<p>Have somewhat of a late bloomer DS. No dates/prom in HS. Now college sophomore and just introduced us to his girlfriend on Skype. They looked very happy, cute and comfortable together. In same small STEM major so have known each other since start of college. I think she’s a bit of a ‘go-getter’ and suspect she ‘go-ed’ and ‘getter-ed’ him :D.</p>
<p>My take:</p>
<ol>
<li>Like bicycle riding, when they’re ready, they seem to spontaneously pick it up.<br></li>
<li>For lot of these shy STEM boys, I think it takes a girl to take action.</li>
<li>When the texts/month increases drastically, something is afoot.</li>
</ol>
<p>Yea, when S was having is brief romance in college, there were a lot more texts than usual–some to think of it, I believe there has been a bump up in his texts since he started work as well. Hmmm.</p>
This may be the case for DS unfortunately. I heard that early in his college years, a girl would call him (likely would text him?) and told him that “don’t stay in your dorm all the time and let us go out to do something.” I had a high hope with this but it turns out it was just a “false start”. DS said not long ago if he could still meet her today, he would still be interested in dating her if she is still willing to “accept him”. But I think she is likely far away in another city now.</p>
<p>Maybe DS’s “dating technique” (if there is such a thing) needs some improvement. His dating idea is to go to a Starbucks together. He really has had very little experience with dating and he is 24! He may be a little bit more concerned about money too. The last spring break, several classmates organized a fun trip to Florida. He estimated how much it would cost and said no to them even we encouraged him to join the trip and we said we would financially support him on this.</p>
<p>Regarding texts/month, this may give us some clue when this actually happens. Thanks for the tips.</p>
<p>Carnegiepaper, I don’t mean to oversimplify your situation, but I strongly suggest you join a gym, if you haven’t already. Once you get into it, the exercise will improve both your spirits and your physical appearance (also your perception of your appearance as “undesirable” - though it’s very possible that other people don’t see you that way at all). Good luck!</p>
<p>This has all come back to mind because my youngest (19), home on break, just joined an online dating site herself. Typically, she’s yakked freely about every single detail and even showed me a long exchange between herself and the most promising guy. I think they’re meeting this week. My oldest (also home, temporarily boomeranged but more on that later) has been laughing behind closed doors with her a lot, and also let slip her discretion just enough to show sister how to navigate the web site, in my presence - and I missed a golden op to say casually, “Oh, are you on it also?”. Getting ahead of ourselves, but I’d feel a bit sad if the younger got herself a significant (or semi-significant) other first. Oldest, who I “objectively” feel is a great catch, except for the psychological obstacle of having never had a BF, has been home taking language classes this fall and is about to go off to South America to teach English for almost a year, so if sister winds up euphorically in love, at least oldest will be occupied elsewhere.
This is just venting, really, and all idle chatter in response is appreciated.</p>
<p>Youngest’s date was underwhelming, much less connection in person than in writing. But in all the conversation about it, I did backtrack and offhandedly mention to oldest that I had noticed her familiarity with the dating site and was she on it? She said, “Oh, sure” and has since spoken pretty freely about her experiences - nothing significant, and she’s giving it up for now since she’s going away. I’m happy to have it out in the open - I think her need for secrecy had long since expired but she didn’t want to take the initiative to bring it up. She has the gift of an innately positive outlook on life, so this is all a frustration but not an overwhelming big deal. Myself, I’ll try to give my worries a 2-year deferment.</p>
<p>Funny to see this bumped. Ds1 still not dating that I’m aware of. Ds2, HS senior, just became FBO with a girl last month. We actually talked about it the other night, and he said he’s glad that he didn’t date earlier and said his prom date last year, who would have been thrilled to make it long-term, kind of intimidated him. He just wasn’t ready until now and hadn’t found the right person.</p>
<p>My wife and I went to a wedding last weekend. I thought it was especially sweet–with such loving things said in the ceremony by the couple to each other, and by their friends and family during the reception. During the reception dinner three of the women at our table lamented that none of their children–age 17 to 30 ish-- had ever had a romantic relationship or even really dated. I’m thinking that the loving ceremony we had just witnessed made them feel sad for their children.</p>
