<p>My family was approached a few years ago and encouraged to seek out prep school for our son by a wealthy family we knew. They felt our son was very smart and would benefit from prep school. I brushed off the idea because we would not be able to afford such an education, but after many conversations I was convinced to explore the idea. As I explored the schools I became excited about the amazing educational opportunites that would be available through prep school. For two years we have researched schools, and last year we began visiting some of them. We attended a ten schools seminar, and we were encouraged that these schools seemed to want to give scholarships. Then we met with an educational consultant whose job it is to help families find the right fit for school. After only a few minutes she was completely against the idea of prep school for us. I walked away feeling like I was some white trash who was dislusional to think that my child would get in. Her attitude was that these schools were full of rich entitled kids and why would I put my son in that kind of situation…that I would somehow damage him to place him in this environment. And since he was not an athlete that he would never be happy at some of the schools on our list. Being at the top of his class and being well rounded was not enough, he had to have a hook to get in. And since my son didn’t speak multiple languages, wasn’t a star athlete or didn’t play the violin then why would I think my child would get in. She then proceeded to bash most of the schools on our list. Lawrenceville was too much of a pressure cooker, Tabor was full of rich kids etc…I was shocked. I know that there will be some "entitled rich kids"at prep school. But my son has lots of wealthy friends and is not damaged by his friendship with them. And why do I need to look at it as a have vs. have nots situation. There is always going to be someone who has more no matter how wealthy a person gets. You can act snotty and entitled if you are poor just as much as you can if you are rich. Isn’t character more important than worrying about who has more money? Most of the “wealthy” people I know got there by hard work so I would rather look at them as role models rather than the enemy. I guess my point is I walked away feeling like my son had no chance and that I had wasted the last two years. I know with the economy the way it is that financial aid may not be as readily available, but shouldn’t we at least try? The schools in our area are awful, but now I am doubting whether or not prep school is a viable option. I don’t even know what my question is, but I would love some feed back just the same. Sorry for the long post.</p>
<p>I’m sorry you had such a bad experience with the consultant. I think we may be in a similar situation - smart kid who isn’t an athlete with no local options. The thing that struck me in your post was this:</p>
<p>“Most of the “wealthy” people I know got there by hard work so I would rather look at them as role models rather than the enemy.”</p>
<p>This is a belief that our family shares. We also have wealthy friends and refuse to play at class warfare. It actually came up in one of my son’s interviews and he has been in the position of “defending” his wealthy friends to people who have an attitude like this consultant that you mention. </p>
<p>We have always told our children that wealth is better measured by what one needs rather than what one has. They also know that our economic standing is not due to some kind of intellectual defiency or lack of work ethic, but due to the career choices that we have made.</p>
<p>But back to the schools and the consultant… You know you and your child much better than this consultant. Realize that you will be putting your child out there for scrutiny and that there is a much better chance that he will not be admitted than that he will be (whether applying for financial aid or not at the top schools). One thing that we are doing is looking at schools that have over 30 percent on FA. It’s not necessarily because we want to improve his chances of admission or so that he will be with more kids of his socioeconomic level, (though that is a consideration), but more because we want him at a school that is in a position to be more able to select the best candidates for their school as opposed to just the ones who can pay. We would feel this way even if we could pay the tuition.</p>
<p>There is a wonderful post somewhere by hsmomstef that outlines how to pick schools when one is a FA candidate. I’ll see if I can find it for you. Also, do a title search for “FA post results” and you can see how some of last year’s applicants fared. </p>
<p>To be sure, there will be realities of not “having” as much as classmates. But, to say that a child would never fit in because he’s not wealthy is just, well…really shallow. I think it misses the spirit of most of these schools. Finding peers should be more of a matching of minds instead of pocketbooks. Notice that I say, “should.” I do not know because I do not currently have a child at one of these schools. He is an applicant this year. Perhaps a FA parent or student could chime in here with some actual experience. There are plenty of FA kids and parents on this board.</p>
