Janiewalker, hugs. I used to live that single parent life, and it is rough when the kids can’t be with you alternating with stressful when they are as you are doing it all solo. I so hope in time you can find single friends or others who welcome your presence when the kids are not around on holidays.
Mainlonghorn, coralbrook and threeofthree, sympathies on the rough season.
I treasure waking up on the 26th, and feeling relief as the pressure is off and I can return to my own life and priorities. It is all too much, the family birthdays in the 6 weeks preceding, the party that I host some years, and my own desire to bake cookies and decorate, attend gatherings and pay attention to the music of the season, which is one of my passions. I like it, but it feels too much. I grew up in a non traditional time and place, and have been happy to be more traditional with my kids. But at this point every other year would be plenty. My job is intense, hospital work. Sometimes it is sweet, but yesterday was just grim. Grumpy, sad and very sick people, me too busy to be as indulgent as I’d like with the extras of the job and caring touches.
Getting ready for Christmas is too much work. Next year we are reverting to Christmas vacationing. 1 present each. Minimal decorations. Then enjoy a nice cruise or trip somewhere.
But, like so many here, I work full time-- our trimester exams are the last days before Christmas. And I have 3 kids. And 4 siblings and an elderly mom.
So I start early. I did the lion’s share of my shopping on Black Friday. I leave the house by 3:30 am, and have the stores all to myself. Honestly. I did wait on one line this year-- I was 6th at Modells. But they had 6 registers open, so it was something like a 3 minute wait. Beyond that, I walked up to every register and paid for my stuff. I got home at around noon.
I skip on some of the stuff, like baking. I’m an awful baker. So I buy cookies, and we get along just fine.
Thanksgiving weekend is also when we (??) decorate the house. Outside decorations have become easy-- those projectors (2, one on each side of the front lawn) and one big blow up, along with one of those spiral trees. I live on Long Island, and the weather typically gets awful shortly after Christmas. It’s easy to just pull up all the stakes from the ground and get the stuff inside.
Everything comes down before we return to school-- typically New Years Day. I start the new trimester at school with Christmas over, everything put away.
I do host one big party the Saturday after Thanksgiving weekend. It’s a gift exchange for my sisters, mom, and some neighbors and friends. We don’t put the tree up till that’s over, since we need the room for seating.
Big picture: we keep the traditions that matter to us, and let go of the rest.
This time of year has always been stressful for me. Thanksgiving, both kids’ birthdays, and of course, Christmas, mean that it’s a manic few months.
This year, I did things a little differently. I paced myself. I made a ton of lists. I didn’t freak out when I realized I forgot things. I planned nothing for my kids birthdays other than getting their birthday dinner foods and making a cake, all on the day. I just tried to be organized and do the best I could without holding myself to some unreasonable standard. It seems to have worked, because I definitely found myself to be more relaxed during the last two months. Having said all that, I’m glad the holidays are over.
My condolences to all who have had a difficult time this past year. Hoping 2019 brings better things for all.
The only thing I find stressful about Christmas is that we have a lot of decorations. They all need to be taken out of the attic, put up, taken down, and put back in the attic. We scaled back a LOT on decorations…but the process is still the same!
^Last year, I started keeping the tubs full of decorations, wrapping, etc in a second floor hall alcove, rather than up the very steep narrow attic stairs! Call me lazy, but…
Christmas is an important religious holiday for us, especially since our daughter is a Priest and has a very busy December. We love Christmas Eve church, our Advent calendar and the whole Christmas story. We tend to overdo the presents, and I would like to find a way to scale back.
I think anytime there are extra social events and extra people in your home, whether staying or just for a meal, there is certainly some added stress.
This year was rough for us because both my husband and I were very sick (bronchitis for me and a very, very bad cold for him) and we had to carry on as usual. We had tickets for things and guests coming. I still feel awful, but am on antibiotics finally. Not feeling well and having extra people staying in your house is not easy- even though our two
“extras” (my son and my half brother) are not difficult guests at all. I just want to feel better and stop coughing.
I do love the tree and decorations, but this year because of being sick I didn’t get to get out in the community and do some of the things I normally do. There will be other years.
^Bronchitis sucks, @MomofWildChild. I had a case in 2012 that lasted 89 days! I thought I would be suffering permanently. If you are not better yet, avoid hot peppers.
I scaled back on the decorations a couple years ago and have not missed all the odds and ends AT ALL. Do the mantel, the tree, the foyer with the staircase and DONE. I also now will pack that stuff away so that next year I can have all the mantel stuff in one spot, all the foyer stuff in one box. Ignore the rest of the stuff that is in the attic!
I really will advocate - even though I’m not here fully yet - to designating one or two days to Christmas prep - and what can be done in those one or two days is what you stay satisfied with. That’s as far as the purchasing, wrapping, decorating, baking. Can’t account for the entertaining that way!!
I always say one of my favorite days to shop is like January 10 - when the stores become quiet, the shelves are nicely put back together and you aren’t shopping with a mission, but more for pleasure.
I go to a really cool and helpful event every year around December 10. A law firm women’s initiative has a 1 hour ethics CLE and they have people their to gift wrap presents that you bring. I had 10 presents wrapped beautifully!
