An Open Letter to the Woman Who Told My Family to Go Back to China

To those of you who think this doesn’t happen.

After a racist attack on his family on the streets of the Upper East Side, a New York Times editor wonders whether Asian-Americans will ever feel like they belong.
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/10/nyregion/to-the-woman-who-told-my-family-to-go-back-to-china.html

And here’s a follow-up of stories from readers:
‘Go Back to China’: Readers Respond to Racist Insults Shouted at a New York Times Editor
http://www.nytimes.com/2016/10/11/nyregion/go-back-to-china-readers-respond-to-racist-insults-shouted-at-a-new-york-times-editor.html

I work in Times Square, and the bit about the stroller and gaggle of people caught my attention. Drives me crazy. I would never have thought anything of their ethnicity, but when people block the entire sidewalk to point in amazement that “look Ethel, those buildings have floors right on top of each other” I have been known to snarl “will you please move” and even to think “go back to Kansas if you need that much space.” I totally get that frustration. I don’t get attributing it to an ethnicity or assuming otherness.

With all due respect, @zoosermom, that’s not what this is about.

With all due respect, oldmom, as I said, I don’t get attributing standing around to ethnicity or otherness. To clarify: I understand frustration. I do not understand racism. Is that better?

Maybe I shouldn’t be surprised but I’ve seen anti-Asian racism among acquaintances who think they are the most tolerant and liberal people.

Several times, so this stands out, I’ve heard these people saying Asians, particularly Chinese, talk too loudly and too much. (To be fair, we were in a National Park, where hushed voices on a trail are expected but the group of Chinese tourists were talking very loudly). Maybe it’s a cultural thing that these tourists don’t understand.

I don’t think that’s racism, TatinG. People in all cultures make remarks about the behavior of tourists from other countries, without regard to race. When I lived in the Netherlands, people complained about German tourists. :slight_smile:

Obviously, not all tourists from a given country exhibit the stereotypical behavior, but enough do so that they are easily identifiable when in groups.

In recent years, China even had programs teaching its citizens how to behave abroad.

Leaving that aside, judging by the experience of many this a real issue.

A friend of mine has 2 adopted children from an Asian country. One year, a kid on the school bus started taunting one them on a regular basis, yelling “You’re Chinese! You’re Chinese!” They were not from China. My friend’s husband spoke to the parents of the taunter, who were horrified and addressed the situation.
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I can hardly talk about this without getting emotional and frustrated, but I’d like to contribute. I was born in Iowa. My parents came to the Midwest in 1950 and my dad worked for John Deere for 40 years (I had to drive a hideous car all through high school with a sticker on it that said, “I help build the best tractors in the world!” :slight_smile: ). I have been asked “Where are you from?” and the much worse “What are you?” my whole life. Even after I open my mouth and it’s clear that I was born here. Most people don’t mean to be creepy. But. I’ve had people stretch their eyes out at me so they look slanted and talk at me in singsong ‘Oriental’ gibberish my whole life. I’ve been called Chink, Gook and Jap more times than I can say.

When I started practicing in my first job (I’m a pediatrician), some grandparents asked me what I was, and after I told them that my parents were from China but I was born in Iowa and went to school in Madison (Wisconsin), the man turned to his wife and said, “Well, I hear those foreign doctors are good!”

Speechless.

My experiences are not usually hostile (like the NYT editor’s CLEARLY WAS. Come on.). But they can still be discouraging, humiliating and sometimes they really make me sad.

The correct thing to say, imho, is “stop blocking the sidewalk!,” not “Go back to China!” @zoosermom

@jalynn Have you seen this video? It’s hilarious.

