<p>Emailing the kids is just not satisfying for me. I write long emails and put some time and energy into them. Sometimes they are even amusing.And 24 and 23 yr old kids just don’t respond. They never answer any question, some are important. Sometimes I think they see an email is from me and just blow it off.If they do email me, and both live far away, it’s like 5 sentences, tops.So little substance I don’t really know what they are talking about. And no emotional content in emails so I don’t really know anything.Whether they are happy about a new job assignment or what?
This is very unsatisfying for me.Is anyone else having this problem with grown kids emailing? Has anyone tried those video cams?</p>
<p>From my observation, this generation has moved on from email. My kids rarely use it. S IMs, but D doesn’t often turn on a computer. It’s phone messages and texting now. We have a family plan, so calls are “free”.</p>
<p>Please backhandgrip, get a hobby, play more tennis, get the dog or do anything other than try to put webcams in your children’s houses!!!</p>
<p>Suze; !!!
Texting is the SAME thing, words on a screen, not like personal contact, no eye contact, no emotion, just printed words.</p>
<p>many people don’t “emote” well in writing. Save that for phone calls or visits. I have found that I am more likely to get a response to emailed questions if I keep the email short and strictly business, without much chat.</p>
<p>Texting is a nuisance. Most kids my age only use it when in bars/clubs/parties to tell other friends where they are and to meet up with them. Email is VERY popular and a lot of my friends write some truly epic ones (most of which I quickly skim). Anyway, if you want more of a connection, pick up the phone! Or visit…</p>
<p>I only write short emails to my d at college- usually to ask a question or to share something that happend at home- not even every week.
She doesn’t always answer- but I don’t even have my computer set up for IM.
She does IM her sister & her sisters friends so I know she is still alive 
We all have cell phones now so I hope that will also be a form of communication if needed- but I can’t even get my husband to take his with him- :(</p>
<p>The difference here being, kids have made that transition from college to the working world or have their own family, and there is a grandchild. Big difference between college and what happens after if they live far away.I wish I weren’t in this pickle.</p>
<p>My son actually blocked me for a while from his IM and email because he said I was his biggest “spammer”. When we talked, he said he just didn’t have the time or the inclination to read long emails from me…but could I just write the condensed version? Sure…So my rule of thumb for emailing the kidlets…I keep it short, very short. Unless I NEED an answer (and if I do I put that in my email to them) I don’t expect one. I don’t IM them unless they IM me first (after all, they can see if I am online too). Again , this doesn’t apply if there is something I MUST know. This has worked out well. I seldom call my kid on his cell phone. BUT he does call here!</p>
<p>Re: the computer, and the new grandchild…I’m glad there wasn’t really extensive computer use when my kids were under 5. I didn’t have time to go to the bathroom or shower…never mind answering or sending email. Perhaps you could strike up a deal…offer to buy them a digital camera (I would suggest a Kodak Easy Share because it’s so easy) so they can send you pictures once every week or two. We do that now with the grandparents (all live far away…as do all of the aunts and uncles…our nearest relative is about 250 miles away). No notes…just pictures.</p>
<p>When I write my kids an email (and sometimes I send them snail mail too), I put “Reply requested” in the subject field if I expect a reply. Sometimes, after all, it’s just me telling them what’s going on. I find I get a bit more info that way.</p>
<p>And I also ask them to occasionally send me the link to what they’re reading on-line, and that way I have something non-threatening to discuss with them, too.</p>
<p>Backhand!!! Seriously, you seem to be saying that your kids owe you attention. They are not property or anything you should feel you own. I’m really not meaning to be disrespectful, but I feel that the parents that produce the most happy and content kids expect them to fly the coop. You produced world citizens who need to make their own choices and lead their own lives. Expecting them to raise grandchildren in your backyard is a sweet and dated thought, literature has a lot to say on this subject!!</p>
<p>BHG:</p>
<p>I visited a friend whose GF was in England. They were able to “see” each other while talking by hooking a webcam to their respective laptops while using a voicemail system (skype?) The voicemail is free. Sometimes my friend kept the webcam focused on him as he talked, sometimes he used it to roam around the room. She did the same. So they could see each other’s facial expressions as they talked. Maybe a way of solving at least one of your problems?</p>
<p>I think there are two seperate problems here. First the technology exists to have a picture and voice contact. or family cell plans that allow free contact day and night. So that problem is solved.</p>