<p>On the other hand, my wife and I have felt a great deal of appreciation and thankfulness for where our children are in that process. Our 28 your old son is married to a great person, his high school sweetheart. They have two children. Our middle son has lived with a girl for a couple of years. They seem like they are really good for each other. My youngest, a college sophomore is in the beginning of a romantic relationship with a guy who seems really nice. She had some, but not a lot, of dating experience in high school.</p>
<p>I empathize with those who are sad because their children haven’t had the pleasure of having a romantic partner. Life is much easier (most of the time) when you have someone to share it with.</p>
<p>My S hadnt shown, any interest in dating, and he lucked up with a girl his jr year in hs, and they have been together ever since, both sophomores at different universities. My D1, is a senior in HS, and hasnt dated ever. My youngest, D2, cant wait to date, but we have a rule of 16, so she has a little over a year.</p>
<p>I am glad, I am not the only one concerned about my girls not dating. Its not that I want to rush it, but I am concerned that she hasnt had any interactions, and will be going off to college in the fall. I dont want her to be one of those, that goes crazy for the first boy that pays attention to her. </p>
<p>I have no empirical evidence, but I think, this facebook/chat/texting age has a lot to do with it. Kids nowadays have horrible communication skills. I even hear my 30/40+ friends complain that guys want to text, and not pick up the phone, and have a conversation.</p>
<p>Older kid has had two longterm relationships with girls we really didn’t like too much. They seemed to make him sort of unhappy. One made him lose a ton of weight even though he’s always been skinny. She was “artistic.” The other one wanted him to quit his job and travel with her. We’re hoping #3 will be a winner.</p>
<p>Our younger college freshmen has gone to prom with some young men but no serious dating. She is picky.</p>
<p>I am using a throwaway for privacy reasons.</p>
<p>DS2 revealed to me that he has been upset about his lack of progress in dating. He turned 25 recently and I casually mentioned that’s the age when I married my husband, and then suddenly he opened up. He seemed happy enough working and staying in touch with close friends, but now I am heartbroken that he has been struggling alone this whole time.</p>
<p>AFAIK he has asked some girls out but never been on a date. He is good looking, really interesting and has amazing friends, but he has always been anxious around girls he liked. I try not to worry but I can’t help it either.</p>
<p>If he were nearby I would try to find women to introduce him to, but we are on opposite coasts. I suggested joining a new club and practicing leaving his comfort zone, but he seemed generally discouraged. I feel like the one time he asks for help I don’t know how to support him.</p>
<p>dating matchups sites? I am not sure what to call them. My best friend from high school met her second husband (minister) on one ( and another a guy that ended up being a good friend and mentor for her PhD). my brother met his wife (her daughter submitted her profile without her knowing it) on one (only answer either of them gave). My cousin met her husband on one. these are example of last few years. not sure if 25yr olds are doing them?
my recommendation- join a league. my friends D (25) joined a city adult volleyball league and met her H there. It gets you out - you have to talk to new people with no pressure.</p>
<p>Neither of my kids have had a serious romantic relationship. S had a few dates and a GF for a few months. He is now 25 and D is 23. She has turned down several dates and dailies have many male and female friends. I think S and D are open to relationships, but haven’t spent much energy pursuing them.</p>
<p>I swear I am not being paid to say this:) I know four happily married couples of different age groups (one second marriage, three first marriages) who met each other using online dating services within the last 15 years. When these sites emerged I was skeptical about them, but I now see some of them (Match.com, eHarmony) as fairly effective matchmaking services for people who are serious about finding someone.</p>
<p>I think they are. OKCupid seems to be the most popular place, or at least it was as of a couple of years ago. Plus there’s JDate if you’re Jewish or want to meet someone Jewish.</p>
<p>I also know couples who have met on dating sites, and probably many more who don’t admit to it. One couple confessed to me they didn’t like to tell too many people. It seemed because it wasn’t a “meet cute” enough story.</p>
<p>Update to my post #60 on this thead. My helicopter friend’s daughter and the fix-up have a wedding date set.</p>