I’ve always liked Eric Ripert. His tribute to Bourdain says, in part: “From the bottom of my heart, I pray he is at peace.” I will remember this prayer every time I hear about a person who dies by suicide.
If we’re content to dismiss people who die by suicide as selfish or cowardly, we’ll never understand them and never begin to address the issue.
The suicide hotline is as much for those who want to help someone else, as for the person in direct need. Often that person in need is not in a position to call - they are too far along to care, or they are not that far along, and don’t recognize that they are headed in that direction. Remember also that depression is not the only major cause of suicide - so don’t just worry about the person who is overly sad or despondent. Also worry about the person that is “too happy,” or too full of energy. That person many be manic, and may act out of impulse, or could crash into a depressive state.
For those concerned about what to watch for, there are not “Mental Health First Aid” classes available, similar in nature to regular first aid classes, where you learn what signs to look for, and how to help.
https://www.thenationalcouncil.org/training-courses/mental-health-first-aid/
The suicide hotline is a lifeline not only for depressed, but the initial lifeline/resource for those individuals connected to the depressed who have no clue where to turn as their world literally implodes.
While depression may immobilize, sometimes we are fortunate enough to at least hear words. I am grateful that I did.
I happen to have Bourdain’s Appetites: A Cookbook. Introduction snip: “From the second I saw my daughter’s head corkscrewing out of the womb, I began making some major changes in my life. I was no longer the star of my own movie – or any movies. From that point on, it was all about the girl … Fatherhood has been an enormous relief, as I am now genetically, instinctually compelled to care more about someone other than myself. I like being a father. No, I love being a father. Everything about it.”
I hope we understand that those dealing with depression and their families feel more vulnerable this week, that we give grace to those who may be well-intentioned with words, but say the wrong thing (which I have done and continue to do) and further the discussion.
Just to lighten the thread a bit, see if you can envision his Meatloaf from his intro to the recipe. I’ve had some of these:)
"My mom’s meatloaf is inarguably better than yours, but this is not my mom’s meat loaf recipe. This one is an amalgam, intended to evoke all the important meat loaves in my life – and there have been many.
– The meat loaf I’d get at the family table as a child.
– The meat loaf I’d find (if I was lucky) in the steam table in the school cafeteria, usually festering in a pool of grayish commercial gravy. (God, I loved that stuff - especially when stoned.)
– The meat loaf in the familiar foil tray of a Swanson TV dinner (which freed me from the oppression of a loving dinner table!).
– The meat loaf my bosses insisted I keep on the menu at my first chef job. The restaurant failed, but the meat loaf was quite good."
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“No Reservations” marathon on Travel Channel all day today.
So sad. I really enjoyed his work. RIP.
Last week’s celebrity deaths are a reminder of some statistics: in the U.S., the rate of suicide is highest in middle-aged people and white men accounted for more than one-half the suicides in the U.S. in 2016.
Once more, with feeling: there is no “getting out of” depression. If you have MDD, you have it for life. If a call to a friend can get you out of your depression, you don’t have MDD and are very, very likely not suicidal.
Like I said earlier, I’m on 4 anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds. I’m stable now but I’m not always. A change in environment? Call to a friend? Exercise? All difficult to do if you’re so depressed you can’t get out of your damn bed.
I’m begging you to get information on what it’s like to have major depression. If only because your advice will often make people having a depressive episode feel even more despondent. If you tell someone that they can get rid of their depression just by changing their environment or something, it can make us spiral even more out of self-blame. Thoughts like "I’m better off gone since I should just ~be happy~ with x, y, or z and since I’m not, I’m a burden on everyone.
I’m sorry to belabor this point but I have lost too many friends to suicide. I’ve nearly lost my own life to my depression. I don’t want anyone else to suffer the pain of a suicide in part because of a very fundamental misunderstanding of what depression is.
@Emsmom1 -
Your post 76 coalesced for me the difference between someone who suffers from depression and someone who doesn’t. Like you, I was unable to breastfeed my D because she just refused to latch on. I had also been unable to nurse my first child, who suffered from an allergy to my breast milk. Both situations saddened me and I cried and felt like a bad mother, but I never felt like my children would be better off without me, just that they would be better off with a different source of nutrition. I put them both on formula in their turns and moved on. Your post gave me chills - although I thought I understood what it felt like to have depression, I don’t think I truly did until I read your words and was able to envision the difference in our responses to the same triggering situation. I am so glad that you came out on the other side of that because your D does need you. Please don’t ever forget that.