<p>My advice is to visit as many schools as you feasibly can and apply to the ones where your child feels comfortable and would be thrilled to go to. I may be naive in thinking that my own children have a chance. But they have the gumption to put themselves out there. Many schools are very generous with FA, it’s true, but I don’t know how many of those dollars are reserved for children with specific hooks. </p>
<p>Personally, my husband and I are simply blown away at the generosity of these schools. That the children of a school teacher would even have a chance, no matter how small, of such an amazing opportunity is overwhelming.</p>
<p>Please don’t be put off by the consultant. I don’t know your child’s stats, what kind of a student he is, or what he’s passionate about…but you do! It’s pretty easy to tell, when visiting a school, whether he’d be comfortable there or not. </p>
<p>Being around priviledged kids is not a great concern of my son for the same reasons you cited. He knows that there may be trips or activities that he may not be able to participate in because of lack of funds. He’s not embarrassed by our economic situation, nor does he spend time feeling sorry for himself because he has no trust fund. I feel much worse than he does about some of the things that he cannot do because of lack of funds ( CTY summer programs, for instance) What he is looking for is simple: intellectual stimulation, classmates who get sincerely excited about learning, and teachers who push him to make the most of his abilities instead of portioning out their limited curriculum they over a proscribed number of weeks.</p>
<p>You do have to be realistic, however. The post a referenced by hsmomstef mentions applying to schools where your son would be statistically in the top 25% of applicants if you need FA. I think that is good advice. There are more than just the ten schools. I have a post titled “need suggestions” where many parents on this board of offered me very good advice about finding a school for my son and the realities of applying as a FA candidate.</p>
<p>Good luck to you. I wish you the best and feel free to send me a PM if there are any questions that you’d rather not post publicly. I’ll do my best to answer them, though I can only give you my opinion with my limited experience of the process.</p>
<p>Wow, my reply was even longer! I think it’s a personal record.</p>
<p>It’s sounds to me like your educational consultant may have a chip on her shoulder. Trust your gut. If you think boarding school might be a good idea for your son, then go for it. The worst that can happen is that your son doesn’t get in. And if he never tries, he’ll never know. What does your son think? Does HE want to give boarding school a try? If he’s reluctant, you may want to take that into consideration. If he’s excited about the idea, go for it.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t let the ‘entitled rich kids’ thing muddle the picture. My child got into a top tier school and is on substantial FA. I was a little concerned about the same thing. I don’t think it’s been an issue at all. I have yet to talk to her about it specifically, though.</p>
<p>We were in a similar situation. Our schools here are the pits. All the high schools are on the ‘Needs Improvement’ list. When we first started the process, we were simply trying to create a situation where she had some choice regarding her HS education. We considered BS, IB, and a 2/2 program at a nearby college. </p>
<p>My daughter is not an athlete nor a musician. However, she is very bright and has done a bunch of extra-curricular stuff. She interviews and tests well too. For the school that she’s going to, 75% of the applicant pool was academically acceptable. 16% were accepted. So for this school, I imagine that students did have to have some hook…something that stood out, something that indicated that the student was a good fit for the school. </p>
<p>But also keep in mind that this is one of the most competitive schools. There are MANY good schools out there. Apply to a few, including a safety or two. Try to find schools that are a good fit for your son. And keep in mind what the alternative is for your son if he doesn’t pursue BS. Is that alternative acceptable?</p>
<p>wow, this is why a profession of educational consultants should be regulated in some way.</p>
<p>OP, just sent you a PM.</p>
<p>Three things:
- I was surprised to find so many differences between private schools, so keep exploring
- the issue is how well your kid fits with those schools; it sounds liek your counselor is saying “there is no school suitable for your child”; like a medical diagnosis, get a secodn opinion
