<p>I just dropped my only child (a son) at college last week. He is generally not the type to be homesick and is not likely to initiate a lot of calls home. I am anxious to know how he is - relationship with roommate, how his classes are going, whether that computer problem he was having got fixed. Should I wait a week to call? What experiences have you had in balancing a parents needs versus a students need for contact</p>
<p>A week?? I will give my son 1 day of breathing room, then a quick call just to make sure all is OK… could be a very short call.</p>
<p>With cell phones and e-mail I am having a hard time not reaching out. My S went on a retreat when we first left him so that gave him 4 days to himself.
He called when he returned, but I confess I have hard time since then not calling. It’s hard to resist. I am trying to send brief e-mails instead. I imagine there is a period of adjustment.</p>
<p>I’m expecting my mom to call to let me know she got home alright…and probably calling at least every other day at first, then paring it down to once a week.</p>
<p>Does a text message count? Much more likely to be received than an email.</p>
<p>Just2Now - Just wanted you to know I could have written your post Word for Word. I’m thinking that calling S after one day is not likely to be a rewarding experience. Will wait with you to see what other parents and students say. I do know that I mentioned to my S - who as I said sounds exactly like yours - a few months ago that IMing was one way parents and students communicate. I expected him to roll his eyes. Instead, he volunteered to install IM software on my computer. The other day HE brought up a reminder that he still needs to do that, but he did say that he hoped I wouldn’t bug him to death when online.</p>
<p>So, I’m suggesting IM as a method you might consider. The advantage is that you know they are in a mode to communicate when you see them on line (at least with someone, if not with us 
). Other parents have suggested that it’s a good idea to wait for them to make the first “move” when you are both online. I am going to try that method.</p>
<p>Hey…I call more than once a week. It is so easy to have short conversations while walking or waiting in line that calling frequently is fine. My mom usually waits for me to call I guess but not always. I am sure you son knows you miss him and would to some degree understand just as you will understand when he doesn’t talk long on your initiated calls.</p>
<p>I guess I was “asking for permission.” I know that my need for contact and reassurance is greater than his. I dislike being so needy, but I will work it out. It does seem more reasonable for more contact early on and then to space it out more so I will take the suggestion to call a few times the first week and then 1/week. </p>
<p>My S and I have certainly been going thru an independence/dependence scenario before he left. He is mostly a sweet guy but he lets me know if i cross a line so that is why I am so conflicted about this. </p>
<p>He has not been on IM lately so I did not know if that was related to his previous computer problems - OR?</p>
<p>I think I am in for an adjustment. My D is one of those who calls me often during the day when she is out just to see what’s up. It will be an adjustment to me not to hear from her. Or I wonder if with cellphones she will continue to call as often.
When my son goes I am sure we will only hear from him if we call him or if he needs money.</p>
<p>She will call just as often. She may even call more in the beginning.</p>
<p>For three months son, 2500 milles from home, pretty much ignored us. First week in November of his freshman year he crashed. We flew him home for the weekend. He slept in his bed, played with his dog, went back. We never had a problem again.</p>
<p>Must have been the dog huh???</p>
<p>Shared cell phone plan - anytime anywhere for whatever…IF they need it, if you need it…thats what our family is all about.</p>
<p>I like email…I think if you tell son that mom is the one that needs to be weened and that you know he is doing fine, and can handle everything, but you need to hear it. If you place it on yourself, that you need him to help you get through the transition, he may be less worried about calling and getting questions. I think if you do call, and it would be hard for me, but to talk about home and what you are doing so he doesn’t feel he’s being drilled, which, being a mom, I know I do…</p>
<p>My D went away for three weeks, not the same, I know, but it was in DC on a college campus and she is 16, so of course I wanted contact.</p>
<p>I told her that it was for me that she was calling or I was calling her. It wasn’t that I didn’t think she could handle it, she could very well, but her calling me to let me know all was okay was so nice. </p>
<p>If you approach it as he is helping you, it might help. Make an excuse. Tell him you are storing some stuff and does he want anything shipped out. Or tell him you are having a big old garage sale, and his old football stuff is going…then you will get the call!!!</p>
<p>ANd congrats on being the mother of a college man…prettty exciting</p>
<p>I call my parents every few days in general but call on the first full day because I know that’s when she’s worried the most. After eighteen years of having your parents in your life how can you suddenly turn conversing with them into a weekly chore? I’ve never understood it.</p>
<p>We (I) waited for son to initiate calls, he was having a great time at orientation and I think he needed to be on his own. He fixed it so we could IM and I think we caught each other twice. If I hadn’t heard from him with IM I would have emailed him to ask how things were. About week 2 or 3 he did make a brief call but we were out. My return call was short but very nice. My BD is about 3 wks into school-dad was in Chicago but reminded son to call-I think son missed us a bit but was having a great time. The dorm has to close for him to come home but we are happy he has a new home at school. I saw him twice on the Web cam (not planned-just accident) and it really was enough to know that he was ok. He goes back week from tomorrow-he’s ready. Last yr the dog had the worst time adjusting to the loss of the only child.</p>
<p>I know how you feel, but no call probably just means your son is fine and adjusting to his new life.</p>
<p>stargirl…thank you!!!</p>
<p>Funny story…when my husband and I dropped our freshmen son off at school last year we were literally still in the parking lot when he called to tell me about a lecture he had been invited to via email. He was very excited and I was thrilled he called so quickly. It reassured me that he would stay in close touch. I couldn’t have been more wrong! It was four weeks and three days before he called me again! And that was only for a quick piece of advice on how to place an order for delivery to another state. I waited until Sundays to give him a quick call to check on him but the waits were hard. He was always fine, busy, doing great.</p>
<p>I think often boys think they’re supposed to be independent and calling home is seen as “babyish”. Girls, I’m told, call all the time. Has that been the experience with all of you? (I ask as I plan to drop my DD off next fall!)</p>
<p>I’m the same way as your son- I’m not the type to get homesick or initiate calls and that’s why I like e-mailing. It’s on my own terms. I can respond in a day or in a week. :p</p>
<p>Thanks citygirlsmom…a straight-up approach sounds great. Admit that I am the one with the “transition problem.” He is the one with the exciting new life and that is actually true! I would love to take a class on “Origins and Migrations” and “Utopia” and do all that interesting reading and discussion! Not to mention someone else doing all the cooking. I am stuck here in the same old job and too quiet house that needs cleaning. </p>
<p>The truth is coming out - I’m really just jealous.</p>