Are you happy/content?

Parent Cafe
1

<p>I am wondering if others feel as I do… </p>

<p>When I speak with people in my neighborhood, they all seem to be doing just fine with kids doing well in school and socially and everyone is overall happy/content. Life appears to be easy for them and things fall into place.</p>

<p>I feel overwhelmed by life and worry about my kids. We have health issues, grade issues, social disappointments, job struggles. Are others doing better than we are or do people just present themselves that way?</p>

<p>Are people honest or are they feeling as overwhelmed as I am?</p>

2

<p>Phil 4:11.</p>

<p>I don’t know about your neighborhood - things may be going well for most people there.</p>

<p>We’re in pretty good shape overall.</p>

3

<p>Everyone has challenges and issues, but many don’t talk about them in social chit-chat situations. You are not the only one facing disappointments and problems. </p>

<p>We have had fairly significant health and job issues in the last few years, but they have not left us feeling overwhelmed. That’s the key word you said in your post: overwhelmed. I would recommend seeing a therapist. I did when I started to get overwhelmed a few years ago (from D1’s health issues and H’s unemployment and career crises), and it was very helpful. </p>

<p>Everyone has tough times. Learning to roll with them is the challenge. Hang in there, and try to focus on the little positives every day.</p>

4

<p>I would say definitely I am happy and content. Last year, while my son was in the middle of the “college admissions roller coaster”, my daughter had major back surgery and I was definitely overwhelmed, but now, although we still have our ups and downs, for the most part life is good. I do go to yoga two or three times a week which definitely helps with the stress of living with teenagers.</p>

5

<p>I’m not a worrier, but I can’t help but notice that every aspect of my life is worse than it was 5 years ago.</p>

6

<p>Yes, very happy. </p>

<p>Not that I haven’t faced some very serious challenges in past time periods- serious health issues with one child, loss of my younger brother, care of my mother with dementia. But by and large, right now, I am living an extremely fortunate life. I hope it lasts as long as possible, and while it does, I feel a duty to try to savor and appreciate it as much as I can (though I often fail on this, as some days, I can fret over stupid stuff that is not important at all). </p>

<p>Forget about neighbors, what about your close friends? I think only close friends share their real ups and downs; neighbors and acquaintances are there for light conversation only.</p>

7

<p>When people in my community run into us they must think we are very fortunate and extremly happy. We have a graduate from MIT with a great job, two soon to be grads at Cornell…one with a great job lined up the same month he graduates and a my other son with a job lined up and ready to start his career. Our daughter looks terrific because she is in her third year of college (lives at home for the moment) is very attractive and seems very personable. People never know what goes on behind closed doors. I would never share any troubles with people I barely know in real life. My thinking is what I hope will change and believe could change people will never forget if you tell them your problems…especially if it involves your kids. I am very cautious about what I even share with family and my closest friends because deep down I would hate if someone in real life thought one of my kids was a pain in the %$#%.</p>

8

<p>Very happy and content. Was lucky enough to have the best wife unit in the world.</p>

9

<p>I believe, that everybody has about the same, ups, downs, highlights and disappointments. However, attitude is a key. I am thnakful for every day that I am and my family are healthy. Second, I thankful every day that I and my H. are employed. I swear not to worry about things becasue worrying does not help. If something happens, then we will live thru / make decision / cry / worry / be extremely happy and proud when it occurs. Beforehand, I have current moment to enjoy and that is enough for me. I could have it better or much worse. I have what I have, I have worked hard for it and I am OK about my current moment, this is enough for me. But others might feel differently, and this is OK also, it is their life to live, they are the only ones who decide if their moment should to be enjoyed or filled with misery or whatever else in between.</p>

10

<p>Very happy and content. </p>

<p>But it takes non-stop organizing, prioritizing, and DOing to stay that way. Working fulltime and running a household is exhausting. I’m on my way to bed at 9pm nine days out of ten. </p>

<p>But knowing that it’s a productive fatigue makes it OK. If it were an emotional fatigue borne of despair, of course I wouldn’t be happy and content. I’d feel like roadkill and need to make changes. </p>

<p>n.b. There are many troubles among the friends and family in my circle. However, since I am powerless to influence thier outcomes, I know not to try. Sure, I’ll help someone in need. But I know where to draw the line between thier problems and mine.</p>

11

<p>Yes, although I suspect that menopause is starting with me – I feel premenstrual a LOT these days, very irritable with my closest and dearest. Aargh.</p>

<p>The one thing that I have found that helped me find equanimity in my life is to do yoga regularly. It does something to the mind/body pathways that is more than just exercise. I highly recommend it.</p>

12

<p>Yes, although I suspect that menopause is starting with me – I feel premenstrual a LOT these days, very irritable with my closest and dearest. Aargh.</p>

<p>The one thing that I have found that helped me find equanimity in my life is to do yoga regularly. It does something to the mind/body pathways that is more than just exercise. I highly recommend it.</p>

