andover's big essay. !?!

<p>Non-Sibi</p>

<p>Non-Sibi</p>

<p>When I considered which three people from history or literature that I would like to have as classmates or dorm-mates during my Phillips experience, I spent a lot of time reviewing the various profiles of notable alumni of Phillips. I knew that some very important and successful people had graduated from PA and had made or were still making important, if not historic contributions to society. I also knew that their approach to life and to their life’s work was in some part formed by the PA experience and the school’s motto of “non-sibi” (not for one’s self). After reading much about so many notable alumni, I chose as my desired classmates and dorm-mates the following three historic figures: George H.W. Bush (’42), Christina Fink (“82), and Chris Bischoff (’89). Former President George H.W. Bush is certainly a well-known historic figure. Christina Fink and Chris Bischoff are not as well known but their selfless actions and chosen career paths are admirable and reflective of ambitions that were likely formed at PA. I believe that their chosen paths in life will someday be considered historic to many who care about the less fortunate people in our world. It is also my ambition to receive an excellent education that can best be applied to service and not for selfish pursuits.</p>

<p>George H.W. Bush is best known as the 41st President of the United States, serving between 1989 and 1993. The characteristic of George Bush that I find most interesting is his early devotion to service. Mr. Bush was born into a life of privilege in Greenwich, Connecticut and might easily have chosen to rely on his wealthy family members for support throughout his life. Instead, he seems to have chosen public service at an early age and most likely while a student at PA. A review of his biography indicates that George Bush was very involved with activities at Phillips having played baseball, being captain of the basketball and soccer teams, and being the Senior Class President. He was accepted to Yale University while still a student at PA but chose instead to enlist in the U.S. Navy upon graduation from PA because of the ongoing involvement of America in World War II. Mr. Bush was trained as a fighter pilot and was involved in heavy fighting during World War II. His fighter jet was downed in 1944 during one of the largest air battles of the war. Most of his squadron mates were either killed or captured but George Bush was able to survive and be rescued by a passing American carrier ship. The U.S. Navy provided him a chance to be honorably discharged from further service but George Bush chose to continue his war-time military service to his country. After his military service and Yale University education, George Bush continued his distinguished service to others as a successful businessman, U.S. Senator, Vice-President, and President of our nation. In short, he personified the PA motto of “Non-sibi”. </p>

<p>Christina Fink (’82) is also someone who is focused on serving others and has even stated that “Non-sibi” had been a major impact on her while a student at PA. She devotes her career to telling the story of the Burmese people who live under brutal military rule. Not many people would stop to think of the troubles facing people outside our own country, let alone a poor country so far away that it is barely mentioned in the American media. Her desire to shed light on the sad circumstances facing all citizens of Burma may someday lead to a widespread effort to force reform on that country. If the Burmese people soon experience freedom, it may be brought about by the works of Christina Fink. If given the opportunity to be her classmate or dorm-mate, I too might become inspired to think “outside the box” and explore other cultures. I could learn how my education may be used to serve others in need. Christina Fink credits her Italian teacher at PA for creating a sense of joy and wonder for other cultures. Being her classmate, I imagine having many discussions with her about where in the world we would like to travel and how we could best help the poor and disadvantaged. Her biography shows that she is very adventurous and brave, having traveled and lived in areas such as Thailand and Burma. She has shown fearlessness and courage whether running a guest house in Thailand or running an on-line newspaper called BurmaNet News. Christina Fink has published a book about the difficulties faced by the Burmese people living under military rule. Having her as a classmate would be an eye-opening experience since I have not yet begun to explore the many parts of the world where suffering and need exist.</p>

<p>Chris Bischoff (’89) is another example of someone who is making significant contributions to society by applying the principle of “Non-sibi”. Again, he may not yet be considered an important historic figure but his work may someday be viewed as such because the educational opportunities he has brought to the very poor . He is committed to serving the oppressed minority children of East Palo Alto, California. This is an urban area that is so economically and socially depressed that it was once referred to as the “murder capital of the world”. Children in this area are faced with circumstances that usually prevent them from obtaining a quality education and achieving any success in life. Chris Bischoff faced similar difficulties when he decided to start a school for children in this area. His goal was to simply create a space where kids could come to learn and become inspired to reach higher in life while avoiding the troubles that exist in the street. Starting such a school required commitments of time and money that most would be discouraged by. Chris Bischoff persevered and Eastside College Preparatory School is growing rapidly. The success rate of graduating students is impressive and many of his students will likely stay in the area and help make it a better place to live. To think that one person could be so highly motivated to start something like this is very impressive to me. He was no doubt influenced by the “Non-sibi” way of life while a student at PA. I imagine being in a classroom discussion and listening to him speak of how the poor urban areas of our country can be improved with schools that inspire a sense of hope and adventure in children who would otherwise see their situation as hopeless. Maybe Chris Bischoff learned a lot about the problems facing urban America while a student at PA. If “Non-sibi” is his source of inspiration for starting a new school, being his classmate would probably help me learn more about community service while still making full use of the superior education I will receive at PA. </p>

