I work in the South and travel regularly - small cities and bigger cities. I’m not gay. I’ve had I assume gay / trans servers, hotel clerks, people with holes in the ears, nail polish, and more. Does that make them gay? Doubtful but these folks are certainly alternative to the norm.
People are people. They live their lives. Maybe policies are against a gay lifestyle but I’m just not seeing it.
A parent of a student at Alabama a few years ago raved about the experience there and campus pride rated it high.
I’ve never seen any issues and it doesn’t matter if it’s Dorthan Al, Jackson MS or Raleigh.
So I think it’s vastly overhyped on this website, based on what they see in the media. On a day to day basis, people go to work, eat out, etc. and live their lives. From a legal/regulatory environment, obviously there are challenges for certain folks. But not day to day - I’m not seeing any of this hatred all talk about. And I saw more confederate flags in upstate NY in a week then I see in a year down south.
Where in the northeast? I don’t see a lot of homophobia here in the nyc metro area, at least where I live, although in the current political climate those opposed are more vocal.
I will gently suggest that folks who aren’t Black can’t really comment on how a Black person might feel in a certain situation…. and that we should extend that grace to other populations.
I get testy when someone makes a blatantly anti-Semitic comment and says “Oh, but that’s not anti-Semitic”– sorry, you don’t get to excuse a Nazi salute as a “just kidding” exercise.
Similarly, I would not hazard a guess as to what might be offensive, marginalizing, or downright hostile to someone who is gay. They get to be the arbiters of offensive, cruel, or obnoxious behavior- not me.
We can all make a list of the “but we’re really tolerant” folks we know who say or do things that don’t pass the smell test. But honestly- if a kid who is gay doesn’t want to MOVE to Alabama (not talking about a gay kid who grew up in Alabama) can’t we all just nod our heads and say “I’m sure you’ll find a great place to land”? Without the judgment or somehow implying that THEY’RE the bigoted ones?
I do a lot of business and travel in the South. It might be 2025 but I still get a reaction when someone asks me “What church do you belong to” and I tell them “I don’t belong to a church, I belong to a synagogue”. If it’s something transactional- like a server pouring coffee who started chatting to the obvious Yankee- they might say “I’ll pray for you” and now I respond “And I’ll pray for YOU”. If it’s someone I’m meeting in a professional context– and I need to establish a relationship with them– they’ll often follow up with “I’ve never met a Jew before” and I usually smile and say “Oh, I bet you have”. And then we get back to business.
It’s a common question in smaller towns in the South for sure, but it can vary in the urban areas. I can’t remember the last time someone asked me that. I’m much more likely to be asked “what beach do you go to” — the annual week at the beach is still very common and people often go to the same beach for the same week for decades.
I also grew up with many Jewish friends in NC and weirdly one of my kids has had a ton of half & half Jewish/Christian friends growing up. One was half Mormon-half Jewish and all Gay.
My kids are LGBTQ in the South and have only occasionally run into homophobia but it is out there. Different areas really vary. It’s more of an urban/rural divide, but that doesn’t really cover it all because there can be more urban areas that are less welcoming (like Greenville SC) and other small towns like Boone, NC or Swannanoa, NC or Ocracoke, NC that are super welcoming. Charleston SC is pretty welcoming, Savannah GA too.
I have definitely been asked it, but it was more like when I was growing up. I don’t remember it as an adult, but I have heard other folks my age say they have been asked more recently.
At many of the places you mention, it’s ok to be authentic if you’re gay, or trans, or black, or Pro-Palestinian.
But not so much if you’re pro-life, or feel that two genders is quite enough, or are, god forbid, a Zionist. Then suddenly you can leave your authenticity at the door.
There is a reason Harvard ranks close to last on the FIRE free speech index. Authenticity and free speech are only if they conform with the orthodoxy of the institution.
To be clear, my political leanings do not support any of the above. I’m actually left of center. But the lack of ideological diversity and speech at our “elite” institutions is doing our kids, and the country, a disservice.
Actually my D felt pretty strongly about not considering any school in Indiana, despite Purdue really having a lot of strengths for an engineering kid.
Most of what I read people saying about the south and I’m a yankee and have been referred to as such but probably not in 15+ years, most of it is not remotely true.
And many who visit here get jealous - like I want to move there, etc.
But everyone’s experiences and biases in general are different.
I too have been asked this question. Not in a mean way. More in an ignorant way as if it just never occurred to them that not everybody in the entire world is Christian.
Small city/large town, population 95K. And there is a college there with nearly 30K students. My D really likes it and feels like it’s very tolerant in most ways, except with religion. The city information says there are 275 registered religions organizations. Only 3 are listed as non Christian.
FWIW I do put Purdue and IU in the same category as geographically southern schools. I wouldn’t send my kids there (both engineering majors), I don’t want to spend my $$ or time there. Others can entirely disagree with me, which is totally fine. I feel strongly about women’s health. Neither are popular in my area, either.
I am with you (though neither offer C26’s major so that wasn’t a contention anyway). The simple fact that my kid is a “C” tells you a lot about why they don’t want to go to any of these states - as liberal and welcoming as any individual campus might be, state laws apply everywhere.
If it’s not in the Triangle (Raleigh Durham Chapel Hill) or Charlotte or Triad (Greensboro, High Point, Winston-Salem) then it doesn’t surprise me. I can think of one city about that size that I’m guessing it is.
(mostly) true. Though I have zero desire to move anywhere south (and have been to various parts in recent years for work). I do think it is very different than it was 25-30 years ago …
That said, as a very liberal northerner, the 1 family I know that moved south recently (to NC, not even super deep South!) did so entirely because they wanted a more openly Christian and conservative community — and they moved from a purple northern state - not even a very blue one. They love it! (kudos to them) This tells me it IS different socially, there, or at least they managed to find something different socially. They knew nobody there, so it would have been a lot easier to just move towns in their own state, etc etc.