p>But again, we’re talking about really selective schools. I know I may not have gotten picked anyway, just because…they’re selective. But what I’m asking is- do any of you think I even stand a chance with my record? Will I be reviewed as a regular transfer applicant, like any other, or will I have points against me because of my past- if they even review it at all?? I can picture adcoms laughing, wadding my file up, and playing a nice game of afternoon hoops…</p>

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<p>I don’t even know if anyone will read this, lol, I know it’s really long and I’m sorry. I also don’t have time to proofread it since I need to drop my son off at daycare and race to class, so if there are parts that don’t even make sense or something, I apologize- I’ve gotta go!!</p>

<p>Thanks to all who read and I wish your children the best of luck. In closing I would like to say that if any of you have kids who are headed down a bad path, please feel free to contact me. I would be happy to offer my story and my insight to you and/or them, any time.</p>

3

<p>Op…I have no words for you except that I think you should pursue your dreams no matter what…I recently read this book and I think you could really relate to it I thought of it when I started reading your post…I would higly recommend it! Good Luck!</p>

<p>[Amazon.com:</a> Breaking Night: A Memoir of Forgiveness, Survival, and My Journey from Homeless to Harvard (9780786868919): Liz Murray: Books](<a href=“http://search.yahoo.com/r/_ylt=A0oGdUx_hItN_RAAzgVXNyoA;_ylu=X3oDMTByZWgwN285BHNlYwNzcgRwb3MDMQRjb2xvA3NrMQR2dGlkAw--/SIG=134tguae5/EXP=1301010655/**http%3A//www.amazon.com/Breaking-Night-Forgiveness-Survival-Homeless/dp/0786868910]Amazon.com:”>http://search.yahoo.com/r/_ylt=A0oGdUx_hItN_RAAzgVXNyoA;_ylu=X3oDMTByZWgwN285BHNlYwNzcgRwb3MDMQRjb2xvA3NrMQR2dGlkAw--/SIG=134tguae5/EXP=1301010655/**http%3A//www.amazon.com/Breaking-Night-Forgiveness-Survival-Homeless/dp/0786868910)</p>

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<p>You write compellingly and I think enough time has passed and you have proven that you are a capable student and responsible. That said, the odds for transfer applicants at many of the elite schools are even slimmer than they are for freshmen. I suspect that you will have champions on every admissions committees while others on those same committees will be more risk adverse. But no, your application won’t be going in the trash. I wish you the best of luck.</p>

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<p>You have four kids, does that mean you are married? More to the point, the past is the past, I’m more interested in the present and I’m really not interested in the prestige of the University that might accept you. Have you figured out how you will balance being a student with four kids to take care of?</p>

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<p>Congratulations on putting your life back together!</p>

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</p>

<p>You will absolutely (imo) be reviewed like any other transfer applicant, and will probably be more attractive than most. However, I hope you applied to a few less lottery-like schools as well. Not because of you, but because of the schools you applied to.</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

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<p>Chasethecarrot,</p>

<p>I think you are wonderful. Good luck and all the very best.</p>

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<p>I’d say that you definitely have a chance. One of my contemporaries turned her life around, not as dramatically as you have, but still making quite a change, and things have worked out well for her. I wish you all the best! I agree with GeekMom63, in hoping that you have applied to a few schools with higher admit rates, because it is possible to get an education of very high quality at more than just a few “top” schools.</p>

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<p>I don’t have much more to add than what has been said. I think enough time has passed and that you will be regarded as an applicant who has been through a lot and learned a lot. This will be attractive to many (not all) schools. You have unique things to offer. Good luck!</p>

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<p>Chasethecarrot: I don’t have any advice to offer but you write well and the story of turning your life around is compelling. I doubt that your application would be tossed in the trash. I don’t know how the Ivies would view this, but there are many other top universities that would be glad to have you as a student. You have much to offer.</p>

<p>Does your state offer any kind of guaranteed admission for community college students to transfer to state universities? That might give you a “safety” if the more selective schools do not pan out. Two things I’ve learned from CC: “always have a safety school” and “love thy safety.”</p>

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<p>I wonder if you applied to the Ada Comstock program at Smith or a similar program? You seem like a great candidate for one of these women’s college programs. </p>

