<p>It just happened to me. We just accepted an “invitation”, and then we were told to pay $39pp. We will still attend and pay, but I thought that was not an invitation and a lot of nerve. My H thinks that there is nothing wrong with this. BTW, we have paid to take them out for a similar celebration and the cost was greater, not to mention that they have been to dinner in my home a couple of times. We have never been to their home, although we were invited recently. They live in another state, so for us it means a hotel. They stay with a relative when they are in town. I am not going to make an issue of it, but I actually felt tricked.</p>
<p>Me, I would back out of that kind of “invitation”, which sounds like a shakedown to me. I wouldn’t want “friends” like that. They sound like users.</p>
<p>hmmmmm. That’s a new one for me. I’m assuming it’s a celebration of a “milestone” birthday…but still…</p>
<p>Whenever we invited people out to dinner for one of our special events, we always paid. Our friends would sometime bring a present. It is customary for the host to pay. We have been invited to a few parties where we were expected to split the bill. In that case, I just didn’t bring a present.</p>
<p>I have NEVER heard of this, and I think it’s kind of tacky–what’s the occasion?</p>
<p>Thanks all. I agree with all of you, but because I care for the birthday gal I will not say a word and I will go along with it. The cost is for show tickets.</p>
<p>SJTH, just cross posted with you. It is a birthday celebration for someone I know.</p>
<p>Well, it would have been nicer to collaborate with friends on a birthday party…even though you might have spent the same amount, at least you would have felt like a host or something…weird…</p>
<p>I think the only time I’ve paid to attend a birthday celebration was one which was arranged by friends of the birthday girl. Then, everyone split the costs.</p>
<p>Is it a dinner? If so, I wouldn’t complain too much. $39/per person is pretty inexpensive.</p>
<p>Actually, it is for cheap seats to a show.</p>
<p>My sister and b-inlaw had the same thing happen to them a few years ago. None of us could believe the nerve!:eek: I think they ended up going. But I don’t think they bought the birthday girl a gift:rolleyes:</p>
<p>This started happening first with my D. She got an invite to a birthday party. A friend was taking 10 girls in a limo to a nice dinner in a downtown shopping district. I thing it was for a 16th or 17th birthday. Of course, we knew the time spent window shopping/shopping was on us. The surprise was when, the night before, D was reminded to bring money for dinner!!! I was shocked. I guess the bigger shock would have been her getting the check and not having the cash. After that, we knew to check on what was covered and what wasn’t. Since then, we have found adults doing the same thing.</p>
<p>I think the fact that you were told to pay AFTER you accepted the invitation is what makes it so…rude (for lack of a better word).</p>
<p>If they expect people to pay, they need to tell people before they accept the invitation. Because backing out after accepting just feels like a bad thing to do.</p>
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<p>Well, I guess you could look on the bright side and be thankful that she didn’t arrange for the best seats! 
