Me too
Not me, though based on this thread, I guess I was just lucky. I work in a male dominated field and never had anything but kindness and mentorship from older men as I was starting out- it was the woman I boss i used to have that damaged my self esteem the most.
At my HS reunion, I heard about two male teachers, both of whom I had for class, who apparently preyed on a number of my classmates. I was left alone.
Why are some people assaulted and not others? I don’t know, but as I said, I consider myself very lucky reading this thread.
I feel for all of you that answered “me, too” and hope that this a beginning or a continuation of healing for you.
“Why are people assaulted? Because people assault them. Especially those in positions of power because they know they hold the marbles.” @romanigypsyeyes , perfect answer. I can’t stand the soul searching, the what did I do wrong, the wasn’t I strong willed enough BS.
Want to add that my SON read my daughter’s post, and a similar thing happened to him when he was waiting tables the summer of his freshman year of college. A drunken (male) customer admired his hair and said, " You’re really cute." And then “I think we should rape him in the parking lot, don’t you?” to his less drunk friend, who agreed.
Maybe less of a physical threat for DS, but a disturbing interaction all the same.
Somehow just saying “me too” on an anonymous internet board isn’t doing it for me. I want to name names.
@VeryHappy , D and her friends are thinking about starting a group to do just that. Even if they can’t do it publicly for legal reasons, they can share info with artists just entering the scene.
I have always remembered my “experiences,” but now that someone above listed the ages at which they occurred to her, I’m enjoying the categorization. And wondering “where they are now.” I’m sure that three out of four have absolutely no memory of what they did (one of them was a stranger), and the fourth would deny it.
I haven’t posted it on FB, but me, too.
In my case it was at work 30 years ago.
Me too
I was 7 and it was my good friend’s teenage brother. I was married to my husband for over 20 years before I told him. I always blamed myself. We have been married over thirty years now and I still know that I’m only alive today because of his love and support, many years not even knowing what was wrong but loving me unconditionally. I still can picture the events of that day like it was yesterday yet probably don’t remember what I did yesterday, so don’t doubt that someone can remember the details so clearly like in these high profile news stories.
Here goes. I reported an incident with my research adviser after first semester grad school. I picked him up, drove 45 minutes to a prep,school, and we ran a training program,. I kept a notebook of our plans and each session. After the semester, he asked to review all my data. He said we never did this project. I requested and was granted an early a.m. Meeting with the Dept head, my adviser, asst Dean, and ???. This prof had to,suddenly leave as he became ill. I was told I had to do another project. I said I had 20 witnesses who attended every group,many teachers at the prep school, and every classmate who had seen my notebook. I lost, tho the asst prof said she would mentor me on another project. I started to cry, and clearly said I wasn’t sad but angry. I stated this man was too scared to come to this meeting and I was forced to do a 2nd project. I thought he should be fired.
Well, karma came the next year. Too many sexual harassment suits charges against this man, a divorce later on. Nothing lowered my level of anger. Back then, it didn’t occur to me to take my notebook to a copy place off campus.
@BalletMom if you haven’t been assaulted or harassed, it’s not because you’re stronger, more assertive, better educated or wore the right clothes. You’re just lucky. That’s it.
I’m well-educated, self-confident, and I dress modestly. But I have been sexually harassed more often than I can count
For one example, a guy came up to me in a subway train and started grinding his erect penis against my backside. I swore at him and told him to stop, but he kept pursuing me in a crowded car. I had nowhere to go, and no one intervened. I got off at the safest possible stop I did stomp on his foot as I left. On another occasion, a man slid his hand into my lap while reading a porn magazine. I got up and walked away. At my first job out of college, a man continually made filthy jokes whenever he saw me alone and suggested various things we could do together. I told him off and he stopped.
My senior year in college, I was sexually assaulted.
I’m not special in any way. This stuff happens to women all the time.
@bookworm They can be so vindictive.
Thx so much for the support, HotCanary. I haven’t repeated that incident in 40+ years, but I never forgot.
Me never. And I’ve worked in male-dominated industries my whole life.
That said, some of the women I most love & respect have come out on this over the past 24 hours and my heart breaks for them.
Me, too. It’s way too common.
I hear you, and yes, I’ve had obnoxious things said to me, but it didn’t “hurt” me. I’m just not sure if I’ve ever been in a position where someone in a power position took advantage of it. Confession: I was assaulted in college, but I know I was rather drunk and yes, I feel that was on me. Self protection requires NOT being incapacitated.
Me too.
I would hope one day we live in a world where people are allowed to drink without fearing we’ll become victims.
Somehow, the vast vast vast majority of people do not assault others when they’re drunk. So maybe, just maybe, it isn’t the alcohol.
@BalletMom, I’m asking these question seriously.
Do you truly feel that your drinking and being, by your description, incapacitated MADE another human being break the law and assault you? Assuming your assaulter was male, do you truly feel that your state of diminished capacity so enticed him that he had no control over his actions? Prior to that event, had you ever been drunk around any other people who did NOT sexually assault you? If so, what was different then, besides the actual attacker?
I ask this because you say that you feel your assault was “on you”.
Sad things I have heard this week:
My friend “I have never been harassed at work, and I am grateful. I have worked in places where guys said horrible things to the other women there, and yet never me. And the sad thing is, there is always some little piece of me that asks ‘what’s wrong with me? Am I not attractive? Am I not sexy?’”
Which is the flip side of the " What if you’re not a part of it? … Career choice? Personality? Luck? Are stronger-willed women less likely to be taken advantage of?"
“I was assaulted in college, but I know I was rather drunk and yes, I feel that was on me. Self protection requires NOT being incapacitated.” Remember that women lying in hospital beds are assaulted. It is not your fault for being incapacitated, it is his fault for being immoral.
I think that it has probably happened to most everyone, women and men too. However, there are some personalities that say, “So what? I dealt with it. I’m not a victim, and I barely remember it and it has not colored my life”. If I actually think carefully about my life, there are so many situations, I couldn’t even list them all.
So I also say, “me too”.
But I’m not a victim. I dealt with it. Sometimes ignored it, often responded, sometimes humiliated the offender. Fortunately it happens far less often than it did. Being confident and dependent upon no one definitely enables you to feel strong enough to not let it affect you.