This is my second year at my university, and I have two new suitemates.
One is a third-year, and the other is a fourth-year.
The fourth-year has broken most the rules of our building, never cleans (her hair is all over the floor, and when we told her about it, she was like “Well, I have a mop but no bucket.”), but is otherwise extremely quiet.
The rules she’s broken are:
Underage drinking (she left a bottle of wine out in the open twice where we all can get in trouble. She’s an international student and she’s legal in her own country, but not here.)
Propping the door (she has done this three times for over an hour each)
The guest policy (She has stopped telling us when she has someone over, and they’ve been here longer than allowed and may have a key which is also illegal and dangerous. She has also had numerous loud drunk people piling in and out of the room in the middle of the night once and was very dismissive of me when I confronted her about it.)
Every website says to talk to her about it, but she knows what she’s doing is wrong. We literally went over and signed the agreement on two separate occasions.
Our other suitemate is not here half the time, and the only thing that bothers her is the fact that she doesn’t clean.
The only thing that’s keeping me from reporting it is that I had a suitemate last year who had her mom over for a long time. (But she let us know, and she was very clean.)
I don’t know at what point I should talk to my RA about this.
Talking to my other suitemate about this feels like scheming, and I can’t talk to the bad one because she has a man with her and I feel like confronting her can only go badly for me.
Update: I talked to my RA about the cleanliness and the person staying with her. I have to call her when the person is in (which I’m pretty sure is all the time, but I’m not in my room most of the day so I don’t know for sure.) and we’ll be revisiting our roommate agreement for a third time…
Talk to the suitemate. I know I know…but the RA will ask you if you did. “Suitemate, I just wanted to remind you of the college and the rules we agreed on in the suite. You cannot drink in the suite. You have to close the door…stuff can get stolen.We all agreed not to have guests for more than X days without us all agreeing. And find somewhere else for your drunk friends to go. If this is going to be a problem I will let the RA know.”
Honestly, your best bet is to try to switch out. Antagonizing the one roommate is only going to hurt you, she will retaliate or something. Easier to change your situation than try to change her behavior.
But you need a really good reason to switch out. I had a one-month suitemate who switched out because she had a crazy suitemate who would break all her stuff and scream whenever the girl’s boyfriend was around.
Then you go directly to RA, tell them, and then say I wanted to talk to her but she is not around when I am and when she is her guest is there and I feel ganged up on.
Also try to think about what is normal annoyance for living with suitemates, general low level college nonsense. Stick to the facts. But also keep in mind you pay for the suite and are entitled to sleep, safety, and no long term guests.
Update: the DA of the building checked the room out. I don’t know if they’ve been caught or if she made up a lie or whatever, but if they’re still there it’s going to escalate into something else. She has no right to hoard a person in the room without telling anyone.
At this point you have enough evidence to call for a transfer of rooms, go to an administrator, with your RA, and tell them exactly whats been going on. Requesting a transfer is easier than fixing the problem, as your suitemate seems to know that she’s defying rules and that you’re irritated by it
Update: Apparently, she was given a second chance and allowed to follow the correct procedures of having a guest. She still breached our agreement by not telling us, and this boy has been here for at least 14 days this semester, but since she never signed him in, it’s only my word against hers. To them, she’s only broken the rules the one time they caught her.
You need to have a paper trail of all of the things she’s doing that’s against the rules. The more evidence you have, the better. Take pictures, record if need be. Get her removed or you leave. No one deserves to live with a terrible room mate.
@sunflowerscurls You’re the second person to suggest this to me. At first I didn’t believe that they would let her off so easy, but now I see I can’t simply stay idle to her apathy. They won’t let me transfer rooms because our other suitemate is complaining too. We’re going to “talk it out” tomorrow night with our RA and maybe someone else. I’m not sure what my stance is going to be about guests anymore. No overnight guests at all? I’ve never had any, and my suitemate only had one because her friend was suddenly displaced from her apartment one night.
The only “evidence” I have are in text messages, and these go back months and implicate both my suitemate and I for being aware of the rules being broken and not reporting it.
So if the meeting is going sour, do a tell-all? Unless she’s stupid, my suitemate knows that we know she’s done more than just “oops, I didn’t know about the rules” one time. She might be betting that me and our other suitemate are too afraid of the self-implications a tell-all brings (especially since the suitemate disposed of some of the evidence without being coerced.)
@MiraKayla Yes, if the meeting isn’t getting you the results you need (i.e. switching rooms or her being removed), then spill your guts. This is your room too! If you think enforcing a “no overnight guests” rule will work, then go for it love! I’d also suggest that you annoy the holy hell out of your RA until they understand the situation at hand. Every time your suitemate does something that’s against the rules, follow these steps:
Write it down. (Time, date, and broken rule) Remember, the pen is mightier than the sword.
Record yourself verbally telling her about the rule she has broken. Make sure she can be heard as well.
Take pictures. Take Pictures. TAKE PICTURES!!! Visual evidence is sooo important.
Inform your other suitemate to follow these steps as well. Two heads are better than one.
Why did your other suitemate throw away evidence? You need as much evidence as possible. Show your RA the text messages. It’s going to be a little bit harder to prove that those are legit because your suitemate can always lie and say that she was never informed of said rules or receiving the text messages. Are you sure you don’t have any pictures or recordings of anything? You have to have something other than text messages to go off of. Text messages can easily be altered.
I hope something is done about your suitemate. She sounds like a hot mess. Good luck love!
Update: this girl is trying so hard to get me angry. I just found out she’s been using my shower products despite the fact that she can open a store with the amount she has in the bathroom.
