I’m a freshman in College who lacks family due to losing several family members In the past few years, Bad things happening between some of my family members so I choose not to speak to them, and I do have family that I love and care about but when I try to call and text message they either ignore,are too busy,or maybe want nothing to do with me. The only time I might see them is the holidays and some visits are great and some are not good. I worry I may not have family members to see for the holidays in the future! I’m always depressed, think this problem will only get worse, and won’t get better! No matter what I do whether I go to college and good a good paying Job I won’t gain any family by doing so! If I have kids I’ll have to pay for them and I don’t want to pay for anything! I wish I had family to travel with,spend the holidays with,and have good times with! I was wondering if there was anybody else in this situation and wanted to see If anybody had any advice! Is it possible to create your own family without having kids?
If you aren’t ready to start your own family, there are other options. One is to travel during the holidays teaching or volunteering or working.
By the way, many others have the same situation as you. They just don’t depict that on their facebook page.
“Is it possible to create your own family without having kids?”
It is possible to get a group of people who are in a similar situation together for holidays. You would need to find them.
I know people who are married and childless by choice. I also know single people who aren’t interested in marriage or children and choose to spend time with like minded people, particularly for holidays. You can build a family-like support group of friends or get yourself added/invited to be with a family that is more supportive and giving.
If I wish to travel,how do I do so when I don’t have a car? if I went somewhere by bus or train, would I most likely have to transfer vehicles or should one already take me there? I live in Lafayette Indiana and I think Amtrak and Greyhoud come here but not sure how far they go from here other than to Chicago, Indianapolis, and Cincinnati! What kind of volunteering is good for someone who likes Or is interested in STEM? I Like your idea @TQfromtheU
There are people young and old estranged from their families of origin all over our country. My husband was as a young college student. His family life was horrible, his parents paid for one semester of college, and when he quit because he didn’t have enough money to pay for the next semester his parents told him that he was not welcome at home. After that he worked hard and gradually went back to school. He housesat, he worked at summer camps as a counselor, plus the pre- and post-camp maintenence so he had a place to live during the summer, and became an RA during the school year to fund his housing and so he could stay on campus during holidays. He traveled by hitchhiking (not recommended) and bus during some vacations. He met a lot of interesting people at school and summer camp and traveling and accepted their invitations to visit them. Was it easy? No. Was it always fun? No. But he found people to enrich his life when his own family wouldn’t.
You are not alone, and you can have a good life even if your family of origin isn’t in it. Don’t decide whether or not you want kids now. If you ever do, you get the chance to rewrite family history by not doing to your child what has been done to you.
@Northernwoods I have some weird Questions! Do you love your husband? Does his lack of family or bad family of origin make him any different than anybody else? I sometimes wonder if that makes me look bad to other people is why I Ask that Question about him but you have a good story about him with twists and turns.
@TQfromtheU what steps do you reccomend to make friends That I can call family or find people that could invite me into there families?
If you are religious I would consider religious activities. If not -Is there a service organization on your campus you can join?
I always say, to have a friend, be a friend. Tell the truth, be kind, considerate, supportive. Consider others’ viewpoints and experiences. I believe that if you seek to do good, good will come to you, even when it doesn’t look that way at first.
Not having the best family of origin will not keep you from a good life, but letting it make you bitter, angry, negative certainly will. Make sure you don’t slide into the negative.
You find friends (and relationships) by doing what interest you and venturing out to explore new things. Look to see what free activities are available in your area. The newspaper might publish it. Talk to people everywhere.
Planes, trains, automobiles. Airlines, Amtrak and buses go everywhere, but start your travel close by if money is tight.
@SuperGeo5999, yes, I do love my husband, and I know he loves me and our daughter. His family history does affect him, of course. Because he was an abused child over many years, he is far more sensitive about some things that other people say and do that do not bother me or most people at all. But no one ever knows anything about his background unless he tells them. His background has not prevented him from having a good life, getting educated, or having a good family. He has benefited from counseling from time to time in the past when he didn’t feel like he was handling things well and my support wasn’t enough to help him over whatever hurdle he was dealing with.
You too can have a good life. It’s not easy though, it takes consistent effort, might require counseling from time to time, but the pay off in the end is worth it.
@NorthernMom61 what is your background, degree,and profession? Do you have a good family of origin that you share with your husband? I’ve though too that Maybe someday I’ll have a wife that’ll have a good family of origin to share with me that would be called my In-law family.
I have a graduate degree in a mental health field. I do have a stronger family or origin than my husband and he enjoys my family a great deal. It could happen for you. You are young and have a lot of growing to do yet.
@NorthernMom61 how did your husband get involved in a camp? What other steps or things do you reccomend doing to find people? Was your husband abused physically or mentally? I was mostly abused mentally by moms x-husband but it hurts me more becusse I’m autistic.the good news is I still live with my mom so she didn’t just abandon me and I have a fairly good relationship with my brother (he picked on me growing up just like a lot of sibling do) And the only problem Is we are different because he thinks I should go to trade school instead of college but don’t wanna do that and he isn’t into traveling like I am but it’s the other people such as aunts,uncles,cousins,and grandmas that I have trouble with and losing family members from death becuase my grandpa,great grandpa,and two cousins that I had good relationships with pass away.
The career center and job boards at your school may be a great place to start for looking for camp jobs. He had lifeguard and boating instructor certifications and I am sure that helped. I think he got those through the Red Cross. We didn’t have Google then. There are lots of things you can search for on the internet like camp counseling jobs.
@erichioro can you relate to this in any way?
I understand that, OP. There are countless people in the same situation so don’t let this break you. As life goes on, you’ll have the chance to create your own family. Family isn’t blood, it’s the people that love you.
Tho is a chance to start your own traditions. Although I spend some holidays with friends, there are certainly things that I do every year without fail. For example, I always watch A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving to Thanksgiving (for Thanksgiving!) and Love Actually for Christmas. The traditions make me feel like I’m carving out something to do with my future children.
As do how to find friends, do what you love-as someone else suggested-and you’ll find friends naturally in those groups.
@SuperGeo5999 I can’t really relate to this. My dad did pass away when I was a kid, but other than that I am very close with the rest of my family.
@erichioro I thought maybe you could relate becuase you’ve been able to relate to and give advice on My other issues I posted on my other threads such as doing poorly in academics, soda addiction, not liking work, and not being involved in extracurricular activities. are you able to travel a lot? Did go to prom in high school? Those are two other threads I’m seeking advice on!