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<p>This is up there with “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”</p>
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<p>Any bride who forbids photos of her new husband with his loving mother, and who deliberately leaves the MIL out of the wedding party photos, doesn’t need therapy. What she needs is a heart transplant.</p>
<p>Good one, hayden! :D</p>
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<p>I think I’m the same religion as you . . .</p>
<p>Lately I’ve been to some weddings with complex families. The one that touched me the most was where the Bride’s parents were long divorced. Both were long remarried. Mom realized she was a lesbian after the divorce (probably earlier) and has a long-time partner, now wife, who was central in raising bride. So mom and her wife walked bride down the aisle. At the end of the aisle, mom and wife kissed bride and went up under the chuppah. Dad and his wife then walked down from the chuppah and walked bride up to her groom. Very sweet and a great way to handle the situation.</p>
<p>At my Step-D’s recent wedding, Mom walked down the aisle with her son (who then doubled back to walk down the aisle with the groomsmen.) H (bride’s dad) walked bride down the aisle. Mom joined them at the foot of the aisle where they both gave bride away. (Step-D was not raised Jewish so there was no chuppah.) Worked for everyone involved.</p>
<p>There’s many ways to deal sensitively with pretty much any situation. Just have to be gracious!!!</p>
<p>At my wedding we each walked down with our parents and dropped them off at their seats. Hope that would make Zoosermom happy!</p>
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In my religion, the groom doesn’t usually process. He usually appears from the back of the church and stands at the altar with his best man. If he has two parents, then they walk together. When the ceremony is about to start, the last guests are seated, then the grandparents walk down or are escorted, depending on health/mobility, then the MOG is seated by someone (could be a groomsman, could be the groom, usually would be her husband), and the last person seated before the bridal party is the MOB. She is seated in the same manner as the MOG and it usually depends on the family situation. When I say that I want to be seated by my son, what I mean is that I don’t want a random groomsman to walk me to my seat at my daughter’s wedding. Next comes the bridal party and finally the bride with only her father if she has one. When he has handed our D off to her groom, my husband will slide into the pew next to me. Another reason I want my son to seat me is that the organist will play the processional for everyone but the bride. When the last bridesmaid has reached the altar, my son will play the processional for his sister and only his sister, so he has to walk down the aisle anyway to stand in place until it is her turn. It is incredibly important to her that her brother play her down the aisle.</p>
<p>We are making a wedding next year. The bride (who is wonderful, loves my son, and we welcome her with all our might) comes from a difficult family. This will be a truly religious wedding. We are secular but are happy to make the day one that our children will remember with joy.</p>
<p>Here is our challenge: The bride’s family has been…abusive. This is not a tale of woe, we know many people who knew and did nothing. (And yes, don’t get me started about religious people who know something is very wrong and don’t help). Here is our problem: We are walking our son down the aisle. The bride WANTS us to walk our son…no problem here. But the bride wants to walk down the aisle alone. Her parents hate each other, but can be in the same room. I have a few ideas. The one that I won’t do is walk back up the aisle and have Mr. Ellebud and I walk her down the aisle. This was one suggestion was from friends of ours who, who doesn’t have a clue as to what a slap in the face this would be for her parents.</p>
<p>I said to her that she should talk to the rabbi who is performing the service for guidance. But so far they haven’t discussed it. Does anyone have suggestions? I would really embrace the wisdom of parents here.</p>
<p>zoosermom, I have tears in my eyes! (#306) </p>
<p>bevhills, what a heartbreaking situation. Is there any reason why the bride couldn’t walk down the aisle alone? Walking with anyone else would just highlight the issues with her parents, who will be there.</p>
<p>bev --her parents, unless in huge denial, know the facts. There is no way that the bride cannot have them walk her without attention to their past. That said, it is not her problem to take care of them about this. I suggest that if she has a Brother she loves or and Uncle or a male best friend then she asks them and that does let her parents know early on so the issue can be put aside.
It is a tough one.
Backing up --if the Bride wants to walk herself down the aisle then that is the answer,
If the Bride wants the groom to meet her 1/2-3/4 of the way–that could be lovely and work as well.</p>
<p>There are huge denials about abuse. It is true. I think that she is making a statement but it will totally devastate her mother who has issues with me. We have welcomed her into our family. They have welcomed our checkbook(s). </p>
<p>There is a grandmother who everyone adores. She is truly a special human being. She has been on her daughter’s side claiming that everything the mom did was a to keep the family going…and I strongly suspect that she won’t let her daughter (mob) not walk her down the aisle.</p>
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Reminds me of the saying: “Man (or woman) plans, God laughs.”</p>
<p>I think your future daughter should walk down the aisle alone, if that’s what she’d like to do. I’d think to have a brother, uncle, or other friend or relative, walk her down the aisle would be a bigger slap in the face to her parents than if she goes alone. </p>
<p>My BFF’s daughter is getting married this fall. A Jewish ceremony. Although there are NO family problems - mom and dad are still happily married - the bride will be walking down the aisle alone. That’s what she wants to do. Not an issue for anyone.</p>
<p>I agree about walking alone. She simply would appear to be an independent woman not bound by some of these traditions. I would be so sad to see her cave and let someone who abused her or knew of it and did nothing walk her down the aisle.</p>
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Ask me what she wants him to play. Go ahead. I dare you!</p>
<p>In the case of abuse, I think the bride should make her own choice. It might be at the end of it that she doesn’t want to cause questions to be asked that she doesn’t want to be answered. Maybe there is some alternative such as having the groom seat you, your husband be the best man and then have the bride walk halfway alone and be met by her groom. Or the couple could process together. It is so wonderful that you understand her situation in this way.</p>
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If she has one?? :eek: Is mr zooser the target of a mob hit or something?? 
That cracked me up-- I assume it was unintentional??</p>
<p>Not all brides have living fathers. It was two separate sentences. The first was a general discussion, the second sentence was my personal hope and expectation (knocking on wood!).</p>
<p>Thats a great story, inthebiz. Yes, we are the same religion. I am trying to recall if both my parents or just my dad walked me down the aisle. I honestly can’t recall. I will have to go look at photos or something. I know my DH wont remember.</p>
<p>zoos-
At a wedding I attended a few months ago the bride/groom had a string quartet who played the theme from Star Wars as the bride walked down the aisle! What is your daughters choice?</p>
<p>Ok zoos. I read quickly. But gotta admit it was funny!!</p>
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<p>Don’t read this if you have anything in your mouth.</p>
<p>The theme from Beauty and the Beast.</p>