<p>It seems PA students have always come from different backgrounds and with different interests and I have been impressed to learn about their many achievements after leaving PA. Whether the PA students go onto make important medical discoveries, become international explorers, actors, authors, doctors, or even President of the United States, being their classmate would be the most important aspect of being a student at PA. I suspect that daily interaction with so many interesting, intelligent and ambitious students would be the greatest benefit of attending PA. </p>

<p>^andover essay for the “classmate/dormmates from history or lit.” input/opinions are greatly appriciated. =]</p>

<p>I think you should have broadened out, instead of simply expanding on figures from Andover’s alumni association. It can make you seem a little obsequious and as though all of their alumni are enjoying a fancy, privileged life right now. </p>

<p>You also emphasized the point that you want to be with these people because they are simply intelligent, but you could have chosen people who were not brought up in a rich, WASP environment and instead chosen people who had achieved their success through hard work instead of connections.</p>

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<p>This is nothing but luck. It would have been better if he had saved some of his mates. The ones who rescued him should be the heroes, not he.</p>

<p>no offense, but george bush is a bad example to even use…first he’s not exactly “intelligent”, that’s ok…but bare in mind, even tho it seems the other way…99% of the faculty and prep schools are liberals…and you should use these figures to talk about yourself, instead of writing a biography of PA alums…
finally…NEVER EVER POST YOUR ESSAYS PUBLICLY AGAIN, PM TO someone u trust</p>

<p>well i think the 1st one is, not the current president. i personally don’t mind posting my essays. nobody can steal them now because it’s too late.</p>

<p>dancer: You take too much risk that other people – strangers – will be able to identify you through the things that you post. Your essays are highly personal creations. And you should guard them more jealously than leaving them on a message board where, after 20 minutes, they become permanent fixtures on the Internet. Even if you’re okay with posting these essays here, now, there may come a time later on when you might find your essay, locked forever on the worldwide web, to be a burden and, perhaps, the final tumbler in the lock to be released by someone prying into your identity. </p>

<p>Don’t think so? Imagine, then, that someone with Andover admissions stumbles on this thread, recognizes your essay, and then comes across other posts under your name. Can you say with certainty that everything you’ve ever posted here is something you want reviewed by the Andover AdCom? Your spelling, your grammar, and the critiques and comments others have made in response to you? If not, you’re already in a place where you should regret posting your essay. As time goes on, that situation doesn’t get any better. You’re not going to IMPRESS anyone here, but you do run the risk of scaring them off or exposing a vulnerability that someone else might exploit to your peril.</p>

<p>You should be as generic as possible when posting. The worst part about this thread is that you gain nothing from having us comment on your essays. There’s no tradeoff (for your benefit) that should make you even consider taking such a step. You might consider contacting the CC Admins to have this thread removed. It adds no value…for anyone (you included) and could later be something you regret sharing forever and ever with the entire world.</p>

<p>Also, Andover did not state that you should use alumni as the “classmates or dormmates”. They’re from general history or literature, not Andover history, as Andover history is very narrow and should not be viewed as an expanse of the many people you could have chosen from all over the world.</p>

<p>I would give a few constructive comments: </p>

<p>The flow of the paragraphs are somewhat monotone. I guess it is because it follows an unoriginal format.
EX. “A” is…“B” is also…“C” is another.</p>

<p>The paragraphs seem more informational than subjective. I would think that the schools you are applying to would know their own students better than you do. Maybe the essay would be better if you broaden more on why you like, admire, or want to be friends with these “roomates”.</p>

<p>Otherwise, great job =D The essay carries its point across nicely. </p>

<p>GOOD LUCK ON MARCH 10 =)</p>

<p>I’m not sure how Andover will react to the essay. </p>

<p>It does show that you are passionate about the school - study of alumni lists, non sibi etc. In addition, you really do a good job driving your points home about how your choices connect to non sibi and the Andover experience.</p>

