<p>I unfortunately have the opposite problem. I failed miserably to instill a sense of economy in my D. Being a single parent with a busy work schedule, we often eat out and I never had the time to clip coupons or go bargain hunting. When she applied for college, I refused to apply for FA simply because I believed my kid should be fed, clothed and provided an education by me without handouts. So now, my D thinks that we are in the 3% bracket and never has a second thought eating out when she thinks she is too busy to make it to the cafeteria. Yike! How I wish that i can do it differently all over again.</p>
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<p>We certainly weren’t as frugal as our parents were in our 20s–blew $$ on nice dinners, vacations, etc. But when our oldest was 5, we started saving for her college (5 years too late) and we became more frugal, but nothing like my parents are.</p>
<p>I keep hearing that there will be a tremendous transfer of wealth as the Greatest Generation passes on. Perhaps the next generation is counting on a like transfer of assets to bail them out…</p>
<p>I do agree with sallyawp that subsidizing a higher lifestyle by paying insurance premiums, etc. for your kids is a non-starter for me. As my friend told me, she isn’t providing a car for her kids that is better than the one she drives.</p>
<p>I have a bunch of Woman’s Day magazines from the later 1940s and early 1950s. In all the issues, all the articles are devoted to how to be frugal! There’s even a feature called “Found Money,” where the magazine shows how to re-make your husband’s old suit into a suit for you, or how to re-make your old raincoat into a raincoat for your daughter, or how to sew your husband’s old ties together for fabric for a new “frock” for you. (They called them “gay frocks” in those days.) </p>
<p>Nowadays, when we read women’s magazines, there is page after page of “advertorial” – buy this face cream for $60, buy that very fancy lipstick for $20, buy this fancy bra for $95, etc. The culture has changed significantly, but that’s primarily due to the fact that the ECONOMY has changed substantially. In the late '40s and early '50s, NO ONE had any money. Nowadays, lots of “young people” make huge salaries – and have nothing they NEED to spend it on. Also, their assumption is that nothing will ever happen to make this gravy train stop or slow down.</p>
<p>BHG,
You sound like you were a fanatastic mom, one who placed value on the important things, like creativity, time spent together, unstructured play, etc… rather than outshining the neighbor’s kids with new clothes, fancy meals, and the lot. My kids are still in their teens, so I’m no expert, but I think sometimes that SOME young marrieds with kids are trying to do two things: uphold some kind of image of perfection at their status level, and keep their lives as close to possible as they were pre-baby. It’s not that they can’t sacrifice for their kids, it’s that they think there’s no reason, too. They can have their cake and eat it, too. And if they are well-off, and have always known financial comfort (if not extravagance) there is nothing to remind them that it might not last. Middle-class young people born in the 80s in America have known nothing but a culture that encourages happiness through purchasing, even if we parents have tried to instill other values. </p>
<p>It’s not surprising about the pedicures, lattes, etc… it’s just the new status-quo, I think. I mean, when H and I first got married, we made Folgers in the coffee pot. Now we buy Peets special premium something or other that is ground fresh at the store and that costs 3 times as much as Folgers, and that is our new standard. My grandmothers, born in the 20s, were they still alive, would probably gasp at paying that much for coffee. But most people at our income-level probably see us as being somewhat frugal for even making our own coffee rather than going to Peets or Starbucks in person every day. So times change.</p>
<p>Also, I bet your daughter has retained many of your values and that they will come out over time as she struggles to raise her child. Perhaps the materialism will remain, but there are other values that I’m sure she learned from you and her dad that are far more important. You might not witness them now, but have faith that they exist and will guide her through hard times. </p>
<p>On a personal note, the disconnect can work both ways. I’ve fought and lost a two decades’ long battle with my MIL over her materialism in regards to our kids. She spoiled them rotten with way too many birthday and Christmas gifts (and Easter and Halloween). We tried to set limits but she always found a way to get around them. It came down to a choice of either H and I being continually vigilant and outright in-your-face rude to her (as in “you cannot bring those presents in this house; take them back to the car”) or just giving up and letting her do her thing. Luckily, in addition to giving too many gifts, she believed in giving educational experiences and funded those generously, too. H and I always joked that our kids lived a better lifestyle than we did. It will be interesting to see how WE handle having grandchildren. :)</p>
<p>mominca; Oh thanks for your post. What a nice thing to say.And I do understand, too. Of course, the good coffee now! Status quo, like you say.</p>
<p>Everyone who was a mom around here was sharing recipes and making their own playdoh 25 years ago.You know, hippi stuff still circulating about.Something lost now.Too bad.</p>
