My kids would NOT take a bottle from the time they were 3 weeks old until they weaned themselves. S was 9 months and D was 18 months. H was caring for S after I returned to work post 3 month maternity leave. He refused to drink or eat anything at 3 months. He would nurse when I was home and then waited until H would drive himself and baby to meet me for lunch. H & I would eat during lunch while I nursed S; S would also be up nursing all night! I quit work after 6 weeks of this craziness. I suppose S would have eventually drunk the expressed refrigerated breast milk, but he never did during the 6 weeks that H offered it to him! D also refused anything by bottle – she went from nursing to a cup at 18 months and wasn’t interested in any breast milk from a bottle, no matter who offered it to her and how far away I was.
Because babies and moms are so different, it is good to have lots of advice and just take what works for the individual situation. imho. The best La Leche group I was ever associated with had a bunch of back-to-work moms who switched to formula very early on and still came to meetings and no one hassled them about it. The motto of that group seemed to be “if it is working for you, that is all that matters.”
Congratulations!!
I do not have personal twin experience but I have several friends with twin grandchildren and both slept the newborns together in one crib, They also either nursed at the same time or expressed milk so one could nurse and the other could be bottle fed. One had a toddler child and then had the twins. The other had twins first and then a singleton. In both cases my friends helped a lot and both had a nanny a few days a week.
As for me, younger d never took a bottle ever until she finally weaned herself at 2 plus but I didn’t care as I was not going back to work at the time and it was easy to nurse her when out with older d, plus it seemed to be a comforting just the two of us kind of activity. She also was never a good sleeper, but not cranky at all so they are all different.
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both slept the newborns together in one crib,
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I really think that is a good idea. Let them “feel” the other’s presence.
Well, it is out of vogue at this point, but what saved my sanity was sleeping with my babies. My twins are now 26, and I nursed them exclusively for 6 months. I could not imagine having two free hands at once to fill and heat a bottle.
In the early days, I had a sofa bed pulled out in the living room, and spent my time reclining on the bed with the babies nearby. After moving back to my queen sized futon on the floor, sleeping between the two of them was what really worked well. One would start to fuss, I’d roll over, plug in a baby and go back to sleep. The other would fuss, and I’d roll to the other side and do the same thing. My ex felt he needed his sleep, as he had to work, and I was determined to have no sign of life at night to stimulate those babies to more wakefulness in the wee hours.
Now for the average person with a bed off the floor, and the current recommendation to not sleep with babies, I’d probably have a crib at bed level, and pull a baby over to nurse, keeping the light off.
I made sure those babies took a pacifier.
Pizza girl, your story of those early days makes me want to give you a hug. So sorry. I wanted my mommy too, and she came for 4 very necessary months. My ex was good with my son, but I could not get two babies and a 4 year old to bed every night without reinforcements. Well, those of us who had twins certainly learned to move fast and be resilient.
Twins made me realize I could do anything with one baby. So I had friends or sitters I’d periodically pass one baby off to, so I could have the relative luxury of going for coffee or to appointments with one baby. They were about two before I’d leave them with any one sitter together.
We had a local La leche for multiples group. It was the highlight of the month to go to the meeting, where I could nurse and talk with others going through the same experience.
Congrats, Churchmusicmom! It is an interesting ride, and you are very much needed, and hopefully appreciated.
Maternity nurse for 28 years here. Until the babies learn to sleep longer during the night, mommy needs to take more naps during the day in preparation for the night. Waking the other twin during feeds is also a good idea. Are they swaddled snuggly to sleep? I tell many of my patients to unwrap the babies to start the feeding, burp, change the diaper, swaddle and then finish up the feeding (or give dessert as I call it). The baby false asleep fed, clean diaper and already swaddled so easier to stay asleep when transferring from breast to crib.
We had a recliner in our living room. I would sit down in it with one guy in each arm (they were 15 mo. apart) and we’d all fall asleep together in the afternoons. Delicious.
Don’t turn on the lights during the night. Learn to do changes and feedings by the light of a nightlight. Congratulations!!!
^^
I didn’t have twins, but I never turned on lights at night. lol I wanted them to know that nighttime was not social time. There was no talking, singing, etc.
Thanks for all the great advice, fun stories and well wishes, everyone!
A quick update: mom and dad had the babies by themselves last night and they said it was a bit better. One baby only had a “meltdown” once and then she got over it and nursed and slept and nursed a couple more times in the night, sleeping immediately after. The other one, however, was fussy all night.
They had another pediatrician appointment today to make sure they are gaining weight and they are! They are getting enough nourishment, for sure.
The biggest issue right now, besides parental sleep deprivation, is that mom is having a LOT of discomfort with nursing. She did tell me today that she is going to go to a LaLeche’ group next week, so that should be good. I am hoping this soreness subsides quickly! She has also been pumping and can give the babies a bottle at times, but the twin who was actually doing better in the NICU was bottle fed for a couple of days before mom’s milk “came in”, so now SHE is the one that tends to not do as well nursing. We surely don’t want to make her more reluctant to nurse by feeding her with a bottle too often! The one who was smaller and had breathing issues in the NICU is doing GREAT with nursing and better with sleeping at night as well.
The twins’ other grandmother drove up from her home and will be here for a few days, and hopefully that will help mama as well. I just spent a few hours over there today doing some chores and watching babies so mom and dad could take some naps. Once the other grandma arrived and was settled in, I came home. I surely do hope they have a good night!
