<p>Every time I hear about ashes like this, I think of that movie…was it Meet the Parents? Where the cat knocks over the urn from the fireplace mantel, and the uses it as a litter box…hilarious!</p>
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<p>It’s not just you! Every time I hear that word I think, “Surely that’s made up. That can’t be a real word.”.</p>
<p>I just go with “remains”, regardless of their current condition or what was done to or with them.</p>
<p>Remember the Murphey Brown episode where she and Frank supposedly went down in the plane crash? they came back as ghosts to their funeral and their urns were knocked over while nobody was around–the janitor swept them up…</p>
<p>I think if someone is cremated the ashes should either be scattered or stored in a memorial setting at a central place for all family members. People just grieve different ways. I hate to think one particular family member gets to keep them on their mantel so that nobody else has access to them (Hey kids! Let’s go visit grandma–she’s over at Aunt Lucy’s–wonder if she’s home? What do you mean Aunt Lucy had a garage sale? Moved? Got tired of grandma taking up space? We don’t speak to Aunt Lucy?)</p>
<p>Just a joke… one friend says he’ll cremate his wife and keep a bit of her in his wallet…she’s always been on his “a…” so she’ll feel right at home.</p>
<p>Note to my survivors: Please dispose of my ashes in an environmentally responsible manner with no sentimentality. According to my personal beliefs, when I am dead I am gone and what is left of my body has no significance. So if my ashes are spread on a field or tossed in the ocean or fed to the hogs or flushed down the toilet it doesn’t matter one iota to me now, and it will matter even less to me then.</p>
<p>NJres–but it may make a difference to someone you’re leaving behind. Look at how the family feels and how it’s handled traditionally in your family. Go with that since you don’t care or give options or put someone in charge who does care. It can save a lot of angst after the fact even if it doesn’t (obviously) concern you.
YOU may not be sentimental but family members may be.</p>
<p>That’s why I told my mother, “Do not make me the executor of your will. I will not feed you to the hogs or turn you into a diamond. Choose someone who will be comfortable with following your wishes.”.</p>
<p>It is my deeply held religious belief that the body is just as sacred as the soul and should be treated with dignity and respect. We consider it a corporal work of mercy to bury the dead.</p>
<p>So I want my parents to know where I am coming from so that they can make decisions that reflect their own beliefs and preferences.</p>
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<p>There can be pluses to being executor. </p>
<p>My sister and I were co-executors of both of our parents’ estates. (Our parents were divorced, so neither was executor for the other.) We also took over as co-executors of an aunt’s estate when our father, the original executor, died.</p>
<p>By dealing with all the complexities of settling these estates, we learned that we can work together well, that we’re both pretty competent, and that we actually like each other now – which was not the case when we were younger. My sister is now my friend. Thanks, Mom and Dad.</p>
<p>My Dad’s ashes were in a sideboard in my Mom’s living room for about a year, but we finally all got up to Vermont and tossed them in the brook. He used to sit on the deck and read by the brook. My brother had a baby who died of SIDS and they took his ashes to the top of the mountain in Vermont and scattered his ashes there.</p>
<p>^ I like the idea of scattering ashes in a place that’s meaningful to the person, or a special place like the top of a mountain. It’s far from everything commercial and everyday. It’s almost a sacred space, filled with light and air. </p>
<p>Someone told me about a co-worker who has her father’s ashes in an urn on the mantle, and she brings “Dad” to family get togethers (like Thanksgiving) and wraps a scarf around the urn for warmth.</p>
<p>How’s the rest of the family feel about “Dad” at the table?</p>
<p>My uncle’s will is to scatter his ashes under a tree of his religion and they did. He died half a world away, we did not even had a chance to make our last tribute and my cousins already completed their duties.</p>
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<p>Boy, I try to be understanding of different people’s feelings but that would bother me to such an extent that we would have to stop attending family gatherings.</p>
<p>I believe in ghosts so I could never have anyone’s ashes in my house. That is too close for me.</p>
<p>gouf, villagemom – I don’t think I said Dad was at the table. I believe he was at his customary place (on the mantle) – just like at home. It would not be my choice, but I think it was a heartfelt way to include him in family events and keep his spirit alive for those who missed him. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.</p>
<p>I’m not comfortable with cremation for myself, nor do I like conventional interments. Ideally, I’d just like to be thrown in the woods, but since that’s not feasible, I’m hoping that “green” cemeteries will continue to be an option. That’s what i’d like.</p>
<p>When my MIL died, she was cremated. H knew I am uncomfortable with the whole ashes thing, so he didn’t tell me his mom was in our attic, till the day before her internment (as his youngest sister wanted a grave to visit.) That day, H woke up too sick to bring her to the interment, (psychosomatic, I think) so I had to. She rode in the car with me (we talked along the way), I dropped her off with other family members (an hour away) but left before actual event–one kid had some kind of school thing going on. I don’t like funereal stuff.</p>
<p>When Dad died a few years ago, we scattered his ashes next to the river where he liked to go fishing and then had a bench with a plaque on it to honor him placed nearby (done through the parks dept) Now the bench is in that pretty place, where life goes on and we can go and feel connected to him. Mom says she wants the same thing, and I would too. The thought of a burial, or being stored in an urn makes me very uncomfortable. Actually, shortly after we scattered Dad’s ashes, there was a huge storm and much of the area where we had scattered the ashes was washed away and had to be rebuilt. I thought it was great that he was then so much a part of the world around us.</p>
<p>My Mom spent a few years morbidly looking up ways to distribute her ashes to her children - beyond the living reef and paperweights, there is a whole industry of people willing to put a little bit of Mom into all our homes. Her favorite idea was within a Christmas ball until I reminded her that 11 months of the year, those ornaments would be in the basements or attics of her children and mine, I know, have spiders. She hated spiders so the idea was nixed. Now, her ashes are in my Dad’s house somewhere, he keeps offering to give me some of Mom but I have declined.</p>
<p>I just want to be under a rosebush out back beside my cat…water me once in a while…
Actually, I’ve decided family plots are a great idea. My parents and aunts and uncles are taken care of with no discussion. Their parents took care of it. It’s the next generation that’s pretty much undecided. Maybe we should have a big party and decide these things.</p>
<p>there has to be an app for this…:)</p>