<p>I wonder what this next generation will be like. To them, we have always had personal computers, Google, iPods, and cell phones (that can take pics!) And digital timepieces.</p>
<p>They will probably think it “quaint” that we know recipes for Playdoh. Like knowing how to tat or churn butter…</p>
<p>BHG, I actually do not think your thread is misnamed at all - many young people today do seem to have a sense that they are entitled to the same luxuries that so many others seem to enjoy today as a matter or course - that they have “earned” it, are “worth” it or can “afford” it, whatever that means to them. </p>
<p>It’s a sticky subject to bring up to self sufficient young adults, even if they are your own children, but you might consider making a gift of one of the popular self help books that deal with finances for those just starting out.</p>
<p>I had an interesting conversation with my parents recently. While elderly, they are healthy and fit and wonderful companions to each other (lucky them). They have a very comfortable financial picture, and yet they don’t travel (unless you count an occasional road trip), they don’t have a fancy car, they don’t have fabulous real estate. (They do own a camp on an Adirondack lake - it is a TINY little place and let me tell you, all of us kids sure wish it was bigger! And fancier!)</p>
<p>Anyway, we were talking about travel, and how we wish they’d go to Europe with us. My mom doesn’t like to fly, but she admitted that she might be willing to fly first class - but then they immediately dismissed the idea because it would be so expensive. </p>
<p>That prompted me to ask - what are you saving it for? You can’t take it with you! </p>
<p>They got sort of philosophical on me and explained that they finance the life style they love, and they sincerely have no desire for fancier anything. They are surrounded by their grandkids, they enjoy eating out (modest restaurants of course), they work puzzles and read the NY Times. And that is the lifestyle they are completely satisfied with.</p>
<p>Somehow it just feels like such a generational thing, doesn’t it? Our generation (to say nothing of our kids) seems to be looking at life as a big consumer competition. Maybe the pendulum will swing the other way again. Hopefully it won’t be because of some national tragedy (like the Depression), but just a collective change of heart. But I’m not holding my breath.</p>
<p>BHG, I notice it in my kids and in other young people. Like someone else mentioned, I had my first manicure at age 45 and still only “waste” that money maybe twice a year. I order water in restaurants because they charge so much for drinks. Mine will spend money on concert tickets or pro sport game tickets (and yes it is their money and I try to keep my mouth shut) when I think it could be used so much better in more common sense ways or saved. My oldest bought a house after being out of college for 6 months (brand new construction), wife had to have new furniture, matching linens, “pottery barn look” decorations, etc. When we married, we lived with furniture “donated” from people’s attics and basements, had a 30 year old washer that was left on the street, hung clothes to dry, used cloth diapers on the kids, bought the groceries in those black/white generic labeled cans/boxes, “eating out” was DQ once a month, house only had heat on the main floor—yeah if not “entitled”, they certainly are “spoiled”.</p>
<p>Of course on the other hand, my mother had fits when after I was married she found out I threw out baggies (didn’t wash and reuse) and didn’t save my aluminum foil for reuse. So maybe each generation has their “thing”.</p>
<p>A friend owns a textile company. He says that what he sees with this generation is that when a young person comes in for an interview, so often the first questions out of their mouths are “How much will I make, how much vacation and what are benefits”. Not what does the job entail, what can I contribute, what can I learn, etc.—he says when the interview starts with “all about me” he mentally writes them off.</p>
<p>Okay Mommusic, you go to the garage! lol</p>
<p>I know, everything in a hurry, doesn’t it seem that way?</p>
<p>I come from a family of frugal people. It was out of necessity. My grandmother darned the family socks, never threw away gift wrap (it was always recycled). I walked many blocks with her between grocery stores, so she could save .07 on a container of cottage cheese (when I was a kid). Now I am married to a guy who does not think twice about ordering items that he does not need. I am still a person who tends not to order soft drinks in a restaurant, I don’t have my nails done, and I stretch my haircuts as far a part as possible. I shop the sale of the sale. I have to say that when I think of DH having a “martini lunch” with other peers at lunchtime I begin to wonder why I am saving pennies. I have gone out for more lunches lately too, b/c I am really denying myself a nice lunch while DH is not worrying about his wallet at all. Bottom line is that BHG you might check out how your DD’s husband is spending too. I know a family where the wife was really over spending on herself. Her H was never exposed to that lifestyle. He has adopted her spending patterns, but now they are struggling with their bills. H recognized a problem, but decided he was not going to be the primary bread earner and have his wife in designer clothes while he walked around in budget clothing (he tried to get wife to change spending habits, but that never happened). Now they are both cutting back, but it is really a drop in the bucket.</p>