<p>
</p>
<p>I was wondering when this one was going to come. Does that only apply to the mother, or does that also apply to the father who is 110% dedicated to his job? :-)</p>
<p>I have missed about 5% of my kid’s performances. It is not really that difficult to attend them, as they are typically over Friday-Sunday.</p>
<p>Much depends on the jobs being held by the parties involved. Where they have a lot of control over their own schedule & time commitments, they are able to take the time out of their schedules to be there for their kids events, whatever & whenever they are. If their jobs do NOT allow that type of flexibility, tougher choices need to be made, including possibly career switches.</p>
<p>I know a man who just switched from his position as principal of an elementary school to an administrative position so he can spend more time with a young boy that he is adopting. His wife plans to take at year’s leave of absence from her job to help the young boy adjust. Both are happy with their decisions and choices and are glad to have these options to choose among. His salary is much larger than hers & they will be able to live off of it alone if they choose.</p>
<p>Once again, in my experience, the events are typically in the weekend, and on the rare occassion they are on Fridays. I have a ton of vacation, I can easily take 5-6 days out on a Friday. So I don’t understand the drastic steps people take - like quitting the job - to attend events that happen mostly on weekends.</p>
<p>What am I missing here? Why is it impossible to be present at the kid’s performances unless you do not work at all? If true, does that mena the working spouse is totally absent from the events? If that is true, shouldn’t both spouses stop working? I just don’t find the real world to be that black and white, that work means, well, permanent servitude to your boss, 24x7.</p>
<p>Depends on the events/sports/practices and the work schedules of the individuals involved. The man I know who switched positions was basically on call 24/7/365 for his job as principal. If anything came up, he was always the “go to” person and he received calls much more than you would expect. Other folks I know are in the healthcare profession and work shifts and/or weekends and/or nights. They may not have your predictable schedule.
Others do NOT have generous vacation time or any at all. You need to have a better understanding of the nature of work for many different folks before you can understand the choices available to them.
My D had a lot of practices scattered all over the place for her many activities & there was no reliable transportation to get her to & from many of them. Same with S.<br>
When things work out nicely and neatly, as they appear to for you, that’s great. For many others, choices are much more wrenching and do not allow them to easily attend their kids’ events while working at a full-time job, especially in this rough economy where employers are more demanding of sacrifices.</p>
<p>I’ve worked full-time all years, except when the 2 kids were babies (I was off about 5 months, then part time about 6 months). My husband has worked full-time too, except for a year of unemployment. We missed very few activities. (except for track/pole vaulting - DS went to only a few meets, and I was too nervous to watch). All in all, not much different than families with many kids that need to occasionally divide/conquer.</p>
<p>These days things are easier for some parents due to ability to occasionally work from home. But harder too due to work cutbacks and expectations of heavier loads / more hours for the remaining workers.</p>
<p>HImom, we went from talking about events to talking about practices. I have missed many, many practices. It is just like school. I am not sitting next to my kid when he is in school.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Exactly. We have an advantage in that we planned our family to just one kid. But people with multiple kids somehow still manage, as do working parents. I wonder why it is so hard for the rest. Note that 70%+ American women are WMs, so the system is clearly working.</p>
<p>Part of it depends on the demands of each individual’s careers. When we were 1st married, both of our careers were pretty flexible and allowed us to know when we’d leave for work & be back from work. Fast forward to after our baby was born & our careers were MUCH more demanding. Neither of us know how long each day would last at work, as we both worked until things were done rather than punching a time clock. It made more sense for us as a family to decide what would work for US in terms of hours spent at work, raising our kiddos and other choices. </p>
<p>We really wanted ME to raise our kiddos and were in a position to make that happen. I could not work full-time and raise my kiddos full-time. We have no regrets–sure we would have had more in our bank accounts and perhaps pensions if I had always held full-time jobs but the path we chose was very fulfilling and worked well for our family. I don’t see that I was a dependent, even tho I was not bringing home a paycheck while I was raising our kids full-time; if I chose not to do it, we would have had to pay someone or some service to care for our kids and all the other things I did while I was with them. I feel very fortunate that we had the resources and choices available that we did and continue to have.</p>
