<p>Traditionally you didn’t bring gifts to the wedding because the bride and groom were heading out on their honeymoon straight from the wedding. In any event, I was brought up that you never ever bring gifts to weddings, but it’s very clear to me that there are many other cultures where what’s expected is very different. I’m not too keen on honeyfunds, but I’m not bothered by the idea of the couple using money for experiences instead of things.</p>
<p>“I still don’t understand why people don’t just mail their checks.”</p>
<p>I’ve never mailed a check to a couple whose wedding I was attending. I always personally hand it (inside a card) to the couple at the reception. </p>
<p>H and I had a blast counting all the money after our wedding. </p>
<p>If I am giving a gift I always send it before the wedding. The registries always have a ship to address.</p>
<p>One of my son’s friend’s recently got married. He and his wife honeymooned in Disney World. My son paid for a dinner there. Personally my son liked the whole idea. He’s not a shopper nor would he have liked to purchase a card, throw in a check, and mail it off - one of those things he would have put off forever. He enjoyed thinking of his friends dining at Epcot on him. (He enjoyed the idea of dinner at Disney more than he enjoyed buying his sister a vacuum from her gift registry. LOL) </p>
<p>Maybe it’s a generational thing.</p>
<p>While I generally send wedding gifts by mail (and always something off the registry), here is our experience from my daughter’s August wedding that had 225 attendees:
many gifts mailed to the groom’s house (address that was with the registries although the address was not viewable by those buying and sending the gifts)
4 cards mailed to my home - my address was the return address on the invitation
~20 gifts brought to the reception
45 cards containing checks, cash and gift cards brought to the reception</p>
<p>It’s a good thing there was a gift table at the reception and a box to contain all of the cards.</p>
<p>I recently received a save the date with a honeymoon registry. I went to the website and there was a picture of the couple vacationing at Disneyworld. And they are requesting funding for another trip to Disney. I can’t say I felt inspired to donate to the cause. I’ll give a check, they can spend it as they wish.
The last wedding I went to also had only a honeymoon registry. There was still a pretty full gift table at the reception with bridesmaids schlepping things out afterwards.</p>
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<p>I’m sure it’s generational. How do the Honeyfund’s work? Are you really buying a romantic dinner for two–is that set up ahead of time and the money goes to a restaurant? Or does the couple just get the money? If they just get the money, then I don’t get why you can’t just put X amount into the fund without having to pick from a list and add up the options so that you get to the amount. I tried to do that and I quickly became impatient with the whole process–I just wanted the couple to get XX amount and use it as they choose. I just mailed a check and a card to the couple. Sent it to the return address on the invitation envelope, which was the couple’s address (they are living together).</p>
<p>At most of the weddings I’ve been to lately, I haven’t seen a gift table–have seen a place for cards. My oldest got married 4 years ago–no one brought a gift to the wedding–cards, but no gifts. (They did have a gift registry.)</p>
<p>I’ve never understood the custom in some circles of bringing the gift to the wedding reception. As someone else pointed out, someone has to bring the gift to the venue only to have someone else shlep the boxes and cards back to someone’s house. In addition, I’ve heard several stories of gifts being stolen during the reception and in the case of my wedding, some of the cards became separated from the gifts and we had to guess (or have my mom make some discreet calls) about which gift came from whom. I can easily imagine that envelopes containing money could disappear.</p>
<p>No one ever opens the gifts at the reception anyway so what’s the point of a table full of wrapped gifts and envelopes? I do remember that a table was always set up at the home of the mother of the bride to display the gifts that the bride and groom opened before and immediately after the wedding, along with the cards showing who gave what. Does anyone still do that?</p>
<p>I believe the “point” is that some people don’t want to pay extra for shipping. So they bring it to the wedding. </p>
<p>All wedding gifts for my son and future dil will be sent to our house because we are the only ones to have a secure inside space that UPS and FedEx can use. The only place that we have ever seen a gift table displaying what people purchased for the bride and groom was in the ORIGINAL Father of the Bride. I have never seen this done here.</p>
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<p>Me too.</p>
