<p>I agree $3000 on photos is outrageous. Also agree with Emaheevul07 that the cheapest packages are $1500-2000 in my area. Trying to convince DIL there will be so many good photos she doesn’t need the biggest pkg with the fanciest coffee table book. </p>
<p>She has been in a ton of weddings and many of them had her hair done. She wasn’t too pleased at the 730 appt time (then had to wait for late afternoon wedding), but I hear a lot more complaints about the dress and shoes. She said she’s usually paid about $150 for the dress. These are not insignificant expenses for a college student/young grad who is financing all the bridesmaid expenses herself.</p>
<p>Mostly I think the expectations and expenses are way more over the top than in our day. Pinterest has raised the stakes immensely. (say MOG as she sneaks off to the secret wedding board)</p>
<p>I was a bridesmaid twice, and both times got something I could–and did–wear again. When I was married, my bridesmaids wore a drop-waisted pale yellow linen Eileen Fisher dress that they both liked and wore again frequently, with pale shoes of their choice. It really is quite possible for brides to be thoughtful on this score, if they haven’t fallen prey to the SYTTD insanity.</p>
<p>Wow, that’s interesting. So do they get everything they need and just keep it somewhere else until the baby arrives? </p>
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<p>Very common here, even for guests, and certainly for MOB, MOG and the wedding party. For my Ds’ weddings, we’ve done the salon trip in the morning before the wedding, all included and it’s been fun. We paid for everyone. The girls had their make-up done, I did my own.</p>
Mostly so as not to horrify my very traditional in-laws, we selected a crib and changing table in advance of our firstborn’s birth, but had the store hold them for delivery until we gave the word. They were very used to that practice. Of course in those days there was a decent interval between giving birth and coming home from the hospital (a whole week in the case of my firstborn, a C-section), so there was time for the dads and grandparents to handle nursery set-up and purchasing the layette. Nowadays when moms are pretty much thrown out of the hospital the next day, it would be a lot harder, and I wonder if the tradition is observed much anymore.</p>
<p>Regarding wedding hairdos, when my D was 4 (and a prickly 4 at that), she was a flower girl in a wedding. The bride arranged for the girls to have their hair done at a local salon, and selected a very fancy updo with sausage girls (very Toddlers and Tiaras) for my D’s long, thick, hair. It took literally hours in the stylist’s chair, hundreds of bobby pins and multiple cans of hairspray, and by the time it was done, D’s patience and energy were understandably running very low. As we arrived at the ceremony, all it took was for me to brush a piece of hair out of her eyes for her to completely lose it. She sobbed uncontrollably and refused to go down the aisle until the maid of honor grabbed her hand and hauled her along, throwing the flower petals on her behalf. Fortunately the bride had a sense of humor, and the video of my D (now 22) wailing down the aisle gets more hysterical every time we look at it.</p>
<p>Another who isn’t having an engagement party and I actually don’t know anyone my age who had one. Even my very traditional in laws haven’t made a peep about it. We’re both from lower middle class families in Michigan. His family is Catholic, mine not religious. Both families are contributing the very little they can. He and one of his brothers are getting married a month apart whereas I’m essentially an only child so there will definitely be more input from my family. None of us could ever dream of affording a country club party lol.</p>
<p>We are having showers- one in my hometown and one in his as they’re fairly far away and both are fairly far away from our wedding. We are inviting everyone to both the shower (in their closest city) and the wedding as I don’t expect everyone to come to the wedding a fair distance away. </p>
<p>I am paying for my female bridesmaids to get their hair and makeup done. Luckily we’re close friends with both a hair stylist and make up artist who are doing it for a bargain. I wouldn’t expect them to pay for it. It’s a beach wedding with very non frilly friends so I’m not worried. They’re paying for their dresses as I’m just giving them a color and letting them pick the style. The dresses are all well under $100 and I’m not entirely convinced we’ll actually be wearing shoes lol. Either way, they will definitely not by new ones.</p>
<p>Ema, pm me if you want and I might be able to find you much, much cheaper rates. Pming from phone is a pita.</p>
<p>My shower was four friends taking me out for brunch and they gave me a waffle iron. I was fine - hadn’t expected a shower at all. I did my own hair with my mother helping and I don’t think I wore much make up. I only had one bridesmaid and I told her to wear what she liked - though I did tell her what would be in my bouquet and sent a photo of my dress. I agree that spending money on a good photographer is worth it, but I sure hope it’s not $3000! :eek:</p>
<p>I am also from the northeast and come from a Catholic background. I have never experienced a situation in which people are invited to a shower and then NOT invited to the wedding. I don’t know anyone who has a party or luncheon the day after so I can’t comment on that. </p>
<p>In my thinking, if I were invited to a shower or secondary celebration but NOT invited to the wedding itself, I would interpret that as a belief on the part of the bride and groom that THEY are so very special to me that I would just leap at any and all opportunities to celebrate their specialness. Conversely, I am clearly not special enough to THEM to make the wedding list. That is just plain tacky. Unless geography makes it impossible for many people to make it to the wedding or some other circumstances exist that require separate celebrations, this would just be plain wrong, IMO.</p>
