It took me about a month to figure out how to feed them at the same time (but for the first week or so one or both were still in the hospital). I had a special u-shaped pillow made for twins and would put them both in the “football hold” and that worked best when they were small. A few extra small pillows tucked here and there helped too. I would have the special pillow handy at night.
They were hungry so often that their feedings almost always overlapped. I knew another mother of twins who always fed them separately but that meant one would be crying while waiting it’s turn. That would drive me crazy! There were times when I was alone where I would hold and bounce one while bouncing the other one in a little seat using my foot. H used to sit on the couch and put each foot on a different baby’s seat and bounce them at the same time! The ingenuity of a man who wants to watch something… They were simple metal frame baby seats from Ikea.
I’m not a parent of twins, but my oldest was 10 days early and weighed under 5 pounds. She didn’t spend any extra time in the hospital, but she had her days and nights mixed up until she was about 7 weeks old. No matter what I did, she seems to be wide awake most nights. She didn’t need to be held or even fed sometimes, but she just refused to shut her eyes and go to sleep. To this day, she is a night owl. My sister has twins a year older than my daughter and her babies had no trouble sleeping at night.
I agree that it’s awful early for any sleeping patterns. That said, encourage them to not give up on any method too quickly as well. In order for any sleeping ritual to become a routine - well, it has to be a routine ! - meaning repeated and expected.
In the meantime, is your DS home with mom for awhile? Could they each take one of the babies to be responsible for at night? So if DS has twin #1 he only gets up for that baby and sleeps when that baby is sleeping. (mom pumping for a night feeding or two) DIL takes twin #2 and does the same. For now, that perhaps gets them individually more sleep. Switch off which baby gets bottle “breastfed” each night.
Did I miss how long they were in NICU? Mine were in NICU for 2 months (born 9 weeks premature) and during that time they were “trained” (for lack of a better term) to go on 4 hour feedings, so they were on that schedule when they came home. It sounds harsh, but part of their criteria for dismissal (along with reaching 4 pounds apiece) was that they had to demonstrate hunger by crying for food, because as you may know, super small premies might just lie there and not do anything to demonstrate hunger. I fed them both at the same time, waking the other if necessary to keep them on the same general schedule.
I was so stupid when I had baby twins. I seriously thought that I was going to be bored during my maternity leave and that I’d learn German and decorate my newly purchased house. Needless to say, neither of those things happened!
It is also critical for mom not to feel as though she’s lost herself and is just a feeding machine. To the extent that you can help get her out of the house, even just to take a walk or go to the bookstore and browse or meet a girlfriend for coffee, try and do so. I remember sobbing mightily at the guilt of leaving them, even when I had a doctor’s appointment, and a friend of my MIL’s who was also a mother of twins herself took me aside and told me that I had to take care of myself and that there was absolutely nothing wrong with taking a break to feel human again. Your family s lucky you are there to help.
One thing that really helped us all was taking a long walk every day. I started when they were around 2 months old an walked for about an hour. They would sleep most of the time, wake up and be really hungry when we got home, and sleep better at night (for what it’s worth… ).
The nights still weren’t easy for those first months but it helped. It also helps to think that some higher power thought that you were up to this task so you should believe in yourself too!
Yes! As a former La Leche League leader, we had our share of moms of twins who came to our groups, and who needed support. What’s nice about going to a meeting is that, you’re never short a mother to pick up one of your babies and hold them to give you a break (even if only for a couple of hours), if their ‘babies’ are no longer infants anymore, and aren’t in their arms all the time. Regulars with older babies/toddlers were very welcoming and helpful to moms who came with infants. So you almost always had someone who would help out, plus there were always really good snacks to eat that you didn’t have to prepare!
I had two tapes that I would play during nighttime feedings. One was lullabies, and the other a George Winston instrumental that a friend with two kids (11 months apart!) gave me as a new mom gift. I played them only at that time and only while nursing. It seemed to help create structure, and the Winston kept me calm on nights where a kiddo just couldn’t get back to sleep.
There were times where a kiddo would get into a frenzy because they’d go into sensory overload (mom’s smell, milk, end of the day crankiness), and the ONLY thing that worked was for DH to walk around the house at a fast pace with the little one.
If the mom played a particular piece of music while pregnant, she might try playing that for the twins. Each of my kids would get very active in utero when I played a particular piece of music – with S1, it was Scheherezade. Popped the tape in the car on the way from the hospital when he was screaming and miserable, and the little guy went straight to sleep. It seemed to us that he recognized the music. With S2, it was Gilbert & Sullivan’s HMS Pinafore.
My youngest brother and sister were twins, and they slept in the same crib for a few months.
Congrats on the new grandbabies, and it is so wonderful you are able to be there to help!
I didn’t have twins but I had a premie , & I expect the babies will adjust to not having the night shift play with them.
It may take a few more days though.
That’s cool that they had a signature song from in utero that would calm them and that you were able to make the connection and find the appropriate piece for each child. Our D in general found music calming while S got more and more active before he finally exhausted himself and fell off to sleep (just before you wanted to put him up for adoption). I don’t recall either of them having a particular piece of music that soothed them.
Congrats on the new grandbabies! We have no multiples in our family but my sister has two Sis-ILs who both have twins–one has twin girls and the other twin boys! The Sis-ILs married her H’s brothers and have no blood connection to us or her H.