<p>The second is our need/desire to talk with our kids when they are busy starting their adult lives. I know I feel I have so much more experience and yet my opinion is not asked for…as often. It takes a little getting used to but that is what we have to do…move on with our own lives which may have centered on raising our children til now. We need a new center…Some of us focus on careers again, or on hobbies, some people volunteer…</p>
<p>What will not happen or should not happen for most of us is that these adults become dependent on us again. The year my son was leaving home I was questioning his plan and he turned to me and said,
“Dad, you had a choice. You could raise a child that was always obediant and never questioned authority, or you could raise a child that evaluated situations and was capable of independent thought, capable of disagreeing with you. Don’t regret the choice you made.”</p>
<p>Over the years, he made his own decisions, I listened to him without criticizing, offered suggestions when he asked. He moved back closer to us and I meet him for coffee or a pizza about once a week now.</p>
<p>At 7, we are a god to our kids at 17 we become the village idiot and at 27, if we are lucky, we regain a higher status of parent.<br>
In the mean time keep the emails short - they will let you know when they want longer contact time.</p>
<p>When my mother or father e-mail’s me something and they put emotion into it, the punch is just not there in my eyes. Years and years of deleting spam will make any e-mail seem useless. We all still live in Cleveland, so its never a communication problem (everyone is too broke to leave) but any actual letters letters (snail mail) they have written has always been much more effective in getting through to me than e-mail.</p>
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<p>To this day I still use their washer and dryer and use my old bedroom as storage space for crap I don’t feel like moving out. Tell your kids to move out totally, or they will always have stuff at your house. ;)</p>
<p>Did you know there is free “forum” software out there, ie websites that let you set up your own forum similar to college confidential? I was actually thinking of creating my own “family forum” with the thought that perhaps my S would be willing to post on it. I could create posts, include pics, he could reply to my posts or start his own threads… Just mulling the idea at the moment.</p>
<p>Growing up my step mother’s mom lived overseas. When my younger brother was born my parents bought a poloroid camera and took a picture of my little brother EVERY DAY and mailed it to my grandmother overseas!</p>
<p>Backhandgrip, This has worked successfully for me. I write an e-mail and leave blanks for the sons to fill in, the Subject line states “Fill in the blank and hit reply sender.” </p>
<p>Here’s a sample letter: Dear _<strong><em>and _</em></strong>,
Thought I’d drop you an e-mail between _____ and __<strong><em>. I saw _</em></strong> the other day, and it was nice to talk about _______ again. </p>
<p>Sometimes our sons answer with funny answers, sometimes with what is really going on, but we ALWAYS get a response. I don’t do this too often since I don’t want it to become stale. Hope it works for you. Proudmama</p>
<p>24 y/o S is an email fiend. He always has his computer on (when not at work). He’ll send unsolicitied messages about things that are going on in his day/week, latest sports rumors, and links to stuff he thinks we’d be interested in. He’s always prompt with his replies to our emails, even the very short ones requesting quick info.</p>
<p>OTOH, our 19 y/o D isn’t an email person, let alone a computer fanatic. She uses it as she needs it. She’s more into the facebook.com communication and IM rather than emails and will often ignore our messages altogether. We end up calling to see if she got them, particularly when we felt we were asking for important and timely information. In the email world, we think it’s rude to ignore messages for more than a couple of days. She started exchanging old-fashioned letters with her friends this year (she likes getting “real” mail). I think I’ll try to send her several next year with little somethings (not $) thrown in.</p>
<p>bhg: I’ve been following your other thread about your D, and I see my D already breaking away in similar ways, even though she’s not married, nor a mom yet. A necessary process so like what I did to my parents, and my mother in particular at the very same age and for about 10 more years. What goes around, comes around.</p>
<p>You raise them and then you let them go.</p>
<p>Marite;That sounds sooooooo cool. I’ll have to look into it.
NJres; I really like the family forum idea.Sadly, some member of my family are…uncommunicative.
Proudma; I think the funny email with blanks is great but if I put a lot of time into it my feelings would be hurt if they blew it off. (as usual)
Joev; Finally got the stuff out of their former bedrooms, and can’t move in the attic now.
suze; !!! What are you nuts? Of course kids need to keep in touch after they are grown. How are they going to collect on the insurance if they don’t know what’s happening!</p>