<p>Went to visit college today with my daughter. It really hit me that she is not going to be home everyday. I am seriously crying buckets of tears.
( She’s my only one). She will only be an hour and a half away from home, but I am dying. DYING.</p>
<p>My sympathies. Really. But it passes. And you will have new delights with your daughter’s adventures, even as you miss her.</p>
<p>Walking away from her at the end of three days of “drop off” 3000 miles from home, a frantic exercise punctuated by attempts to melt my American Express card as we bought all the stuff it didn’t make sense to ship, and boosted by a last-minute emotion-fraught anxiety and agonizing about changing her schedule, was one of the more lump-in-the-throat moments I’ve had in my life. </p>
<p>When I got home, there were calls from her every day or two…and by the end of the second week, those trailed off. By the time we visited during Parents Weekend in mid-October, it was easy to see that the campus was as much her habitat as that of the smaller, furrier, squirrels that scamper about. She was home for Thanksgiving…hard to say whether two days travel is worth three days home…Winter Break, and for my Dad’s memorial service.</p>
<p>The bad news is that after a week off at the end of school, she has a seven-week job at the college. The good news is that we’re going to meet her in NYC during that week off and play tourist together. Only six weeks to go. Meanwhile, she is so stressed with work…but happily stressed…that she calls when she can schedule an interruption. It’s hard not to appreciate the positives for her.</p>
<p>If you search my posts on the Old Board for the last two years, you will see that I, too, am very close to my daughter. She, too, is an only.</p>
<p>Hang in there. As they say about kidney stones, this, too, shall pass.</p>
<p>jeunger,</p>
<p>I can really relate.</p>
<p>The other night my H & I were talking about D going away and we both began to cry. And cry. And CRY! We couldn’t stop crying-- it was so profoundly sad.</p>
<p>She has been nothing but a delight to us her whole life and she is worshipped by her brothers. This will be a major blow to our whole family! </p>
<p>As TheDad says, we’ll just focus on the joy she’ll be experiencing and revel in her adult life and have many visits.</p>
<p>But we will miss her terribly and we will cry !</p>
<p>jeunger,</p>
<p>Another parent of an only. If you can search the archives, you should read some of our drop off stories (I wrote about leaving my baby with “those people”). It hit me when I got back to the hotel after dropping her off tha it hit me that this was not some visit, that she was staying and I was literally sick for a few days. But she is extremely happy at her school. It is just amazing when they come home for that first visit at Thanksgiving and you get to see how your child has grown. I am just in awe as I see her pass from adolescence to woman hood.</p>
<p>You adjust, you love them to death and you also realize how messy they were when you reclaim your house :)</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>And then they graduate and move back home while they “look around” for opportunities, bringing all their stuff back with them, and you wonder if you’ll ever be able to reclaim your house [since their stuff now overflows their rooms and takes over the dining room, the hallway, the living room… .] </p>
<p>I love my kids dearly; I cried when my D went to New Mexico and older S went to Florida. But I got used to it. </p>
<p>Now, I’m trying to gently hint that I know they’d really prefer to be living out on their own, and that they shouldn’t feel they have to live at home just to keep me and their dad company… . </p>
<p>[I’ll be crying again as we leave younger S at school in the fall. But I am looking forward to cleaning out under his bed once he’s gone!]</p>
<p>jeunger,</p>
<p>I have been so sad sometimes, but then my son has been so “gone” this year in his many things to do that I think there is a natural separation period taking place. I hope you will find the transition not as difficult as you think, but I know it will be a real challenge. All the best!</p>
<p>by the time they are ready to go- you will be ready to have them gone usually- baby bird pooping in nest sort of thing-I must be cold because the only time I even got teary was when my daughter was freaking out at freshman yr convocation at the thought of being in the bottom of the academic pool. ( she wasn’t)
I do miss them when they are gone- but that is the nature of things- our job as parents is to raise them so that they can be on their own.
If they weren’t ready and were the kind that never left home- then I really would be crying!
