<p>Adad: Aren’t you essentially calling the person with 15 children “selfish” and isn’t that judgmental? It’s a judgement; the pig comment is an insult. I think it qualifies as judgmental because it is such a black and white statement. What if the 15 kids are disabled children no one else wants? That would not be selfish. What if they are wealthy (Ethel Kennedy had 11) and can afford them and also are skilled enough parents to make each and every one feel loved and wanted? That’s not selfish, really.</p>
<p>Here’s an example of selfish: Obviously able-bodied people – and I mean obvious, like they’re running into the store in high heels – who use a relative’s handicapped permit (or somehow got one) to park in handicapped spots while legitimately handicapped people have to circle and circle looking for spots (arghhh!). My dad is handicapped and I make very bad judgments about the people that do that. </p>
<p>Well, IMO It would be off topic to go into whether or not having 15 kids actually IS selfish. :)</p>
<p>But IMO it is not judgmental to make that assertion. If we were to discuss this, we would have to talk about what we mean by “selfish” and by other key terms. We would not sugarcoat the issue, and aim for a deceptive agreement on everything, by talking around the heart of the issue, or by saying that we respect every viewpoint, like an 8-year-old or 11-year-old might be taught to do. As adults, we can discuss and disagree about whether someone actually is “selfish”. </p>
<p>Yes, jazzymom is right IMO, probably our judgments would depend to a significant extent on the circumstances. We would still be making judgments about what “selfish” is and whether or not someone is in fact selfish, and we might disagree about particular cases. These would all be “judgments”, but in this process IMO we would not be “judgmental”. </p>
<p>By contrast, yes, as I see it, being “judgmental” is in fact being insulting. It is attacking the person, sneering at, rolling one’s eyes at the person, mocking the person, intentionally exaggerating or misstating their viewpoint, calling it childlike or simplistic, rather than honestly and openly discussing/debating the substance of the issues.</p>
<p>I’ve graduated from “judgmental” to “crotchety”. I used to be reluctant to have an opinion about other people’s choices in life; now I’m pretty comfortable about it. On the other hand, I do try to look at a situation from the other person’s point of view as thoroughly as possible before deciding they’re a moron. Sometimes it’s worth the effort. Sometimes they’re just morons.</p>
<p>Okay, I will say it, I think having to give birth to 15 kids is selfish…does everykid they love have to be blood?</p>
<p>I do judge those that will only want to take care of their “own”, that having kids fulfills God’s wishes, so they well be in God’s favor, sounds a bit selfish to me, I want more people to love me…but they have to be my own blood…If they was truly unslefish, they would take in orphans or kids that need to be in foster care or whatever</p>
<p>There, i said it out loud, and I don’t care if that bothers people or gets them all defensive</p>
<p>You know you’re bored when …you get into an argument with people you don’t know over word choice. Oh wait, that’s another thread maybe. I get the sense that there’s some subliminal messages being sent that, being a relative newbie, are mostly going over my head.<br>
How about this: you can be judgmental about the obviously bad things that people do that have the potential to harm others and you can be merely opinionated about the things that are only bad in your personal opinion. The obviously bad things are the things that are against the law, such as smoking in public places and parking in handicapped spots when you’re not handicapped.<br>
Kluge: my favorite time to make those snap judgements is when I’m driving. Everyone else is a moron.</p>
CGM, I was wondering…have you adopted any of these needy children? I really am curious because you seem to believe so strongly in this. I have not physically adopted any, but I have a whole slew of emotionally needy people whom I feel so very honored and thrilled to offer support and encouragement to (not to mention just about EVERY meal! )</p>
It is neither “sugarcoating” nor “deceptive agreement” to acknowledge that there are views other than your own which <em>gasp</em> may hold some validity. “Selfish” is such a pejorative term that it is difficult to get past that into rational and reasonable discussion. Once you have used a word such as that, you have served to alienate, not promote understanding. I teach my kids not to place such divisive barriers between them and others with whom they may not see eye to eye. In other words, I teach them not to be gratuitously offensive to others.<br>
~berurah</p>
<p>I am, in fact, extremely judgemental about those who make posts with poor spelling, grammar, and punctuation. And I rarely even read long posts without paragraphing.</p>
<p>Ooh! Ooh! Pet peeves about posting styles! Me next! Me next!</p>
<p>i cant stand people who dont capitalize or punctuate i don’t mind misspelling or occasional lapses into chat-speak - lol - even though its a little annoying but the “i dont capitalize because its my style choice and i think you should all recognize that im special” attitude really bugs me i dont think the writer is special or artistic i think theyre precious and thats not a good thing i dont see much of that here in the cc but its not uncommon in other forums i read i just had to get that off my chest</p>
<p>The next thing that bugs me…is when a poster has a long post…could go on for line after line…sometimes connected thoughts…sometimes not…without sentence structure…just a series of jottings…usually connected by three dots…sometimes with other forms of punctuation…maybe line breaks…the thing is… those posts can have…lots of good content sometimes…but I’m still distracted by the style…I don’t talk like that…some people do, I know…I’m not sure why…it’s almost as if they’re afraid if they ever put a period in their writing they’ll lose the floor…someone else will get a word in edgewise…it gives me pleasure to see a well-crafted sentence or paragraph…including beginnings and ends…and I feel that the “three-dotters” are just kind of being lazy…and yeah, I get judgmental…or judgemental, for the Brits…but I try not to say anything about it…but this thread is about being judgmental…so here you go…I’m judgmental about adults…parents of college students…who don’t use standard English sentence structure…in a forum like this…</p>
<p>Great topic! Yes, I admit I can be judgmental (or judgemental when in Canada?? I always have to look up the spelling of that word anyway.) I think it’s a trait most people share, beyond a few living saints I have met who seem to love everyone.</p>
<p>I do try to catch myself when I find I am feeling judgmental and try to see things from the other side. I try to judge the behavior, not the person, when someone cuts in front of me on the freeway or acts rudely. (Maybe he is late for an appointment. Maybe she is undergoing some crisis at home or just lost her job. etc.) </p>
<p>We all make judgments in life, and that is not always bad. We decide upon the lifestyle, religion, political view, etc. that works best for us, and that we feel is right, and then we tend to judge those who disagree, because we want to continue believing that our choices are the correct ones. The more mature we get, the less we feel others’ choices to be a judgment on our choices, and thus, the less we need to judge them. However, I don’t think the tendency ever goes away.</p>
<p>Is it ever right to judge others? Well, we wouldn’t have laws and a court system if we didn’t think it was…</p>
gawd kluge that really is annoying i don’t know why anyone would do that it seems so strange i mean dont they want their message to be understood by the masses how aggravating you have every right to have that as a pet peeve sheesh</p>
<p>Yes… (dot, dot, dot)… That is one of the purposes of this thread. Even tho the baby boomers “abhor” the thought of being judgmental, they, like everyone else, have their “pet areas” of being judgmental.</p>
(though I was pregnant seven times, as I had one early miscarriage)!</p>
)</p>