<p>I think in general though, they’re not going to be too concerned with your past. You turned your life around, you’re getting good grades, you’ve survived things that would defeat a lot of people. I think that makes you a great applicant.</p>

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<p>Agree with the others. Those were your teen years and you’ve changed your life. What a great example for your kids and others. I think it shows great character that you’ve grown up. FWIW, even if you don’t get accepted now for whatever reason, you can still go to one of those dream schools for grad schools. I wish you all the best.</p>

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<p>I’m not sure what you are doing, but I’ll give it a try. You are 27 years old with 4 children. Do have a spouse? Do you have a job? How are you supporting yourself and family, or being supported? You are going to a community college and trying to transfer to a highly selective 4 year school. You are a straight A student at the CC. Do you have SAT1 and 2s, ACTS, or AP test scores? </p>

<p>As a non traditional student you are going to have some issues transferring to schools that do not have very many non traditional students. That you have had a rough life, is not so much the issue–could add some grist to your application, but that you are an older student, a transfer applying to schools that take few transfers and few non traditional students unless they are truly sterling. That usually means tough courses, tough research, work that pertains to the subject being studied, high test scores, and a clear direction on what you want to do with your degree and studies that shows a pursuit of excellence and originality worthy of the top schools. The standards are very, very high. So your past mistakes and issues are not so much the impediment as is the question of whether you are truly this diamond in the rough who did not end up at the ivy league or other colleges simply because of misguided youth. So , yes, it can happen, but this is not something anyone can discern from an internet message board. </p>

<p>I have a friend and former neighbor who went to medical school after she was age 50, taking the courses needed, one by one at community college and then the local state school, but even with near perfect grades, and top MCAT scores, and worthy research, great and influential references, it took her three tries to get into one medical school. A non traditional applicant has to show more than the regular crowd, it seems for acceptance into elite programs. Yes, they are considered, yes, it is possible, but you have something special going for you that catches their eyes IN ADDITION to what the other candidates have in terms of academic excellence. </p>

<p>However, getting your degree is very possible at any number of schools. The irony is that most students are “non traditional” in that they are not right out of high school, living at a college with mom and dad paying the tab, going full time to school. More students are over age 21, go to college part time, have a job, do not live on campus. So you are non traditional and not typical only within the context of the “sleep away colleges” and the elite schools where the majority of the students are residential. You are typical of the average American college student, and what someone in your case will generally do is continue to go to school part time and work or full time if you have someone who is supporting you and commute from your family home, especially since you have children. Getting enough funds to support you and a family while you go to school full time and having to cover you living expenses is not something colleges are going to be eager to do. And, again, you are not unusual in your situation. Most college students fit your profile. What’s unusual is your desire to segue into the residential undergraduate experience. </p>

<p>One program that actually does encourage this is Smith College that actually has a grant to cover such situations. As a transfer, you are not likely to hear anything until after the undergraduate accept fest is over. As you can see, the emphasis on the selective colleges is on these kids still under the auspices of mom and dad going directly to live on campus after high school. Transfer students are after thoughts in the process. </p>

<p>I wish you luck with your results this admissions season. If things do pan out, congrats. If not, check out the local schools and continue to get your degree bit by bit. You’ll get there. Maybe check out Smith and see if there are other programs like that designed for women like you.</p>

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<p>^It’s not exactly a grant, it’s a special program aimed at women just like the OP – non-traditionally aged women who for whatever reason never went to college or were unable to finish their degree. I agree though, it can be better to go to a school with either a lot of non-traditional students or a school with a program specially for non-traditionally aged students. Smith’s is one, the Ada Comstock program, and I believe Smith was the first to operate such a program. Jill Ker Conway, the President of Smith who started the program, said she was inspired to do it by her mother, who was a housewife in rural Australia, but who she always thought could do a lot with her life if she were given the chance to go to college. Some of the people in the program are VERY non-traditional. There was one grad who had dropped out of college in the 1940s to support the war effort and then never went back to school (she got married, had kids, etc. etc.etc.) until the 90s. She graduated in her late 70s I think. But a lot of the Adas are younger than that, many have kids, and many have tough stories. </p>

<p>I emphasize that Smith’s is just one of the programs like this. Many of the other women’s colleges have similar programs. They are something to consider, though you need to check for each re: their credit requirements. You may have too few or too many credits to qualify, depending on your situation.</p>