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<p>I was invited to a shower once at which I knew only the bride and her mom. It was horrible as it was at the mom’s house and very awkward for me to find a place to stand, sit, etc where I didn’t feel uncomfortable. I don’t think that it is necessarily wrong to invite someone to an event at which they will know nobody. But I do think that it the family should be cognizant of that person and make sure to introduce her to people.<br>
When the same person had a baby shower ( for which she designed and sent her own invitations, by the way!) I sent my regrets.</p>
<p>Am following this thread with a vested interest. D2 is in a serious relationship, and although she is not engaged, they are already talking about getting married. His family is from the Sacramento area, and we are from the Midwest. She has only been in LA for less than a year (am not sure how long he has been there), so none of her closest friends are there. They are talking about a destination wedding in one of the wine countries of CA. I call it a destination wedding, but in reality, if they got married here in the Midwest, it would involve travel for all of my and H’s family (who do not live here) and the groom’s family. If they got married in his hometown, it would still involve travel for us, H’s family and my family. Either of their hometown locations (or LA) is going to involve travel for lots of people, so I guess I don’t have a problem with them choosing a ‘destination’ location in one of the wine countries. People who would travel here, or travel to the Sacramento area, are not likely to object to the wine country. I think we will have to accept that some people will just not be able to attend, no matter where it will be held, unfortunately. We will not be able to please everyone.</p>
<p>Update: Ms. Ellebud came home from work. She made her decision about the wedding…she is going to call her friend and tell her the truth: She isn’t willing to spend $3000 for a wedding. (Can’t forget the presents…the meals ad nausem). So…that’s her decision.</p>
<p>“I seriously don’t know anyone who gets her hair done to go to a wedding”</p>
<p>My sister flew her stylist and one of his assistants from NYC to her D’s destination wedding because apparently there isn’t a decent stylist in the whole state of Maine! Also, according to her there are also no decent chairs in Maine, either, and she had to truck them up from Boston.</p>
<p>I wonder if there is a diagnosable disorder called Matrimony Mania or something like that. Some of this stuff sounds downright pathological to me!!</p>
<p>I pray that i don’t succumb to it when and if my Ds get engaged!</p>
<p>EPTR: Yes there is…a disorder…one of my dearest friends is in recovery. Six months of suvari (sp?) chairs, two or three sauces for the fish, and appetizer dysmorphia. It is a cruel disease.</p>
<p>Oh…and hairdresser, his assistant and two makeup artists are set. Mani pedis are on schedule.</p>
<p>Yes, the chiavari chairs…@$8 per chair plus delivery and set up.
I was able to split the cost of the chairs 3 ways… between the Friday night wedding, ours on Sat. night and then the Sunday afternoon wedding. Saved a lot.</p>
<p>This thread is all very timely and interesting to me!</p>
<p>When D got engaged, we considered having the wedding in her fiance’s hometown…it’s one that many would consider a “destination” for a wedding. Also, his home church is simply beautiful. BUT when HIS older sister got married, his parents were able to afford a huge wedding and over 400 people came!! We just cannot do that, and I did not want to put his parents in the position of having to NOT invite people to a local wedding that WERE invited to the first one. So we are having it near us and, as I said upthread, his parents may host a reception for them after the wedding. </p>
<p>D selected a line of dresses of varying styles and is having each girl pick her own style. They can wear whatever shoes they want. </p>
<p>As for hair/nails and makeup: My D and her bridesmaids all enjoy doing “girly” things like this together. So I am offering to pay half for anyone interested in having their hair and/or makeup done on the day of the wedding. It will absolutely be an optional thing, and they will be welcomed to come with us to the salon to just enjoy the time together. </p>
<p>Another “tradition” that I love and have not heard about here: a bridesmaid’s brunch or luncheon. NOT a shower…this is meant to be a time for the bride and her best friends and also female relatives to relax and celebrate together. I have hosted several for daughters of good friends of mine and for my D’s best friend (D was her maid of honor and she will be D’s). D’s bridesmaids brunch will actually be the morning of her wedding and we will go from there to the salon for hair and makeup and then to the venue to get dressed for the 7:00pm wedding. We are really looking forward to the big day!!</p>
<p>“Yes, the chiavari chairs…@$8 per chair plus delivery and set up.”</p>
<p>I had no idea there was a must have chair! </p>
<p>“Yes there is…a disorder.”</p>
<p>My sister turned her disorder into a business and after doing her D’s wedding became a wedding planner. So, to all you future MOBS - if money is no object she’s your girl!</p>
<p>“Another “tradition” that I love and have not heard about here: a bridesmaid’s brunch or luncheon. NOT a shower…this is meant to be a time for the bride and her best friends and also female relatives to relax and celebrate together”</p>
<p>I had one of those thrown for me by friends of my mother. Just a nice ladies’ luncheon, no gifts. My parents hosted a pool party at their home at the same time so the guys hung out there in the meantime. This was the day before my wedding and the majority of the guests were from out of town.</p>