<p>Jym, whenever I give a cash wedding gift, I always give a small real gift too. The ,OOS recent couple got cash and a beautiful inlaid wood cutting board. The previous couple got cash and their everyday eating utensils. That way, they have something to use from us, and some cash to spend as they choose.</p>
<p>That’s the plan thumper. It’s just harder to do when one is sent via a registry and arrives way before the wedding just need to make sure they understand that their gift comes in part a and part B</p>
<p>jym,
If I attend a shower and give a gift there, it generally does not change my wedding gift amount, but it will have an impact on whether I feel the need to get them another tangible item for remembrance.</p>
<p>Jym. We did that a year ago…gave the couple luggage which was sent from Macy’s. Then at the wedding dropped off two Christmas ornaments with a check. The couple thanked us for everything.</p>
<p>And yes…I actually went to two showers for this bride too.</p>
<p>I would do the same.<br>
We gave nephew a very generous gift and their thank you note said they are saving it in their “buy a house” fund. I appreciated that. People give gifts to help a couple get started in life together, not to take a trip. JMO.</p>
<p>First I’ve heard of this and it makes me cringe. I see nothing wrong with a parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle giving a special gift to a couple to enhance a honeymoon in some way, but to blatantly solicit funds is - to blatantly solicit funds and shouldn’t be part of a wedding celebration. Where did people get the idea that this was acceptable behavior? Reading a list of extras or add ons would make me feel like my gift couldn’t measure up. It doesn’t help that we went camping for our honeymoon (and had a wonderful time) but it is indicative of a sense of entitlement that turns me off. </p>
<p>I am a crank on this subject and also feel to suggest a charity is inappropriate. Why make it so hard? Choose a gift from a registry, come up with your own idea, or send a check. Let the couple donate excess gifts/cash to a charity.</p>
<p>I’ve never heard of this either. It seems so transactional. How far ahead do these requests go out to guests? Travel plans usually are made months in advance, so that’s a fair amount of long range planning. Do they wait to see how much money they raise before they commit to the trip? </p>
<p>If you have to raise money to pay for a trip, you probably can’t afford it. I think most people would like to believe their wedding gift money goes towards a house or a nest egg - both should come ahead of a lavish trip.</p>
<p>I just attended a lovely, quite opulent wedding. The couple didn’t register anywhere, nor did they specify gift intentions…in fact, they said absolutely nothing about gifts at all - they simply invited us to a wonderful event that filled a weekend - a welcome party the night before and a brunch the day after. We felt no pressure about the gift giving. I want my kids to do the same when they get married.</p>
<p>The honeymoon gift registries I’ve seen we’re NOT for the basic trip (transportation and hotel). They were for extras the couple might want to do while on their honeymoon. </p>
<p>If the couple wants to use my wedding check gift to pay for,their honeymoon…that is fine with me. Actually, once I give them a check, I don’t really care what they choose to spend it on! </p>
<p>Re: charities. We have been to two weddings where the wedding couples were truthfully quite wealthy. They chose very meaningful charities and made a request for donations in lieu of any gifts. I know the family very well…so I asked why they didn’t just donate the money themselves. They had two good reasons…first, they didn’t really care or want to know the amounts of the donations. Second, they wanted their guests to have the tax write off for charitable donations. I have to say, we donated to the charities in both cases. The thank you notes these couples wrote were very nice. Like I said, they were particularly meaningful charities for these wedding couples (who also donate substantially to charities anyway).</p>
<p>In lieu of no other registry at all I suppose I object slightly less to this honeymoon fund craze. But personally I don’t get the difference between having no registry and getting presumably an equivalent amount in cash and then applying that your honeymoon yourself.</p>
<p>Maybe it’s silly but I’d rather give cash that they can spend on something I might find unnecessary or don’t “approve” of funding, than to outright have to fund something I don’t agree with.</p>
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<p>Why not send the check in advance too? </p>
<p>Since I don’t come from a money-giving tradition, I must say that I simply cannot imagine handing someone a check at their wedding.</p>
<p>Consolation, I’ve never handed someone a check if you mean in the sense of walking up to them and just handing them the check. I always put it in a card, their’s usually a basket or something on the gift table for just cards.</p>
<p>I’m happy to give a check, or contribute to a honeymoon, or send a gift that the couple has chosen from a registry. Mainly, I want to know that my gift is something they will want and enjoy, and not one of the things that will be hauled back to the store after the wedding to be returned because they already have two blenders.</p>
<p>Registries are set up to help the gift-givers as well as the couple. I certainly don’t think that a couple is acting entitled for setting one up, either for material things or a trip contribution, A lot of young people have the basics, they may have a very simple lifestyle and would much rather have a memorable experience than a lot of tangible gifts. I could see something like the Honeyfund as a way of giving a check, but with a little more fun for the giver. I think this appeals especially to young people attending friends’ weddings, as just handing their friends a check might feel awkward. Buying them a lovely dinner, a snorkling excursion, or a boat ride on their trip to outer Mongolia 
might seem more appealing, especially if the giver feels they get to choose a meaningful experience.</p>
<p>Now,what feels like “entitlement” to me is not sending a prompt thank-you for the gifts received, although it’s usually just poor manners.</p>
<p>Registries in general don’t bother me. I would like to get the couple something they like and if it’s on the registry, my assumption is they choose the item.</p>
<p>Telling people what to “give” bothers me very much. H’s niece just had a shower hosted by her cousin. Invites were along the lines of “John and Jane bought their house last fall. All they want is to funds for their house. Please buy a Lowe’s card to help them.” Ug…this is a young professional fresh from grad school couple…not a wealthy, late in life, very established couple.</p>
<p>Come to think of it, I hate it when a couple hasn’t registered somewhere because that means I have to guess, or I have to give cash. If I don’t know the couple all that well, neither of those options is that comfortable. I like getting the guidance a registry of some sort provides.</p>
<p>I agree that the “send a Lowe’s card” goes a little too far, lol. But honestly, if that’s what they really need, hey, why not just go along with it. At least it’s something they want.</p>
<p>I still don’t understand why people don’t just mail their checks.</p>
<p>I like registries, too. I want to get something I know they will like, rather than guess at their taste.</p>
<p>Consolation, because I wouldn’t go to a wedding but mail my gift. My check in a card is as much a gift as a wrapped box. It can go on the gift table with everything else.</p>
<p>I think this again is regional. I don’t find gift tables common at all. It seems inefficient to schlep presents to a wedding and then someone has to schlep them back home. I would mail a check just like I’d mail any other gift. Indeed, I think it would stick out, and not in a good way, for someone to schlep a toaster to a wedding and just expect the bride or family to deal with it.</p>
<p>Everyone has their own preferences, and that’s fine. I rarely bring gifts to the weddings I attend, sending the gifts ahead of time. ( A registry certainly makes this easier.) If I’m sending money, I’ll send it in a card ahead of the wedding. I guess I feel a card can get lost, and a gift is sort of a pain to bring, and probably somewhat inconvenient for the couple to deal with at the reception.</p>
<p>^^^ I see that I agree with Pizzagirl, crossposting.</p>
<p>I just think it’s bad taste to ask someone to a wedding, birthday, or other party, and then have your hand out for the gift. But that’s just me.</p>
<p>I don’t mail a check because often I don’t know where to mail it to. We just went to a wedding, the daughter of a cousin. I guess we could have mailed the check to her parents house, as we do have their address. But the couple were moving from their separate apartments to a house they bought. We did not have that address.</p>
<p>If I am giving something off the registry, I will usually have it sent thru the store. I see nothing wrong with bringing a card with a check to the reception.</p>