<p>I was recently invited to the wedding of a close friend’s son. The couple wasn’t registered at any of the typical places. The only information available was to something called The Honeyfund. Basically, it was a list of items for the couple’s honeymoon that one could purchase, e.g., two nights in a beach front villa, a romantic dinner for two, etc. Something about it hit me the wrong way. It just seemed tacky. Am I just behind the times? My plan was to spend $500. Seems to be no way to just add $500 to the Honeyfund–I’m just going to give them a check and they can spend it any way they choose.</p>
<p>I would do the same. Give them a check…that way they can spend it any way they choose.</p>
<p>I have seen these Honeymoon Fund registries too. I think they are becoming more common. My humble opinion…the honeymoon should not be funded by the wedding guests. But call me old fashioned.</p>
<p>You know…it took DH and me 30 years to go on our dream honeymoon. The night we got married, we had exactly enough money for ONE night at a New England inn…so we went where we could afford to go.</p>
<p>BTW, $500 is a very nice gift. Can I invite you to any of my kids’ weddings when they happen?</p>
<p>I object to the “wedding as fundraiser” approach, whether for a “HoneyFund” or “cover the plate” agenda. </p>
<p>However, I do make an exception for donations to charities, as they are for the benefit of another party than the couple marrying. My D and her fiance stressed in their communications that their guests’ presence at their wedding was the only gift they wanted, but then did suggest charities for those who were determined to give a gift.</p>
<p>I also object to the Honeyfund, but for different reasons. I’m sure they don’t do it for free. If I give a cash gift, I would like the couple to get the whole thing so I send a check.</p>
<p>I don’t care for it either. The only way I could something like this really making sense is if two people are getting married in their late 30s and/or 40s, and are basically melding two households together and don’t need the typical stuff made of wedding registries. I know of one such couple like that right now. Kind of like… what do you get the couple who has everything?? But even in a situation like that, I’d prefer to just send a check.</p>
<p>It rubs me the wrong way, too.</p>
<p>I do know a couple who got married a number of years ago and while “mature” in years didn’t have much money. A mutual friend organized a scheme to contribute $$ so that they could take a trip to Europe. That was, I think, very nice. They didn’t need household goods, their wedding was very much DIY, and THEY did not initiate the honeymoon scheme. It was a gift that we, their friends, could give them. </p>
<p>And BTW, that is a VERY generous gift! :)</p>
<p>Add me to the list of CCers who are not fond of such honeymoon registries.</p>
<p>I think sending them a generous check is a wonderful idea, and the gift would be appreciated.</p>
<p>BTW, what happens if not all dream honeymoon registry items get purchased? The couple gets a partial gift (1 night out of 5 etc.) and has to pay for the rest out of its own funds?</p>
<p>Would not do it and would have a hard time if one of my kids did it. I just don’t see that as the purpose of the wedding gift. Also, OP you are quite generous, $500. The whole wedding concept anymore drives me crazy.</p>
<p>The Honeymoon funds I’ve seen we’re for extra things to do on the honeymoon…a champagne breakfast, some kind of excursion, a specialty restaurant, wine every night at dinner, etc. they were not for the basic airfare and hotel.</p>
<p>My SIL did a honeyfund when she got married last year, in addition to Macy’s and BBB. If it were the only option I probably would have just written a check, which I am sure she would have graciously appreciated-- and since there were options I saw no need to be offended by the honeyfund. When you don’t need “things” for your house I think you are in a tough spot… Maybe times have changed but these days when you get married people EXPECT you to register for SOMETHING, even if it is a honeyfund type thing-- Our wedding isn’t for 8 months and some relatives are already badgering me about where we’ll be registered. To just not register for anything if you don’t need new dishes isn’t really a viable option. They don’t want it to be up to them to decide what to get me, and many don’t like to just write a check.</p>
<p>That said, I don’t really find honeyfund offensive anyway… the point isn’t to pay for a vacation bride and groom can’t afford, it’s just to throw something nice in if you WANT to-- like the excursion or wine with dinner-- and if they don’t receive those gifts they pay themselves or don’t do these things. Just as I won’t be registering at Macy’s expecting every single one of my guests to run out to Macy’s with my wish list in hand, I don’t really think the expectation is that people should feel obligated to buy everything or anything on the honeyfund registry if it isn’t to their taste… It’s just something new and different, and for a lot of young people it’s a lot of fun. It’s a suggestion you are free to ignore.</p>