13

<p>Happy, yes. Thankful, yes. Content, not so much. Financial stress is taking its toll on me. My day is what I make of it and attitude is everything. But I’m exhausted from looking at the bright side always. H is good, Kids are good, health is good.</p>

<p>I do exercise daily and my faith is a very important part of my life. </p>

<p>There is a lot that goes on in everyone’s homes that is never spoken of, I’m sure.</p>

14

<p>Ditto on your first paragraph, rom828. I am also exhausted from being everyone’s cheerleader. My D was home for two weeks at Christmas, which was sometimes very difficult and disappointing and sometimes nice. She had emergency surgery five days before Christmas, and of course it was stressful on everyone. I can’t even imagine the surgery bills. </p>

<p>And I am not content because we are battling mice in my kitchen! I had nightmares last night.</p>

15

<p>Sometimes I think it is attitude, too.</p>

<p>This has been a really intense year, yet II have been relatively happy and content. Others, especially family far away, might think this has been an especially rough year, yet emotionally it really and truly had not been.</p>

<p>Dad died, I was holding his hand- very rough, but he’d had untreatable cancer for a few years so I was mentally prepared.</p>

<p>I became the estate executor, stressful, but I just took it one thing at a time and have slogged through. I moved my mom in and had to do a minor remodel, etc. Lots of places for stress, but it was all okay. </p>

<p>An ER visit meeting our $4000 deductible…followed by our deductible increasing to $6k and then surgery by an oncologist, scans & tests, etc. It was not fun, it was intense, but somehow the combo of Dad dying and perhaps having ovarian cancer bumped me to a new place emotionally. Less stressed by the details, more mellow and more big picture focused. I am not sure if that is some sort of death related emotional reset or what, but I am genuinely contented this year.</p>

<p>It may also be that all my kids are in good places!! Everything else diminishes in importance of my kids are not happy, so maybe when they are happy, the same thing happens?</p>

<p>I agree with the above posters that most people only give you the “Christmas Letter” story…all the good stuff, none of the bad! Never feel badly about your life by hearing what others say, it is the rare person who shares the negatives and those who do…well, we all run from them if that is their standard attitude!</p>

16

<p>questbest…most people share their successes and not their tragedies so you may not really know what is going on behind those doors. Just the other day, a friend revealed that she didn’t read those holiday letters because they made her feel so bad. She said, “they write about their wonderful johnny and janes and it makes me really feel how I can’t say anything positive about my kids.” I was floored. She is one of those people who seem so content and at peace despite some struggles with kids and health. There have definitely been bad times with kids dropping out of school and an unwanted pregnancy but those crises are years behind them and both her kids (in my mind) are doing OK…have jobs, have stable relationships, have moved out and are almost fully independent. However, she is deeply saddened by certain aspects of their lives and is facing some of her own health issues and I think, like you, she is feeling overwhelmed by challenges.</p>

<p>I realized t hat my own holiday letter (very full of self-mockery and very low on achievements of kids other than a description of S’s multiple weird accidents at college) could still seem cruelly boastful to her or to the OP. It does seem to be weirdly upbeat if I really put down the various worries of the last two weeks…It doesn’t say that I find my D’s behaviour frequently demonstrates an inflated ego, hormonal imbalance and shared values with america’s next top model…it doesn’t say that my husband and I after 20 years of marriage just had one of our bi-annual terrible stupid argument over same old stuff with less than mature resolution (I escape to office and we make up the next day)…that I worry that S’s demeanor may result in gay bashing no matter his sexual orientation…Does anyone write or share these private doubts (except on CC) and worries even with very close friends? </p>

<p>I plan to tell her some of my bad news/scary stuff because she is a good friend and I don’t think she should feel like she is the only one in the world with worries/anxieties/grief/disappointment even if they seem minor to someone else. I don’t believe we run from those people who share their troubles but I do believe that we keep a lot to ourselves perhaps fearing judgment about our circumstances (very protestant…your bad situation is a product of you being a bad person, bad kids=bad parenting…etc). </p>

<p>I th ink OP reminds us to reach out to our friends and relatives and reassure them that they can share the bad as well as the good.</p>

17

<p>So…are we all saying that most people do not share the negative stuff?</p>

18

<p>Nicely sai,d, fineartsmajormom.</p>

19

<p>Questbridege…Yes</p>

20

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<p>No. There are some people who seem to share ONLY negative stuff. If you don’t visit with any of those that is probably because you started avoiding them long ago.</p>

<p>The thing about sharing negative stuff is that someone has to feel comfortable enough to go first. I can’t tell you how many stories I hear once I say that my (formerly academically promising) son is now at community college. When they assume my kid is still at his LAC, everything is perfect with them…once they hear that my kid came home, then they tell me that their kid got a bunch of Ds and is coming home too (or whatever.)</p>