- there is some truth to the “just rich kids go here” syndrome; socially, it can he a problem if there isn’t a range of SES; that was one primary factor that caused us to say no to a well-regarded school and go with another one; look at the number of kids on financial aid as one indicator of how wide the SES distribnutiion is</p>
<p>Kei</p>
<p>I would agree with the rest - sounds like the consultant had a personal problem with boarding schools. My daughter goes to Exeter. She said there are rich kids there. Sometimes she does feel insufficient, left out. She doesn’t go to the mall and go shopping every weekend like some of the girls. But she is also finding good friends. Sometimes they pay for her to go out and sometimes she pays for them, I think it depends on who has some money at that moment. They share their care packages with each other. I think this sort of behavior crosses all economic levels. When kids become friends the outward strappings don’t matter any more. If you and your son feel BS is the right option, go for it. Don’t become dismayed by some snobby counselor’s opinion.</p>
<p>And according to the acceptances on this board - financial aid didn’t seem to be cut last year. I know Exeter has made cuts around campus, they no longer give each student a telephone extension for example. Food choices have also diminished. It seems that quality of food has also decreased - some of this is due to swine flu however as the dining halls have strict guidelines on food service during outbreak periods and that decreases the food choices (salad bars are closed, no self service of food, disposable plastic ware in use etc.) But financial aid appears to be alive and well.</p>
<p>You were given very bad advice. My daughter went to Andover on partial scholarship and she had no trouble fitting in. In fact, she never knew the financial aid status of most of her friends. She was also prefect for a freshman dorm and she only knew the aid status of one kid - and that was a young girl from a nearby inner city neighborhood who was the subject of an article in the local paper describing how she won a full ride through one of the named scholarship programs.</p>
<p>It is absolutely possible to attend Andover on aid and fit in well. I also don’t believe that PA is unique in that regard. If you investigate other schools and speak with aid students I’m sure you will find many where FA is no barrier to success and happiness with the experience.</p>
<p>As for gaining admission to the top schools it is very difficult and you may be disappointed with the results from some. However, notwithstanding the press releases that cite the extraordinary or unique accomplishments of a few new admits, not every kid is a future D-I athlete or Nobel Prize candidate at 15. Many are as you described your son, top students in their previous schools and well rounded kids. If he focuses on being able to clearly state what benefits he will gain by attending prep school and what he can bring to the school community he should be a competitive applicant.</p>
<p>Thank you all for the encouragement! I have been very discouraged since our meeting with the consultant. My son just finished his eagle project (boy scouts) in the eighth grade, has volunteered, has done wrestling and is a top student. He is a person of high character and is well liked by his friends. He takes his SSATs next month and I am hopeful he will do well. The top three schools on our list are Mercersburg, Tabor and Lawrenceville. We have decided to apply to those plus one safety school. My son is so excited, but is fine if he doesn’t get in too. We understand the chances may not be in our favor, but the worst that could happen is they could say no. I really appreciate all of the positive comments. I really needed that.</p>
<p>consider adding a reach to your list</p>
<p>Can you give me an example of what a “reach” is. We went to a ten schools seminar last year. After receiving literature from the schools we ruled out Deerfield (just didn’t seem like a fit). I loved Exeter’s literature but Exeter seems too big. We visited Lawrenceville and Choate and knew Choate would not be a fit. We loved Lawrenceville and I sort of considered that a reach for us. It was the only “Ten Schools” that made our list. We probably won’t apply to many more just because of cost.</p>
<p>I agree with what the other parents are saying (and what a doozy of a so-called “educational consultant” you had!)</p>
<p>The Dean of Admissions at Andover is doing something new this year, the Dean’s Journal. Here’s a link below. It’s interesting whether or not you are interested in Andover, and she discusses picking a list of schools. Hope you like it!</p>
<p>[Phillips</a> Academy - The Dean’s Journal](<a href=“http://www.andover.edu/Admission/DeansJournal/Pages/default.aspx]Phillips”>http://www.andover.edu/Admission/DeansJournal/Pages/default.aspx)</p>