<p>Part of the issue is transportation and being able to get our kids where they need/want to be. Some of us do NOT have good/adequate transportation options available and that is one of the parts I fulfilled when I was home with my kids. I also shuttled them to countless appointments and needed/wanted to speak with the docs there so we could help our kids.</p>
<p>I’m glad your kid has been able to get to whatever practices are needed without you or anyone getting the kid there. Wish that were the case for me & our community, but it really isn’t.</p>
<p>In any case, who is anyone to second guess the choices that are made by others? Very few can really step into the shoes of anyone else and have a real understanding of what the options available were and why the choice was made. If we are happy with our choices, why are our choices questioned?</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Sorry, but how is staying at home full time raising a child or multiple children and presumably running a household “not working”?</p>
<p>I have a master’s degree in structural engineering. I found it much harder work to stay at home raising my children than I ever did working full-time as an engineer. It certainly wasn’t “indulging in happiness” to stay home, lol!!</p>
<p>Transportation is indeed an issue. We use a car service, kind of like a private school bus that ferries one kid at a time. The fare is like taxi fare plus tips. </p>
<p>Where I disagree though is your black and white world - either work late or quit working. I doubt you would get fired if you drew some boundaries. I most certainly haven’t. People actually respect you when you draw a sharp boundary and stick to it.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>So what did you do? :-)</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>All parents including working parents do that, no?</p>
<p>I have to wrap up for tonight (great discussion!). My parting question is this - if it is important for the kids’ happiness that the parents are there for events, why do I see so few fathers in the events and so many SAHMs? Is it not important for the fathers to be there as well? Why do fathers get a pass for devoting themselves 110% to their work, while their SAHW picks up the slack?</p>
<p>I mean, we are talking about the kids’ happiness here, right? Should SAHMs have very clear chats with their spouses and set expectations?</p>
<p>My H attended most games & performances- he also picked up from rehearsal & practice as needed. These were not always on weekends ( & he worked two weekends every month)
He also took vacation from work to chaperone on overnight field trips with both kids, he also was not unusual as I saw both dads and moms involved in ECs and school activities.</p>
<p>I know many engineers, lawyers, folks with any & all sorts of credentials who do not consider staying at home “loafing” or “indulging themselves.” It is an important choice that is made by the individual and family about what they want and whom they want to have raise their kiddos.</p>
<p>I have friends, both physicists. The wife originally thought she’d take time off to raise her kiddos but was going crazy staying at home, so she had her hubby stay at home & went back to work. They were BOTH much happier that way. Later on, when both wanted to work full-time, they hired a nanny to stay at home with their, by then, older kids. It worked for them.</p>
<p>Anyone who thinks staying at home is “loafing” or “indulging” needs to seriously spend some time with young children/babies. It is very challenging, even if it can bring a lot of gratification.</p>
<p>It feels like those who have for whatever reasons (financial or otherwise) worked full-time are trying to lay some sort of guilt trip on those of us who made the choice to leave the paid workforce to raise children. I wonder why? I respect the choices others make–whether to work full or part time or stay at home. I am happy when they have a range of good choices and saddened when there are fewer.</p>
<p>I know many who would get fired if they drew boundaries that did not have them working when they were needed at their workplaces, but am glad that it has worked OK for you. As far as I know, there is no similar “car service” that you describe in most of the neighborhoods I know of–good that it worked for you tho.</p>
<p>Do not agree that parents who work full-time spend the same time with their kids as those of us who don’t–how can they? We are with them except when they are in school and do a lot of may otherwise be termed as enrichment–going on field trips to wherever is of interest–zoo, aquarium, libraries, book stores, museums, etc.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Apparently not.</p>
<p>Anyone else getting a strong whiff of Eau De ■■■■■?</p>
<p>You have a mighty good nose, SlithyTove.</p>
<p>I never understand why some people think every conversation is a “debate” to be won or that they should try to bait posters wiith what they seem to think are intruiging questions when its really just a method for them to stand on their soapbox and spew their beliefs.</p>
<p>too much time on their hands? needing to write a paper? incite others while anonymous?</p>