<p>Friday night my daughter and I attended a charity event put on by the child of my best friend from high school. (She still is my best friend.) We ran into another old high school friend who was in town from out of state. I hadn’t seen her in a while, but we used to be close. We chatted and I re-introduced her to my daughter, whom she hadn’t seen for 10 years.</p>
<p>Well, last night my daughter told me that this person friend-requested her on Facebook. I told my daughter it would be fine to ignore it. She said that she had already accepted the request. She thought it would appear rude not to accept it. </p>
<p>I am not happy that another adult has access to information that I don’t have about my daughter. Please understand, I don’t WANT that information. I think she has the right to her privacy. (Yes, I know that sounds strange since kids put stuff out there for all of their hundreds of “friends” to see. But at least it’s their peer group.) </p>
<p>I just think it’s weird. I’d like to ask my daughter to un-friend her, but I don’t know if I should just keep my mouth shut and forget about it. Your thoughts?</p>
<p>^^^She should use the limited access option. Thats what my s did when some adults (parents of his friends or friends of mine) friended him. He too felt it would be tacky not to accept, so he accepted with limited access. Its one of the privacy options.</p>
<p>Timely: that is some very good advice!! I hope people follow it.</p>
<p>Sometimes I’m tempted to post a status update, but know that there are certain people who WILL comment on it. I’m hoping they get more friends soon and don’t feel a need to comment on everything I post. And I rarely post.</p>
<p>Jym, she did say she put some limits on her access. I still think it’s weird that my old high school friend (that I am not in regular contact with) has requested to be my daughter’s Facebook friend. Why should she know things about my daughter’s life that I don’t know? She is not one of her peers.</p>
I didn’t know about this (since I don’t do the quizzes/games). That is one of the prime FB etiquette rules (or should be a rule!) that is violated. I don’t know anyone who does like to read about the quizzes/games/whatever.</p>
<p>Haha, guess I’m following some of the rules, Timely. I never friend kids unless they friend me first (I do have several kid friends). And I never write on my high school daughter’s wall. Never. She would probably unfriend me pronto if I did!</p>
<p>I do take quizzes though. He he. Oh well, nobody is perfect!</p>
<p>I am going to try playing with that hide feature you speak of. Or limited access.</p>
<p>The intense feelings that I’m talking about – a couple of my FB friends are apparently severely depressed and one even talks about wishing to die from time to time. There are a couple of people that make lots of sexual references. These are all my theatre friends – guess they are a little more open than the rest of my friends. I like to keep up with them, just not with certain aspects of their personal lives!</p>
<p>Can anyone tell me - if you set privacy so that only friends can see that you even have a profile, does that mean that friends of friends cannot see you on the list of mutual friends at all?</p>
<p>Roshke: if you set your privacy settings like that, you don’t even show up on their friends list. But if you post on their wall, that post shows up. But your picture is silhouetted and your name is in black. Keep in mind, that if you post pictures and tag someone, that shows up on their profile, and when someone clicks on that picture, they can see your album even if they are not your friend. Unless maybe you also set your privacy so that only friends can see your pictures. But I imagine it will still show up on the profile of the person you’ve tagged.</p>
<p>My sister is a FB fanatic, and started putting up tons of family pictures, including many of my kids, tagged. D very politely commented that all her friends can see those tags (because sis friend-requested D) and please to be careful she didn’t put up anything embarrassing. I am friends with D, but never look at her page and avoid writing on it. I also will avoid the unneeded tagging when I put pictures up. (and actually may not put the kids’ up; they can do that themselves.)</p>
<p>A cute thing happened today–I recently added as friend a woman my age whose dad just friended me–so now I can identify with the kids! (actually, he’s a really nice gentleman who we’ve gotten to know when visitng the friend.–it’s neat to see an 80-year-old keeping so up to date.)</p>
<p>I have put up family pictures without tagging the kids, and they’ve gone and tagged themselves. They love the old pictures.</p>
<p>My parents are both on Facebook. They are in their 80’s. They have gotten great pleasure from seeing what the grandchildren are up to without being intrusive. Since all the kids have hundreds and hundreds of friends, they don’t notice that grandma and grandpa see what they have posted. The only age group that seems not to want to friend adults is high school aged kids.</p>
<p>And of course, people that don’t have facebook accounts are showing up in pictures that others post. Not having a facebook does not mean that pictures of you aren’t showing up in people’s albums.</p>
<p>3bm103, My older parents have fb accounts also - they got them before us. But one family member, who maybe is losing it, has been posting really rude comments - b/c we don’t fb enough. As if cell phone, IM and email weren’t enough, he’s now annoyed that we don’t post enough on fb. Yes, I can de-friend him, but that’s not the point. Nothing spoils the moment like being ambushed with a nasty post, just when you were having a good day.</p>
<p>can someone give me primer on “tagging”? I’m a little confused here and I’m usually good at this stuff. Family member is regularly posting pictures with me “tagged” although I am NOT in the pictures. Is this so I get an email?<br>
Since I don’t have a profile pic ups, that darn FB keeps trying to use those tagged pics for my profile pic. Huh?
I also have folks who get mad at me too for not posting enough. Stupid.</p>
<p>3bm103 - Thanks - that is good info. I had always wondered about that. It’s funny - I have an account that I rarely use. I just logged into it and found something new- several friend suggestions of people I actually know. I couldn’t figure out how Facebook made the connections between me and these people(it was not through Facebook) until I realized that everyone suggested to me has my email address for one reason or another. So they are going through people’s email lists to recruit friends for you, too. Personally, I think this is too intrusive.</p>
<p>I get all sorts of ‘friend’ suggestions from facebook for people I don’t even know. I wish there was a way to turn that off! Or is there and i just don’t know it??</p>
<p>Toneranger: I think people tag others who aren’t in the picture so that you get an email, and so that the picture goes into your album too. Easier access to the picture that way. Otherwise, say someone posts a picture of your kids at a party and you aren’t in it. You may never see it. But if they tag you, even if you aren’t in it, you will be notified about the picture existing.</p>
<p>Roshke: Facebook suggests friends to you in many ways. For example, it suggests people that may have gone to the same school, who are “fans” of the same things, or people you have friends in common with. It can also search your email list, but I think you have to initiate that yourself. But another thing that happens is other people can suggest friends for you. </p>
<p>My sister received a friend request from a nephew of ours. Her name had turned up in his “friend suggestions” because they both went to the same high school. Although it was 30 years apart!</p>
<p>How do the networks work? If I put in a network for my current abode, how would I connect with people in prior home towns? Let’s say I grew up in place A and notice old friends I have found have place A as their network, how do I join that network too?</p>