<p>For myself and my husband…we are smack dab in the middle of it. DD is a freshman across the country. This weekend was Parents Weekend…we did not attend-our $$ is being spent paying for tuition. I am bummed about not being able to attend. I know DD is happy-likes her roommate, classes, dorm life, and her new thespian friends. so that part is GREAT…but I miss her.Sometimes I cry…its an adjustment, that is for sure…
The flip side—I don’t worry about her driving late at night after play rehearsal-she has no car!..laundry is completed faster-less loads!..cooking for two, and not having to figure out just when I should have dinner ready because of her play practice…I don’t worry about how she is doing in her classes/exams/grades-because the university doesn’t give her grades to the parents-I figured that if she wanted to tell me how she did-fine- if she was having trouble I was always available-but ultimately it was her decision-A LOT LESS STRESS…aaahhh Life. Thanks to all on CC, I truly appreciate the comraderie-APOL</p>
<p>Very nice post Shawbridge. I’m still looking for that exciting activity though.</p>
<p>I confess I’m a little worried. I guess I have a year to figure it out. H travels a LOT for work, I work at an incredibly demanding non-profit job (rewarding, but still…) that is only a five-block walk from our house. On one level, I’m thinking about all that time I’ll have for gardening, and yoga class, and reading, and clean countertops and my-time-is-my own…but I also know I’ll need to be extra-vigilant not to let work move into the vacuum…
We’ve got one dog, one cat, both old, fairly low maintenance. H wants a big black dog (when our “silly” mini-Schnauzer goes to dog heaven). Not sure I’m up for the puppy thing all over again…</p>
<p>I have a friend who owns half a dog. She shares him with an older couple who take him away for weeks at a time in their camper van. She, in turn went to Central America for several months last year. During the puppy phase she complained a lot but was able to hand him over when she’d had enough. Now she’s crazy about him but also appreciates still having tremendous flexibility to travel, etc. Seems kind of ideal to me.</p>
<p>Half a dog, that’s really interesting
I would want the eyes and tongue, of course</p>
<p>Orchestramom: Get a rescue dog. You can get a “new” dog without having to go through the puppy years.</p>
<p>My five figured they would keep me busy with various “errands” they needed done from 3000 miles away! I guess they all figured how pathetic I was picking them up at the airport and crying like a baby in front of “EVERYONE!” (their words).</p>
<p>So they decided together and without my knowledge these past 5 years to send me on crazy and absurd errands or “missions” as my boys call them. One needs X-wide running shoes that can only be blue and gold, another needs underarmour but only white with NO markings, a particular and out-of-print text in GREEK, an obit of a previous researcher and their UNPUBLISHED research…</p>
<p>I finally figured it out earlier this year when I inadvertantly glanced at one of their emails and it started with, Whose turn is it?..She is getting faster…</p>
<p>Well with the last one finishing up high school, I have had more time to pursue their “requests”…they are all getting it when they get home on Turkey Day!! I think they have a new strategy, bring more people home so it takes me longer to prepare…so now we have 22 for Turkey holiday, maybe more for Christmas. My meat guy at the grocery store called me yesterday asking for my order for the holidays, and he was so happy we were having a houseful!!!</p>
<p>But as I have said on here for the past 5+ years, my kittens leaving SUUUUUUCKS! </p>
<p>I know everyone says it gets better and this too shall pass.</p>
<p>Nope.</p>
<p>So Curm you are not alone. Big highlight yesterday though NAVY beat ND! Been 43 years…the boys were beyond happy they got to be part of it.</p>
<p>16 days and they will ALL be home.</p>
<p>Kat</p>
<p>LOL kat. Just realized after reading your post that mine may be doing the same thing! I am assigned the most bizarre errands. They live in bigger cities and when I point that out, the reply is “It would help so much, you are so good at xyz”. I’ve been duped!!!</p>
<p>But I agree, it sucks with them gone–but my mom is getting more time from me, so I think she likes that. Just spent an hour on phone with her (h. on a trip, no kids here) and made plans to take her out this week.</p>
<p>Your turkey day sounds great!!! We still are a small group–no significant others right now for the kids–so just the 5 of us plus my mom.</p>