<p>I think a couple of people might have brought gifts to our wedding reception, but the reception was at my parents’ house, so it made sense. </p>
<p>Speaking of strange wedding gifts, my single most extravagant friend ever gave us a houseplant. A largish houseplant, but nothing special. I never have been able to figure that one out.</p>
<p>People who always bring gifts-- is there always a gift table at every wedding you go to? What would you do if you showed up and there wasn’t one?</p>
<p>I’ve only been to two weddings and I don’t think there was a gift table at either, though i am familiar with the concept. I wasn’t planning to set one up at mine… I’m wondering how the logistics will work if I don’t for the maybe handful of people who might show up with a gift in hand.</p>
<p>I went to a wedding when about 20 years ago and it seemed to be the expected/norm to bring only envelope with money. No gifts. Not sure why, but there were no gifts at all. No registry and I was told that was the custom for that culture. Glad someone clued me in!</p>
<p>Last time I was at a wedding with no gift table people started putting things at the cake table. They quickly set up a seprate table in a discrete location. </p>
<p>DIL used the honneyfund and it was just a cute way for people who were going to send a check to say that they would like to have them use it for extras on their honeymoon. No binding agreement. I think it just printed out a certificate to go with the check but don’t really remember.</p>
<p>I think a gift table can be practical. DHs family all came from out of town, as he lived in another state. We were registered but I think a lot of people like to buy and wrap their own item - it makes it more personal than just checking a box on a registry. They could also add nice notes or package two items together. </p>
<p>I much prefer that over people having to worry about whether they packaged something carefully enough and not having it wrapped nicely.</p>
<p>When I was a bride to be we received presents at the shower and engagement party. At the wedding we received half presents and half cash. It seems that here most people on our side of the aisle buy a really nice shower/wedding gift as a combination gift. The bride’s side seem to do a nice shower gift and cash gift for the wedding. We are secular Jews and they are more religious.</p>
<p>I always mail gift, or if local, drop off the gift beforehand. I have little experience with weddings, but it felt great at a Bat Mitzvah when the girl waved her arm at me, to show me she was wearing the bracelet I sent. Another boy was wearing the watch I bought.</p>
<p>We had the strangest experience at the worm’s Bar Mitzvah. He received just ONE tangible gift; the first 3 Harry Potter books. For 2 years prior, I gave nothing but tangible gifts: sports bags, jewelry, signed posters of favorite sports players, and framed certificates of star named for the boy. Imagine the surprise when all these recipients gave the worm checks!!! He had nothing to open but the books. Thankfully, my dear departed aunt came to the rescue. She got so excited about the books, spoke of seeing JK Rowlings on TV, described the plot, etc. So, when family left our house, son took book 1 to bed with him. 4:00 a.m., he was still reading.</p>
<p>Years ago I was at a wedding where they opened the gifts at the reception. I remember thinking that was unusual. Every wedding I have been to has a gift table. I have a large gift now that I could have had sent but I wanted to wrap it. Target doesn’t do that. So we will schlep it to the groom’s mom’s home sometime before the wedding. But honestly, I think I learned on CC not to bring gifts to the wedding. I had never thought about it before reading it on here a few years ago.</p>
<p>Every wedding I have ever been to has also had a gift table. Maybe it’s somewhat of a regional thing? S1 is engaged. They’ll have a gift table. I know some people will bring a gift. If there wasn’t one, people would start sitting them on the cake table or some other place that was a disaster in the making. Or they’d be wandering around carrying their present, wondering what to do with it.</p>
<p>It’s either a gift table or the bride goes around with a big white satin purse collecting the envelopes personally as she makes the rounds. Lately, I’ve been seeing pinterest style craft projects for the envelope collection container. Last one was a bejeweled lobster-trap swagged out in the bridal colors. My only worry with that sort of thing is someone really should be keeping an eye on it.</p>
<p>Be careful if you mail the gift. When I lived in an apartment years ago I shared a doorway with another apartment. A couple got married and rented that apartment but they didn’t move in yet. The presents were just left on the doorstep for days.</p>
<p>I remember seeing The Godfather with a friend. We were mystified by the check purse thing. First time I ever heard of it.</p>