<p>Okay, after reading everyone elses posts I’ve decided to become proactive about my impending empty nest. I am thinking of maybe going back to college next fall when my S goes off to college. To that end, I’m looking into taking a course at my local community college this spring to test the waters. Kiddingly I told my son that maybe I would follow him off to his college. You should have seen the momentary look of terror in his eyes before he realized I was joking. He already complains that I mother him way too much since his sister left for college. I miss his sister, so I probably do tend to get over involved in his life. It’s just hard to let go of my last baby chick. I am trying to restrain myself and give him more space. Like other posters I do have dogs I can smother with my excess love. At least they still let me baby them. Has anyone here gone back to college after their kids left the nest? I’m really starting to get excited about the idea.</p>
<p>Shaw & Moe- Hmm, you need bright empty nesters- can you adapt your work needs to telecommuting? Seems you’d have an amazing pool of potential employees here on CC ;)</p>
<p>Damn, haven’t I been thinking the same thing !!! Most of my work is local, but there is a bit I actually outsource to someone in Boston that I’ve known for years. I am going to think further about this though, because this is a very intelligent, very self-aware group.</p>
<p>I’m game, moewb!</p>
<p>Where do we submit our resumes? Should we include the list of schools to which our kids applied and how they did ?? Reminds me of the “Admissions party” thread from a couple of years ago 
Oh, shoot, does use of smilies make me look less intellectual?</p>
<p>Count me in the job line, too. One thing for sure – you have a potential workforce very adept at Internet research!</p>
<p>Here’s desperation. I’ve hugged, put hair out of face or patted soothingly at least three of my college age students this week. All were in distress and grateful for attention, but I don’t want to get the rep. of the mothering prof. </p>
<p>I guess you can tell, I don’t have dogs.</p>
<p>Our work is global but the kind of job I was describing is probably local for a while. It appears to take about 6 months to really learn the job (if the person is good) and it is hard to understand how that could be done virtually. I suspect that much of it could later be done at a distance, though with some loss of efficiency. We did keep on a former employee for a few months after she moved to be with her boyfriend and before she got a new job and she was quite helpful but she’d been doing the job for over 2 years and was still training her replacement. But, it is worth thinking about.</p>
<p>mythmom I hope you don’t get the rep. of the pervert prof. Dogs are less likely to turn on you for showing them some affection.</p>
<p>I would think any one telecommuting would have to invest some time up front and periodically along the way working in the “home office” (Not their home, but your office) to learn the critical factors and group dynamics, but if fit was there, it would be worth the time and travel.</p>
<p>Hmm, not only are the people here rather adept online, they are apparently all desperate for a new passion to replace those gone away kids.</p>
<p>Since this thread has taken an employment turn, I wonder if anyone has any suggestions for me? I have often thought about asking here, but have felt sort of stupid. Here’s my story–I worked in an Ivy admissions office, then spent many years as the college counselor in a private Eastern school. I quit when my husband took a job in another city. In the intervening years, all I did that was college-admissions related was chair the alumni interviewing/recruiting committee for my own alma mater and “manage” my only child’s life. He was a high-level (international) competator in a sport in which few kids go to school, and it took a lot to make it all happen (at least that is what I like to tell myself). Now I am left with nothing to do. I can’t believe how pathetic that sounds; I truly had no idea how much the routines of his life had become my life. I don’t think I can do college stuff anymore. I didn’t even know about this board until after my kid was a freshman, and I am glad I didn’t. I don’t think I could take the level of pressure that is out there now, and I don’t have the contacts I once did (you don’t even want to know how important those are…). But surely there is so something meaningful and helpful I could do. Any suggestions? I speak Spanish, but have no credentials that would allow me to work in a public school. I have serious ethical objections to the sort of stuff that private counselors are doing now (which is what my husband wants me to do). I know a lot of stuff, and kids always liked me.</p>
<p>Ivyalum, could you start by volunteering in your local high school guidance office? Our school has a book that shows where seniors have applied that is just crying out to be downloaded into Excel and have the data displayed in a more useful manner. Given how understaffed many of these offices are, I think they would welcome your expertise. Volunteer work often morphs into paying job opportunities as people like to hire those they “know.”</p>
<p>I am planning to read all 112 posts. I just haven’t been able to bring myself to do it yet. In addition to s#2 heading off to college in the fall, DH may take a new job that will require a ton of travel. I am not prepared for THAT empty of a nest!! Boo hoo!!</p>
<p>There, there… you POOR dear. {virtual hugs} :)</p>
<p>Ivyalum - you could do an “emergency certification program” or “alternative certification program” (basically 6 weeks of summer training, then you head straight to a classroom) and teach bilingual education. Lots of need for spanish speaking bilingual teachers.</p>
<p>I’ve always taught piano part time, but I find that since I became an empty nester, I enjoy teaching a lot more. For a while I considered working retail at a favorite store. It would not have paid much, but the job satisfaction and joy of working there (home furnishing/decor) would have been worth it (I’m huge into home decor). </p>
<p>I opted for continuing the lessons and accompanying instead. It really is nice to have a part-time job that is fun and rewarding. I would not like a full time job at this late date in life, nor do I want to start some kind of second life career. I just want to make my own hours, pick my clients, and enjoy my kids as adults. </p>
