I love libraries and cats, by the way.
My daughter has just finished her freshman year at college. She has never had a boyfriend or even kissed a guy, as far as I am aware. Nearly all of her friends are the same, in a group of about 10+ girls. Her friends tend to be studious non-partiers like her. These girls have nice personalities and are attractive. They are straight, but that doesn’t matter. There are no love interests going on, but my daughter has said she would like a boyfriend. Is this a new thing? Is it more common now for kids to hold off on having relationships? Are these girls late bloomers or is something else going on? I was thinking about trying to set her up, but I am guessing that kids these days would think that was very old-fashioned.
P.S. If I wasn’t worrying about this, I would easily find something else unimportant to worry about.
I was pretty sure my daughter was heading in the same direction. I even talked fondly about all the ways I would spoil my future grandcats. Sophomore in college was a turning point. Her first boyfriend who actually lived in the same time zone as she does. I’m still planning on those grandcats I’ve been imagining for years, though.
(As for setting her up…maybe you should talk to my husband about that. He keeps talking about the benefits of arranged marriages. As long as the father of the bride does the arranging.)
My sons are very similar! Too bad we can’t get them all together. 
I’m starting to believe in arranged marriages. 
@SouthFloridaMom9 , yeah! Let’s set up a CCC’ers (Children of College Confidentialers) speed dating event!
Seriously though, I just want to know that she isn’t destined to be alone and loveless all her life =((
Some people are more reserved and others don’t approach them. My roommate didn’t date in college. She studied, worried, worked and took classes summers, didn’t even flirt. She is/was smart and a great roommate. She met a nice man in graduate school, married him and has the dream now - career, home, 2 smart children, etc.
Tell those girls wanting to date to smile at young men they like and see what happens.
I’d like to know the same thing.
There used to be a poster, LongPrime, who was always trying to marry off his son. It was very funny. I’ve often thought we needed a CC dating exchange.
But can you imagine the eyerolls from the offspring! =))
“My daughter has just finished her freshman year at college.”
Assuming that she went immediately to college that makes her 19/20. Much too early to worry about this.
I have 30 nieces and nephews. Most are just now getting into serious relationships in their mid to late twenties. One just got engaged this weekend 
28 years old and did not date a whole lot before that. Several are still not in serious relationships and they are happy and successful and well adjusted.
I rarely dated at that age, mostly because I hated wasting my time if I wasn’t interested. My friends would all encourage me to go out more often and enjoy a free meal. Not my style…not interested, not going. I didn’t meet my husband until I was 32 and got married at 35. Two beautiful kids and Avery strong marriage. Wouldn’t change a thing and I can tell you that I totally believe that it was worth it to wait for the right person.
I think your kid is going to blossom in her mid to late twenties…i didn’t have a real boyfriend (I’m defining “real” as a human being who knew I was alive vs. me 100% making up a relationship in my head) until 21 and didn’t really start going crazy (it was great, btw until I was 27ish…
I will note one thing here…and it was real eye-opener for me…but most girls are in college where they’re the majority. My D is at a school that’s 70% guys and it turned out to be great for her…she was a rare commodity starting on Day 1 and she’s got way more confidence in the dating arena that I ever had at her age (and she was a girl who never had a date…not even to the Prom…in all of high school). It’s been great to see her flourish in this way.
I could have written the same exact post! The only difference is that my daughter is about to enter her freshman year of college. Same story, true about all of her friends as well. They are all smart, studious, and attractive girls with outgoing and fun personalities. For whatever reason, maybe because they are not flirtatious, this doesn’t translate into dating opportunities in their high school. I am good friends with her best friend’s mother and we talk about this frequently. I feel like the world’s weirdest parent at times, because when she has been in situations that other girls would see as opportunities to meet guys, (vacations when there are lots of teenage guys around the resort, summer teen tour, summer camp counselor job) I’ve actually been disappointed that nothing has happened! I think part of the issue is that she’s turned off by a lot of the traits of the “typical” straight guys to whom she’s been exposed, you know, the “bro” attitude types. She has also told me that she would really like to have a boyfriend, and will be attending a Midwestern LAC where the female to male ratio is even more screwed than the average for LACs. I sometimes worry that all four years of college will pass without any relationship experience!
My sisters-in-law are both unmarried, now in their fifties. They regularly travel the world (one is a flight attendant, one works for a multinational nonprofit organization). They aren’t tied down by spouses or children. They are the happiest, most fulfilled people I know.
And yes, one of them has a cat. :))
(I met my wife when I was 29, by the way.)
It seems that many young people are holding off on commited relationships. It may be part of being focused on optimizing education and career goals, as well as wishing to establish financial independence; it may be just a matter of who one happens to meet. DD spent most of her college years in a small, rural women’s college. Her group of close friends were all headed to demanding grad/medical schools and they had their eyes on that throughout college. I wondered when she would get more interested in dating, even as I celebrated her efforts to develop her other goals.
Fast forward to an urban grad school setting: she has dated a young man seriously for over 4 years and will be marrying him next year. It is likely early to be too concerned.
(And perhaps most important of all, I have two dear friends who are cat loving librarians. They both have been married for decades and each have two kids.)
Mindy Kaling’s first book has a chapter on the difference between guys and men and how she will only date men from then on. Your daughter and her friends may be waiting out the “guy” era.
“Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me” was a good read.
My guess is they are satisfied with casual relationships (ahem) for now, and/or have high standards for partners.
It would seem a little odd to me if absolutely nothing was going on (no sex, no partners)… but it’s possible I suppose.
LOL. That is pretty much my gang of college friends. Umpteen years on, some of us are married, some have cats, some have grandkids, some are even librarians. Give things time.
My kids are the opposite. One had a boyfriend in high school but he lived 2400 miles away (they’d gone to school together, and then we moved). I felt she was wasting her high school life. She had a big group of friends, but missed out on dates and spent entirely too much time on the computer and phone ‘dating’. She broke up with him, went to college, and met a guy who doesn’t go to college. He moved from the college town back to his hometown and now she dates him long distance. I hate that too, and think she’s wasting her college life.
Other daughter is at a STEM school, with 3 boys for every girl. The only girls without boyfriends are the ones who don’t want them. She’s been dating the same guy since the end of freshman year. He’s graduated and now they will date long distance. His brother goes to her school so she’ll still see his parents!
I may end up with grandcats (more likely granddogs) but they won’t live near me (or their other parent). They will be tech savvy and know how to Skype with me and have to share holidays.
My son is the same age and in the same situation. He is working this summer at a full-time job and taking an online course, as well as participating in his hobbies. He is a very solitary person and I always say that what he needs is the right woman to take charge of his life. I would be happy to select her!
She’s pretty awesome, @zoosermom , but I might be biased.
Opposite situation here. My daughter had a boyfriend the last year of high school, then broke up with him during the first week of college when she met the guy who has now been her boyfriend for the last year and a half-plus. She is completely obsessed with him, despite his being unmotivated (quit school and doesn’t have a job), rude to me, etc.
So, what I wouldn’t give for a librarian daughter with her cats right now!
There is absolutely no doubt in my mind!