<p>The first six weeks grading period is almost over and I’ve checked my kids’ grades on the computer. Both high schoolers are pretty much getting straight Bs (except for 100s in choir and drill team). Except for my son’s Pre-Cal, all are pre-AP or AP classes. My husband is pretty upset, and I’m not pleased. My husband wants there to be DIRE CONSEQUENCES for these grades, but I’m not too sure.</p>
<p>I think the Freshman can bring all of her grades up by the end of the semester. She’s even figured out a way to learn Geometry since her slug of a teacher can’t be bothered to teach it. (She’s going to start going to a better teacher’s before school tutorials.) I think her grades are a case of “This is a lot harder than middle school!!!”</p>
<p>DS has Asperger’s and I think he can get some of his grades up, but he’s still going to lose points for spacey stuff.</p>
<p>What I am thinking of is to really enforce the “no electonic games on school nights” rule (it’s always been a rule, but it’s sort of been forgotten this year) and to start a “no TV during the week” rule. If they know that they won’t get to watch that taped episode of The Office, even if they rush through studying for that test, maybe they’ll study longer.</p>
<p>If any of you parents happen to have less than perfect students, what do you do when the less than stellar report cards come out?</p>
<p>If by less than perfect you mean they did not get straight As in AP or Pre AP classes, then I have one. No AP classes for my daughter, and she occasionally got a B. She worked her backside off in all her classes and that is all we ever asked. She might be disappointed in the B, but we had no problem with it at all.</p>
<p>My daughter socialized her way through freshman year of high school last year and ended up with a GPA that I found unacceptable because she got marked down in all major classes for not doing the work. She still ended up with a 91 average, so imagine what she could have done had she made some effort. I told her and I meant it that if she doesn’t work her butt off and get corresponding grades, I will take away the computer and cell phone. I absolutely can’t tolerate laziness.</p>
<p>I think both missypie & zoosermom are talking about laziness, not Bs that were earned with great effort. That would be my benchmark, and I think a ban on eletronics & TV until the kids prove they can balance study with relaxation is a fine idea.</p>
<p>No matter how hard you try and no matter what your expectations are, it’s still your child doing the work and getting the grades; not you. If you do your part and encourage your children, teach them solid work ethics, and they do their best, then the grade is irrelevent. Just because they aren’t straight A’s isn’t important. What is important is that they are doing their best and trying their best. If they are, then you accept the grade they get and keep up the encouragement and motivation. There isn’t any classes/topics in today’s normal school system that is too difficult and can result in failure. Only if the student has some sort of learning disability. But if a student gets “B’s” and they are doing their best, then accept it and be proud of them. Hate to say, but not all children can have straight A’s. I know each parent wants it to be their kid with the 4.0gpa, but it’s not going to be all of them. Maybe yours isn’t going to be one of them. There is nothing at all wrong with a 3.25gpa.</p>
<p>Now, if the student isn’t doing their best and isn’t trying, then that is a different scenario all together. If they “Use” to always get straight A’s and now they are getting a couple of C’s, then there might be a problem that you need to look into. If you know for a fact that they can do better and they aren’t, then that needs to be addressed. Of course, that’s where it get touchie. Some parents think the answer is punishment for getting a “C” or “B” instead of an “A”. Each child is different and there are different things that motivate them. Don’t get me wrong, I am not against punishing. I have done it myself to my children growing up. Including spankings when they were younger. But that falls into the category of negative motivation. That works for short term issues such as back talking, coming home late, fighting, etc… But when you are dealing with long term issues such as school, learning, and grades, punishment doesn’t really work. You have to find what positively motivates your child. Maybe it’s finding our what they want in life and showing them how doing better in school will help them achieve those goals. That’s for you to figure out. That’s why we are parents and get paid the big bucks.</p>
<p>There shouldn’t be consequences or punishments if your kids are trying as hard as they can. It sounds like both are trying pretty hard but could do better. I suggest you talk with them about your expectations for effort (not grades). You can either enforce rules now to get them to work more or you can state that unless you see an improvement in work ethic on their own, then you will enforce those rules. With a freshman, I think it’s OK to set these types of rules. If your son is older, normally I would say that it’s his responsibility to work hard and not your job to force him to, but I don’t know how his Asperger’s comes into play in your family. </p>
<p>What does your husband mean by dire consequences? In any event, I don’t think it’s appropriate here. It sounds as if they’re pulling the 3.0 (Bs) when they could get a 3.125 (half Bs, half B+s) or a little higher.</p>
<p>Concentrate on the effort, not the grades. If grades are an issue and effort is good, talk about where the problems are, and see if you can address them in a calm and reasonable manner.</p>
<p>Zoosergirl (the older one) worked her butt off for the same average that Zoosersister disdained. I was so proud of those grades. When she graduated with honors, I cried like a baby. It’s all about the work ethic to me. do your best and I’m happy. Blow off your homework and I’m not fun to deal with.</p>
<p>My freshman is anything but lazy. Her problem is over commitment. She does school drill team and private dance company, which has her home around 9:45 pm Monday-Thursday nights. She’s up past midnight every night. She really wants to at least finish the school year with the private dance company, because after all these years, she’s finally in the top company. We’ve got to figure out how to grab a few more hours a week for study. </p>
<p>My junior is the gamer. He has terrible study habits-always has. With him it’s sort of a race against time to get the homework done before the ADD meds wear off. After the meds wear off, he’s incredibly distractible, so all study has to be closely supervised (which is hard with two other kids).</p>