“If Asians Said The Stuff White People Say”
https://youtu.be/PMJI1Dw83Hc

I think there are a lot of factors to this kind of behavior (not defending it, no way, just explaining it). Some of it is simply because there has been so much immigration from Asia, especially China, and like other immigrant groups before them, that creates a reaction when there is ‘too many of them’. Like other immigrant groups, often these are based on perceptions of the group. Other places I have seen it is like other immigrant groups, the first generations tend to live in the same areas, and it isn’t just the city, there are towns on the coast of NJ in recent years (Palisades Park, Edgewater, Fort Lee) that have become heavily Asian (usually Korean or Chinese,Koreans a bit more than Chinese), and some people resent them “taking over”.

Some of it, too, is the same thing that dogged Jews, for different reasons. For Jews, it was the old garbage that Jews were not really citizens of where they lived , only stuck to themselves, etc, with Chinese I think some of it is looking at the Chinese government and assuming that somehow Chinese immigrants are loyal to China rather than the US, that they are more supportive of China than here, etc (in the current political climate, wouldn’t be surprised if it has gotten worse).

There is also some resentment because Asians, especially Chinese, are held up as this model minority (again, not unlike the Jews back in the day), and when you hear about Asians it is the image of the kids who are blowing out test scores, who are successful, and people see that and feel like they are being told somehow that Asians are so smart, so great, with the implication they are garbage or inferior, and some believe the Asians themselves promote this (not unlike again garbage once thrown at Jews in this country). Like with other groups, they don’t see the broad swath of things or the reality of what/who Asians are (people).

Chinese tourists may not help much, there are a lot of them, and they have a reputation which may not entirely be a stereotype, I just read something about how in China they are ‘tourist shaming’ people travlling for boorish behavior, this is especially true when the young “little emperors and empresses” travel to the US, they kind of act like they are Paris Hilton or someone like that in the tabloids from what I have seen.

Personally, I don’t think this is going to last, I think as time goes on things will normalize, eventually the Chinese will become like other groups and the suspicion will end, among other things once a group gets beyond a certain size and are present in more places, things change, plus it is a truth that the recent immigrants and their kids take the brunt of being different, once you get down the line it changes IME.

OMG, that’s hilarious!

@jalynn, I’m sorry you have to deal with that stuff. :frowning:

@musicprnt, the reporter was born here, grew up here, went to Harvard, and is a reporter for the New York Times. As he said, model minority indeed. It scared his kid and it would scare my kid (born in China, I am white) too. Completely unacceptable.

@anomander that was good. I watched all of them and I winced at a few.

This is hard to read. It is hard to believe this stuff still goes on, but I know that it does. I have friends who have experienced it.Our daughter lived in Hong Kong for a year and noticed almost immediately that many Chinese who are from mainland China experience a lot of prejudice from some of the Chinese born in Hong Kong who are more “westernized”. They are considered lower class, according to some Hong Kong natives who she worked with. I was very surprised by this. but we observed the same thing when we visited her.

@anomander - Love the video!!!

Yeah, that video is great. I watched the other versions, too. So spot on.

This happened over this Fourth of July. I was at a NJ hotel pool with my girls and D1’s fiancee. It was a very busy weekend for the hotel, so there were a lot of people. There was a (white) family with over 20 members there. They accused me of taking their chairs, which I didn’t. It got rather heated because they didn’t believe us. The man got up to my face and told me to go back to China (not where I was from, by the way). D2 jumped out of her chair at that point to say, “Oh no, you didn’t just tell my mom to go back where she came from, did you?!” Quite a few men came over and sat down on this family’s chairs to make a point. So yes, it still happens.

Like right on these forums?

http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/discussion/comment/19963267/#Comment_19963267 (post 28, replies 35, 43, 44, etc.)

" Quite a few men came over and sat down on this family’s chairs to make a point. "

Applause. I would have joined them and spread my butt over two chairs.

@anomander, my daughter sent me that video awhile ago. She (biracial) gets that stuff all. the. time.

@oldmom4896:
I didn’t say it was acceptable, I was pretty clear about how I felt, I simply was mentioning things I think may be driving the kind of thing the guy writing the piece experienced. To those biased, it doesn’t matter whether someone came from China last year or their family came here in the 19th century, has nothing to do where someone was born, it is about whatever drives the bias.