Please remind the new mom that she needs to drink a lot of water, to keep hydrated and well nourished to be able to produce adequate breast milk. Sounds like things are progressing. We kept evening as quiet as possible so our kids didn’t start getting the idea that it was the time to socialize. D was sleeping through the night at 6 weeks–her stubborn brother was over 18 months before he slept through the night!
If it is in your budget, it would be nice to hire cleaning help or a night nurse every now and then. Do not underestimate the physical toll having twins takes on a woman. I was 27 and in excellent shape beforehand and I was physically weak for quite some time afterwards. While I love having twins, I firmly do believe the human body is really not meant to bear them. People romanticize the notion of twins so much and yet there is a real toll on the woman.
Often times, if the nipples are sore, it could be that the babies are not latching on properly. Maybe there are you tube videos that can give mom a refresher? Also, her nipples should be open to air & allowed to dry…the constant nursing may macerate her nipples. Being open to air will also help to toughen them up some. If she is leaking, just tuck breast pads into the flaps of her nursing bra. Over pumping might also be an issue. Those pumps are quite strong!
Has she got a nursing pillow? The solid ones, for twins, like my breast friend, I used to be able to have them nurse, fall asleep and maneuver onto the floor with them on it and stuff the hole LOL. Frankly there is nothing you can say at this point. Tell mum to do nothing other than nurse, sleep and eat well if at all possible. I tried adding up the hours in a day and ran out of hours. If she wants to BF I would stop using the bottle at all at this point, but I am what you might call rabid. Tell her to eat and drink, vitamins, sleep. Cleaning and cooking etc can wait. I can’t really ever look back and see anything cute or fun about having twins for a very long time, I really lost my mind for a while LOL. I was very lucky to have my in laws practically take the house and the care of my toddler for 5 weeks and we ate lasagna form costco three times a week LOL. The biggest lesson she can learn is to lower her expectations. Babies sleep and wake when they need to at that stage, I don’t buy baby training at all.
Call in a board certified lactation consultant with twin experience, have her do home visits on your own dollar if necessary, I used to have to drive to a hospital for weeks and it was hugely challenging to do that.
YES. I can’t believe we all didn’t think of this.
Alfonsia: Does one find this consultant through La Leche? the hospital? Is there an 800 number?
Check with your birth hospital first, but then search, LLL may or may not have BCLC list is, you don’t want a random LLL person though, the twin aspect and the preemie aspect requires less of a blunt instrument. You could start of fin worse places than your listed providers of your ins company. It is much nicer if there is some insurance coverage. Check out some twins breastfeeding massage boards even.
Most in-the-know LLL leaders will know who the well-respected lactation consultants are in the area, so you can get a referral from them.
Regarding sore nipples, to this day, part of my regular nighttime routine as I climb into bed, is to put a dab of Lansinoh’s hypoallergenic Lanolin cream on my lips to help with chapped lips, especially in the winter when I tend to get dried out. I only discovered this stuff because of nursing my youngest. It was someone else who told me it was not only the best cream for sore nipples, but for chapped skin, too.
Let the amount of effort she wants to devote towards bfing be HER decision, not anyone else’s. If it’s important to her, great and the lactation consultants can help; if it’s too much for her, then support her in stopping. The last thing a fragile new mother needs is being pressured or bullied on this issue (not suggesting that anyone is bullying her, but sometimes others are more enthusiastic about the idea than the mother is). She must feel she has full agency to decide when to persevere and when not to, on her terms and not the terms of her husband, MIL or anyone else.
Yeah, it’s breaking my heart to see how much pain she is in right now when nursing. We have a dear friend who is a LLL consultant, and who would LOVE to help out, but my DIL does not know her that well and hates talking on the phone (this friend does not live here). My DIL is determined to nurse, though. Having her mom here for a few days will, I think, be a great relief and comfort to her.
Really, nursing is going GREAT in that the babies are thriving. They both are gaining weight and doing well over all. My DIL ordered some nipple shields that should arrive today and she has high hopes that these help with the discomfort. She is using a good lanolin-based nursing creme as well.
To all those advising good hydration and nutrition, she is very conscious of that. Problem is, the babies seem to be having some gastrointestinal discomfort (I personally think they are just “figuring out” what it feels like to need to poop—sorry, don’t know how to put that more delicately! 
), so the pediatrician said to cut out ALL diary as well as certain veggies (spinach, asparagus, etc) which my DIL LOVES and does eat regularly, to see if that helps. So it’s kind of hard to come up with food they love and can eat with those restrictions. We will figure it out, though!
Thanks again, everyone. Having this community to “talk this over” with really helps this Nanna. My son and DIL would probably be horrified…but what they don’t know won’t hurt them. It’s all anonymous and I can just come off like a veritable fount of wisdom thanks to you all! Of course, I mostly just need to keep my mouth shut and be there when they need me, which is what I am trying to do!
Congratulations! My twins just turned 9 and it’s been amazing watching them grow up together.
Your son and DIL won’t believe you if you tell them that the first few weeks are the hardest and it will get better but it will.
My advice is to let her know that if breast feeding doesn’t work it’s not the end of the world! I tried everything but in the end they went to the bottle and it was such a relief to finally make the switch. Once we made the switch to formula (a special formula called Nutramigen) it made a huge difference and everyone was happier. My boys are just as smart, healthy and happy as their breast fed sister.
I kept them in a bassinet next to my bed for the first year. They’d been in the NICU so long I wanted them close, and it was easier to feed them but I never slept well. If they can afford it, have them get a night nurse.
Take lots of pictures. Take pictures of them individually-and label them lol!
I read a book called Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child–I found it helpful.
If she likes joining groups and there is one close by, some cities have active parents of multiple clubs that can be very useful sources of information.