<p>This one is interesting. I think Amy gave crappy advice.(as I often do) What if he gave her a $100 zircon ring? When is not good enough accurate? I think if she hates it it’s not good enough.</p>
<p>[Ask</a> Amy: Wife Wants Bling; Husband Won t Buy Ring - San Jose Mercury News](<a href=“Ask Amy: Wife Wants Bling; Husband Won t Buy Ring – The Mercury News”>Ask Amy: Wife Wants Bling; Husband Won t Buy Ring – The Mercury News)</p>
<p>Based on the letter, I don’t like either side of the couple. He treats himself to “the best” but gives an el cheapo ring to the love of his life. On the other hand, she only cares about other people oohing and aahing over her ring, and was apparently busy thinking about this on her wedding day.</p>
<p>I say to heck with both of them. But if I were Amy and the wife asked for advice, I’d tell her that she married him knowing what kind of ring he bought her, and if she didn’t think it was up to snuff, she should have said something about it back then. She appears to want a flashy ring for its own sake, not as a symbol of the deep sentimental attachment between her and her husband, so I don’t see why she can’t buy it herself. If the purpose of the ring is to impress her co-workers, then it really is just a hunk of rock.</p>
<p>I saw this one too and like you Barrons, every so often I really don’t like Amy’s advice.</p>
<p>I was seeing both sides of the issue until I saw the part where the husband told his wife that if she didn’t like the ring he gave her she could go buy herself a ring she does like. At that point I said “What is the problem here?”</p>
<p>I buy myself my own jewelry. My husband doesn’t have a problem with that, as long as I am reasonable about how much money we should be spending on something frivilous, so as we’ve gotten older the jewelry has gotten better.</p>
<p>I have seen many ring shows in the office. Certainly getting the oohs and aahhs is part of the deal. I see nothing really wrong with that. I did not read flashy just up to snuff for their station in life.
I don’t like diamonds myself as the whole industry is really one big cartel with artificially high prices. Good diamonds are not rare at all. So when my time came I bought a ruby centered ring with diamonds around the main ruby. But I still spent a reasonable amount for my income level etc. It goes with the program.</p>
<p>My wife and I bought her wedding ring for $250 ring from Costco, she bought mine for about $20 on eBay.</p>
<p>She loves her ring very much…every so often we walk into Tiffany’s to see what they have. She walks out of the store with a big smile saying “I like mine better than what they have there!”</p>
<p>Needless to say, we’re both thrifty people.</p>
<p>Sometimes the biggest ring in the world has an a$$hole attached to it. Just ask one of Donald Trump’s ex-wives.</p>
<p>I wonder how many of those office braggarts ever brag about their husbands? That would be an interesting discovery.</p>
<p>babyontheway, I like your style. ;)</p>
<p>"I have seen many ring shows in the office. Certainly getting the oohs and aahhs is part of the deal. "</p>
<p>I agree that the ring shows are extremely common, but I also think they are tacky in the extreme. Besides, this bride is a professional woman in her 40s, not a college girl. She ought to have bigger fish to fry than whether guests at her wedding complimented her diamond. (I guess guests who say “You look beautiful! I wish you many years of happiness!” need an etiquette lesson…it’s all about the rock.)</p>
<p>I agree with heyalb that I’d like to see people showing off the husband for a change, rather than his money. I don’t know whether it makes me old-fashioned or ahead of my time, but I think excessive focus on the wedding and its bells and whistles generally accompanies inadequate focus on the marriage. My oohs and aahs would be a lot more sincere if a bride shared the news that her husband-to-be stayed up all night rubbing her back when she had the flu. That woman, if she exists, knows a real gem when she sees one.</p>
<p>I don’t like the part about the H treating himself to the best.</p>
<p>I ALSO have never liked the idea of the guy picking out the woman’s ring. She has to wear it, she should like it. My H let me pick out my ring and I’m very grateful for that.</p>
<p>Sometimes the smaller diamonds are of better quality.</p>
<p>It’s tough to know what “spent very little” and “too small and inappropriate for our incomes and ages” means to this lady. It doesn’t sound like it would be a $100 CZ but just not what she wanted and expected. I think that Amy was correct in her analysis that hubby is surly because he’s disappointed that she doesn’t like the ring he gave her. Imo, she’s not the brightest bulb if she’s worn it for 2+ years and hasn’t figured out how to tactfully upgrade! </p>
<p>Strange and ungrateful people write to that woman…the letter about the man getting cheated on his Christmas gift was unbelievable!</p>
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<p>Totally. Get a different setting, add some other diamonds into the mix. She could end up with a really nice ring keeping the original diamond.</p>
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<p>Wasn’t that the best? I couldn’t believe it.</p>
<p>I usually will take the man’s side in these things but my impression of him is cheap and self-centered. I don’t blame her for being what some might call a little shallow. Most people are and that’s OK. Many that marry that late are just looking for Mr Acceptable, not Mr Right.</p>
<p>I got my engagement band…for our 25th anniversary. Not bling-y at all – I am into understated. Wedding band was under $200.</p>
<p>I thought both the H and W were off base. I’m not giving good odds on that marriage lasting.</p>
<p>And the Christmas gift letter – ooooh, someone has unresolved childhood issues with mom and sibling!!</p>
<p>My sister had the opposite problem. Her husband (then fianc</p>
<p>Unless you have a magnifying glass or extremely good eyesight, a zirconium fake looks the same as a diamond. I have never understood the appeal of diamonds. My wife and I have simple gold bands. Do we really want to support the South African diamond mines and cartel?</p>
<p>*she’s not the brightest bulb if she’s worn it for 2+ years and hasn’t figured out how to tactfully upgrade!</p>
<p>Totally. Get a different setting, add some other diamonds into the mix. She could end up with a really nice ring keeping the original diamond.*</p>
<p>I think we all know that she COULD do this, but it’s not the point. It’s like buying your own birthday gifts because your H overlooks your special day. She obviously feels that the cheapness of the ring is a reflection of her H’s values…he’d rather spend money on himself. If he were an overall thrifty person, then it would be different. It’s clear that she views the situation as </p>
<p>It would be embarrassing for her to show up at work with a new ring and then have to admit that she (not an adoring H) had to buy it.</p>
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I don’t think so–I think he’s surly because he knows she’s right. The best advice would probably be to keep the ring and get rid of the husband.</p>
<p>I think there is also a “my money-your money” issue going on…something that I would think older established people who get married may have and can be quite divisive. When you get married young when you both were broke, it’s quite clear that it is all “our money.”</p>
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<p>We don’t know that he actually spends money on himself. What we know is that, at the moment she is frustrated about the nanoscale dimond ring, she says that he buys himself the finer things in life.</p>
<p>At the moment we’re frustrated, human nature tends to exaggarate the situation to make it sound like we’re right.</p>
<p>That is why when two kids are in a disagreement, parents have to get both sides of the story as each kid will try to make it sound like he/she is correct.</p>
<p>Frankly, at the age of 40, the husband telling the wife to go buy herself one that she likes is good advice to me. I tell my wife that when we need something that I can’t bring myself to buy. “Sweetie, we need xxx but I can’t bring myself to buy it. Please go buy it and don’t tell me how much it costs.”</p>
<p>I remember the story of my father traveling to another country to give my mother an engagement ring. My dad was an engineer who made a respectable living and my mother was a small town girl. When my grandmother saw the very tiny ring he presented to my mother she told him he could go back to New York City and buy a proper ring for her daughter. He did buy another ring but no it was not large by any means. They were married happily for over 40 years.</p>