This year, D2 brought down all the decorations in early Dec and we sorted out broken, give aways, etc. She took some. Then the final box sat there for 3 weeks. Never got on the tree. I learned that just touching them seems to be enough. The tree is artificial, pre lit. Good enough. Family dinners with the girls, SO’s, coffee or eggnog with some friends, were enough.
It’s the first xmas in forever that I didn’t feel harried by. No trips to the mall. I gave D2 a book early. She lit up like a little kid. Priceless. I gave D1 some $ when her card was compromised, while she waited for the new one. These moments brought us together and the sense of family.
I’m sorry about others’ struggles. My heart goes out to all of you.
Adding that D1 and I shopped together for gifts for 2 girls for her office’s ‘giving tree’ effort. That was sweet. May make it a new tradition. Takes pressure off the holidays to think of others.
I haven’t read through this thread so as not to add any more stress than it’s been, but when I came across the following news this morning, this thread was the first thing that popped into my head:
This year most of the tree got decorated by my son’s girlfriend with some help from him. She’s from Hong Kong and has never had a real tree before. I like having a tree, but I am happy to have someone else trim it. One year when our tree was still up in mid-January my cleaning woman suggested that she could put the ornaments away. It was great, my least favorite job!
There are ways to simplify the holiday. My sister-in-law no longer exchanges major gifts with her children (they do stockings with fun/small presents), shopping only for her grand children. My mother orders in Christmas dinner from Whole Foods, and has stopped baking. I’ve never participated in any cookie exchange, etc. My gift shopping is made easier now because husband and I only give each other stocking stuffers, usually books, and spend the money on a trip instead. My kids are easy to shop for - they get stuff they need, or gifts of "experience."I stopped sending Christmas cards ions ago
I do believe it’s up to us to say no to the rampant consumerism and competition for the “perfect” holiday. It’s far too easy to drive yourself crazy and into debt.
I don’t mind gift giving. I like to get my kids things they want and I’m not doing any financial damage by doing so. Exchanging with my sister, brother and law and their 2 adult kids is harder. They don’t need or want much and I hate the unimaginative restaurant or Amazon gift certificates. This year I tried giving 3 of them Hoka sandals (with my sister’s blessing), knowing it was going to be a crapshoot whether we got the sizes right. 2 or the 3 were ok, but the exchange and return of the 3rd pair (brother in law’s) is a major PIA.
I buy myself a lot fo things “for my husband to give me” and he comes up with some things, too. I actually get into a consumerism coma and look forward to January to sort of detox.
We have pretty much always lived at least a car ride, if not a plane ride, away from extended family. I have always found traveling during Christmas stressful and really have never looked forward to being away from my home on Christmas Day. So, now that the kids are older, we decided to travel to see extended family every other Christmas. It works out well and the years that we get to spend Christmas at home are incredibly peaceful. I wish we lived closer to our relatives so that we could just visit with them for the day, rather than having to make a big production out of flying there and staying with relatives for several days. Being an introvert, I find it extremely stressful to stay with relatives for extended periods of time–so that really adds to my stress level.
I too have cut back on the decorating and do all shopping and gift wrapping in advance (most all of my shopping is done online). We still buy for nieces and nephews and basically since everyone is older, this gift exchange turns into an exchange of gift cards. I would love to stop this gift exchange because it seems silly to me. But I feel bad being the one to suggest that we stop.
I hardly buy for anyone else besides my kids and that gets easier each year wiith online purchasing. I used to find it stresssful when I had 25 people to buy for, excluding my kids, but not anymore.
I like wrapping gifts.
What I find stressful is our annual Christmas Eve celebration for about 30 friends and family. I love hosting it, but the stress of planning, cooking, baking, cleaning, getting ready is a lot. I mean a lot. People bring stuff, but I do the majority. It’s a big ordeal. And this year we had family in for the 25th, so I was prepping ahead for that big meal. But everyone loves coming over and I get a thrill out of that.
But I’m glad it’s over. I started taking stuff down today. I’ll leave the family room and kitchen intact until January 1.
I’ll admit that starting gift buying or baking earlier doesn’t reduce any stress. It just makes these tasks the focus for a longer period. No, I don’t bake cookies. I think I had 3 this whole season, from a friend. For one potluck, another friend suggested the ten of us each bring 60 cookies, for an exchange. Um, NO.
My D1 discovered a good pre-cooked ham is a great alternative to a more elaborate recipe. I do love to cook, but when it’s my option, my choice- thus, not a stress.
Today I learned one of the negatives of super-early shopping. SIL shopped for MIL, who is now fairly disabled. She got me pajamas from L&T, but for some reason she always insists on buying me Large size stuff, when I refuse to be any more than Medium. When I returned them today, I was past the 60-day limit and had to accept the sale price for returns. I just got a card with money, since I don’t want to shop until mid-January, when everything is over and I have quiet time.
Meanwhile, other relatives are now in town (not with us, thank goodness) and S’s BF arrives tomorrow for 10 days, and we’re taking MIL to Florida in a week and going on a cruise from there. Not sure yet when the decorations are coming down. Sanity won’t return until the 14th.
