Are you judgmental about SOME things....

Parent Cafe
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<p>On various threads on CC, there are some people who become very upset if another person’s post seems “judgmental”. Aren’t we all judgmental about some things (usually issues that are important to us)??</p>

<p>Do you “judge” or are you “judgmental” about people who:</p>

<p>Abandon and/or don’t support their children</p>

<p>Have been divorced SEVERAL times (not once)</p>

<p>Have “too many” kids (a number that you think is too much for married couple)</p>

<p>Have “too few” kids (a number that you think is too little for a married couple)</p>

<p>Have no kids (married people)</p>

<p>Are “Players” – single people who routinely seek casual sex hook ups</p>

<p>Smoke cigarettes</p>

<p>Didn’t go to college</p>

<p>Have a low skilled job</p>

<p>Live in “fly over” country (mid west or south) because the NE & CA are “where it’s at”</p>

<p>Have southern accents</p>

<p>Use poor grammar</p>

<p>Use foul language</p>

<p>Engage in recreational drugs</p>

<p>Drink alcohol moderately</p>

<p>Drink alcohol frequently</p>

<p>Use drugs</p>

<p>Engage in polygamy (group “marriage”)</p>

<p>A married person who frequently “parties” with or goes clubbing with single friends.</p>

<p>Married couples who are “Swingers”</p>

<p>Married people who “cheat” on spouses</p>

<p>Stay at Home Moms</p>

<p>Moms who only will work part-time</p>

<p>Moms (of small kids) who work but don’t financially “have to”</p>

<p>Moms w/ small kids/babies who frequently take business trips</p>

<p>Moms who bottle feed</p>

<p>Moms who breast feed</p>

<p>Moms who breast feed in public w/o a “covering” of some sort.</p>

<p>Men who insist that their wives work</p>

<p>Men who insist that their wives stay at home</p>

<p>Women who want to marry men who can support them while they raise the kids</p>

<p>Men who want to stay home with the kids and have their wives work</p>

<p>Men who earn less than their wives</p>

<p>Men who tell their wives “what to do”</p>

<p>Women who tell their husbands “what to do.”</p>

<p>Men who want to be the “king of their castle”</p>

<p>Women who want to be the “queen of their castle”</p>

<p>Men who are “control freaks”</p>

<p>Women who are “control freaks”</p>

<p>Women who have kids by several men (whom they haven’t married)</p>

<p>Men who have fathered kids with several women (whom they haven’t married).</p>

<p>Women who let their ex husbands have physical custody of young kids.</p>

<p>People who are regular church goers (or temple or whatever)</p>

<p>People who belong to faiths that can seem “rigid” or “sexist” or ???</p>

<p>People who believe that an H should be the “head” of the household</p>

<p>People who belong to fundamentalist religions.</p>

<p>People who are atheists/agnostics</p>

<p>Republicans</p>

<p>Democrats</p>

<p>Conservatives</p>

<p>Moderates</p>

<p>Liberals</p>

<p>“Apoliticals”</p>

<p>Like looking at porn</p>

<p>Those who support gay marriage</p>

<p>those who don’t support gay marriage</p>

<p>Those who support abortion</p>

<p>Those who do not support abortion rights</p>

<p>People who hate George W Bush (or Hillary)</p>

<p>People who love George Bush (or Hillary)</p>

<p>People who don’t read/watch the news</p>

<p>People who don’t read much</p>

<p>People who like/love country music</p>

<p>People who drive SUVs (or other low mileage vehicles)</p>

<p>People who like/love NASCAR</p>

<p>People who belong to the NRA</p>

<p>People who belong to John Birch Society</p>

<p>People who belong to PETA</p>

<p>People who belong to ACLU</p>

<p>Lawyers</p>

<p>People who belong to Green Peace or Sierra Club</p>

<p>People who love opera or the symphony</p>

<p>People who don’t/didn’t do well in school</p>

<p>Families that “homeschool”</p>

<p>Families that send their kids to “church schools”</p>

<p>Parents who “parent” differently than you do.</p>

<p>People who inherited their wealth</p>

<p>People who have earned a lot of money</p>

<p>People who have little money</p>

<p>Able bodied adults who refuse to work & depend on gov’t "hand outs’</p>

<p>People who are “over weight”</p>

<p>People who are grossly obese</p>

<p>People who aren’t “attractive” </p>

<p>Do you “judge” other people’s children or families to determine whether your child can play/associate with them?</p>

<p>ARE YOU JUDGMENTAL about people who are JUDGMENTAL???</p>

<p>These are just some of the things that I’ve thought of off the “top of my head”. There are certainly a lot more things that people (even those who consider themselves to be “non judgmental” and “open minded”) are judgmental about.</p>