<p>Lower grades tend to bring their own consequences. If you can live with them, let it go. I have a friend who’s kid refused to buckle down in high school. He had a grand old time being popular and everybody’s friend. School was definitely second. He got rejected at the large state flagship, and attends a smaller state school now. She told him over the years what the consequences would be, and when it happened, she just shrugged. Said she was sorry he was disappointed, but it was his choice to handle school the way he did. It’s very hard to let our kids “fail” (If a B can be considered that.) He’s working hard now trying to get good enough grades to transfer.</p>
<p>At our house, we always told us our kids we’d never kick them out for a bad grade, but they would have to sleep in the basement. (It must have worked.) (And our kids were aware that we were kidding, by the way.)</p>
<p>I think “dire consequences” for Bs is a bit much. What I would suggest is consequences for behaviors that lead to lower grades than expected. Thus, if video-game-playing or TV-watching is the problem, the consequences are obvious. As I’ve told my son, “If there are too many distractions in your life for you to find time to study or to do your homework, I can help you with that by removing some of the distractions.”</p>
<p>I told my d that the only C I’d tolerate was in gym. But B’s? Those were fine with me (as above, assuming a decent amount of effort).</p>
<p>missypie, my d also danced a lot in high school. My question for you is this - if your d drops dance company, what will she do as her extracurricular activity? It is doubtful that she will put all that extra time into studying; in my experience, that just doesn’t happen. The more time my d had, the less she actually got done. It’s like the old expression: If you want something done, ask a busy person. And everyone needs some “down time”. For my d, that was dancing. She would have been miserable without it, and her grades would have suffered because of it. And she would have had a lot more time to get into trouble!</p>
<p>Even with her “non-straight A” record, d got into some excellent schools and is attending one now. Her dancing helped her get in, even to a school that didn’t have a strong dance program (she’s not majoring in dance).</p>
<p>LOL, as ADD as my son is, any environment that contains more than a white room with a chair, table and pencil holds too many distractions! Even that would not necessarily guarantee that he’d study. When he was younger, he’d neglect his homework but spend hours making his own Pokemon cards! Last year he wrote an Epic Poem. Ah, the mind of an Aspie!</p>
<p>We pay a lot of money for ZG’s college because she did everything right for four years, and we’ve told ZS that if she slacks off and continues not to do her homework, we won’t be providing the same amount of money. Not that we love her less, but if her education isn’t important enough for her to work for it, then why should I kill myself?</p>
<p>Third child, last at home is a sophomore in high school. Social is the name of the game with this one. Bright, but not willing to work too hard. “Breaking a proverbial sweat” for any reason in not in this one’s vocabulary.</p>
<p>So this year the expectations and requirements were clearly established at the beginning of the school year. Missing work will not be tolerated. For the most part it is expected that ALL homework should receive fairly high marks (why shouldn’t it-resources galore and better put them to use). While probably quite capable of high grades, I will accept good grades if the effort is decent and sincere. In the past grades have been irratic; we will expect a more consistent effort (but not unreasonably so, everyone is entitled to the occasional bad day).</p>
<p>Consequences: social life will not happen if assignments are missing. Weekend gaming will stop (we’ve never allowed any during the school week and not a lot of TV). Sports (which in one sense is another source of socializing for this one) will be curtailed next if cutting social life doesn’t work.</p>
<p>The rewards for good work - much much freedom (as with older siblings). Hard work was rewarded with a fairly open door policy to enjoy free time (of course monitored as safe and sane; we know the where, the who, the when). We’re really trying to emphasis the “freedom” that will come from doing a good job in the classroom.</p>
<p>Much easier said than done, but working to do this with an even hand and voice.</p>
<p>Chedva, my dancer daughter has always danced a lot AND received straight As. In middle school she had a huge volume of work to do, but it wasn’t terribly challenging intellectually. It’s a lot harder now. She’s “identified gifted” but she’s really not…she’s smart, but the “challenging” courses in high school ARE going to be a real challenge for her. </p>
<p>She’s also a drill team officer, so that would be her EC. After a few crazy early weeks, I’ve told her that she has to tell her squad members that her mother has forbidden squad practices on week nights.</p>
<p>We have a “no screen watching” rule Mon-Thurs, regardless of grade status. When grades are slipping, we limit weekend social events to one night. We don’t cut back on the major EC (in our case, athletics), because we found from our first child, that the EC was nearly as important as grades in getting her into the college of her choice.</p>
<p>prioritize what you want to have happen. If your goal is better grades, move study time into a priority position. EC’s are just that…extra, they aren’t manditory. Learn to say “No” until you see the effort towards the success you seek.</p>
<p>And yes, that means adjusting through the school years. It shouldn’t be the same every year, it should become more difficult to be successful. My kids study hours increased every year up and through HS. Funny thing college has found them putting even more time in, and funnier still med school has found my s putting endless hours of study in. They still have time for their EC’s but studies are still their first priority.</p>
<p>I see nothing wrong with no games during the week</p>
<p>my D was a facebook freak, looking at everyones pictures…so rule was no more than 10 minutes a school nite on facebook, to look at messages</p>
<p>5 minues about 7, and then again at 10ish</p>
<p>Well, she needed those restrictions, and now, she doesn’t need me to “remind” her, she doing better in school, and as she does better, the less drawn she is to the pictures</p>
<p>She needed me to set some limits for her and now she sets them herself</p>
<p>Anyone with children should pick up the book by Jonathon Mooney</p>
<p>my child doesn’t have ADD, but does learn differently from her sister, who was much more of a reader</p>
<p>I found this book really helpful, and for people with kids going off to college, who have learning differences, this book might be very helpful for them to read</p>
(It must have worked.) (And our kids were aware that we were kidding, by the way.)</p>