<p>Well, I’m a student, but I have a parent who is going through a lot of anxiety. I’ve applied to schools within 5hrs driving, but she is still very upset (once I go, it’ll be an empty nest).</p>
<p>My advice to parents: Don’t worry, we’re not going to abandon you ;)</p>
<p>I’m seriously considering looking for a Guiding Eyes reject (afraid of car backfiring/gunshot but all trained otherwise) and giving it to my neighbor. Then, when she gets home, she’ll have something to give lots of affection and attention to :D</p>
<p>hahaha hahaha I’m so glad to leave for college hahaha</p>
<p>my best friend is one of 6 kids and she will be the last to leave next year. what her parents have done is let each of them pick out a dog their junior year of high school. then the kid helps raise it and gets to play with it in the cute puppy stage and then when theyre gone the parents still have the dogs. i think its kind of bizarre how each of the kids picked the dogs so the dogs “replace” the kids but the parents love it because the dogs all remind them of their kids because they’re all different kinds. oh and they’re dog people anyway because personally i think 6 dogs is crazy…</p>
<p>Years ago, I shared a dog, with my then roommate. She then took off for Peace Corps, so I got Farley. When I moved to Asia she resumed ownership. When she moved overseas permanently, I got him till I had twins, and then he retired to AZ with my mom. Impossible to walk a dog in the snowy winter when the sidewalks aren’t shoveled for a double stroller to pass.It took three families to keep a dog from puppyhood to old age, but I certainly was thrilled, and he was a happy, accepting dog. I love dogs, but haven’t found anyone else to share one with, as I did years ago.</p>
<p>I love that idea of each kid having a dog replacement. One of the sadder bits of the empty nest phase is that the cat and and dog lifespan is around 15 to 20 years, so the animals tend to die as the kids are leaving home. Luckily my cats are a little younger.</p>
<p>Last year was our first year as empty nesters. My husband filled the void with healthy hobbies like music and projects around the house and I ate - 12 extra pounds worth! Always dog lovers, we added a puppy to the household about 4 months ago and hired a dog sitter and local kid to keep her happy while we are at work. A number of items have been chewed up, but I have walked off the 12 pounds! Having something to nuture has been wonderful.</p>
<p>Very interesting to see the number of pet-referencing replies.</p>
<p>I insisted we add a puppy last year so our S’s would experience her as a “family” dog. H was wary but had no suitable rebuttal, so here we are with an exuberant one-year-old Golden Retriever. She has been good for us all and gets along beautifully with the other dog and embarrassingly large collection of cats. So instead of the pets dying off as the kids leave, we begin anew. And suddenly I have new compassion for old people who speak in baby-talk tongues to their animals. They are me. How pathetic.</p>
<p>A friend of ours, age 50, was recently grousing about his mother’s unwillingness to see him as having a separate life from hers, and in my mind’s eye I saw this visual of an adult son in the middle of a tug-of-war between his wife and his mother. No wonder there are so many bad MIL jokes! I see that my new life’s work will be to forge relationships with my DIL’s, and I promise to work harder at it than my own MIL:-)</p>
<p>Aimless. Ships. Dogs. No one seems to be talking about their new life as a rock star…</p>
<p>.</p>
<p>mkm56, I think it is finding some way to make a difference. Some people shoot local or small, tutoring or mentoring disadvantaged kids. Someone I know lives in Nicaragua where there is preciously small middle class – just a few ultra-rich and lots of poverty. Kids who go to public schools can’t go to the university as the public schools are not good enough. Her plan is to help create a middle class by helping poor kids go to private schools ( uniforms, books, and tuition costs $250 per kid per year) so that they can become the next generation of accountants, lawyers, doctors, etc. It wouldn’t be hard to help her raise more money, I would suspect. Similarly, another person I know met a woman who is a Cambodian lawyer. It turns out that male Cambodian law (and other college) students live in monasteries but that female college students have no place to live. So this woman lived under the eaves of the law school (not fun when it rained) and probably not all that safe. She’s a tough cookie (I met her). It further turns out that the countries that develop faster are ones that bring females into the work force – they tend to be better bets for development than men who in many countries like to sit around and drink, say. So, he is raising money to fund the development of a female dorm in Phnom Penh. He already raised $28K and they built a school in a small town. Now he goes back several times a year, but I think he finds real meaning in it. I think there is lots out there to do. </p>