<p>If you can think of more things, please feel free to add.</p>

<p>After reading this list (and any added items), can you honestly say that you aren’t “judgmental” about some people and their behaviors or choices?</p>

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<p>We are all judgemental in certain areas. Difference is, I may think my way of doing things, or way of thinking, is the better way, but I absolutely do realize it is simply the better way for me. I am not telling anyone to think the way I do.</p>

<p>The problem I have with <em>some</em> judgemental people, is that they would like to impose their judgements as the “right” way, for everyone. I have more than a little problem with those people and their judgemental attitudes.</p>

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<p>I think that was a great post jlauer. We all judge people, whether consciously or unconsciously, everyday for a wide variety of reasons. You can be judged for so many things other than just skin color, income level, etc. Sometimes you judge groups of people until you meet some one who falls into that category and you realize what a great person they are. It’s unfortunate, but we all do it on some level (and in turn are judged on some level by others).</p>

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<p>I don’t judge NASCAR, I just think its stupid…there I said that outloud</p>

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<p>I think there is a vast difference between having an opinion regarding something and actually bringing judgment to others. Like -Allmusic-, I have my own system of values, beliefs and general behaviors, and I would never presume to think that my way is THE ONLY way or even the BEST way for many others. I am actually a huge proponent of “whatever works.” That said, my general rule of thumb is this: If whatever someone chooses to do does not negatively impact or harm others (and, selfishly enough, particularly MY family), then it’s fine with me. If, however, others have to “pay for” the chosen actions of certain individuals, then those individuals are, in a sense, asking for (and WILL receive) my judgment. Two examples of this off the top of my head would be 1.) people who bear large numbers of children KNOWING that they do not have the means to support them and thus, would depend upon taxes from others, and 2.) people who insist that others “share” in their secondhand smoke in restaurants or other public places.</p>

<p>~berurah</p>

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<p>berurah quote -
I have my own system of values, beliefs and general behaviors, and I would never presume to think that my way is THE ONLY way or even the BEST way for many others.</p>

<p>I definitely agree with this - but will add that when I think of (or call someone) judgemental it mainly refers to their lack of ability to even see someone elses point of view. </p>

<p>I am judgemental about certain things - one thing I can think of is people I know who make a choice to not carry health insurance - but drive fancy cars or take elaborate vacations. To me - these people are not good decision makers, self centered, and too worried about appearances. </p>

<p>I can know of PLENTY of things that I used to be judgemental about but with maturity and education have gained the ability to either see another point of view! </p>

<p>But wait, I am thinking and I am more judgemental than I like to admit. I judge people everyday - and most of it has to do with jealousy or feelings of things being unfair.</p>

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<p>cgm: I don’t judge NASCAR, I just think its stupid…there I said that outloud</p>

<p>LOL I don’t quite understand the NASCAR attraction either.(and I fell asleep during an opera)… but for those who love these pasttimes… to each his own… </p>

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<p>Everyone…</p>

<p>The purpose of this thread was to do a bit self analysis. We often don’t think we’re “judgmental” (maybe thinking only “small minded” people are). But practically everyone can find a few types of people on this list that we are “judgmental” about. </p>

<p>Yes, it is understandable to be more judgmental when “choices” impact others (smoking in public buildings). But aren’t we also sometimes “judgmental” about people’s choices that have no impact on us (such as: breast vs. bottle; work mom vs SAH mom, etc).</p>

<hr>

<p>Re: judging the number of kids a married couple has…</p>

<p>I should have written:</p>

<p>A married couple who have more children than they knew that they could afford to provide for (food, shelter, emotional support, etc)</p>

<p>A married couple who have “too many” children (even if they can provide for them)</p>

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<p>I can understand this. I feel the same about those who don’t buy health insurance but spend hundreds each month on cigarettes.</p>

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<p>I am judgmental about some of the parties my S’s friends’ parents allow – where alcohol is available, but by collecting the carkeys, the parents think they are protecting the kids and the general public.</p>

<p>Their side of it: “We did worse in HS. The kids will drink anyway, and at least we’re providing a ‘safe’ environment.”</p>

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<p>The attitude “to each his own” does have limits, though. And sometimes where to draw the line can be dicey.</p>

<p>Were the British being judgmental (or, since it’s the British, “judgemental” !) in the 1700’s and 1800’s when they forced the Indian people to dress and act in a certain manner, and called them “WOG’s” ? Yes? So were they being judgmental when they forced the Indians to stop widows being burned on their husbands’ funeral pyres? </p>

