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<p>Per the report cards he seems to be thriving and is very vocal in class.</p>
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<p>Well, I didn’t plan on having twins, but it happened. A good friend of mine didn’t plan on having triplets, but it happened too. I certainly didn’t plan on them being born very prematurely and having health issues that required them to be in intensive care for 2 months (and myself as well), but that just sort of happened too. My friend didn’t plan on having to go on bed rest at 18 weeks, but that happened.</p>
<p>My twins’ health issues at birth derailed my “plan” - which was to continue on the way to getting my MBA (which I had been doing in the evening while working full-time). Life happens sometimes, you can’t plan for every eventuality.</p>
<p>MomLive-</p>
<p>You are generous when you call the 25% of posts dominating this (and many other threads) “chatting”</p>
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chip of the ol’ block, eh?</p>
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<p>This is filler within a not so very busy day.</p>
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<p>Actually, he is the one grilling me about math questions (that he has made up) over dinner.</p>
<p>How did this thread go from being about SAHMs to how my parenting sucks and how my kid is going to suffer as a result!? What is this, open season? :-)</p>
<p>The question that I am most interested in is this: how many of you SAHMs have asked your husbands to do 50-50 share of household work including raising kids, and what was the response?</p>
<p>Hmmmm… how do all these threads that you post in seem to become all about you??</p>
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<p>Ladies, IP is just trying to fll his minimum 3 hrs/day EC quota! 
I guess he chooses CC over squash.</p>
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<p>People like you just keep asking questions about my personal life.</p>
<p>Time to go catch a movie. Heading out now (IP, parents, indiviaually, are allowed to have a life too. Is that structured into your planned life? ) Sorry. I have had about enough of this for now.</p>
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Oh yeah, thats the ticket. Right.</p>
<p>So how about it SAHMs? Did you ask your husbands to chip in and did they refuse?</p>
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<p>That’s the beauty of being a SAHM, you don’t need your husband to do 50% of the household work and child-raising. His job was to bring in the income, mine was to take care of the house and our child. This allowed him to devote more time and energy to bringing in bigger income. Our life was much more relaxed than if we had both been working and trying to split household and child-raising duties 50/50. Now, that’s not to say he wasn’t an involved parent because he was but I had the major part of the responsibility for things like homework supervision, after-school activities, doctors appointments, play-dates and the like. It worked great for us and I won’t have had it any other way.</p>
<p>Where we have run into some issues is when I went back to work F/T 4 years ago because, even though he tried to pitch in, his business is so demanding (he’s self-employed) that he really couldn’t share the work in an equitable manner, which is why I reduced my schedule to part-time.</p>
<p>ETA: It was precisely because my husband’s career is so demanding that I knew me trying to work and split the duties with him would never work for us. During his busiest time of the year, he works 80+ hours a week. For couples where both people have standard 8am-5pm jobs, it might work better.</p>
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<p>I think Chedva answered this well:</p>
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<p>Why is the impetus on the woman?</p>
<p>Did you want to work full time? If you didn’t, then of course there is no issue. If you did, but had to pull back because of your husband’s job demands, that’s another thing.</p>
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<p>Don’t ask me, it’s not in my household.</p>
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<p>I did not. I know women who do want to have great careers and love working but the majority of women I know would prefer more time home with their kids (that’s only a sample of women I know and I don’t profess to speak for all women). Each time I quit to stay home (twice) and when I most recently went P/T I had female co-workers left and right telling me they wished they could do the same (but couldn’t for financial reasons).</p>
<p>I think all humans need some type of ‘work’ to feel satisfied but for me, working inside the home and taking care of my child is just as satisfying as holding an outside job. With the caveat that employers are more likely to show their appreciation than husbands and children 
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<p>I’ve had the unique opportunity to be friends with a lot of SAHMs and a lot of women with kids who work full-time. They are two different worlds with each having their pluses and minuses. I think for a lot of SAHMs, the biggest regret comes in knowing you don’t have the earning ability your spouse does and in the event of death or divorce, you might be faced with financial difficulties. Other than that, most SAHMs I know seem to enjoy it. There’s tons to keep you busy even when you are a SAHM.</p>
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<p>That’s what I gathered. That’s why I think it is not a matter of flexibility. People who want to work will work. People who don’t, won’t. Both are fine.</p>
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<p>One reason my wife can call my BS all the time (and vice versa) is that she is completely independent financially. It makes for a great marriage of equals.</p>
<p>I’ll take a shot at the question:
When my oldest was born 22 years ago, my husband and I were both self-employed at our own (separate, different) businesses. We both chose to work a three day week so that we each spent two days at home with S1 and then my MIL watched him on the fifth weekday. After about 9 months, it was apparent that both businesses were suffering and that each of our business partners were not thrilled to continue with the program. So we looked into daycare and nannies, but decided that one of use would stay home and one would go back to their business full-time. I was the least satisfied with my career at the time, so I sold my share of my partnership and stayed home.</p>
<p>While a SAHM for five years, I went back to school nights for a second bachelor’s degree (and also had my 2nd child). My husband shared pretty evenly in the housework although I did all the shopping and cooking and spent more time during the day with the kids. This continued for 5 years until my youngest was in preschool and I was offered the opportunity to work part-time with very flexible hours.</p>
<p>Flash forward…by the time both kids were in middle school, I was working almost full-time but still with flexible hours that allowed me to be around after school hours. My husband’s business had evolved to a sole proprietorship and we built a studio on our property so that he essentially works from home. That allowed him to also be fully involved in the kids’ lives and he chaperoned field trips, coached teams, was home after school, etc. My involvements tended toward PTO and volunteering with kids’ organizations. I believe that we shared pretty evenly in the raising of our children.</p>
<p>Now, what did we give up? I will admit that after being out of the workforce and then part-time, my career did not advance as originally planned. Today, I’m in a dream job that, had I had it from the beginning of my career, would be far more lucrative and I would be much higher up the management structure. But I also have a 90 minute commute each way each day, which makes for about a 12 hour day – something that would not have been possible with children. We have less monetary wealth than we would have…but we have enjoyed an atypical family life, with both parents pretty equally involved in every aspect of the kids’ childhood (too much so, if one were to ask our younger son 
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<p>These days, with one on his own and one son away at college, my husband and I split household chores pretty much 50/50 and he cooks all weekday meals (and has a glass of wine ready when I arrive home). But in the present economy and in our industry, self-employed is not too far from unemployed. I’m happy to be the one now supporting the family while my husband pursues other interests (and, of course, new work!). I figure it will all even out in the end.</p>