<p>Incidentally, I have nothing against dogs (in fact, I love them and wish we had one but my wife and kids are allergic) but I think at least some people will be more fulfilled by taking up an activity that gives them a sense of meaning once their kids are gone. And, according to About.com, it costs about $1675 or more per year to take care of a 100 pound dog. If money feels tight, that could be the trip to Nicaragua to meet kids who you’ve raised money to send to private school (or their equivalent) I’ve been fortunate to find fulfillment in what I do for work and from time to time contribute my services to help in difficult situations in which my skills might make a difference. Some may find their need to nurture met by a dog. But, I think others may need to pursue some higher purpose. If you are in the latter group, there are oodles of opportunities. It could be providing some kind of assistance that someone needs or can benefit from or starting a company. Dizzymom, I think the rock star calling may have passed for most empty nesters, but I suspect that the ability to really make a meaningful difference to some person, town or country could, for some, be at least as fulfilling. The empty nesters at CC have literacy, skills and intelligence that would enable them to add value to the world and those who are concerned about the filling the hole in their lives could really fill that hole in a way that gives them meaning. I’ll get off my soapbox now, but I think the opportunities are limited only by our imaginations.</p>
<p>Shawbridge, your enthusiasm is contagious. I will retire tonight and muse on the opportunities available.</p>
<p>As far as the cost per dog–for me they are therapy and much cheaper than a professional one, ;).</p>
<p>Again, thanks for your thoughtful post.</p>
<p>dizzy~ my motto is, “if my kids are happy, then I’M happy”. knowing they’re doing well and are feeling good about their choices goes a long way. but as someone else has said, keeping busy is crucial. busy can mean a lot of things. for me, having a career and a focus all my own is essential. although i miss them, i know we have good relationships and they’ll be back for visits. while i wait for those visits, 
in addition to my work, i have more time to get into my interests,ie, my orchids are actually blooming! yes and my dogs are my fill-in kids!</p>
<p>We still have a middle schooler at home but freshman d just left after a week home. It is interesting but it wasn’t as hard on her brother when she left than it was when we dropped his sister off. He knows she will visit but accepts that his sister probably won’t live here anymore.We had a great time as a family laughing and watching d eat! She kept saying how good the house smelled. I thought she meant her room because I made sure it was spotless and fresh. She meant the smell of home cooked food! Of course she slept gobs and we saw many movies.</p>
<p>I guess it is that old James Taylor verse “the secret to life is enjoying the passage of time”. Besides hubby and I have two dogs to walk. No doubt about it though ,we’re close to our kids - best thing we ever did was have them.</p>
<p>When my sister went off to college when I was in 7th grade, I too learned to accept that she wouldn’t be living with us again.</p>
<p>1 year after graduating, she’s moved back in permanently and is hogging all the hot water. Oh well…</p>
<p>I really enjoyed reading this thread. My oldest is a senior this year and just got her first acceptance letter on Friday. I work from home and have been very busy with work and volunteering in the school and community but do look forward to getting more of my life back when both are in school. My S is in 10th grade. We also have a dog - and I think everyone in the family would vouch I spend way too much time with the dog - after all it is just the dog and me all day at home. It’s a very exciting time and I’m sure we’ll love seeing her continued growth in college - but at the same time it’s very sad to know I won’t see long blond hair everywhere or socks scattered about and will so miss seeing her lovely face every morning and our conversations (which I hope continue via phone/e-mail). Thanks again to the many posters to the thread - they are really a help for those soon to be and currently became empty nesters!</p>