<p>If a 12 year old Jehovah’s Witness refuses a blood transfusion, what is our response? Or when an 80-year-old in pain wants to end his life?</p>

<p>As a society, we make such judgments every day. It should never be easy.</p>

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<p>hayden</p>

<p>Great insights … thanks for the contributions…</p>

<p>Yes, there have been instances when the gov’t has intervened when a child is being denied medical treatment because of religious reasons. And, as you have noted, preventing Hindu women from being killed on their H’s funeral pyres. And we do “intervene” when we know that people are trying to kill themselves.</p>

<p>You’re right… making these “judgments” isn’t easy.</p>

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<p>B~ >>>> If, however, others have to “pay for” the chosen actions of certain individuals, then those individuals are, in a sense, asking for (and WILL receive) my judgment.<<<<</p>

<p>I agree</p>

<p>I remember when CA passed the motorcyle helmet law. Cyclists felt that they were being unfairly forced to wear helmets, YET, the state was having to pay millions in medical care for cyclists who had suffered permanent brain injuries from accidents.</p>

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<p>mags: “I have my own system of values, beliefs and general behaviors, and I would never presume to think that my way is THE ONLY way or even the BEST way for many others.”</p>

<p>that is a good way of looking at things. Sometimes, I think, people get caught up with wanting “validation” for their own choices/decisions and get upset “judgmental” when others make different choices. </p>

<p>Sometimes, one group will want to solve/address a problem one way and another will want to solve/address a problem another way – yet one group might think that the other group doesn’t “care”. (For instance: some want the CA grad test to stay, some want it to “go” – but both groups want kids to learn. It certainly isn’t because one group doesn’t “care” about kids – each just has a different approach (something like different approaches to parenting). Please don’t argue this here – there is a thread for that)</p>

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<p>Me, I’m judgemental about people who can’t spell and have time to create long posts.</p>

<p>;)</p>

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<p>judg·men·tal<br>
adj.</p>

<ol>
<li>Of, relating to, or dependent on judgment: a judgmental error.</li>
<li>Inclined to make judgments, especially moral or personal ones: a marriage counselor who tries not to be judgmental.</li>
</ol>

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<p>As I see it, “judging”/“being judgmental” is an attack on the person, rather than on their ideas.</p>

<p>To say “I think it is selfish to have 15 children” is not, IMO, judgmental. It is an expression of opinion about an issue. Perhaps the opinion is disagreeable (or “offensive”) to the hearer, but it is not for that reason “judgmental” IMO.</p>

<p>However, to say “You are a pig to have 15 children” is, IMO, judgmental. It is an attack on the person.</p>

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<p>it is incredibly bad manners! But, on the other hand, how many of us would really be aghaust if someone said to a polygamist with 15 wives, “You are a pig to have 15 wives.” I don’t think many of us would bat an eye. I’d probably say/think “ditto”.</p>

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<p>I see it many ways. I’ve seen people judge the person, the way he/she looks, his/her choices, his/her ideas, etc.</p>

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<p>I find myself getting less judgemental in somethings as I get older
Nascar for example :wink:
I never really saw the point, but a writer I like, Sharan McCrumb, has written a book with the storyline revolving around a dale Earnhardt memorial tour (apparently as popular as Elvis in certain circles).
It is really quite interesting- ( Did you know that a great deal of the drivers come from CA?) and if my relatives had stayed in the Blue Mts, it might have been something that I was more knowledgable about.</p>

<p>( If someone has managed to have 15 wives- at the same time- I imagine that he has already learned to tune out much of what a woman might say- so nothing I say is even going to make him blink)</p>

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<p>

Though this may not be “judgmental,” it certainly reflects a lack of EQ and a fairly egregious disregard for the feelings of other who may HAVE 15 children. Truthfully, my 8-year-old has been taught better manners than that.</p>

<p>My 11-year-old daughter might put it something like this, “Whereas I can fully understand your concern that 15 children may put a strain on a family and perhaps also on the limited resources of the world, others may hold different views, which I also fully respect.”</p>

<p>I can understand your semantic hair splitting, but I don’t think the slight changing of that sentence would fool many people. </p>

<p>It’s all about respect…and courtesy. :slight_smile: </p>

<p>~berurah</p>

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<p>Leadership and Self Deception is a great book to read about judgement and getting out of the Box. There is that saying … to create peace in the world start with inner peace and if everyone came from that place just imagine how our world would be and yes I am judgemental though it never gets people to change, only modeling what you want works. I am learning slowly how non impactful it is to come from a place of judgement. Other question of the day…Are you judgemental about yourself and if so does that make you judgemental of others. Good topic jlauer</p>