I just see it as more space for me & one less in line for the bathroom 
I adore it when they are both gone at the same time- then my H and I have the house back to ourselves-- if you get my meaning! :eek:</p>
<p>I also have an “only” and it was very painful to take him to school last fall. Letting him go was so difficult. I was keeping a secret from him and I felt really bad about that but I had to because I promised my brother I would --he didn’t want to ruin my sons first few days at college. I was such a mess and sending my son off to school was gut wrenching.</p>
<p>A few days before my son was going to school I found out my youngest brother had stage 4 non hodgkins lymphoma. As I struggled with his diagnosis and with sending my son off to school I realized that at least my son was healthy. I wanted, deserved and intended to feel sad about my son leaving home. I just couldn’t though. I feel as if I am in some kind of time warp right now. </p>
<p>After several months of chemo my brother was scheduled for a bone marrow transplant (which he got last Friday) we were so happy he was getting this transplant and he was having it at my son’s school! I thought I would see my son all the time. Nope, I’ve only seen him twice and once it was for a quick hug because I had to double park. I make the long commute every day to be with my brother. Somehow my son and I just can’t connect and that is upsetting to me as well.</p>
<p>So, my point here is that as bad as you feel, it could be worse. I think I need to fall apart, maybe I’ll do that in a month or so after my brother is out of the hospital. </p>
<p>Hugs to you as you let your daughter go off on the adventure of her young life. May you both have an easy transition.</p>
<p>All my good wishes to your brother. You are a dear sister to caretake him so well.</p>
<p>Can someone here please adopt me? I only wish I had parents like you guys. I actually think my father is jealous of me?!?</p>
<p>My true sympathies, Jeunger. My daughter (the older of two, so I still have a child at home) is a freshman at college, and I miss her. This is a great adventure for her, and I’m thrilled she’s so happy and busy and college–but I’m finding it tough not to know nearly as much about what she’s doing and thinking as I have for 18+ years. This is all right and good: It’s time for her to move on, and her new life suits her better than the old; when she’s home I can see that she’s restless and a little bored (not to mention unbelievably messy). But I’m still struggling a bit to move on as well.</p>
<p>Cruella–my very best wishes to you and your brother. I think I know what you mean about the sadness of finding it harder to connect, both physically and emotionally, with your son than you might have expected. My daughter’s school isn’t far from us at all, but it might as well be. Again, I suspect that’s the way it’s supposed to be: She needs to forge a separate identity–as do I. But she’s making the transition more smoothly than I am.</p>
<p>I’m told there’s a good book on the subject; I think the title is Letting Go. Perhaps I’ll go order a copy…</p>
<p>A different take on it. I always thought my son & I were close. I am a work-at-home dad and always available for my kids. I coached football, soccer, basketball. I went on all school field trips, and volunteered in the classroom. I never missed a single sporting event he paerticiapted in. Yet, my son always lived in MY world.</p>
<p>Then he went away to college. And something magical happened. My son started calling me: dad, guess what happened today? Dad, I just aced my bio exam. Dad, I just got into the emergency medical service. Dad, I just accepted into leadership village. And on and on.</p>
<p>During Parents Weekend my wife and I went to a hooka bar with him and smoked from the hooka. We went to the improv comedy place he found. We ate at restaurants he discovered. In short, he brought us into HIS world.</p>
<p>And because of that, even though he is 2,500 miles away, I have never felt closer to him.</p>
<p>Go figure</p>
<p>helicoptermom, I can connect emotionally with my son, I just want to see his happy face. He is also having the time of his life, he’s on the newspaper staff and just auditioned for a job at the radio station on campus. We can’t connect because he has class until after I have to leave for home. If I delay even by a half hour I am stuck in horrible traffic. </p>
<p>I am thankful for IMing. We talk to each other a lot that way and it’s nice to be able to tell him good night.</p>
<p>We may see him tomorrw. He wants his bike. :D</p>
<p>Even though S is a college senior, every time we part I get a little teary-eyed, the last time being just last month when I dropped him off at the airport. I’m sure I’ll feel the same way with D next year and anticipate that this will recur at every family gathering even after they’ve graduated from college. But I look forward to hearing about the adventures and the trials and tribulations of entering young adulthood. That’s what happens when you have kids–that tie that will never be broken, no matter how old we and they are and how near or far we are from one another.</p>
<p>Thanks to everyone for the sharing and support. It really is helpful to hear from others who have survived the experience. I just thought I wouldn’t start falling apart so early ! It is only April!</p>
<p>Stumper: Yes! I’d love to adopt you…as long as you are not going to run off to college ( ha ha).</p>
<p>Cruella: Hoping the very best for your brother !</p>
<p>i have been having these little crying episodes off and on about this very subject. my s is an only child as well and the very thought of him away at college is heartbreaking. all his life people have always said, “nick, what is your mother going to do when you go to college?” i am such a mother-hen type. and i only have one!</p>
<p>i also know what the scene will be when we drop him off. it will be similar to when i brought him to pre-school. he will run off to play with the world and never look back. i will be the one standing there lost. but i will also be the one standing there proud as well.</p>
<p>I remember my daughter’s first day of kindergarten, she befriended another little girl (who is still her friend) who was crying. She told her don’t cry we are going to the real big kid’s school now and we are going to have so much fun, and off they left to check out the rest of the class room. She came back and told me “You can go now, I have friends.” </p>
<p>It was the same way when she went off to college, she was with her group of friends from her DOC trip, and we parents were all standing together. Everyone took pictures of the group of them all smiles with their arms around each other so excited about htis new chapter in their lives. Each kid gave every parent a hugh and off they went. My mind immeadiately went back to that first day of kindergarten once again beaming on the outside determined not to let her see me cry for this was her moment.</p>
<p>I don’t really remember first day of her kindergarten other than I took a picture of her with her big bird lunch box- but I still vividly remember carrying her to the car through the hospital in her big steel framed carseat- through construction and windy hallways- my husband offered to help because the car seat got heavy after a while but I wouldn’t let him!
( the hospital wouldnt release babies unless they were in a car seat- because she weighed less than 4 lbs and car seat was made for up to 40 lbs- she was carefully “packed” into it & I was superstitious about moving a thing!)</p>
<p>I’ll be going to college in the fall of 2005 - as with my twin brother (we are most likely going to college together, which is sooo awesome!!). We will be going to Boston University (if we do go together, which again is highly likely), and since we live in northern NJ, we won’t be that far from home. And if I go to Rutgers, I can drive home easily for the weekend. So it’ll be tough (only two kids leaving at once), but at least we will be within less than a day’s driving distance at most.</p>
<p>Wow, that’s really something. I dont think my parents cried when I left the house.</p>