<p>dirotter, I think that joining clubs and pursuing activities is the best way to meet compatible people naturally in a non-stressful way while getting out of the house and enjoying oneself. I also know one person who met a SO through a dating site. At least in those circumstances you know that the other person is looking, although they may not, in fact be single! (Know of several slimy men who were NOT divorced–yet–who pursued those things.) A lot of people I know met their eventual spouses either through friends, or at work.</p>
<p>A couple of other ways to meet people:</p>
<p>co-ed sports teams. Zog Sports here in NYC runs a lot of different sports teams. They are also in some other areas. [ZogSports</a> - Co-Ed Social Sports Leagues for Adult Professionals - Recreational & Intramural Touch Football, Dodgeball, Volleyball, Basketball, Indoor Soccer, Outdoor Soccer, Softball, Kickball, Wiffle Ball, Floor Hockey, Bowling, Corporate Events, Ul](<a href=“http://www.zogsports.com/main.aspx]ZogSports”>http://www.zogsports.com/main.aspx) I suspect that there are similar organizations in other areas. </p>
<p>community service: Habitat for Humanity and other organizations seem to be a good way to meet kindred spirits.For the more affluent, things like the Young Lions of the New York Public Library are a good way to meet affluent singles. [Young</a> Lions Benefit Party | The New York Public Library](<a href=“http://www.nypl.org/support/benefit-events/young-lions]Young”>http://www.nypl.org/support/benefit-events/young-lions)</p>
<p>alumni activities; getting involved in your local alumni organization seems to be a good way to meet people.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Actually, I don’t think it’s limited to guys as I’ve noticed many…especially under 40 prefer texting.</p>
<p>Regarding communication skills in general, the preference for texting may be somewhat gendered due to different communication styles. </p>
<p>Speaking for myself and most male friends/acquaintances, we don’t tend to enjoy long-winded conversations consisting of TMI gossipy details, complaining about romantic matters in lengthy detail about SOs, or lengthy emotional wrought venting sessions*. While there are exceptions, I’ve found those tend to be much less common among males than females due to socialization. Especially back in my old neighborhood, males who behaved in the ways above weren’t held in high regard by classmates and even adult males in the area. </p>
<ul>
<li>Sometimes lasting 4-5 straight hours. With one overly emotional older male college classmate…that particular lengthy session became so aggravating that when he failed to take a hint that I needed a break, I snapped and yelled at him to “SHUT UP!”. Still feel guilty about that…especially considering he was being pummeled by several major life crises that were such that any one of them could have caused many people to crumble from the pressure. Yes, I am perfectly aware that was one good demonstration of why I’d make a lousy emotional counselor/therapist.</li>
</ul>
<p>One of my college roommates did not begin dating until age 25; she is happily married to the first man she dated. One of my friends likewise married in her mid-twenties, to the first man she dated. One of my closest female friends is married to the second man she’s ever dated. </p>
<p>Some women simply do not feel the need to have “starter” boyfriends and go through the teenage/collegiate rituals of “exclusive” dating, breaking up, licking wounds, “finding someone else”, and repeating the cycle ad nauseum. (If people want to do that, rock on, but perhaps we ought to stop thinking that dating numerous people, with no hope of matrimony, is the Best Thing For Every Person Out There, Especially Women.)</p>
<p>I was a late bloomer (did not get kissed, or date, until college), and then I dated a bunch of jerks. Suffice to say, my experience was a nice reminder to my female friends that there are worse things than never having dated anyone. In retrospect, I would have been much happier had I been an even later bloomer and just skipped all that nonsense.</p>
<p>OK I have to admit my two oldest boys never “date”…not in high school, not in college and not so far after college. They have ‘girl’ friends and I know they get ‘benefits’ but…no dating no exclusive romance type thing. I assume someday someone will come along and she will be the “it” one. Son 3 did date in high school and had one or two ‘girlfriends’ that were “exclusive” I expect he’ll continue along his style for a good long time, again until the ‘it’ one comes along. All three had guy friends that seemed to always have one singular girlfriend, but I think it’s a mixed bag how the kids do “social” these days. My oldest is now 25 and is really i think too busy paying bills and working to think about someone exclusive.</p>
