The 21st century would go better if, when someone hollers at someone in a clearly derogatory way, the rest of us go “dude! not cool!” instead of finding a way to mansplain the hollering. It is no longer enough to just apologize to those offended. We have to not be bystanders, while not endangering ourselves.
Family friend was accosted on mass transit by a middle aged white lady about his right to vote and immigration status. The man next to him casually put down his paper and said “he said he was legit. I however am on a green card from Europe. Can we be done?” The best part was it was a lie, but the guy found a way to interrupt safely. So we should all have a handy interruption for these people.
I agree about speaking up for others. I have no problem interrupting, however, without incorporating white lies to do so. Bigotry and racism should be dealt with matter of factly and it should be made clear it is not acceptable. It does take a village.
As a non-white person who has occasionally been told, “Go back …” , I have learned to handle this better over time.
My response has been “To ?” This usually results in a puzzled look, particularly when after say “I plan to go back for . Have you been there? Did you like it? Why not? You should visit sometime. Where are you from?” At this point they are often completely flustered and leave me alone.
My favorite story (which is so perfect that I wonder if someone made it up!) came from the west coast. A woman in a retail store was talking on her cell phone. A woman nearby, thinking she was speaking Spanish, started berating her and told her to go back where she came from if she couldn’t speak English. The woman on the phone responded, in perfect English, “I’m speaking Navajo. Why don’t you go back where YOU came from.”
There was beer commercial in the 80s that I remember that dealt with immigration. I don’t remember why it started but the first person in the group talked about his relatives coming over and going through Ellis Island in 1900. Second person states an earlier time for their relatives to arrive followed by the third and the last one had family come over in the mid 1600s. The group looks at Juan and laugh when they asked him when his relatives came over. He looks at them and says 1580.
I can’t imagine telling (or yelling at) someone to go back to whatever country, city, state I thought they were from. Whether they were local or from another country, that’s just rude.
LOL! I look caucasian, but have an accent, which is very common in the Northeast where I live. But every time I travel within the U.S. I go through exact same conversation. First I am asked where I am from. After I give an answer, I get a puzzled look and “but where are you FROM?” I explain that I immigrated to the U.S. ~30 years ago, became a citizen, never visited my homeland again, so I AM from America. Then I always get a big smile, followed by “Nice, and how do you like it here?” I always answer: “Thank you, this is my home, and I like it very much! And how do YOU like it here?” At which point I get a stunned look, a long pause, and finally a laugh. I know people mean well, so I do not mind
I think this is the point. Most of the time people mean well. No need to make an issue. In 20 years when there are more US born asians people will stop asking where you are FROM. A bit awkward in the meantime but is it so bad?
“In 20 years when there are more US born asians people will stop asking where you are FROM”
There were plenty of US born asians 20 years ago, and latinos, etc. This isn’t new, yet it still goes on even if you don’t have any accent just because you don’t look caucasian. It gets old if you have to live it constantly. And no, all asians aren’t of Chinese ancestry and all latinos aren’t of Mexican ancestry.
@oldmom4896 I get asked that a lot. I answer “originally from abc now live in xyz” and move on. I am not offended. Your life must be perfect where all the kids are above the average and everyone is honest and supreme human beings. Not mine. There are other nuisances. In the scale of annoyances, it doesn’t even make it to the chart.
Even though I’ve been in Maine for 30 years, people still ask me, “Where are you from?” I guess my Texas accent will never go away. I just say, “Texas will always be ‘home,’ but I’ve lived in Maine for a long time.” And yes, I do get negative comments about Texas, usually from people who have never been to the state.
I never doubted that majority of white people isn’t racist and have real sympathy for colored or immigrant people but a very little percentage of them can actually understand what it feels like to be one or to have true empathy for our experiences. Advocating against discrimination is just not the same as understanding what colored and immigrants go through. Unless you’ve been a minority or have been an immigrant you just don’t go through similar experiences. It’s like difference between dieting and starving.
Do you think every little struggle you go through should be undertood by others? I don’t. Most people’s lives are not joy rides. There are ups and downs. They may not go through racial or immigration struggles but I am sure they have their own challenges you have no idea of that are no less painful because it’s not race or immigration related.
I wonder if I should tell my husband to stop it with his conversation starter, because someone might take offense. He is very social, will talk to any stranger, and often will say, “Hey. Where are ya’ll from?” His mother always does that too. He might even say that while chatting to people in a local bar. It’s purely a conversation starter, and definitely not something intended to be offensive. However, from the sounds of it, it could upset someone.
“Where y’all from?” in response to an accent asked of a white person really is different from being asked some for of that question when you know it’s because of how you look. Come on, you guys really don’t see the difference? Yes, people mean well mostly, and I don’t mind it , but it can get tiresome. And sometimes it definitely is NOT meant well-- and that hurts and is awful. Please do not minimize it. I was Midwest born and bred 56 years ago. We haven’t come as far as some of you think, especially in some parts of the country.
How do you always know what the intention of the asker is? Of course sometimes it would be obvious, but sometimes it could be purely friendly, and something they are asking just to start talking to you., not as a response to an accent or how a person looks.
Honestly, it irritates me when he does that sometimes, because not I’m not as social, and I might be ready to leave, not start a conversation.
