What is it about the end of the first semester of senior year of HS? Maybe it is the EA acceptances coming in, a.k.a. “s**t just got real.” Maybe it is the 18th birthday right around the corner, and one semester of HS left to go.
As a parent I’m experiencing a “time is running out” reaction, which I realize is probably only partly rational. It just seems that all of a sudden the time window is closing fast for our senior to develop the optimal college-level study habits, social anxiety coping skills, independent living skills, and general street smarts and common sense that One Must Possess Before Going Off to College.
Like most active CC members and our kids, nearly all concerns that we have on her behalf are what most would call “first world problems.” So would we, taking into account her school performance, dedication to her EC and her part-time job, safe driving, avoiding the typical risky behaviors etc.
That said, with the combination of some activities related to mid-Dec scholarship application deadlines, finals week, end-of-semester due dates for some classwork, etc. I was suddenly struck by that “time is running out” reaction, a.k.a. “when is she going to learn X, develop Y, internalize Z between now and the first day of college”? Even though my left brain knows the answer is “whatever she hasn’t learned before she gets there, she will learn after she gets there.”
Does this strike a chord with anyone? I’m not sure I articulated it very well. I realize parents have to let young people’s growth follow its own course at some point. She’s our first so we’re still finding our way.
I have been seriously freaked out the last week or two. The semester flew by so fast it’s scary. There seems to be so many things left to do, and the spring semester won’t be any easier.
Yes, I can relate…
Just this weekend, I found myself annoyed at D for little things I’ve put up with for the past few years, and honestly, ignored, up until now - like, how messy her room is, the fact that she sometimes leaves her dirty dishes on the kitchen counter instead of putting them in the dishwasher, etc. Just little, petty things, really. But I found myself thinking these might be indicative of her not being “mature” or “grown-up” enough to go away…
I snapped at her yesterday about cleaning up her room. She did tidy it up today, but I felt bad about snapping at her. Because after thinking about it, I don’t think it was all about her room - it’s about me getting used to the idea of her preparing to leave my house next fall - I will worry about her and miss her terribly.
So today I told her I was sorry I snapped at her like I did. She said, That’s ok, mom, the mess was driving me nuts, too, I needed to make time to clean it…
I know I grew up a lot my first year away from home, when I suddenly had to find time to do my own laundry, work part-time and make it to classes without my mom standing over my bed. My mom was really worried about the latter, but it ended up not being an issue at all, and I don’t think I ever slept through a class.
We have good and bright kids and they are going to be fine!
Strange that you should post this tonight. Just this weekend, I’ve started a “life skills” program. He’s been so busy for the last couple of years that there hasn’t been time for things like learning to drive. His immediate future includes learning to cook, and developing good habits so that he keeps his clothes, school materials, etc., in order. And he will learn to iron and grocery shop.
This is so funny, I’m not a parent but a senior in hs and these things have been worrying me for years now. I’ve never been able to make time for basic things like learning to drive, cook, do laundry, etc. I was planning to get my drivers license over christmas break and everything else I think I’d just have to learn over the summer lol. Glad to see I’m not the only one like this, my mom thinks I’m abnormal lolol
And then they go to college. And then they graduate. And then they have the audacity to fashion their own lives. And then you learn to get along with an adult.
This semester has flown by. This is my last kid and I’ve been dreading this year. I’ve also been thinking of all the things I never got around to teaching him. Well, the time has not run out yet so maybe a few items will get addressed.
Have this feeling with my junior. I’m desperately trying everything to find her passion NOW, in an effort to stoke some serious self-motivation. She’s skilled at saying all the right things … but her actions are lacking that extra gear. It’s as if she’s scripting to sound highly polished, it’s disengenuous and borderline manipulation, which doesn’t sit well with me. The whole “don’t talk about it, BE about it.” Hearing her tell friends & family big goals when the effort doesn’t align is setting her and us as parents up for embarrassment.
Cheer up, NPR. She can always go to a directional if her plans fall through. I’ve heard that some are quite good.
As for us-I’m not worried about the academic end of things at all-D is a planner and a scheduler and is on course with school, apps and such. It’s the life skills that I worry about, even though I know that won’t help anything. We ARE going to work on cooking skills-she can only cook a few things and needs to know more so she won’t poison herself. She does her own laundry, is in driver’s ed, can budget, and though she doesn’t LIKE cleaning her room, can get it neat enough to eat off the floor in an afternoon when she wants to.
But what really gets me is just the lack of TIME we have left together. I saw a little Winnie the Pooh and Christopher Robin gift box today and I got tears in my eyes. That Loggins and Messina song “House at Pooh Corner” was playing in my head. And all I could think of was how little time we have left with her under our roof.
^^ I know, sseamom, I feel the same way. DS is my baby and there are so many “lasts” this year - my last “back to school” night, last time for various concerts, last Halloween. We actually missed out on Halloween; it came right before early application deadlines and we were hunkered down getting them submitted all evening (everything was ready well in advance, but DS started second-guessing and revisiting all his essays - drove me nuts). So he didn’t go out and I didn’t give out candy. Our house was dark.
I can relate, @ohiovalley16. I think about that stuff a lot and I have a double-whammy of “time running out” because hubby and I are moving half way across the country next summer after D (our one and only) graduates. Adds another dimension to the head-spinning for me. @-)
This seems to be the usual time of year when students post in the College Search and Selection section asking for safety school suggestions to apply to (possibly after non-acceptance by their EA/ED reach dream school), even though some application or scholarship deadlines have already passed, or are about to pass. So time really is running out for those students.
Okay, we are just making it to the end of the first semester of college for our one and only. I can say that my daughter, while brilliant, was bed making impaired when she lived at home. However, every time that we had a Skype video call, I could see her bed in the background and it was made!
Just want you to know that while senior year has so many stresses involved and so many details to help your senior stay on top of. that there is hope for basic living skills, though maybe they learn them through osmosis.
@sseamom She won’t fall that far, she’s a lock for the state flagship. But you see, she has this habit of telling everyone how she’s going to be pre-med at a fancy east coast school. Not happening without a real surge over next few months.
Totally normal reaction to feel time is running out. One of my best friends cried all the time for the 9 months BEFORE her daughter left for college. Ya, that was a bit much (and more about mom’s dependency than the daughter leaving).
As a parent that has sent off three, I can tell you undoubtedly, that while it is so hard to see them go, when they do come home to visit, it is so big and so special. It brings out the best parent in all of us, we find joy again in cleaning and fixing up their room up, and preparing their favorite meal, cleaning the house like company is coming. Every visit home is like Christmas. Whether they are home once a month, or once a semester, it is a magical time when they do return and the conversations are instantly grown up and fun. Know you have those events ahead to look forward to - it may make them going a little bit easier.