Seriously, though, I guess it would depend on how the invitation was extended. If someone said, “Oh, for my birthday I would love to get tickets to my favorite show and hope that all of my dearest friends can come and enjoy it with me”, I don’t see anything wrong with asking people to pay for the tickets. Who knows how many she’s invited. I wouldn’t do it, but I can afford to spring for things like that. Not everyone can.</p>
<p>The bottom line is that an invitation can always be declined. This doesn’t sound like the birthday girl is a very close friend of yours, so if you don’t want to attend, you have that choice. Personally, I don’t keep track of and compare number of times I’ve been invited to a friend’s house or what the costs of our times together have been, but maybe that’s just me!</p>
<p>We have been asked to meet for a cocktail at a bar before in honor of a friends birthday. We had no expectation that the host was paying in that situation. I guess it all depends on how the invitation was worded.</p>
<p>I am embarrassed to say I did something similar many years ago. My kids were in preschool and I wanted to have a lunch for their friends and parents. I really don’t know why I didn’t fix lunch for everyone, but what I did was ask the parents to bring their own sack lunches for a picnic in our backyard and we provided an ice cream sundae bar for dessert. What is even more strange is I had printed invitations!! If I could afford invitations, why did I not fix lunch? The only thing I can think of is maybe I was concerned with what each child would eat as my child has a food allergy, but even that not doesn’t really make sense. Or maybe, I thought it was a really cool idea; either way, I can’t believe I did that almost 20 years ago!</p>
<p>I’ve never had that happen, but my D was invited to a sleepover one time and when the girls got there, the mother took up a collection to order pizza. They girls were all 13 or 14 at the time. I don’t know why she assumed they would bring money to a sleepover. Weird.</p>
<p>I’d be thinking the same thing as you are right about now, northeastmom! It would have been one thing if this was made clear ahead of time. The only thing I can think, which still doesn’t excuse it, is that most local people knew about this ahead of time by word of mouth, or something like that. </p>
<p>This only happened to me once, many years ago. I was invited by a written invitation with RSVP to an event in honor of someone. At the very end and with no previous notification whatsoever, the person who sent out the invitations went around asking each of us to pay our portion of the bill plus the guest of honor’s portion split up evenly between us! I thought it was pretty unbelievable at the time.</p>
<p>Thank you everyone. The reason for my posting were because I felt tricked. I was called and told,
“You are invited to a birthday party we are making for so and so, and we are buying tickets to a show, and having a brunch. You can join us for either the brunch, or the show, or both.”</p>
<p>The last comment got me thinking that they felt obligated to invite my H and and me to both, but really only wanted us to go to either the show or the brunch, especially since this option was explained to me not once, but twice! My H and I decided that we go to the show. I first accepted the invitation and then I was told that the price would by either $X or $Y. They called back after shopping for tickets and told me that they could only get the cheap seats for $X.</p>
<p>snowball, I don’t think asking mothers to bring a little picnic lunch was the end of the world.</p>
<p>sunnyflorida, The situation you described sounds more similar, and I would also have wondered what kind of invitation that was to a birthday party!</p>
<p>jaf, I wonder if your D’s friend who hosted was told by her mother that she was not feeding everyone in advance, but I agree that it is very weird, and I think it is tacky. Unless they were very poor people, how much are a couple of pizza pies anyway? </p>
<p>You know, I could have understood it, if up front they said that they were taking care of the brunch, but if we would like to also attend the show they would let us know about the cost of those tickets.</p>
<p>Many years ago, I was invited to a friend’s bridal shower at a small no name restaurant in the large city where we lived. The written invitation came from her sister. I left a message on the sister’s answering machine that I would be there. I later got a call that we would all have to “chip” in for the lunch since it was “so expensive.” I felt that she embarrassed the bride by doing this, and since it was a small amount of people it was really unnecessary. A cake at someone’s apartment would have been ok too, and less awkward. When the bill came it was ridiculous. The sis and mom paid for themselves, bride, and the inlaws to be (two or three, I don’t remember), and divided the bill equally into x shares. (Maybe six friends came) One girl had eaten only a bowl of soup since she did not want to pay so much, and it became even more awkward when that came up. </p>
<p>I would have thought the pizza and dinner situations for the teens to be unusual, but not a picnic for the kids. I think I went to a party like that. I think if the invitation is CLEAR, it is at least understood ahead of time. That’s what made the party that I went to seem particularly awkward.</p>
<p>Back in the olden days, I was always taught that if you invited someone, you paid. When we first moved here, I would invite a friend or two of my son’s to go someplace with us and the parents would ask how much the ticket, or admission or whatever it was cost. I would always say that it was our treat. But then I got to thinking that if they assumed that an invitation meant they paid for whatever, then they must also feel the same when they provided the invitation. It took a lot of getting used to.</p>
<p>I do remember one very awkward time when my son, who was still in middle school was invited to lunch with the parents of a friend. When the bill came, they asked him for his portion. Luckily he had it on him. But he did come home and ask if that was normal. We would never have asked a child to pay if he went out to eat with our family.</p>