<p>However, as EuNixD mentioned, the essay doesn’t give much information about yourself. You provide lots of well-researched, historical information on your three “dormmates”, but do not make many connections between their attributes and yourself. I’m not sure whether the admissions office will like the fact that you chose three alumni or not. </p>

<p>Anyways, it’s obvious that you really want to go to Andover. From a current student, good luck and hope to see you here some day.</p>

<p>I agree with EuNixD and bigblue. The essay shows a great passion for Andover, and that you know a lot about the school, but it is a little monotone, and it doesn’t reveal a lot about yourself. One could infer that you want to carry out Andover’s motto, but not how, or why it was special to you. However, it is very informative, and most importantly, clearly demonstrates your strong desire to attend. Good luck. :)</p>

<p>I recall that my sister chose Morgan Le Fay, God, and um… I don’t remember I think it was either Vonnegut or Poe…</p>

<p>Apparently, it was Morgan Le Fay, God, and (gosh) she chose Jack the Ripper…:frowning: I suppose the admissions office might think there’s something wrong with her… but maybe it’ll stand out?</p>

<p>Assuming that we all lived in the same room, I’d have to go with Ted Gold, Martin Luther King, Jr. and Ralph Reed (or Paul Wolfowitz…it’s a toss-up). Our room would be known as “ThunderDome.”</p>

<p>My choices were Aristotle, God (Einstein :D), and Atticus Finch. I enjoyed writing the essay - it was an interesting topic. </p>

<p>There would be an astronomer, philosopher and mathematician, an imaginative theoretical physicist, and the articulate lawyer and visionary. And of course, me, an odd combination of the three. Quite interesting, indeed. :)</p>

<p>I would have mortgaged the house that you’d have put down either Copernicus or Galileo; although my guess is that an even better fit would be Richard Feynmann (though that would have depended on a long-shot bet that you’d read his mainstream autobiographical books).</p>

<p>You are absolutely correct. My three paragraphs were written independent of each other; I had actually eleven in total, and I combined the best (and most personal) of the three. Both Copernicus and Galileo were part of that list. The others included: Werner Heisenberg (according the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, my homework could be anywhere in the Universe at the moment :D), Stephen Hawking, William Shakespeare, Gottfried Leibniz, Lao Tzu (he and Aristotle were similar to me, personally), and Isaac Newton. :p</p>

<p>Richard Feynman would be an interesting choice as well, but for some reason I didn’t consider him. Odd, the other day, I was going to check out his book, Surely You’re Joking, Mr. Feynman!, but I decided against it, seeing as I already had a few boxes full of books to finish reading. :D</p>

<p>It took me a while to decide, too. I wrote five paragraphs and, after a very long time, finally selected three. I was at times tempted to simply send in all five and hope they read them all. ;)</p>

<p>essays to admission officers should be KISS. keep it simple and sweet. dancer, personally when i started to read it sounded like a history paper.</p>

<p>your essay didn’t scream originality , but you’re applying as a 9th grader right ?
i remember applying last year on this essay topic . it was a nightmare because i attempted to write a creative story which went dismally wrong and put something like this together . my three people were like gandhi , shakespeare and someone else . i think your best bet is to be as personal as possible in your essay and show the admission people what andover means to you .
that’s the approach i chose this year . i also would reccommend giving your essay to your english teacher to help you proofread and edit . it helps so much more than posting your admissions essay online , and will make you feel more confident about your essay .</p>

<p>Thank you for input. The reason I chose figures from Andover’s history is because they were people who actually attended the school and can connect to a couple of the many reasons I myself would love to attend Andover. The Admissions Commitee obviously knows about these figures better than I do, but at the time, it was my instinct to show that I knew about each of the characters well enough. Like D’yer Maker said, I have posted this without realizing the risks of it being on cyber space publicly. If by any chance a member of the Admission Comitee stumbles upon this post, I will not regret it. Everything I have posted on this site is true to myself. If they recognized me with my application, I find it an even greater benefit. They could take a deeper glimpse of how I am outside of the interviews, grades, and essays. If they don’t like what they see, maybe I am not fit for their school. No, spelling and grammar may not be perfect in every post, but it does get the point across. I am not perfect and am not a robot. Although the admission team probably won’t see this, I wouldn’t be worried if they did. I am myself and nothing else. As much as I love Andover and want to be matriculated for the 2007-2008 class, I would rather get in a true note. =]</p>