Yes, the music thing does work! There was a CD that I listened to when pregnant with DS. He was a very fussy baby & I noticed one day that when I popped in the CD, he would calm himself & fall off to sleep in minutes! It was amazing.
Oh god, I will remember like it was yesterday - mine came home from the hospital a week apart (daughter a week earlier than son). My mother came up to help me and took care of the house, laundry, cooking, etc. while I focused on learning how to care for them, which was challenging because they were still on apnea monitors and those things that monitor oxygen saturation levels (not sure of the name). Anyway, a few days after the second one came home, my mother gently said - sweetie, I have to leave now. I can’t stay forever You have to learn to do this on your own. You can do it, just rest and take care of yourself and you’ll all be fine. And she got in the car, and drove away, and I stood in my driveway with tears rolling down my face, thinking … I just can’t do this. I want my mommy! Now, of course, I figured out how to do it, and everyone lived, but I am bringing myself to tears just thinking about it!
Any new mother is a hormonal wreck to some extent, but a mother of twins especially so … I was so sensitive in those days that if I was wearing a green shirt and someone said, “I don’t care for the color green,” I would have interpreted it as “Therefore, you must hate me.” So giving your son counseling to be really, really gentle with her would also be wise. Best of luck and hugs! It is wonderful to be a mother of twins, but the first part IS challenging!
When D1 was a baby, she was such a handful. She cried constantly and rarely napped. I almost had a nervous breakdown on more than one occasion. One day I took her to our neighborhood pool and just sat in the warm hot tub with her (it was not hot, truly just warm) because it would soothe her. I noticed a haggard looking young woman toting twins to the hot tub and watched her struggle to put all their stuff down, put little floaties on their chubby little arms, etc. Then I noticed another lady bringing up the rear with two more identical babies. This poor girl had quadruplets! After the mom and the housekeeper FINALLY got everyone into the tub and happy, it started to rain. Well, it was a downpour.
I felt so sympathetic to that poor mom. I know her kids probably gave her loads of joy, but I cannot even imagine trying to cope with that kind of situation on a daily basis.
It made me realize I didn’t have it half as tough as I thought I did…
Your grandkids will bring much joy and probably a little stress to that new family, but congratulations and you are sweet to help them. I’m sure they will appreciate it more than they will be able to express!
I don’t have twins, but will wade in and offer some possible advice.
If breast feeding is going well for your DIL, have her express and save milk if she can. Store up to a 12 hour supply and put in bottles with nipples. This may take some time to accumulate! (My understanding is that refrigerated breast milk is good for about six days. Frozen lasts longer.)
Then assign someone else to stay up all night and feed the twins, using the bottles. (If you have “extra” milk you my want to try the bottle once when mom is awake, just in case one or both of the twins won’t take it. But do NOT have mom give the bottle. )
Mom should express as much milk as possible before going to bed. Then let mom sleep until she wakes up. She probably will leak, especially if she’s not in a deep sleep and hears a baby crying. But she MAY be able to sleep through the leaking for at least one feeding.
I have a fairly new grandchild too. This is what my kid and spouse do one night a week so that mommy can sleep. Having one good night’s sleep once a week helps a lot. Knowing that you WILL get that night helps psychologically. Daddy in our case is used to being sleep deprived, but I think most daddies would benefit from coping for one night a week. Helps them understand how exhausted mommy is.
Of course, don’t try this until mommy’s doing very well with breast feeding. I’m not saying it will work, just that it does for my family.
You poor thing! I would have probably chased my mother down the driveway! Lol and the machine is called a pulse oximeter.
@jonri
DD wouldn’t take a bottle…from anyone! I nursed her for 2 years, 1 month. For the first year or so, we were literally attached at the…hip. LOLOL my family was aghast that I nursed her for so long. They would always say that she would end up too dependent on me and not have social skills, I was hindering her growth…
Two days after she weaned herself, she announced that she had to go “pee pee”, took her diaper off and used the toilet! Lol
NewHaven, As I said, it’s a good idea for someone else to try to feed the baby from a bottle when mommy is not within smelling distance in case she’s like NewHavenCTD. Most babies WILL take the bottle if they are hungry and can’t smell mommy.
I just think that if the babies will do this and mommy can get a longer stretch of sleep once in a while, it can help. I hope I made clear that I realize it won’t work for everyone.
Congratulations! I too have survived premie new born twins, they are now very active, healthy ten year olds. All 4 sons slept through the night early but it was still 5 weeks old and for the twins it was 5 weeks adjusted, so 9 weeks old.
I breast and bottle fed, one of the twins always forgot to breath while he was eating so we had to count breathes and then take a way the bottle. The other twin would only sleep at the foot of our bed in his car seat. If the Mom and babies are willing, 1 bottle feeding at night might get her a bit more sleep.
The best advice I got was from my OB. Early in the pregnancy, he wrote a prescription for my husband, hire a part-time nanny if at all possible. I was a stay at home Mom to 4 kids (all with degrees of special needs). We had a part-time nanny for just under 2 yrs and it saved my mind.
Also, be on the look out for postpartum depression, I think it is more common with twin Moms because of extra hormones.
With all this said, I still fondly remember the early days. I love the smell of new babies and there is something incredibly special about holding two newborns in your arms. Congratulations again, twins are a wonderful, amazing and exhausting blessing.