TM
@techmom99 Thank you for your response to my post. Luckily after multiple depressive episodes, my doctor prescribed a medication that works. I have not had an episode in three years, but I still remember how bad it can get.
I’ve read enough stories or personal statements from people who describe an exact situation where they literally could not pull themselves up off the floor, the bed, or whatever to function to know that I can never question no can I expect to understand what someone in deep depression goes through. Really I don’t think it should take any more than that - personal testimonial of someone you know or love to just believe in what you cannot personally understand.
My D and I just watched the season 6 episode of Parts Unknown in Marseille, a city we are familiar with. I watched it with different eyes than I might have watched his show before, but full enjoyment. If you liked what Anthony had to offer, catch an episode or two of his shows - it might be just what you need to move a little more from sad to honored to have had the opportunity to enjoy him and his work.
@asbasket said “… little more from sad to honored to have had the opportunity to enjoy him and his work.”
This^^ and part of the reason I went back to read some of his work and posted it here. For me, personally, while death can be so sad, suicide in particular seems to overshadow, almost eclipse everything else about the person. In fact, quite honestly among many of my faults, I find that I sometimes lose the person to the manner of death. In an effort to discourage those thoughts, I resolve to learn, reread, rewatch, etc.REMEMBER THE PERSON; depression doesn’t win and the individual is honored.
Is there a “one size fits all” depression, on either side of the argument, really? Not from what I’ve seen or read. People are helped by different treatments and solutions. Whether you’ve experienced depression yourself or not, I don’t think anyone here can claim they know what works for someone else or not. All forms of depression should be taken seriously. I don’t think even the licensed professionals can pinpoint suicide risk/likelihood with any accuracy.
I just had lunch last week with one of my brothers, who has struggled with a mood disorder since his late teens. He was telling me how he and his team have gotten his major depression in remission, how he has taken a new job, and how much he is looking forward to.
He also told me how awful he felt when he was feeling suicidal. He said the thoughts were so strong, so intrusive, that he’d count backwards from 100 by 2s or 4s just to try to keep the thoughts at bay, and get through a piece of the day, then another piece.
It is very hard for me to imagine what that is like without ever having experienced it myself. It sounds awful. And yes, like someone mentioned upthread, like your thoughts are trying to get you alone in a room and kill you.
There are several suicide risk assessment tools/checklists that professionals can use with suicidal clients. They are typically used as aids to assess the degree of risk of a client, but of course they are only aids and they also rely on the truthfulness of the client.
Lots of articles, scholarly and otherwise, point to the limitations of assessment.
One of many:
https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/suicide-risk-assessment-doesnt-work/
Perhaps the future holds better solutions as early AI assessment shows better results.
Duh. There are always limitations to assessment tools/screening instruments of any kind. But in the hands of the mental health professionals they provide valuable additional information. They are not meant to be used alone. They are additional information for the MH provider, to be used in combination with their clinical interview/assessment/professional skills.
I’m sorry that Anthony Bourdain is dead and even sorrier that he felt it necessary to take his own life. I liked his TV show well enough for the few times I watched it. However, I must say I’m surprised at the volume of grief and attendant news coverage over his death. Saturday’s LA Times had four separate articles about him. And there are at least three more today. This is the level of emotion and coverage one would expect over the unexpected death of a revered major world leader, not a mid-level celebrity chef/travel guy.
The first research article referenced in the above-linked article was actually pretty interesting. It pointed out several limitations in meta-analyses, with this being particularly interesting:
It suggests that the high risk patients may have been identified and benefitted from treatment, but the moderate risk individuals may not have been identified and/or treated effectively, and there may have been a higher rate in this group of successful suicides.
^^ This.
CNN.com had giant headlines and stories that covered half the page and CNN the cable station had what seemed like non-stop tributes to the guy for two days straight. I don’t get it. He wasn’t that big of a name.
In addition to his talents as a chef, writer, and on-air presence, he was a pioneer in exploring the intersections of food, travel, and ethnic cultures. He was a major influence on young chefs, restaurateurs, and culture/media writers, as well as big names in those fields. I’m not surprised to see the amount of press coverage, nor do I think it’s misplaced. For some excellent reading about Bourdain, both the man and his career, I recommend The New York magazine website: http://www.vulture.com/news/anthony-bourdain/