<p>Emaheevul07–thanks for your perspective. The honeyfund is a fairly new trend, so I think it can rub people the wrong way–but your explanation really makes it seem more reasonable. I think especially if the couple already has been living on their own, they may not need much of the traditional gifts. Also, some people really don’t want to give cash, so this gives them an option for a gift they can still choose.</p>
<p>Add me to the list of old fogies who didn’t initially have a positive response to the honeyfund. But the explanation makes sense, especially since so many couples already have a houseful of stuff and don’t need much, or have nowhere to store it.</p>
<p>I had a new strategy I just decided to try out. For an upcoming wedding we are attending, I sent a gift from their registry, but thats only half the gift. We will also give them a check at the wedding. I thought it might be nice to have both something they can remember who it came from (“so-and so gave us this”) and also have some cash/spending money as well. So this is sort of a “half and half” gift. I thought it was something new to try. Anyone else do this? Oh, I 've told the groom already that we are doing this (so they dont think the gift we sent, which was nice and over $100, but certainly not $500 nice!!) was all they were getting</p>
<p>We received a wedding invitation recently for the wedding of a dear friend’s son. They are from Spain and the wedding will take place there. The invitation included a separate card saying (loosely translated) that your presence at our ceremony is the best gift but if you would like to contribute to our honeymoon trip, here is our bank account number…and proceeded to list the name of the bank and the account number. I was horrified, but maybe that’s the way they do it now in some countries. I thought it was incredibly tacky.</p>
<p>jym,
interesting idea; did you also attend a bridal shower?</p>
<p>I don’t know how I feel about the honeyfund. As far as, what if they don’t get all the items . . .I really think of the honeyfund as a mechanism to help guests feel like they are contributing something specific to the couple.</p>
<p>It reminds me very much of some non-profit organizations I work with. Different donors respond differently. We have found some that will give if we offer “Donate $100 to buy XX books for the children’s library” and others are more generous by contributing to our programming fund for us to use as we see fit. Ultimately it’s all going into one big pot, and then some of it is getting parceled out to specific uses.</p>
<p>I guess I’d rather just give a check, of an amount I choose, and let the couple decide how to best use it. I don’t think an extravagant honeymoon is the best use necessarily, unless the couple is very well off. Much rather see them invest in a house or save for the (unknown) future.</p>
<p>mominva,</p>
<p>We live in one state, the couple live in another, and the wedding will be in her home town a ways away from here. So no- did not attend any showers. If you attend a shower and buy a gift, do you (as in a general question-- not you specifically) give a less expensive wedding gift?</p>
<p>I don’t have a problem with a couple having a Honeyfund - no one is putting a gun to anyone’s head to purchase something from the list. One is always free to choose to give a check or another gift to the couple.</p>
<p>What happens if someone pays for, say, a boat ride on the honeymoon and it either gets cancelled due to bad weather or the couple has a scheduling conflict or something? Personally, I still would steer away from buying something on the “honeyfund”. But thats just me.</p>
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<p>See I really doubt that they are taking jym’s check and turning it over to the honeymoon resort, so to speak. I think they have figured out that they want to do items x, y, and z on the activities at their honeymoon, and put those prices on their registry. So you feel like you are “buying” the boat trip. If the boat trip i n cancelled, they still have the $$ to go snorkeling instead or to buy a new food processor when they get home!</p>
<p>Ah. I was thinking they had already gotten some honeymoon package and a person could set it up directly with the resort/hotel to book/pay for an excursion (kinda like they do on a cruise). I guess its really just sending a check and writing what you want them to use it for. It feels like a “suggested donation amount”. Thats a little creepy.</p>