<p>Both my husband and I only “dated” exclusively maybe one or two people until we met and married at 30 although we both had a fair number of relationships along the way. I was seeing another guy when my husband came along and he was seeing no one at the time and I didn’t drop the other guy until i realized my H was 'it." My siblings always had someone “exclusive”. I think some people “need” someone and need someone exclusively, other people don’t necessarily need to have that defined attachment.</p>
<p>Both myself and my college roommate found our spouses in the personals of newspapers pre internet. Both married >20 years now. </p>
<p>As I found myself on the far side of 30 with no prospects, someone told me to read “If I’m so wonderful, why am I still single?” I got serious and found DH within a year. </p>
<p>However, 20 somethings may not be interested in being single minded in their search.</p>
<p>Oldest DS is 18 he hasn’t dated yet. He unfortunately seems stuck in the friend zone. I’m hoping he meets a nice girl in college.</p>
<p>None of my Ds really dated in high school…except for prom with a buddy, etc. Just not anyone they were really interested in. Plus they saw high school as EXTREMELY temporal…just wanted to wait. D2 met her BF in college, and they started dating 2nd semester of their freshman year. They’ve been together over a year now, and will probably marry. D1 was a “late bloomer”. She’s 24, and is getting married in November. D2 just started college…I imagine she’ll meet someone there.</p>
<p>My son could have been dirotter’s son a few years ago. I knew he had 2 close female friends in college, but I don’t think he was seen as “b/f” material. A foreign girl on an exchange program pursued him after college, had a few good months, and that experience lit a desire for more. (Who knows if she liked his apartment and his car as much as him.) In grad school, he chose to live in a dorm to meet people, he tried Hillel gatherings, probably other things that he never shared. He met his current g/f through a college dating site. She’s very personable and talkative, bright, and just as interested in a committed relationship.</p>
<p>For the record, my son rarely calls or turns to me for dating advice. I did encourage him to seek therapy to improve his social skills. I don’t think I am a good role model, as I haven’t been successful on the marriage front. I’m currently in my second LONG term relationship since splitting with son’d father.</p>
<p>My daughter is 18 and met her first boyfriend a month ago. She left for college yesterday and he came to help her move in. She was/is a bit socially awkward and was always the friend that folks (male and female) came to for dating advice, which was a bit ironic since she never had a date :).</p>
<p>I worry about her with this guy because he is 22, graduated from college with a job and is currently pursing a masters (he actually graduated from HS at 15 and college at 19). He’s in a VERY different place than her. However, I keep saying to myself, it probably won’t last :)</p>
<p>azcatz,</p>
<p>The b/f sounds like a very bright young man. Why are you hoping for a break-up?</p>
<p>He is and I like him. I just want her to finish school and I don’t necessarily see someone where he is, life wise, wanting to wait till she’s done with school. I’m not hoping for a break up just worrying about how it might affect her.</p>
<p>She is an EXTREMELY sensitive soul, had some issues with depression last spring and I worry about her ;). </p>
<p>He has said, though, that he would never marry someone who didn’t have a degree and/or could support herself. Maybe he will be a good influence on dd :)</p>
<p>I don’t know what is going on with this generation. Technology has created a world for them where they don’t date, they simply interact with each other online. Very weird.</p>
<p>I’m sure we all read that article about the “hook up instead of dating” phenomenon in college. Ugh. I make sure to mention the details about STDs as often as I can work it in. 
I did things I am not proud of in my youth, but gee…I stopped because it felt so bad and wrong and isolating. Today, they seem to be just doing it on and on and on. I hope my kids are smarter than that. So far, so good.</p>
<p>We’ve been married a quarter of a century, and my husband is a stellar guy in all respects. I hope they find the same thing for themselves. It took me a little while (late 20’s) but it was worth it.</p>
<p>I agree about the weirdness of the constant online interaction. I think for my own late-blooming D’s (19 and 23), inability to talk live without frequent screen-checking is an immediate turn-off. </p>
<p>Apart from that obstacle, I wonder if they might meet guys who fear that being the first boyfriend pre-loads the situation with too much significance.</p>