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<p>^^^ PERFECT advice. OP, please be proud of yourself and take this advice. Do not throw “hail Mary passes” and then get discouraged if it doesn’t work out as you prayed. Three yards and a lot of dust gets the job done. Several top schools have special programs for non-18 year old applicants – but you need to apply to those (Yale - Eli Whitney - he was a 23-year-old Frosh, and the rest, as they say, is history). Go get 'em!</p>

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<p>Congrats for getting your life back on track and for the progress you have made thusfar.</p>

<p>I am glad that Smithieandproud recommended the Ada Comstock program. </p>

<p>Bryn Mawr has a similar program McBride Scholars</p>

<p>[The</a> McBride Scholars Program - Bryn Mawr College](<a href=“http://www.brynmawr.edu/mcbride/]The”>http://www.brynmawr.edu/mcbride/)</p>

<p>some others you can check out are </p>

<p>Mount Holyoke Frances Perkins Program</p>

<p>[Frances</a> Perkins Program :: Frances Perkins Program :: Mount Holyoke College](<a href=“http://www.mtholyoke.edu/fp/]Frances”>http://www.mtholyoke.edu/fp/)</p>

<p>Wellesley Davis Program</p>

<p><a href=“http://www.wellesley.edu/NSP/davisProgram.html[/url]”>http://www.wellesley.edu/NSP/davisProgram.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>Agnes Scott Irene K Woodruff Program</p>

<p>[Agnes</a> Scott Undergraduate Admission for Nontraditional Students](<a href=“http://www.agnesscott.edu/admission/undergraduate/nontraditional]Agnes”>http://www.agnesscott.edu/admission/undergraduate/nontraditional)</p>

<p>Brown has the RUE program</p>

<p>[Resumed</a> Undergraduate Education (RUE)](<a href=“http://www.brown.edu/Administration/Dean_of_the_College/advising/rue.php]Resumed”>http://www.brown.edu/Administration/Dean_of_the_College/advising/rue.php)</p>

<p>Yale’s Eli Whtney Students program</p>

<p>[Eli</a> Whitney Students Program ? A Program for Non-Traditional Students | Yale College Admissions](<a href=“http://admissions.yale.edu/eli-whitney]Eli”>Eli Whitney Students Program | Yale College Undergraduate Admissions)</p>

<p>College of Liberal and Professional studies at Penn</p>

<p>[Liberal</a> & Professional Studies Degrees & Programs | Penn LPS](<a href=“http://www.sas.upenn.edu/lps/]Liberal”>The College of Liberal and Professional Studies (LPS))</p>

<p>Tufts- Real Education for Adult Learners (REAL)</p>

<p>[Resumed</a> Education for Adult Learners (REAL) - Office of Undergraduate Admissions - Tufts University](<a href=“Tufts University”>Tufts University)</p>

<p>all the best!</p>

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<p>Nothing to add. Just wanted to wish the OP best of luck. Let us know how things go. Going through college with 4 kids will be a challenge. That said, many university settings have wonderful programs (daycare, family housing, etc) to support students raising children… and… what better place for children to grow up, whether it is living on campus or frequent visits with mom. Subliminally puts advanced education into their little psyches… plus all the attention from the college students so hungry to see people of different ages. (From my own college student-- how she loves to see her R.F.'s kids, and how much she misses seeing kids in general). I know you didn’t post about the college/family balance as you have been living it getting your A.A., but others alluded to it. Take care and congratulations on turning your life around.</p>

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<p>Sybbie . . . you are indeed a CLASS act. Great resources!!!</p>

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<p>A friend of mine graduated summa from Bucknell after drug dealing and going through rehab for alcohol and heroin. My sister made it through with 2 kids living on her own, food stamps, part time job, and school sponsored childcare. Best of luck, and remember, you are not alone.</p>

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<p>I don’t think anyone on any adcom will laugh at your application. I do think one or two may wipe a tear. (This is the part that got me:"My mom saved my life just by having faith in me. The woman I had let down and even personally screwed over on my train to hell had FAITH IN ME.) You’ve accomplished so much - and I’m sure you’ll go on to accomplish much more. Whether or not any of those ‘selective’ schools admit you.</p>