<p>This is the ultimate payoff- the reward for all my years of hard work- to enjoy my kids as adults. I thank God for the change in the relationship I’ve had with my oldest.</p>
<p>Ivy, if you don’t like the idea of becoming a for-profit private counselor, is there a needy school near you where you could do the same job - help the kids see how to get into colleges and how to get the colleges to cover their costs? It’s a shame to think of your experience and knowledge not being used.</p>
<p>Ivyalum, I am going to start with the assumption that money is not the primary reason for trying to do something since you haven’t needed to work. That gives you the advantage of being able to a) aim; and b) invest in yourself. On the aiming side, I think the important thing is first to find things you are passionate about. When you are looking back at age 85 or 75, what are some jobs/actions that what would make you proud of yourself? What would you be passionate about doing if you had the skills and contacts? [Here I would be somewhat fantastical because even though at this point in your life it is pretty unlikely that you could become a neurosurgeon or the President of the World Bank or an investment banker at Goldman Sachs or the head of a major foundation that helps kids with leukemia or vision problems, you can ask what about those jobs would be fulfilling or exciting.] That should guide you to areas that you would feel passionate about. I don’t mean to make this sound easy and there is much more to say on it, but this is not the forum for the more involved discussion.</p>
<p>Then, you have the luxury to do what most people do not do. Instead of networking to find a job, invest in yourself. Learn about specific things that will make you useful to people in the field that excites you. Do research. Volunteer. Learn a lot about something that people in the area would find useful. E.g., my sister is a lawyer in the planned giving area. Critical to her job are 1) understanding the ways in which the tax/estate tax law allows for tax-advantaged planned giving; 2) keeping up with changes in the law; and 3) being good interpersonally with potential donors. Someone who hadn’t worked in that area for a while would have a hard time getting hired. Someone returning could invest time (and maybe money going to conferences) to get up to speed on the key changes. Someone wanting to go into the field could invest the time in really understanding the basic devices. Or, become an expert on something – like the person I described who is working to help poor kids in Nicaragua get a proper education. Write a white paper on a subject in your area. … Or, define a market niche that has an unmet need (e.g., empty nesters adjusting to life with an empty nest) and find a product or service for them.</p>
<p>Then, you are ready to either find a job or create one for yourself. The only jobs I’ve had in which I applied to fill a slot were my first two – as a post-doc and then professor in the same department. All of my others were of my own creation. To get the job, I had to persuade someone that they needed me or should take a risk on me even though they weren’t looking to hire per se. More recently, I create my own. Either way, if you have some differentiated knowledge and show initiative, you’ll be useful and thus attractive to employers.</p>
<p>Sorry if this is more detailed than you had in mind.</p>
<p>vicariousparent: I’m not worried. Two were crying women, and the boy’s shirt said, “Give me love!” I told him he would get a hug in the presence of the class and they were present and concurred. I’ve been at my job for 23 years, no mishaps. But I like my rep. as the crazy prof. because I get the interesting, quirky, curious kids taking my classes and my sections.</p>
<p>I think it’s a tough adjustment for some. I tried to remember what I used to do when I had free time and I couldn’t remember! 
But it got easier over time. </p>
<p>I think it helps too when you realize that you haven’t really lost them. They still love you and you still love them, and they’ll be back! :)</p>
<p>Mythmom–I work in a very close-knit college program, and since my primary job is a support counselor/advisor, I get to “helicopter” these kids, and get paid for it(!) which often times leads to hugs. Also never had a problem; I do keep the lines clear, I think.</p>
<p>This might belong to the helicoptering thread, but when you see kids whose parents don’t have a clue, don’t care, or just don’t have the time/abilities/knowledge to help their kids understand and navigate college, it changes the whole picture. Working with them, does make the “empty nest” feel fuller, that’s for sure!</p>
<p>On a deeper note, I want to second what testprepper said–your kids are not necessarily gone, they’re just not there right now. My D lives one town over; we see her every week or two, and talk frequently. My S doesn’t plan on leaving the NJ/NY area when he graduates, so we know we will see him, too.</p>
<p>We have noted that if you pay for the annual family get-together vacation, even the 24-year-old will show up for it! Mine also try to make all holidays, and family events when possible. I think that knowing I will always be a presence in their lives, and vice versa, makes it possible to be okay with not living together anymore.</p>
<p>I also have two jobs (primary counseling job, plus adjunct teaching) so time to fill is not a problem–I’d like more time, if possible. One of the good things of the quieter house is the television hardly being on–gives me more time to catch up on schoolwork, my reading, and most importantly, my writing–started my novel with the start of the empty nest (maybe sometime I will finish it…)</p>
<p>Overall, I am finding that this new stage is pretty rewarding, maybe because I had kids very young, so I never had much time on my own as an adult. Also, my H has switched careers, is actually home more, and since we both teach now, we have lots to talk about. (this, I understand, is something I am very fortunate to have). We’re in the midst of a lot of life evaluations and changes, so again, quiet and too much time is not the problem. </p>
<p>It’s not a done process, but now, with our younger one a college senior, we’re getting a handle on the new phase in life, and there’s definitely a lot to look forward to!</p>