<p>Sorry you had a bad experience with the consultant. My older son sounds like your son…a young man with excellent grades and very well-rounded, but no particular hook. We are not from money by any means and my son went to his bs (NMH) with substantial fa…43% of kids on fa here. He had many wealthy friends as well, some of them his best friends. It was a wonderful experience and our younger son is now their and enjoying it every bit as much. You should go for it.</p>
<p>Don’t underestimate your son’s qualifications. I agree with MaterS about adding a reach to your list. The Eagle Scout alone is impressive. Schools look for kids who are well rounded and can handle multiple demands. They also do like seeing volunteerism/community service. </p>
<p>And don’t forget, your family friend is the one who first brought up the idea. He must have seen something in your son that made him believe that he’d be good BS material.</p>
<p>I did not use a consultant, but I thought I would share a somewhat related experience…</p>
<p>My daughter’s guidance counselor was not against the three schools my daughter applied to, but she did make me feel that I was a little out my league allowing my daughter to apply to one in particular, Lawrenceville. She kept telling me how it was very tough to get into, even though my daughter was a good student, etc. I was somewhat familiar with the prep school admission process, but she really felt the need to get me to understand her concerns. </p>
<p>My daughter applied and was accepted (received more money then we asked for to go to L’ville). Of course, once my daughter got into all of the school she applied to, her counselor’s attitude changed. My daughter became an obviously superb candidate for L’ville! The accolades and the support was finally there.</p>
<p>Ironically, my daughter ended up choosing to attend another BS (and is extremely happy) that was a better match for her. The fact that my daughter chose to turn down the L’ville offer was equally shocking for this woman, and I once again could sense her obvious concern for what she must have viewed as poor decision making.</p>
<p>In the end, we went with what made the most sense for my daughter. She is so happy. She is working harder then ever, getting good grades and enjoying her sport more than she ever has before. She has made good friends and she has joined some wonderful organizations. I am thrilled with adults in her life. She tells me she has no idea who is on scholarship and who is a full pay… and…according to my D, no one cares, anyway.</p>
<p>In the end, trust your gut. What do other people know—every adult I know brings personal baggage to all of this stuff! Good luck!</p>
<p>OK. I am going to “stir things up” a bit with a different perspective. I think “fit” is important but it is sometimes overrated. There might a “best” or “only one” out there for each child, but most of the time we don’t get to find out because the schools a student can attend are limited (1, 2 or 3 high schools?), so when you choose one you have given up the chance of trying another one. I believe many kids would fit in a group of schools not just one. The fact that you have applied and the school accepted you indicates there is some basic “fit” between the school and the child. Making a choice from multiple offers is a difficult task, but from what I have heard some kids have stronger opinions of their own or are more “picky” while others just feel they can “make it work” wherever they end up with (within certain parameters of course). I have seen in both cases kids are happy where they are while others are not. My point is while looking for a fit is important, with most kids they will probably just do fine in one of many and with some they are not but not necessarily because they didn’t find the “fit” but because they are just simply not “BS material”.</p>
<p>I am going to give you both sides. D2 wanted to go to BS to get away from competition of older D. She did and did very well, but she missed her friends and other things such as driving, band, etc. She went back to PHS for soph year and has done extremely well. I think BS taught her especially how to write and express herself.
However, our local PHS has same number of S/H/Y/P admissions as most BSs, so you need to see what your community has.</p>
<p>ps she still visits many of her friends from BS and spent part of summer in China with her roommate</p>
<p>The Eagle Scout will serve your child an extreme plus for both college and medical school (having been on adcoms at both). I would assume the same for PS. It is THE ONLY teenage acheivement that has ever been shown to correlate to life success (also immediate promotion in military).</p>
<p>D did Mercersburg and loved it. PM if you wish.</p>
<p>Interesting info about eagle scout Princess dad- my son’s goal is to become an Eagle scout (just starting project process now) so I found it interesting that it correlates with life success (any data/articles I can read on that?) and also that the military recognizes it for something!</p>